The holidays. A time for awkward family conversations on top of it already being cuffing and engagement season. When singles go home for Christmas and the holiday season, they can expect a family or extended family member to say something along of the lines of “he/she is the next to be married in the family.” This happened to me this Christmas so it probably has happened or will happen to you too during the holidays. Families, extended family, and friends please stop pressuring and assuming that single family members are interested in finding a partner and getting married.

Families Stop Pressuring Your Single Family Member To Find A Partner

Teach Your Family On Different Types Of Singles

The holidays already place pressure on singles to bring home a significant other during the holidays, but when someone in your family says something along the lines above, it adds an expectation on the unmarried family member. Families should stop saying things like this during the holidays to single family members. Extended family and friends can quit as well.


When your family says that you are next/last to be married off in the family, they are implicitly single shaming you for your singlehood. There is nothing wrong with being single. Statements that single shame singles and make being single lesser than being married do not fit into the Christmas and holiday spirit. Instead, families should accept the person who is single and ask more about if they plan to stay single or if it is merely an impermanent state for them. This is a more polite tact that families should take during the holiday season to single family members instead of presuming that you will get married. Families should be aware of the three main types of singles and singlehood today this holiday season.


There are those who are single by circumstance want to eventually get married. There are other singles who are single again. There are also those who are single by choice. These are only the most basic and common types of singles. Single by circumstance means that the person is temporarily single but wants to date and later get married. Those who are single again may have been dating, been divorced, or are a widow. These singles may want to get into a relationship again or they may be content being single after experiencing a relationship already in life. Finally, there are those who are single by choice. These singles plan to remain single for their lifetime and do not have an interest in dating or marriage. The concept of single by choice is incompatible with the usual family statement during the holidays to singles. Put simply, these singles do not want to put a ring on it.


As a single, you should educate your family and  friends on these three main types of singlehood. After you break down the differences between single by circumstance, single again, and single by choice, give your family a quick quiz. Once they understand the terms, let them know where you fit among those three kinds of singlehood. This will help make your journey home for Christmas and the holiday season next year and help to prevent the family pressure to partner up this holiday again. Educate your family and let them know that you can thrive as a single person. A partner or marriage is not required to flourish in life.

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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