Your first Mother’s Day as a single mom can be more than a challenge. I know when you’re a single mom, Mother’s Day can give you some mixed feelings. I understand.
Because I’ve been a single mom for ten years to an incredible (almost) thirteen-year-old. He’s more than likely not going to shower me with gifts and make me breakfast on Sunday. But you never know.
First Mother’s Day As A Single Mom— Start Your Own Crying Club
I’m not dating anyone to pamper me as a single mother on Mother’s Day either
And I’m OK with that because gifts aren’t that important to me. They’re not my love language. Sure, it sounds great to get some presents, or mimosa in bed served in a ceramic mug made by my best friend,
But doing my own thing sounds divine too. Maybe I’ll spend it with my son, my mom or neither
I might sleep in. Binge on the Great British Baking Show on Netflix and gorge on peanut butter chocolate cupcakes. I enjoy my time alone even if it’s on Mother’s Day. But when you’re a newly single mom, it’s a different story. You want to be there every second. It’s hard to not feel special.
It is especially hard when it’s your first Mother’s Day as a single mom
I remember those just post-divorce times well. My family had basically been torn apart from what looked like the “perfect” nuclear family of three. After our divorce, we had a full twelve months of Jerry Springer level baby mamma/ daddy going to court kind of drama.
Thank God those days are long gone.
I promise if you’re a newly single mom, it does get easier. With a few simple tricks
Wisdom like “You don’t have to be friends with your ex, just be friendly.” This one saved me oodles of drama.
If you’re a single mother on Mother’s Day in the first year, well, there could be some tears going on, some confusion and straight up heartbreak from your (what feels like a broken) family.
But you will carry on and a single parent, and you will become a stronger person than you ever imagined
You’ll also be surprised to learn that being a single mom on Mother’s Day is the kind of times that give you mad wisdom, self-reliance and truckloads of badassery. Yeeessz!
Let me explain . . . If you’re just on your own, you might not feel like a badass yet (but you will eventually)
But if you let your feelings process (even if it hurts like hell— and it probably will), learning to process your feelings will help you become a woman that feels like you can conquer anything.
I mean, cry when you need to cry, and don’t stuff your feelings down. Ever
Crying is good for you. In Japan, they even have “crying clubs.” This is where people get together and sob it out. They watch sappy movies to get their juices flowing.
So if you feel like you’ve been holding back the tears, watch the Bjork flick Dancer in the Dark. Me and my friend Beth were the only people in the theater and we had our very own intimate crying club that night. You won’t believe what happens to Bjork.
If you’re at work and need to bust a tear, go to the bathroom
Most people don’t question that. And if a man sees your eyes getting watery, you can tell them it’s that time of the month. Most men won’t ask another question about too much woman information.
I’ve gone from the hot-mess to getting out of bed every day (yet sometimes it is with sloth-like slowness), but I still do it!
I’m to that feeling pretty damn good point. It’s taken a lot of therapy, mindfulness, meditation, good friends, brain entrainment, letting my creative genius flow and of course gallons of tears (every day for years).
I learned the hard way that holding back the tears only brings more pain later
Luckily I’ve streamlined the process of letting go of heartbreak, and good-old-fashioned can’t get out of bed depression, and (OMG! I think I’m going to die from a heart attack). And war-veteran style triggers. PTSD, anyone? Yep. I can check that one of my bucket lists (even though it was never actually on my bucket list).
Summary
So if you’re one of the single moms on Mother’s Day who doesn’t feel like you can run the world yet, let alone get out of bed and do laundry, do it anyway (but not on Mother’s Day). This is your day. Celebrate your awesome motherly qualities and know that you’re not perfect and you can only do your best. Do something nice for yourself and tell yourself that you will be OK. It’s your day and you can romance yourself and love your kids to the max!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
