There are many different ways that someone can become single again. These ways include break ups, death of a partner or spouse, or your partner or spouse deciding to walk out on you. These all are hard things to deal with. These are difficult life circumstances, but the most important step is to slowly move on in your own way. The best choice that someone can make after a partner or spouse leaves them is to live their life on their own terms and to learn to enjoy being single again.

The ability for you to enjoy the single life provides a third solution amidst a society that presents people with a false dichotomy. Society says that there are only two options. The first option is to fix yourself for your partner or spouse to move on and meet new people after they leave you. The fatal flaw of both of these options is that they place the need for a romantic relationship above all else when a relationship is what just hurt you. The better solution is to take a break and to enjoy spending time alone instead of dating and trying to immediately get a partner or a spouse again.

During this break you may decide that you enjoy being single again and that it you may be too far in life to want to get into a relationship again. By acknowledging this, it give you the ability to fully embrace the autonomy and freedom that the single life offers individuals. This step will help you to choose what is best for you after your partner or spouse left you. Once you have tried the single life again after having to work and negotiate with a partner or spouse, you have the capability to fully embrace being single again.

These are the four values of the single life that you should embrace now that you are single again.


Become secure again in yourself as an individual. There is nothing wrong with being single and you should not feel pressured to date or to get married again. Your human dignity does not come from external circumstances or relationships, but is inherent to you as an individual. You can rediscover who you are again outside of a relationship, your sense of purpose, and confidence in facing challenges on your own. Security is your anchor as a newly single person. Let it be your foundation.


There is a broad spectrum of the types of people who are living as singles. You are just one of those many different types of singles by being single again. The reasons why people are single vary from person to person, circumstances, and life choices. You are now among other types of singles in the ocean of singles. There are a huge variety of singles in life just as there are a variety of sea creatures in the ocean.


You had to share the direction the ship went with your partner or spouse, but now you are the captain of your own life. You can now direct the course of your own life according to your own beliefs, values, and preferences. Your own inner compass as a single will help direct you and the type of single life that you want to live now that you are single again.



You now have the ability to make your own decisions and to embrace opportunities that were unavailable to you when you had a partner or spouse. You now have the flexibility and freedom to captain your ship that is your life as a single according to the flow of life’s winds or to harness life’s winds to go towards a specific direction. You are the captain of your single life and you now get to direct the sails of your own life’s ship to navigate towards the experiences and opportunities that you seek as a new single.



Now that you know the four options that are available to you after your partner or spouse left you, is now up to you to take the necessary steps and to embrace the four values of the single life now that you are single again.


Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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