When you’re coupled up, and in love, it seems natural to enjoy Valentine’s Day. You can reminisce about how you met and the love you share (hopefully) today
But if you’re in the camp of solo singles, you might find it a little harder to enjoy Valentine’s Day and rightly so. Especially if you don’t want to be single. It can pull at your broken heartstrings a little or even a lot.
Even if you don’t have a significant other, you can still enjoy Valentine’s Day alone. Seriously
First thing’s first. Make sure you do something good for yourself on February 14. This is a great day to get a pedicure (one of my favorite things to do!). I just got out of the massage chair myself while I got my toes painted and my legs massages. It’s my pre-Valentine’s Day treat to myself. And if you do want to be in a relationship . . .
Don’t make a New Year’s resolution, instead set relationship goals
Imagine in your head what a perfect day with a partner would look like and feel like to you. But there is a catch. Do this only if it doesn’t make you feel sad or depressed. After all, Valentine’s Day is just another day with some rather creepy beginnings. And if you do want a partner, you’ve got to stay the course. So onto the next step.
If you don’t want to spend another Valentine’s Day alone make a big list
It’s time to get clear on what you want in a relationship STAT. That is if you want a boyfriend, partner or husband sometime in the future. If you’re going to get hitched up, if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day alone, it’s the perfect time to get your pen an paper out.
This list is everything you want in a partner, and I mean everything
Write out everything in detail about what you truly want in a man. Because the Universe will give you want you to want (on its own time of course). The first list I made was right after I separated from my now ex-husband.
I was in therapy (and a complete hot mess), like many people after messy breakup or divorce
Therapy was a weekly thing in my life (thank God). Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have gotten through that dark night of the soul time in my life. Spending Valentine’s Day alone can feel like this too. I know, because I’ve been there. When you’re newly single it’s especially hard.
Like I always say, it’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone
So when you’re creating your list, focus on the positive traits of any past partners if they happen to come up while you’re writing out your bulleted “perfect man” list. Think about all the things you like. Gary’s eyes, Bill’s bank account, or Jerome and his incredible lovemaking. Whatever stuff you’ve had in the past and loved, bring these things to the forefront of your mind and your pen.
After you’re all done writing all the things you want, stash your paper away and leave things up to God, the Universe, or even OK Cupid do the work. Next thing’s next. There are lots of things you can do when you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
Forget about being single, and forget about looking for a man
Because once you let things go, the world has a way of making the right person or connection pop into your life. My previous focus was always on finding a man, even if it was for a casual date. That was part of my process as a dating coach. I wanted to know what I was talking about when it came to everything dating. So my focus was on dating for ten solid years, but it also kept me kind of stuck.
If you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up the hill when you’re newly single on Valentines, it’s better to take a break from the man-hunt
When things are not feeling good, you need to take a step back and let things be. Now is the time to focus on your other goals, not just the purposes of the relationship kind. And if focusing on your career goals don’t feel right, let those go just for today too.
When you want to make Valentine’s Day special— focus on what makes you happy right now
Don’t just think about what makes you happy, do it! If you grew up Ice skating or baking with your Grandmother, do it today, or at least schedule it this week or next. I know life gets int he way of always doing what you want. Have a glass of wine or eat a cookie if that’ll make you feel right at the moment. But don’t just feed your stomach’s cravings.
Do something that feeds not just your belly but feeds your soul (and doesn’t have to do with a man)
And I’m not talking about chitlins or fried chicken. I’m talking about things that make you genuinely feel alive (or used to). What is something that you love doing but maybe haven’t done since you were in college or even as far back as when you were a little girl?
Now write about at least one thing you remember doing that made you feel like you just ran a 5k or climbed a giant mountain. Your adrenaline was pumping, your heart was singing, and you were smiling from the inside out?
You could have been laughing with your cousin or your best friend when you were just starting middle school. Or maybe you rescued a kitten from the side of the road. Did you score the winning basket when you played basketball in High School?
Valentine’s Day when you’re single is a time to think back to a moment in time that was one of the juiciest moments in your life
Maybe it was when you got your first job and received your very first paycheck. Or when you graduated High school and finally felt like you had true freedom. Imagine the feelings you had when this incredible experience was in your life.
You felt full of joy and were fulfilled entirely. You were on top of the world, and nothing could even come close to changing the way you felt. Write about that moment. Tap into those feelings and bring them back into your present.
When you feel joy, your heart will expand, and everyone will feel it, especially you!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at DinaColada.com for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.