Buzzfeed published a video called “How Single Are You?” The video has four different Buzzfeed commentators who take the quiz with the same title. Some of the options that you can check off of on the quiz include “Stop asking me why I am single!”, “What if I end up being single forever”, and “What if I become a crazy cat lady?” The quiz heavily leans towards singlehood being a bad state of life that is not meant for singles to enjoy. There are ways to make it to say that you enjoy the single life, but it is harder to do given the few options that present being single in a positive way. This is yet another worthless quiz that is not worth singles time to take because it is biased towards coupling up. The single life has a lot to offer singles, but this BuzzFeed quiz does not capture those and decides to shame singles with the quiz options. The video commentary is not any better.
A Response To BuzzFeed’s Single Shaming Quiz
The video begins with Maya clapping and saying “Single. Single. We are single. How single are you? How single are you?” From there, the video goes as you would expect with four different people commenting about wanting a relationship or how being single is horrible. Eli says that he is “Plagued with the on again-off again” while Curly says,“I am very single right now.” Three of the four people are what would normally called single while Ella is cohabiting with a partner. Ella still can fit into the broad definition of single even though she has cohabiting with a partner. All of the people negatively describe being single with the tones of their voice and how they think of the single life.
BuzzFeed is a major media outlet that makes a range of media from videos to articles that people consume on a daily basis. It is not surprising to see this from the media. The media pushes romance, dating, and being in a relationship as what will complete you when that is not the case. Despite the video’s pessimistic view of being single, there were people who commented about the single shaming in the video, the quiz, and how being single is actually a great thing.
The question that should be asked is not “How Single Are You?”, but “Is A Relationship What You Need Right Now?” The first question is biased towards single being a wrong state of life when it could really be the right state of life for certain singles. The second question, that the quiz could have asked instead, would not be negative towards singles and would better evaluate if those who want a relationship are ready for a relationship. Realistically though, however the question was asked as the quiz title the quiz would still be biased towards relationships because it comes from BuzzFeed.
Summary
There are too many quizzes online today that you can take that ask you questions about being single and says why you are not in a relationship or why you should be looking for a relationship. BuzzFeed has added one more to the worthless pile of quizzes that are not helpful or beneficial to singles. The single life is awesome, but this quiz does not capture that with its check options. The media needs to change how it views singles and media commentators should be aware of the single population and facts about singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The singer Ciara tweeted that her single women fans should #LevelUp and find a husband to marry. Ciara received a backlash for what she said about singles while presenting marriage as the most perfect thing in the world. The pastor’s sermon that she shared also highlighted marriage as ultimate goal in life. Ciara and Pastor Gray demonstrated the dangers of the church and of society by both idolizing marriage while shaming singles for not being married.
Ciara, Pastor Gray, And The Idolization Of Marriage
Singles continue to be shamed if they are not dating or they are not looking to get married. This is a problem. Ciara has been shown with the back lash against her that marriage is not as wonderful as she claims and that people actually enjoy being single. Ciara and Pastor Gray should know that there are many benefits to being single. Pastor John Gray, in particular, needs to know that Scripture supports singleness. Ultimately, both Ciara and Pastor Gray are wrong for idolizing and idealizing marriage into something that it is not. Marriage is an earthly institution, not a heavenly one.
Ciara is responsible for the fault of single shaming single women and singles. Ciara telling single women to #LevelUp, to find a husband, and to get married is both demeaning and hurtful to single women. It assumes that the best life comes from romantic relationships and from marrying someone. Ciara has fallen for Hollywood’s and the music industry’s sugar coated myth that romance, love, and marriage are everything that there is in life. Love conquers all. Love completes all. Love is wonderful. Single women do not need to have the spirit of girlfriend, whatever that really means, or date and get married to have a good life. Single women are not culpable for anything. Ciara is responsible for forcing her single fans to feel ashamed of themselves for not being married.
Pastor John Gray is responsible for idolizing marriage into something that it simply is not in Scripture. He explains, with a very bizarre exegesis, from Proverbs 18:22 to mean “You’re not a wife when I marry you, you’re a wife when I find you.” Besides forcing on women the belief that once they find someone that it will mean that they are a wife, Pastor John Gray is confronted with a couple of theological problems from Scripture. According to his interpretation, marriage becomes everything that people need to pursue when marriage is described as taking away Christians focus off of God. Paul is very clear in 1 Corinthians 7 that both marriage and spouse can be made into an idol. Paul, contrary to the women who cheered and applauded in the audience, says to those who are unmarried and who are widowed in 1 Corinthians 7:8 that is good for them to “remain single, as I am.” Add to this that Jesus and Paul were single, it is problematic and contradicts what Pastor Gray is teaching his flock that he is supposed shepherd.
There are three main lessons from this Ciara debacle. First, celebrities from Ann Coulter to Ciara have single shamed their fans and their different audiences. Second, society and culture continue to push marriage as the best thing that a person can find in life when that is not the case. Third, the church needs a theology of singleness since it is in the Bible and has been part of church history to separate itself from culture’s fetish with marriage. However, these three problems will likely continue to remain with us.
Summary
Singles should stand up and speak out against single shaming such as this Ciara instance when they are shamed for being single or told that they will not be satisfied in life until they marry. Singles do not need to level up to marriage. Marriage needs to be taken down from its pedestal that it is upon and the single life needs to be recognized as a good life too. Thrive as a single person instead of always being in the pursuit of the next relationship that probably won’t turn into a marriage.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Ann Coulter sent out a Tweet the other day that succumbed to society’s stereotypes of singles being sad and lonely and couples being happy. Being single does not mean that you are unhappy and lonely. That is a myth created by society. The single shaming done by society, the media, and politics needs to stop since singles are now the majority of the American population.
Ann Coulter And The Culture Of Single Shaming
As someone with influence in society, especially in certain political circles, Ann Coulter is hurting singles. She should be helping them instead of saying that singles live “lives of quiet desperation and will die alone”. Further, as a professional single woman, Ann Coulter fails to realize the values of the single life and that singles are healthier than couples. Women are more independent than ever today. Women do not need a man to be happy. It is disheartening to see a single political celebrity take part in single shaming because Ann Coulter is not only shaming singles, but is also shaming herself.
Politics Of Being Anti-Single
The politics of both American political parties have always favored those who are married and have a family. This is because because they are an essential political base. Both the Democrat and Republican Parties have historically been anti-single. Politicians need to attract this base to to win an election. Politics has used taxes to assist those who are married and who have families since it is thought that families are a requirement for a healthy society. This belief has resulted in couples with children receiving tax deductions for children. Children become a tax write off for couples while singles pay a tax penalty.
These can include tax cuts and deductions for being married and having children. There are already more than 1,000 laws, just on the federal level, that help provide benefits to those who are married. Those laws were written and enacted by both American political parties. Washington and Politicians like to ignore singles because it is good for them to be seen as pro-marriage and pro-family. Why do you think politicians are always kissing babies on the campaign trail? To win votes and to look relatable to their voters. This has to change.
Direction Politics Should Take Towards Singles
Political institutions from the local level to the federal level in Washington need to realize that singles are now the majority of the American population. Those who are married are becoming a smaller number of the American population. Future policies that should work to dismantle tax deductions that those who are married receive for having children. Singles should not be taxed more people who are married. The more than 1,000 laws that favor those who are married should be rewritten or amended to make a truly equal playing field for everyone when it comes to taxes. It will not matter if they are single, cohabiting, or married. Everyone will be taxed the same instead of some receiving tax benefits from the government for having children.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving dinner is the first holiday dinner that singles will have to go to this holiday season where family, extended family, and friends will ask you questions that are on all of their minds. Why are you still single? When was your last relationship? Why are you not dating anyone? When are you going to have children? While people are single for different reasons, there is nothing wrong with being single. This is a conversation recipe for how to respond to your family and friends interrogating questions about why you have no significant other.
Why Are You Still Single?
Directions: You are single because you found that the single life has much more to offer compared to when you were dating x, y, or z. In fact, you don’t see why it is a problem. Why are you asking me why I am single, you are not asking them why they aren’t divorced yet or how their marriage is going?
Recipe Variations: You are taking a break from relationships right now. You are content being single and have found that it better than dating. Or, you are single by choice and are not interested in ever getting into a relationship. You respect their choice to stay married, get divorced, live with their partner, etc; why can’t they respect your choice to remain single?
When Was Your Last Relationship?
Directions: Insert the number of years since your last relationship, now describe the values of the single life and how you have found them to benefit you while being in a relationship constrained you from achieving your potential. You can also say how you enjoy being single and you don’t know when your next relationship will be, you may be on a break, or that you have no interest in dating anyone.
Recipe Variations: You can point out that singles are on the rise, millennials are delaying marriage, and relationships can be overrated.
Why Are You Not Dating Anyone?
Directions: Describe that the need to date and to become a serial dater is a repercussion of society’s dating industrial complex. There is no need for people to date to be in romantic relationships when friendships can actually be more worthwhile. The need to always date has driven people into a relationship hysteria and to not recognize that the single life is worth living. You are enjoying your time being single and being able to focus on developing yourself instead of having to take care of someone else.
Recipe Variations: Pick the dangers of dating and online dating, especially in light of all the recent sexual assault and abuse scandals. Consider adding a generous dash of sass, spice, or sarcasm about the dating industry and people always being in relationships as you want.
When Are You Going to Have Children?
Directions: You can say that you have never asked about their sex lives and whether or not they planned to have their children or if they are considering having more. How is this an appropriate question?
Recipe Variations: This is one of the more direct and uncomfortable questions to be asked, you are welcome to retaliate to the question as you think is best. The response range can range from a jalapeno to ghost pepper, dependent upon the context and tone of the person who asked it. There is nothing wrong with being childless. It is fine to be single and childless.
These are four short and easy conversation recipes to guide you through those awkward questions that family and friends love to ask singles at Thanksgiving. Please use a generous dash of the ingredients and spices of your choice when responding to each question as the circumstances require. Turn up the heat and watch these questions burn in flames.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
In countries like America, being a single woman is revered for the lifestyle characteristics like freedom, independence, and higher economic status. Being single is not bad. You’ve got the perks of a career and are highly independence. For some women in other countries, this is not the case. Being single may be a life or death matter, where here the stakes of survival depend heavily on one’s relationship status. Single women are facing this problem all the way from China to developing third world countries.
In countries like China, women who are 27 years or older who have remained unmarried are considered to be the country’s ‘leftover women’, or more commonly denoted, ‘sheng nu’. Just like in America, China is experiencing higher percentages of educated women who have more opportunities than their previous generational counterparts.
Because society pressures are so strong, some women come to tears because of social shaming. Many women believe that they are incomplete without marriage. Single women in China are being targeted by the government and ads in the media who make marriage and motherhood the top priorities for women.
What’s more, is that some women in developing countries are forced to marry, with child marriages being one of the worst scenarios. The young girls who face this forced marriage average about 1 in every three, according to the same source above. These women don’t get shamed for being single at the moment, but rather, they face horrific tragedies such as rape, birth complications for under developed women, and homelessness. Marriage doesn’t quite solve their issues either, because spousal abuse is highly likely. These women have potential of higher educations and brighter careers, should they find the opportunity to escape. Some programs donate to seeing these young women, for more information, then visit Worldvision.
Another factor also plays into women in developing countries, the sanitation conditions and lack of resources cause multiple deaths per year for women who initially got pregnant from rape or forced childhood marriage. In an article posted by The Guardian, they found that the UN reported over 500,000 women in developing countries die each year because of pregnancy complications:
“The death toll is more than half a million women a year, according to Unicef, the UN children’s emergency fund. Some 70,000 who die are girls and young women aged 15 to 19. Although it is the subject of one of the millennium development goals, the death toll is not going down.
The reasons are multiple, according to UNICEF’s annual state of the world’s children report on maternal and newborn health. “The root cause may lie in women’s disadvantaged position in many countries and cultures and in the lack of attention to, and accountability for, women’s rights,” it says.
UNICEF aims to educate women in developing countries to improve conditions, in hopes that they can save women and prevent death from pregnancy.
In the end…
From social shame to the loss of safely, single women in other countries have a lot more challenges than women in developed countries, like America, Canada, and parts of Europe. Single women in developed countries do get a stigma for being career oriented and successful, but women in developing countries face far more of a challenge between life and death.
Every day women get closer to a level playing field where our rights, freedoms, and income earning capabilities expand. We are on the upswing in the political, social, and economic arenas where women can truly integrate into communities as whole and complete persons with the liberties we deserve in every country. Women are, after all, beautiful, powerful, and strong.
If you already have freedom, be thankful for what you have. Not to mention to be proud if you are single and have the opportunity to advance your career and your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
For all the single ladies…
Being a woman is hard enough on its own. We’re emotional, judge ourselves unfairly, compare what we look like to The Girls Next Door. If you’re single, you’d better add another layer of difficulty to the list. We get shamed, and then later eat a whole bowl of popcorn late at night wondering what the heck is wrong with us.
Here are the common types of shames, and how to handle them. Ready? Let’s go!
Get married before you’re too old and no one will want you
Okay, so this statement cut me deep. Not only does this allude to the fact that men (or some women) only care about looks, but it also implies that no one will want you when you’re older. If you’re single, and older, guess what? Usually no baggage! What about people who get divorced and have 2nd marriages or those hot MILF’s and GILF’s?
How to respond:
Be honest with yourself, and let those shaming you know that you’ve chosen to be single for either one specific goal, or an assortment of goals. It could be that you just got out of a relationship, and need to clear the air, or it could mean that you are too focused to deal with relationship stress.
You’re so pretty, Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Don’t even get me started on this one. Generally speaking, 20-somethings women have better things to do than chase men. In our current era, women are now more independent and financially empowered to do as they please. Why rush and end up in a relationship that you don’t care for? No one really knows what they are doing in their 20’s anyhow.
How to respond:
Of course you’re pretty, but that doesn’t automatically qualify you as ‘relationship-bound. Let the shammer know that you are confident in how you look, but are single because you’ve got 99 problems, and a dude ain’t one.
Your Biological Clock Is Ticking
Alright, so I’m a bit of a feminist when it comes to choosing between being barefoot and pregnant, or blazing down that career path and being a dominant income earner. There are alternatives to having a child in your 20’s, like freezing your eggs, adopting a child in need of a loving home, or just not having children in general. With over half of all relationships ending in a divorce, why risk putting a child through all the trauma? Save your money, and go travel. Make friends instead of getting into a relationship and having kids. Fool proof your life, even if your clock is ticking.
How to respond:
It’s my body, and I can ultimately decide what I want to do with it. Thank you!
All the good men will be taken when you’re ready to settle
Yes, we’ve all heard this before, and though it is somewhat true, if you’re really not ready to get into a relationship, then don’t. Risk being single over choosing a partner you think is right. If you are scared you’ll be single forever, relax. Everything comes into your life when you are ready for it. After all, a lot of people get divorced in their 30’s, the rate is somewhat lower as time goes on. Just wait, you’ll likely save legal fees if you do.
How to respond:
Most couples get divorced in their 20’s and 30’s anyhow, and if I’m not ready to marry, I won’t marry. No sense in rushing something that won’t work anyway. Chase your goals, not people. Romance is a fleeting feeling anyways, and yes people still cheat. I figure I am safe here being a secure single.
Being single may not be viewed as the romantic relationship so many people envy. The truth is, the grass always seems greener on the other side. If you’re finding yourself in your 20’s or 230’s, take that time to find yourself. If you’re developing in your career, then do it and don’t look back. If you’re recovering from a terrible breakup, then allow yourself to recover. Your mental well being, career path, and your entire future depend on becoming stable on your own, while you’re single. Be happy where you are, and strive hard for a better tomorrow. If someone comes into your life, then great -but in the meanwhile, love your single life. It is, after all, one of the best times of your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The number of single parents has risen over the past decades as couples have divorced, widowed, or have decided to become singles parents by choice. Despite this reality, society maintains negative stigmas about single parents. Single parents confront a number of different stigmas that people hold against them and there are stereotypes that single dads and single moms deal with daily. There are three main stereotypes and stigmas that single parents continue to confront, although they are becoming more common in the 21st Century. Society needs to change how it views single parents and realize that they positively contribute to society.
Less than Coupled Families
The first response that single parents often deal with is the feeling of pity from others when they learn that they parent alone. This is because it is thought that they must have done something wrong that resulted in them becoming a single parent. They must have been in a bad marriage or married the wrong person. It is than believed that the parent did something wrong that resulted in them becoming a single parent. Following from that belief, single parents are less important and valuable to society because they are no longer coupled. This is detrimental to anyone to be viewed as lesser than someone else for any reason.
Failed Relationships
Since society holds the ideal of having a fairy tale wedding and marrying your soul mate, once a relationship fails it is believed that they did something wrong. This separation of an ideal from the reality of how many relationships turn out is hurtful to single parents. In some cases, single parents had no control over the outcome of their relationship. In other instances, it may have been the best decision to leave a relationship if they were abused by their partner. In the third option, both of the parents may have agreed that the relationship was not working out and that the best option is to divorce. Society, and others, does not know the circumstances that resulted in someone having to parent solo. Most importantly, it is not their business so it is not their place to judge someone else’s relationships. Being a single parent does not automatically make someone a bad parent. There are many bad two parents. Society must recognize this reality and stop blaming single parents.
Harmful to Society
Society, politics, and people view single parents are harmful to society. They failed a relationship and they are now raising their children alone so they must not be good people. Some people may even go so far as to call single parents’ immoral degenerates because they believe it to be unnatural. This is because it does not fit society’s ideal. Single parents are portrayed as dangerous to society in television and movie because they are assumed to be lazy or using others in order survive as solo parent. Politics discriminates against single parents by only having laws that favor of married two parent families. There are more than one thousand laws that provide two parent families with tax breaks from insurance to having children. People judge single parents for something that they had no control over and believe that they hurt society because of it.
As single parents become more common in society, it is time for the stigmas that are held against these parents to disappear. There are some parents who are even becoming single parents by choice as marriage is delayed or rejected. All singles are confronted by stigmas that society believes about them that are false, but single parents face a unique set of stereotypes. It is time that society abandoned its disapproval of single parents as they become more common today.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being single is frowned upon by society and popular culture. This is because it is thought that in order to be happy you must have a significant other and get married. That is not true. But that is what is believed by most people. Your closest friends and family may unknowingly hold that belief. Because this is a widely held view by popular society and people, singles must know how to respond when they are shamed for being single. There are five common ways that society shames singles.
Dating
People seem to think it is their duty to help people who are unmarried to find someone to date. This can happen in many different ways from asking to set you up with someone who they think you would be compatible with to asking you what dating sites you use. Singles are sick and tired of hearing unsolicited dating advice. This is the most common form of single shaming. Please tell your friends and family to stop this, if you are happy being single.
Couples
One of the most common ways that singles are shamed is when they are the third-wheel when they join their coupled friends. There are a range of topics that could be discussed, but the question that is frequently asked is about singles’ love life. Are you seeing anyone? Are you interested in anyone? They may think this is innocent conversation, but it is really single shaming. It is shaming someone who is single into feeling bad that they are not dating anyone and pressuring them to find a relationship. Stop doing this couples to your single friends. There are a number of other topics that can be discussed: current events, sports, television, work, and mutual shared interests. If you do find your coupled friends single shaming you, let them know and be frank about it.
Married Friends
These are your married coupled friends who want you to get married because they think that married life is bliss. At least, that is how they present it to all their single friends in public. The same guidelines above apply to your married friends as it does to your dating friends and partnered couples. However, since married couples officially tied the knot they can be smug about it. They do this by acting that they are better than singles by parading their marriage in public, rubbing their relationship in the faces of singles, and saying that anyone who is single is incomplete because they have not found their soul mate. Please. Just stop. Tell your married friends to turn down their public display of affection down a few notches, to stop telling you how amazing marriage is, and explain to them that you enjoy the freedom of the single life.
Fertility Clock
This is one that single women are frequently told, especially once they reach their 30s. Single women are informed that since they are getting older and the chances of them being able to have children decreases in their 30s, that they better find a man and start that family. First, how is it acceptable to direct someone’s sex life? Second, how is it culturally acceptable for someone to give advice about the timing of when women should have kids? It is not your friend’s or family’s decision. It is your decision. Feel free to point out your friends what they are telling you about your sex life is completely unacceptable. In addition to being inappropriate, it is also single shaming because they say that you must find someone quick and start a family. There is no need for you to find someone since you are happy being single.
Not Getting Any
Men often talk among themselves and keep score of how many women they have slept with. Think of Barney from How I Met Your Mother and him always wanting a wingman to increase his chances of having sex with women. Unfortunately, today this is what many men base their masculinity on. For single men who do not sleep around, have religious or ethical objections for not doing it, or are celibate they are attacked by other men for their decision. For single men that do not pick up women, their masculinity is attacked by other men and their sexuality questioned by their male friends because of their life choices. This is unfortunate since there is more to life than sex. When single men experience this, they should tell their buddies that there is more to life that hooking up and that it is fine to be single. Further, for singles that have taken a vow of chastity or are celibate, they should ask their friends to let them explain the theological and philosophical foundation for their decision. The simplest solution is to respect your single friend’s choices.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?
Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.
You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.
On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on telegraph.co.uk describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children.
People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.
When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret.
Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Bill Maher just released a video that included a segment on singles. He presented singles in a positive light and asked, why do single people not have their own holiday? Bill Maher presentedd a nice summary of facts about the single demographics that Secure Single has covered on the site. It is nice for someone who has mainstream recognition to finally acknowledge singles. This is a step in the right direction. Society needs to realize the reality of the single population in countries and make a holiday that celebrates singles’ contributions to society.
In the five minute video, Bill Maher summarized data and studies about singles. He told his viewing audience that singles now outnumber those who are married and that singles are the new norm. Singles do have a smaller carbon foot print than their married counterparts. Society needs to stop with the negative stereotypes of those who are unmarried and face reality. Maher also told viewers that society and people need to stop believing that those who are single are incomplete and suspect. He explained that being single can be a rational decision (for those who are single by choice). Bill Maher told his audience that compared to couples; singles exercise more, are healthier, have less debt, have stronger social ties with family and friends, and that not being married should not be a shock. This is the 21st Century after all
Bill Maher asked for a holiday to be made for all single people since holiday are made for those who are married or who have a role to their children. His name for the holiday was “I Didn’t Reproduce Day.” While that name is comical, it still is negative to singles. There is a National Single Parents Day, but there needs to be a National Singles Day that celebrates being single. Here are some other Single Holiday, or holidays, name ideas:
- Secure Singles Day
- National Singles Pride Day
- Single By Choice Day
- Happy Singles Day
- Single Life Day
Since I first started Secure Single, I am happy to see that someone who is recognized by the mainstream is finally bringing the truth about singles out of society’s closet. There is nothing wrong with being single. No one is incomplete if they are single. No one should be held suspect by someone because they are single. There should not be any pressure for those who are single and unmarried to have children if they do not want to have kids. Being single is a healthy lifestyle choice or stage in life and society needs to begin to acknowledge that fact. This is a step in the right direction, thank you Bill Maher. The Secure Single Team will continue to move society’s pendulum to change the perception of all singles.