Ann Coulter sent out a Tweet the other day that succumbed to society’s stereotypes of singles being sad and lonely and couples being happy. Being single does not mean that you are unhappy and lonely. That is a myth created by society. The single shaming done by society, the media, and politics needs to stop since singles are now the majority of the American population.
Ann Coulter And The Culture Of Single Shaming
As someone with influence in society, especially in certain political circles, Ann Coulter is hurting singles. She should be helping them instead of saying that singles live “lives of quiet desperation and will die alone”. Further, as a professional single woman, Ann Coulter fails to realize the values of the single life and that singles are healthier than couples. Women are more independent than ever today. Women do not need a man to be happy. It is disheartening to see a single political celebrity take part in single shaming because Ann Coulter is not only shaming singles, but is also shaming herself.
Politics Of Being Anti-Single
The politics of both American political parties have always favored those who are married and have a family. This is because because they are an essential political base. Both the Democrat and Republican Parties have historically been anti-single. Politicians need to attract this base to to win an election. Politics has used taxes to assist those who are married and who have families since it is thought that families are a requirement for a healthy society. This belief has resulted in couples with children receiving tax deductions for children. Children become a tax write off for couples while singles pay a tax penalty.
These can include tax cuts and deductions for being married and having children. There are already more than 1,000 laws, just on the federal level, that help provide benefits to those who are married. Those laws were written and enacted by both American political parties. Washington and Politicians like to ignore singles because it is good for them to be seen as pro-marriage and pro-family. Why do you think politicians are always kissing babies on the campaign trail? To win votes and to look relatable to their voters. This has to change.
Direction Politics Should Take Towards Singles
Political institutions from the local level to the federal level in Washington need to realize that singles are now the majority of the American population. Those who are married are becoming a smaller number of the American population. Future policies that should work to dismantle tax deductions that those who are married receive for having children. Singles should not be taxed more people who are married. The more than 1,000 laws that favor those who are married should be rewritten or amended to make a truly equal playing field for everyone when it comes to taxes. It will not matter if they are single, cohabiting, or married. Everyone will be taxed the same instead of some receiving tax benefits from the government for having children.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being single gets a bad rap from people and society because it is often thought that if you are not dating someone or living with a partner, then you are either anti-social or there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being single, whether you are single by circumstance or single by choice. Despite popular thought, singles are more social than their coupled and married counterparts. Here are five reasons why being single does not mean you are anti-social or not part of a community because the single life provides freedom.
Singles Are Less Insulated Than Their Coupled Friends
The reality of life is that once you start dating someone, and later maybe marry someone, you become more insulated. This is because two people have committed to each other and as a result have moved to be closer to one of the partner’s families. The partner who most often moves closer to their partner’s family is the husband since the wife wants to be closer to family. This is not always the case, but this is very common. The newly married couple now mostly does activities with their family and family’s friends and does not get out as much compared to their single friends.
While those who are coupled up and married become more insulated, those who are single and unmarried are free to explore and make use of the freedom that the single life offers them. Singles are not committed to a person that also makes them a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to someone else’s family that brings additional obligations with marriage. Singles are able to make the most of their life to work on self-discovery, health, and their career. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is no reason why singles should be in a hurry to get hitched. Being single is fucking awesome!
Singles Have More Friends
Singles have a wider network and more friends than their married counterparts because they are able to meet more people and build new relationships. People who are married become more insulated and are unable to meet new people as they start a new family and stay confined within both of their familial network. This results in them having fewer friends and having less of an ability to meet new people compared to their single friends. Singles are able to go out when they want to, during the week or weekend when they want, while couples have to coordinate with their partner and possibly their family before they are able to go out. Singles should make the most of their unmarried life and meet new people to learn about other peoples’ life experiences and worldviews. Go out, meet people, and make friends singles!
Singles Volunteer More Than Their Coupled Friends
Again, since people who are dating or who are married become insulated and they have other priorities and they have less time to volunteer and to help their community. It has been found that singles volunteer more compared to their married friends. This is not surprising. Couples are committed to each other and in helping their partner and family to do well. Singles are often most interested in personal development, self-discovery, and helping to improve their community. For this reason, singles naturally are able to volunteer in their communities from their church, helping students, to political campaigns because there are not restrained by another person. Singles are able to allocate their time and volunteer for a cause they believe in!
Singles Are More Social Than Their Coupled Friends
Because singles are not restrained by a partner or have to work with a partner to do activities, singles are more social. Singles can try out new places where they live and talk to new people where they visit. The result the flexibility that the single life provides singles allows them to attend more events, explore their city, and to meet new people, and develop their personal network. There would be less opportunity for singles to do this if they were in a relationship. Singles should be open to meeting new people and exploring where they live!
Singles Can Build Their Own Community and Network
While couples become more insulated within their extended families and their own family, singles are able to build their own community and network. Singles are able to do this by meeting like-minded people in their community by attending events, volunteering for causes, and networking with professionals in their industry and industries that they are interested in as a professional. Community is important because human connection is part of the hierarchy of needs and it is healthy for singles to have interaction with other people. Singles should also work to build their career, business, and professional network. Networking is an important skill and your network can help you find people for future endeavors that you may have as a single professional.
Summary
There is a myth believed by society and people that if you are single, you are isolated and alone. Nothing is further from the truth. Singles are more social and have a larger community than their married friends. This is a simple list that only explains five simple ways why singles are in fact not isolated, alone, or anti-social but are in fact more involved and have a better social life than their married counterparts. Being single is great and there is no rush for singles to get married and to become restrained by a romantic relationship.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There is a common idea held by society that when two people get together after 7 pm that it is a date. This misconstrues relationships into being things that they are not and affects friendships. Two people can meet after 7 pm who are friends to catch up and have a good conversation without it being a date. Here are seven reasons why any two people can meet up after 7 pm and it is not a date.
Work Gets In The Way So It’s The Only Time
One person may work long hours and they are not able to meet with their friends any other time of the day. Since they are busy with work and finishing what they need to do in their life, 7 pm works the best for the two friends to get together.
Friends Can Get Together Anytime
There are twenty-four hours in a day. Friends can meet anywhere at any time to have a conversation. 7 pm does not change the nature of the relationship. Time is an accidental cause while friendship is intrinsic. People can be hang out with friends after 7 pm without it being a date.
A Conversation Over Dinner
There are people who enjoy food who are known as foodies. These friends may want to visit the hot new restaurant in town and 7 pm is generally when restaurants are the busiest so it is the best time to get the complete experience. They can also try the menu and enjoy each other’s company. Again, not a date. Two friends who like good food.
A Conversation Over Drinks
Cocktail lounges and speakeasies are making a comeback. The best ones don’t open until 5 pm. Depending on the time of the week and schedules, 7 pm or later works best for two friends to meet to enjoy a well-crafted cocktail by a master mixologist.
Good or Best Friends
The friends who are willing to work with their friend’s schedule to meet later in the day most likely are good or best friends. They enjoy hanging out with each other and share enough mutual interests that they can have a great conversation anywhere and at any time of the day. The time of day does not dictate when friends can and cannot go out to a place to hang out.
Evenings Are More Interesting
Mornings and afternoon get together with friends often mean meeting for coffee or maybe a quick drink somewhere during happy hour. Those can both be great, but evenings and nights are when cities come alive and people start to have fun at bars and restaurants. After 7 pm is when people start to cut loose because they can finally relax after their day and have fun! This is when popular bars and night clubs start to get customers and it is a time for when friends can get together for a fun night.
Friendships Do Not End After 7 PM
Again, the time and the place where two people decide to meet after 7 pm does not dictate that it must be a date. The time could have been decidedly upon randomly or it could have been planned by the two friends for the above reasons. Excuse me, but I have to meet a friend for cocktails and it is after 7 pm. It is definitely not a date.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving dinner is the first holiday dinner that singles will have to go to this holiday season where family, extended family, and friends will ask you questions that are on all of their minds. Why are you still single? When was your last relationship? Why are you not dating anyone? When are you going to have children? While people are single for different reasons, there is nothing wrong with being single. This is a conversation recipe for how to respond to your family and friends interrogating questions about why you have no significant other.
Why Are You Still Single?
Directions: You are single because you found that the single life has much more to offer compared to when you were dating x, y, or z. In fact, you don’t see why it is a problem. Why are you asking me why I am single, you are not asking them why they aren’t divorced yet or how their marriage is going?
Recipe Variations: You are taking a break from relationships right now. You are content being single and have found that it better than dating. Or, you are single by choice and are not interested in ever getting into a relationship. You respect their choice to stay married, get divorced, live with their partner, etc; why can’t they respect your choice to remain single?
When Was Your Last Relationship?
Directions: Insert the number of years since your last relationship, now describe the values of the single life and how you have found them to benefit you while being in a relationship constrained you from achieving your potential. You can also say how you enjoy being single and you don’t know when your next relationship will be, you may be on a break, or that you have no interest in dating anyone.
Recipe Variations: You can point out that singles are on the rise, millennials are delaying marriage, and relationships can be overrated.
Why Are You Not Dating Anyone?
Directions: Describe that the need to date and to become a serial dater is a repercussion of society’s dating industrial complex. There is no need for people to date to be in romantic relationships when friendships can actually be more worthwhile. The need to always date has driven people into a relationship hysteria and to not recognize that the single life is worth living. You are enjoying your time being single and being able to focus on developing yourself instead of having to take care of someone else.
Recipe Variations: Pick the dangers of dating and online dating, especially in light of all the recent sexual assault and abuse scandals. Consider adding a generous dash of sass, spice, or sarcasm about the dating industry and people always being in relationships as you want.
When Are You Going to Have Children?
Directions: You can say that you have never asked about their sex lives and whether or not they planned to have their children or if they are considering having more. How is this an appropriate question?
Recipe Variations: This is one of the more direct and uncomfortable questions to be asked, you are welcome to retaliate to the question as you think is best. The response range can range from a jalapeno to ghost pepper, dependent upon the context and tone of the person who asked it. There is nothing wrong with being childless. It is fine to be single and childless.
These are four short and easy conversation recipes to guide you through those awkward questions that family and friends love to ask singles at Thanksgiving. Please use a generous dash of the ingredients and spices of your choice when responding to each question as the circumstances require. Turn up the heat and watch these questions burn in flames.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many industrial complexes but the most well known is the military industrial complex. The dating industrial complex is more recent with the rise of the online dating and the marriage industry. There is nothing wrong with dating or getting married for those singles who want to, but when an industrial complex arises in society that places pressure on singles to date it is a problem. Here are three ways singles can survive the dating industrial complex.
3 Ways Singles Can Survive The Dating Industrial Complex
The dating industrial complex consists of online dating, speed dating, matchmaking, dating advice, dating books, and finally getting married. The dating industrial complex came about because of the pressure society places on people to date and get married along with the growth of the Internet where dating sites and advice are now common. The pressure that singles receive by society to date leads to singles believing that they must seek out dating advice and use dating services to find a mate. Each of these relationship services feed off the other and fuels the other while society continues the cycle by shaming singles for being single. The dating industrial complex is a problem that singles need to deal with in a culture that wants everyone to become coupled.
Recognize It Exists
The first step for singles to survive the dating industrial complex is to realize that it exists. By acknowledging that it is real, it will allow singles to be aware of the complex. This will then help singles to not succumb to the pressure to date. After recognizing that it exists, singles can move on by being secure in their singleness.
Be Secure In Yourself
Singles should be secure in their singleness and comfortable in who they are as a person. One of the common reasons why people get into a relationship is because they are pressured to date. They are also not comfortable with who they are as an individual. The solution is for singles to learn about themselves as a person. This includes their interests, goals, values, and what brings them happiness in life. Once a single knows and understands what drives them in life, they gain work to achieve their life goals. For some singles, this may include dating and getting married. For other singles, it may mean that they want to remain single throughout their life. For others, it may be somewhere between dating and being single by choice. There is diversity in the single life and what it means to be single.
Work To Reach Your Goals
After a single knows what they want from life, they can better work towards that goal and respond to the dating industrial complex. The dating industry is worth an estimated $3 billion. Singles are getting married later and that means singles are using the dating industries services less. Singles are, instead, focusing on paying off any debts and their careers rather than dating. This refocus of what is important has decreased the value of the milestone of getting married of past generations. By refocusing their goals, singles have already started to react to the dating industrial complex and less its impact. This is a small step that can be built upon with movements, organizations that support singles, and by protesting the stereotypes and stigmas that society tells people to believe about singles.
Singles should enjoy being single and there is no reason why people who are unmarried need to date. The dating industrial complex instructs singles that they need to always be in a relationship and if they are not, then they are less valuable to society. It is time for singles to recognize the dating industrial complex and respond by becoming secure singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The number of single parents has risen over the past decades as couples have divorced, widowed, or have decided to become singles parents by choice. Despite this reality, society maintains negative stigmas about single parents. Single parents confront a number of different stigmas that people hold against them and there are stereotypes that single dads and single moms deal with daily. There are three main stereotypes and stigmas that single parents continue to confront, although they are becoming more common in the 21st Century. Society needs to change how it views single parents and realize that they positively contribute to society.
Less than Coupled Families
The first response that single parents often deal with is the feeling of pity from others when they learn that they parent alone. This is because it is thought that they must have done something wrong that resulted in them becoming a single parent. They must have been in a bad marriage or married the wrong person. It is than believed that the parent did something wrong that resulted in them becoming a single parent. Following from that belief, single parents are less important and valuable to society because they are no longer coupled. This is detrimental to anyone to be viewed as lesser than someone else for any reason.
Failed Relationships
Since society holds the ideal of having a fairy tale wedding and marrying your soul mate, once a relationship fails it is believed that they did something wrong. This separation of an ideal from the reality of how many relationships turn out is hurtful to single parents. In some cases, single parents had no control over the outcome of their relationship. In other instances, it may have been the best decision to leave a relationship if they were abused by their partner. In the third option, both of the parents may have agreed that the relationship was not working out and that the best option is to divorce. Society, and others, does not know the circumstances that resulted in someone having to parent solo. Most importantly, it is not their business so it is not their place to judge someone else’s relationships. Being a single parent does not automatically make someone a bad parent. There are many bad two parents. Society must recognize this reality and stop blaming single parents.
Harmful to Society
Society, politics, and people view single parents are harmful to society. They failed a relationship and they are now raising their children alone so they must not be good people. Some people may even go so far as to call single parents’ immoral degenerates because they believe it to be unnatural. This is because it does not fit society’s ideal. Single parents are portrayed as dangerous to society in television and movie because they are assumed to be lazy or using others in order survive as solo parent. Politics discriminates against single parents by only having laws that favor of married two parent families. There are more than one thousand laws that provide two parent families with tax breaks from insurance to having children. People judge single parents for something that they had no control over and believe that they hurt society because of it.
As single parents become more common in society, it is time for the stigmas that are held against these parents to disappear. There are some parents who are even becoming single parents by choice as marriage is delayed or rejected. All singles are confronted by stigmas that society believes about them that are false, but single parents face a unique set of stereotypes. It is time that society abandoned its disapproval of single parents as they become more common today.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being single is frowned upon by society and popular culture. This is because it is thought that in order to be happy you must have a significant other and get married. That is not true. But that is what is believed by most people. Your closest friends and family may unknowingly hold that belief. Because this is a widely held view by popular society and people, singles must know how to respond when they are shamed for being single. There are five common ways that society shames singles.
Dating
People seem to think it is their duty to help people who are unmarried to find someone to date. This can happen in many different ways from asking to set you up with someone who they think you would be compatible with to asking you what dating sites you use. Singles are sick and tired of hearing unsolicited dating advice. This is the most common form of single shaming. Please tell your friends and family to stop this, if you are happy being single.
Couples
One of the most common ways that singles are shamed is when they are the third-wheel when they join their coupled friends. There are a range of topics that could be discussed, but the question that is frequently asked is about singles’ love life. Are you seeing anyone? Are you interested in anyone? They may think this is innocent conversation, but it is really single shaming. It is shaming someone who is single into feeling bad that they are not dating anyone and pressuring them to find a relationship. Stop doing this couples to your single friends. There are a number of other topics that can be discussed: current events, sports, television, work, and mutual shared interests. If you do find your coupled friends single shaming you, let them know and be frank about it.
Married Friends
These are your married coupled friends who want you to get married because they think that married life is bliss. At least, that is how they present it to all their single friends in public. The same guidelines above apply to your married friends as it does to your dating friends and partnered couples. However, since married couples officially tied the knot they can be smug about it. They do this by acting that they are better than singles by parading their marriage in public, rubbing their relationship in the faces of singles, and saying that anyone who is single is incomplete because they have not found their soul mate. Please. Just stop. Tell your married friends to turn down their public display of affection down a few notches, to stop telling you how amazing marriage is, and explain to them that you enjoy the freedom of the single life.
Fertility Clock
This is one that single women are frequently told, especially once they reach their 30s. Single women are informed that since they are getting older and the chances of them being able to have children decreases in their 30s, that they better find a man and start that family. First, how is it acceptable to direct someone’s sex life? Second, how is it culturally acceptable for someone to give advice about the timing of when women should have kids? It is not your friend’s or family’s decision. It is your decision. Feel free to point out your friends what they are telling you about your sex life is completely unacceptable. In addition to being inappropriate, it is also single shaming because they say that you must find someone quick and start a family. There is no need for you to find someone since you are happy being single.
Not Getting Any
Men often talk among themselves and keep score of how many women they have slept with. Think of Barney from How I Met Your Mother and him always wanting a wingman to increase his chances of having sex with women. Unfortunately, today this is what many men base their masculinity on. For single men who do not sleep around, have religious or ethical objections for not doing it, or are celibate they are attacked by other men for their decision. For single men that do not pick up women, their masculinity is attacked by other men and their sexuality questioned by their male friends because of their life choices. This is unfortunate since there is more to life than sex. When single men experience this, they should tell their buddies that there is more to life that hooking up and that it is fine to be single. Further, for singles that have taken a vow of chastity or are celibate, they should ask their friends to let them explain the theological and philosophical foundation for their decision. The simplest solution is to respect your single friend’s choices.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
What You Need To Know About WHO’s Single Disability
The World Health Organization has listed being single as a disability under their definition of infertility. How can being single mean that a man or woman is infertile? It may just be the case that an individual is waiting for the one.
The World Health Organization is making an assumption that single people are disabled, which makes single people infertile. This statement does not account for out of wedlock single parents, common law marriage, teen pregnancies, divorcees, or widowers – of which, many have children. Because the definition is so broad, it would extend to children and our elders, which is also odd to comprehend as a disability. However, the WHO does define infertility as “[the] disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.” The definition of infertility is now written in such a way that it includes the rights of all individuals to have a family, and that includes single men, single women, gay men, and gay women.
For technicalities, wouldn’t this exclude a person’s lifestyle choice and not their inability to conceive? The WHO pushes the issue even further as of late fall 2016 by revising their definition of infertility, according to the Telegraph:
“Single men and women without medical issues will be
classed as ‘infertile’ if they do not have children.”
Snopes noted that the WHO will declare that a person’s choice to be single should no longer be regarded as simply a medical condition is unproven. However, the WHO remains firmly committed to the principles set out in the preamble to the Constitution of the World Health Organization, who’s statement about singleness as an infertile disability is in accordance with one of the first principles:
- Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
- The enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one of the fundamental rights of every human being without distinction of race, religion, political belief, economic or social condition.
- The health of all peoples is fundamental to the attainment of peace and security and is dependent on the fullest cooperation of individuals and States.
- The achievement of any State in the promotion and protection of health is of value to all.
- Unequal development in different countries in the promotion of health and control of diseases, especially communicable disease, is a common danger.
- Healthy development of the child is of basic importance; the ability to live harmoniously in a changing total environment is essential to such development.
- The extension to all peoples of the benefits of medical, psychological and related knowledge is essential to the fullest attainment of health.
- Informed opinion and active co-operation on the part of the public are of the utmost importance in the improvement of the health of the people.
- Governments have a responsibility for the health of their peoples which can be fulfilled only by the provision of adequate health and social measures.
According to the WHO website, the WHO Constitution was adopted by the International Health Conference held in New York from 19 June to 22 July 1946, signed on 22 July 1946 by the representatives of 61 States and entered into force on 7 April 1948.
Even though the statements from the WHO are just words, they are just as demeaning as racism and negative LGBT slurs. The statements from the WHO are closely a legislative slap in the face. Supportive conspirators defended the disability claim as a revised definition that every individual currently has “the right to reproduce”. How would both statements coincide? The WHO’s definition of single persons being disabled does not bar single people from producing children, but rather it is an odd and extremely broad definition. People who have a disability generally have the right to do as they please but are barred because of their disability. According to the CDC.gov, the number of live births to unmarried women is 1,601,527, which breaks down to a birth rate for unmarried women to be 43.4 births per 1,000 unmarried women aged 15-44 years. So, approximately the percentage of all births to unmarried women is 40.3%. This statistic is pretty shocking.
There are some benefits to the WHO’s definition of single-disability. The Telegraph stated, “Under the new terms, heterosexual single men and women, and gay men and women who want to have children would be given the same priority as couples seeking IVF because of medical fertility problems.The WHO’s decision is likely to place pressure on the National Health Service to change their eligibility standards concerning in vitro fertilization.”
Having a lifestyle choice to be single should not be deemed a medical disability. However, this ‘disability’ can benefit single people who want children. It is a legislative slap in the face and marginally demeaning definition for single people across the globe. To find out more information on the WHO, check out their website and send an email to their office if the statement of singles being a disability offends you.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and the media present being single only in negative way. However, being single is a great time to be alive, whether it is only a transitional phase while you prepare yourself to enter another relationship or if you are single by choice. While some stereotypes of singles have improved, there is still much work done to be done to change how culture views those who are single and unmarried. There are many reasons why the single and unmarried state is a great stage of life and those who are single need to be able to defend their single status.
When someone – or the media presents singles — asks someone why they are single, it is most often asked with in a negative tone along with shock. This makes people believe that they need to be in a relationship at all times. It causes those who are single and who want a relationship to jump into a relationship when they are not ready for one. Further, and worse, it makes those who want to be in a relationship to enter bad relationships. 70% of college students have been abused by a former boyfriend or girlfriend while 43% of college age women have reported experiencing violent and abusive dating relationships. While dating abuse and violence is a difficult issue, could it decrease if those who are single were not constantly told that they must be in a relationship? It would slow down the relationship train that singles are told they must ride. It would allow individuals to mature before they decide to date. It would allow singles to learn more about who they are and if they even want to date or get married. It would let individuals learn to enjoy being single rather than being dragged into a bad relationship because being single portrayed as being bad.
By equating that single is always bad, society harms those who are unmarried by attaching stigmas that are false. These stereotypes range from that single women are crazy cat ladies to that single men are lonely bachelors’ who are unable to take care of themselves and need a woman in their life. This degrades the status of both men and women. This demeans men and women who do not have a relationship status that the culture approves. Further, the treatment of singles and the unmarried devalues the legitimacy of being temporarily or permanently single. Single now are a major part of population in industrialized countries so society should recognize this and change its attitude about the unmarried.
The single life is both a time to learn to enjoy life and to learn about who you are as an individual. It is a time to prepare to date or to consider becoming fully your own person by starting your own business by no longer having to rely on working for someone else. The time, flexibility, and autonomy that being single offers is the perfect time to take risks and to step outside of the confined comfort zones that society has drawn. Break down that line. Tear down that wall that society has put up that is the easy way to be comfortable, but does not ask for anything more from individuals besides getting married and working a 9 to 5 job. The qualities of the single life allow those who are unmarried to become the best version of themselves and to take chances that cannot be done once married.
Deciding to be temporarily single for a time and being single by choice are both legitimate lifestyle choices. The first option recognizes that being single is good, but the individual ultimately wants to be in a relationship and to get married. The second option the individual wants to remain single throughout life and does not want to get married. There are many different types of singles and reasons why people are single. For this reason, there are short-term and long-term singles and this reflects the diversity among the growing single and unmarried population that society has not yet acknowledged.
Society needs to accept that more people are remaining single longer and that singles contribute more time to volunteer and to other activities that improve their communities compared to those who are married. The tone needs to change about how being single is talked about in culture and presented in the media. This needs to change. Those who enjoy being single and unmarried, whether it is temporary or permanent, are responsible to help change the attitude of their family and friends about those who are single. Secure Single seeks to help all single adults optimize their human flourishing and to fulfill their life’s calling, but in order to create a different world where those who are single and are unmarried will be more accepted must first start with you.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
While the World Health Organization’s redefinition of “infertile” to include singles and the unmarried who do not have a sexual partner to receive access to invitro fertilization may appear like a good idea on the surface to some, it only pushes stigmas that are already attached to singles. This new definition fails to recognize the psychological harm and emotional heartache that individuals who are infertile experience when they learn that they unable to have children. Further, it also does a disservice to the scientific and sexual health community by including singles as infertile when it comes to studying and researching infertility. There are five ways that the World Health Organization’s new definition of infertile hurts singles.
Definition of Single
The strictest definition of single by Merriam Webster is someone who is “not married.” A broader definition of single would be anyone who is is not dating or who does not have a sexual partner. However, it is important to point out that this does not mean that singles and unmarried cannot have sexual relationships with others that they meet over apps, at a bar, or with friends with benefits. In short, the WHO’s new definition of “infertile” includes a broad group of people, which is intentional, but by doing so only furthers the stigmas that society already attaches to those who are single.
It Makes Singles Think There is Something Wrong with Them
Singles are already told by society and popular culture that if they are not dating, living with someone, or married than there is something wrong with them. The standard belief perpetuated by society is that those who are unmarried are told that since they are not dating, then there is something wrong with them and they are not attractive enough or desirable enough for someone to want to pursue them. However, by being called “infertile,” it only adds to that stigma. It makes singles think there is something wrong with their current status and for those who are single by choice, when an organization that is responsible for directing international health within the United Nations classifies being as a disability and “infertile.” This is for the purpose to give more people access to a service to IVF. However, not all singles may not want to use IVF treatment or are interested in getting married or having children.
It Hurts Singles Who Are Infertile
This new definition of “infertile” that the WHO is considering will combine singles who are fertile with singles who are truly infertile. This is a problem on both a medical level and on a semantic definition level. People who struggle with infertility struggle with loneliness along with emotional and psychological pain. For those singles that have learned that they are infertile, according to the medical definition, this experience brings pains and struggles as they must now deal with the reality that they are unable to conceive or to bear children. This new definition of “infertility” by the WHO disrespects those who are single and unmarried with this medical condition. Most importantly, it disrespects those are infertile and who deeply want to have children.
It’s Offensive to Singles and Other Communities
The World Health Organization’s definition is not only offensive to singles, but also offensive to other communities such as the LGBTQ+. Adam D Blum, who is the Director and Founder of the Gay Therapy Center, said that the WHO’s new “infertility” definition could be offensive to same-sex couples and the LGBT+ community. Blum told USA Today, “That’s a medical term that is problem-focused. That’s not how we think of it as gay people. We aren’t having a medical problem. We don’t expect to have a child to our own bodies.” A similar response can be given about the single and unmarried community. Not every single plans, or wants, to have children and this definition implies that they eventually plan to have children naturally or by using IVF because it is now a disability to be single and not to have a sexual partner.
There are Better Ways to Give Singles Access to IVF
There are better solutions to give singles and other communities access to having children, whether through adoption or by utilizing IVF. But redefining a scientific and medical term to make it more inclusive is not the answer. A better way would be to make or change laws in states and countries to give different people the ability to have access to these services. There is currently no such laws regarding who can and cannot access IVF. Those singles, unmarried, and LGBTQ+ who want to have access to these services should contact their representatives and legislators to tell them that they are interested in being able to have access and to write new legislation that allows them to be treated equally under the law like other couples. The law still has to catch up as the definition of family has broadened and it has become more culturally acceptable for singles and the unmarried to have children through modern means.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!