Recently a young woman put herself through 80 first dates to find Mr. Right. You heard it – 80 dates and counting. We’re talking 80 different nights of getting ready, doing hair, makeup, and picking out the right outfit. Combined in total, that’s a lot of effort. When we approach the age of 30, the majority of our friends will statistically be married, have children, and have been divorced at least once (yikes!). Though, data tells us that there is a steady decline of marriage overall.  

American society still pressures us to pair up, and if not then people feel sorry for you because you’re single. What the fuck is wrong with our society? There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re single. Personally, I’ve noticed me being single proses people to put me on terrible blind dates, and even ask how promiscuous I am or if I’m getting any – whoa now, that can be pretty personal. Let’s just say I enjoy being single, and all the freedom that comes with it. America is all about freedom, right?

In attempts to fit the norm, people like the woman above desperately scramble to find someone to marry – which can be a cause for disaster. When you force things, it never tends to go well. This woman may want to have a meaningful relationship with someone, but the fact that she went through 80 dates with no avail proves one of two things: she either has really high standards (nothing wrong with that), or the people who go on these dates reek of desperation.

Let’s go back to this – 80 dates. She might feel pressure from family and friends. She might also be called out for being a spinster. If she can’t find someone, then it’s just not the right time. Not saying there is anything wrong with being in a relationship, but one should never feel inclined and desperate enough to go on 80 dates.

I firmly believe there are good men and women out there that are perfectly date-able, but some people just like their independence – like me! Every time I do get into a relationship, I compromise a lot only to realize the men I attract are ‘emotionally unavailable’, complete jerks, or end up being stalkers – which is why I carry my pepper spray on my keys now, thanks Jim!

Looking at the woman who went on 80 dates, I find she is extremely attractive and ambitious. If she cannot find a guy, then she shouldn’t feel desperate. She should enjoy herself, and build a huge bucket list of things she can do to enjoy life to the fullest. This reminds me of a great quote by Mae West:

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

Again, I think 80 dates is completely ridiculous. It should never come to that much of a desperate measure, and when it comes to getting into a relationship, desperation is a GREAT repellent to keep you single. So don’t feel that way.

Stay single and be happy – you will enjoy your life a lot more, and will attract good friendships, experience, and feels. You’re life is worth is to be happy – not desperate. To all the hopeful singles out there, Bobby McFerrin puts it this way, ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.’

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Danielle has chosen to be single in her walk of life. She experienced dating in her late teens and early twenties, and had always felt each relationship was unfulfilling. To find more meaning in her life, she broke off to go down a path of self-discovery.
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