Breaking-up is no fun, we all know it. Sometimes you need to leave your lover because the relationship no longer serves you. It may be that you both are headed in a new direction, the relationship was previously toxic, or you just need some space to get on track with your career. Through the separation, you will most likely feel the 5 degrees of separation. It’s normal, and as a caveat, you may want to practice the following tips to ‘catch yourself’ after the demise of your last relationship. Ready for a fresh start? Okay, let’s go!

 Go Out and Be Risky

One thing to consider to ‘get over’ your lover is to ‘get it on’ with another. As bad as you want to, don’t do it. You might settle for someone you don’t know that well, and potentially put yourself in a dangerous situation. You might also risk getting something unintentionally. Your sexual health is important.

INSTEAD, try spending time with friends and family. Feeling the loss of someone who you loved and invested a lot of time in can make you feel a void when their presence is not there. Sexually, look into books and products that can satisfy one of your basic human needs. Easing off of someone is not easy, no matter how the situation unraveled. Take the time to be there for yourself during the fall, and actually catch yourself. You can do it!

Call Them Back

Okay, so you’re a couple of drinks in, and you’re on the ride home with your friends. You start to pick up the phone and scroll through your ex’s Instagram. Seeing all those pictures makes you feel nostalgic of their presence. You open your contact list, and lo and behold, you find their name. You start to call, and… Stop right there. There’s no way the phone conversation will go well. Yes, you might end up back at their place, and it will feel unreal. You might even go to voicemail. Either option is not ideal, and here’s why: the rejection straight to the voicemail will hurt, worse than before you called and were missing them. And on the other side, ending up back at their place will potentially produce a pattern of the ‘broken-record’ syndrome, where neither of you will have time to recover emotionally. Be the bigger person and let time and space heal the hurt. It could just turn all physical, while your emotions get the beating.

INSTEAD, take the time to love yourself enough to not open your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being up to potential harm. Love yourself enough to pick yourself up, and walk away from the situation. Give your friend your phone until the feeling passes. We’ve all got a good friend who will help us out, so give them a call!

Don’t Draw the Shades – Do This Instead

Easy to feel down when your lover leaves you, or you had to leave your lover because they weren’t the person you thought they’d be. Either way, look at the situation as a learning lesson. You learned more about yourself, and about what you want in a partner. Staying in, eating pop-tarts, and drawing the shades may be appropriate for a week, but once you’ve allowed yourself to pout, come off it! It’s not that good for you, anyhow…

INSTEAD, write in your diary, and get outside. Being in the sun boosts your vitamin-D levels in your body, leading to increased levels of happiness, and a general well sense of being. You also will be more than, just wear sunscreen before leaving the house. Your future self will thank you. Working out with friends also helps. Blowing steam off by lifting weights, or going for a long and meditative run, will both clear your mind, and improve your fitness. You’ll look and feel great.

Bottom Line

Take care of yourself by optimizing your mental, physical, and spiritual health. We’ve all been there and can say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just because you are missing your ex, doesn’t mean you should compromise yourself. Take this new opportunity to rebrand yourself, build a company, and learn new skills. You may even make some good friends along the way. So keep progressing forward.

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Danielle has chosen to be single in her walk of life. She experienced dating in her late teens and early twenties, and had always felt each relationship was unfulfilling. To find more meaning in her life, she broke off to go down a path of self-discovery.
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