Sometimes when you’re single and looking for love it can seem like all the signposts you see are pointing in the wrong direction— away from the positive. Negativity can be exhausting, but there is hope (and a biological reason for it!).

Even if It seems like every time you turn on the radio, there’s a mushy love song, and it hits your emotions the wrong way. Or you open your Facebook feed to find out that your state has been voted to be the worst place for dating in the country (I happen to live there, lucky me, haha!).  Even with this overall terrible ranking where I live, it’s more than possible to be positive. Even if you’ve trampled through lousy date after lousy date. Here’s how you do it!

How To Stay Positive When You’re Single [It’s Superhero Powers]

How to stay positive when you’ve had one too many dates (the answers are below!)

I know, and you know you’ve been on your fair share of date if you’re looking for love (at least I hope so). But it just doesn’t seem to work out for some reason. She’s too clingy, has the same birthday as your ex, or even looks like the fiance who broke your heart. But also though your dates (be it a woman or a man) haven’t worked out yet, there had to be something good. And you need to pick at least one thing out. So you have a little idea you can pay attention to while you’re out with Mr. He’ll Never Be Right In A Million Years.

So after every date, you can write a list of at least one positive thing about your evening (or morning)

More than one is even better. When you get home think of anything positive that happened. Let’s say the guy told a great story about playing tuba in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Or the oolong tea you had just hit the spot. This alone will help you remain positive.

Maybe it was the fact that you actually got your ass off the couch on a Saturday morning even though it’s been your official pajama day for the past 8 months. Every situation has a positive, but you’ve got to make yourself see it. There is always something good even on a date that could make you want to face plant into your pasta. However, there’s more than just looking on the bright side.  

Another one of the ways to become positive is to get the hell out of your comfort zone

Pajama day (no matter how much you love it) isn’t going to help you change your life, really. So if a friend asks you to take salsa classes on a Saturday or a Friday, say “yes!” If you make the same meals every single week, get the Tasty app and find some new inspiration. Doing new things in your life will help you realize that things aren’t always the same old same old. You’ll start to rewire your brain to see things can be different and not negative.

But the reason you think negative things aren’t your fault and you can flip them to be positive

It’s called a negative bias. It’s a primal thing that has affected your brain, and now you know about it.  Negative thoughts can impact your neural network in a big way. Negativity is wired into your, and it often runs on automatic. But now you know that it’s a real thing and

Something that is good about this negativity bias is you can change it with your brain’s kryptonite

It’s called neuroplasticity. It basically means you can rewire your brain by making some simple shifts in your life. Like learning an instrument, traveling, brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, learning some new words or even dancing. Who knew it could be so simple to change old habits?


These are simple things you can do today that will start to change the neural network in your brain. So read some feel-good books, feel-good music, shake it like no one is watching. It’s time to get your brain rewired for love the easy way!

Lots of Love,

Dina Colada

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Dina has been mostly single for much of her adult life with lots of dating in between some short, yet growth-centered relationships. She has devoted most of her time to helping singles thrive while on the path to love. She is multi-passionate and loves to connect with other entrepreneurs— Especially ones that are single!
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