Do you historically have bad partners?

It could be that you keep attracting the same type of person, but a different guy or gal. If you keep dating people and then breaking up because it’s the wrong person, then it’s time to be single for a while. In our 20’s, we change and grow a lot emotionally. The fact that people try to force relationships and make it work speaks to the incessant societal pressures upon us to be in a relationship.


From personal experience, I have attracted people who all seemed to have the same emotional distance and lack of compassion. I was attracting people who were reflections of me. I knew something had to change, and what changed (and is currently in progress), is me.


It’s true that most of us have experienced childhood trauma while growing up. This has long-term effects on a person’s well-being for their emotional and physical health. According to, the experiences of traumatic events in childhood have been shown to have long-term consequences for health in adulthood. Childhood trauma stunts emotional growth in our brains.. Don’t worry if you’ve got a cork loose, one in five adults suffer from some sort of mental illness.


What this means is that if you keep attracting the wrong partner, one who doesn’t treat you well or is distant and emotionally unavailable, then it  most likely stems from childhood where you are most impressionable and attain your sense of security and well-being. Don’t fret. You can fix who you are attracting by seeking help. Councillors, emotional support groups, and shifting your focus all help you evolve and eventually become a more complete and whole person.


When you build up your self-worth and confidence, you can attract a better partner. I’m not saying you need a person in your life to make you even more whole, just that if you can fix yourself emotionally you can begin to attract better relationships.


As a single person, this can apply to friendships. Adults who have suffered some sort of childhood trauma can be relationship saboteurs, which means you subconsciously push people away and damage relationships. By seeking help, you can become a better person and improve all of your relationships. It all starts with you, first and foremost.


The journey to fixing yourself is sort of like finding your inner wisdom and inner strength. Some people just seem to have it figured out, or at least they act like it very well. Don’t worry if you are not up to speed, life is a journey to be enjoyed while on the road to your destination, so enjoy the dance. Get to know yourself, and fix yourself. You will begin to attract better relationships because they will reflect the relationship you have with yourself.


It is all about what you attract into your life. So if you see yourself attracting the wrong partner, get single and start to repair your self. You have so much power to become a person greater than you are today, and it just takes discipline and effort to make the change. You are responsible, and you can make progress. Begin today to attract better people and relationships in your life. You are worth it!

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Danielle has chosen to be single in her walk of life. She experienced dating in her late teens and early twenties, and had always felt each relationship was unfulfilling. To find more meaning in her life, she broke off to go down a path of self-discovery.
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