How do you know you have best friend problems?
First, you have a friend to have problems with (and I hope you have at least one person you can share your hopes dreams and fears with). You know there’s a predicament brewing in friendship paradise when you feel like you can’t talk to your friend like you used to do. You might feel betrayed because a friend didn’t do something you expected. Like coming with you to a party, vacation or even funeral.
How do you know you have a bad friend to start with?
- If they make you feel bad when you share any kind of news with them.
- They talk smack about the people in their life (regularly).
- The secrets you share with them are not secrets. They tell others about it.
- They’re your friend only when it’s convenient for them.
- You feel used by them for your ear, car, money or they suck up your time.
- They put you down to build themselves up.
- When you grow, they don’t like it.
- You are scared of them.
- They lie to you, and you know it.
These are some traits that tell me that you should set that “best friend” free. Or rather, kick them to the curb.
But if you have a person, you love that makes you feel empowered, safe, respected and understood and they would pick you up at 3 am if you asked them to this person is a keeper. They are a true girlfriend.
If you have BFF problems and want to solve them— here are a few steps you can take to heal your friendship
- Take time to reflect on the positive aspects of your friendship. What has your friend done for you? Have they been a reliable support in your life? Do they make you feel safe? If so, you probably want to work on this friendship, even if it’s hard.
- Open your heart and be open to an uncomfortable conversation.
- If you or your friend had anger, know that when someone is angry, remember there is always fear underneath the anger. If your friend has attacked you verbally, they are probably reacting to something that made them feel like a little kid again.
- Set up a time to talk.
- Talk to them in person— no texting! Me and one of my best friends made this grave mistake a while back. When it comes to texting words can become misunderstood from their original context. If you live far away do yourself a favor and at least talk on the phone about the problem.
- Be willing to let things go even if they are hard. Miscommunication can often be the cause of best friend problems.
- Take your time. If you talked on the phone every day, it’s OK to speak less often and slowly rebuild your friendship. Forgiveness is a process, and you can both go at your own pace.
Friends can make your life more fulfilling in every aspect. I have a few great friends, and we’ve certainly had our differences. But sometimes friendships come and go. Being vulnerable with someone can be scary, but when someone is there for you more than they’re not— keep your friends close, but if they need some space give them that too. They’ll appreciate you for it.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at DinaColada.com for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.