You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?

Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.

You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.

On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children

People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.

When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret. 

Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Danielle has chosen to be single in her walk of life. She experienced dating in her late teens and early twenties, and had always felt each relationship was unfulfilling. To find more meaning in her life, she broke off to go down a path of self-discovery.
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