I want to share some confessions of a serial dater— From yours truly.
These 3 confessions of a serial dater are mine all mine. Yep. I’ve been on (gulp) hundreds of dates. My parents have learned to accept this about me.
My girlfriend even made me swear to a “no-dates-rule” while spending the weekend with her teenage daughter and I kept my promise. These are my confessions as a serial dater.
Some might say I have a dating addiction.
I prefer to say I have more time on my hands than most as a self-employed person. Being an entrepreneur gives me the freedom to generally do what I want when I want.
There is something else that can give you loads of freedom. Stopping your swiping-dating addiction and spending some time dating yourself.
Breaking your serial dating addiction also gives you more time than you can imagine. It’s refreshing. I stopped dating for one solid month and it was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.
I have some confessions I’ve never shared with anyone around dating and some tips to help you stop if you have an addiction.
Confessions of a serial dater #1
I used to spend about four hours per day when I first got online—Responding to every man (or woman) that messaged me. I wasted days of my life doing this.
How to stop being a serial dater tip # 1:
Only send messages to people you are truly interested in meeting. Stop messaging every person that sends you the first message. You will have more time and flexibility in your life by making this one simple change.
It may piss some people off who are on the other end— But I hope you do yourself a favor and respect your time and their’s.
I spent 1460 hours sending messages to men (this is only one year’s worth and I’ve been online dating for about 10 years). That much messaging in one year equals 60.83 days of my life.
Wow. I can’t believe I spent that much time messaging people I didn’t meet and probably never will. I wonder what 60.83 days times ten years . . . Oh nevermind. I don’t want to know what I could have accomplished, I’m still catching up from all that wasted time.
Confessions of a serial dater #2
I went on dates with men I wasn’t interested in.
Research on dating was taking over my life. I’m a dating coach and writer, so this just seemed like a natural thing to do so I could blog about it. I finally realized that I didn’t need to have a partner to be happy and didn’t have to date all the time. I had also already done plenty of research in the dating field.
This was a Eureka moment for me. I could spend time getting to know myself instead of looking for happiness over dinner, drinks or coffee with a stranger.
How to stop being a serial dater tip #2:
Date yourself. When you learn how to be happy where you are— Your life will expand to horizons you’ve never dreamed of!
Confessions of a serial dater #3
Attention makes me feel good, and you probably like it too.
I’m an extrovert and get energy from meeting new people. But spending time alone helped me get in touch with my introvert side. This was a good thing. I learned how to focus on writing more because I wasn’t on a date every single night.
How to stop being a serial dater tip #3:
Take a break from getting too much attention from other people. Give yourself some attention instead.
I noticed when I was dating constantly (sometimes three dates in a day), I was focusing on quantity— Not quality.
Get yourself some quality dates with yourself once in a while. It’s good for your soul.
Some people I went out were used as time fillers (sorry guys!) until I talked to someone I really liked. Becuase, you know . . . attention. I like it. Now I like to give myself more attention than I used to do.
There was something I learned in my dating-less time. When I put my attention on my insides— Instead of looking for things (mainly dates) on the outside— My life became more enriched because I learned about myself.
When you take a dating break and start to date yourself— You can figure out what is important to you. Ask yourself some questions:
- What makes you tick?
- Hobbies— Which ones makes you happy?
- How can you make yourself feel fulfilled by yourself?
- What can you do to make yourself happy doing mundane things?
Then do the things that make your heart sing and do them often enough to give your batteries a good recharge.
I had spent so much time learning about men as a dating coach so I could catch a man and teach others how to do it— I had forgotten about myself in the process.
Focusing your attention on your insides will help you discover things about yourself that you never imagined. It’s like when you look at the stars you may see/feel/hear things that are unexpected.
Expect the unexpected when you date yourself. When you stop focusing so much on finding “the one” you just might find yourself.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at DinaColada.com for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.