A couple walking in water holding hands as the sun sets behind them.

Is searching for love what makes us human? I have no idea but I’m going to walk around some thoughts that I have about it.

Is Searching For Love What Makes Us Human?

One thing I do know is that searching for love is one of life’s juiciest things.

Because when we find it, we feel closer to God or something greater than ourselves that we couldn’t imagine. It can also be one of the most painful things we’ve ever experienced too.

Is searching for love what makes us human? I’m not even going to try to pretend to know the answer to that doozie of a question.

In fact, I don’t know much at all about— Anything.

The one thing I do know is I spent most of my “adult” life searching for true love or something, but I’m not sure what that even was. I thought I was looking for love.

However, the multiple, multiple, multiple times I thought I thought I had found love, and finally figured out it wasn’t love— It was lust.

I’m pretty sure most of those good times I couldn’t get boyfriend number three, four, or seven out of my head— It was infatuation.

Yep. All of my relationship experiences felt close enough to love for me, so I went with it until they didn’t feel good. Then I would move on to the next boyfriend. Of course, there was love with some of the people in my life, but not as many as I used to think.

All these years of trying to figure out what makes us human, or instead what makes me human, I did some crazy things to try to figure it out (or block it out)

I partied too much, and the beer goggles are one of the things that blurred my perception to the whole “I’m in love thing.”

It was closer to this— I was drunk enough to believe a relationship was something more profound than it actually was. But in those days, every time I met someone new and felt the “butterflies” I thought for sure my “search” was over. I had found “the one” many times over and often after one-too-many beers.

Ah, the days of codependency and dependence on things it thought I needed, like a relationship are finally over.

Searching for love made me feel that “spark” that “juju” that “oh-la-la” that I didn’t think I could live without

But I can live without it (rather well, in fact), and feel much happier now that I can take it or leave it.

Keeping my focus on myself and not worrying about the eternal search I had always been on made life so much easier. I still go on dates and have a blast meeting all of these different people who bring joy into my experience. Letting go of the pressure and the expectations of searching, finding and keeping love, has taken a colossal weight off my shoulders.

I realized all the time I’d spent searching for “the one” I was me really looking for myself.

Because I had no idea who the heck I was. I needed years of searching for love, getting my heart broken and breaking hearts to see who I was and finally be by myself to figure some things out.

As the wise Rumi said “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

What makes me human now is tapping into my insides and getting down into the nitty-gritty and finding out what’s in my soul.

What’s in yours? When you do the work to heal and uncover all the ugly wounds is what makes us human— All of us.

When I had pain in the past, I would stuff it down as far as I could so I didn’t have to feel it. I was cold and shut out. Searching for love and lust and losing it was the only way I could finally get cracked open so I could finally feel human and be happy single.

So whether you’re looking for love or not, what you feel on your insides is what really makes you human. And if you’re searching for love on the outside and you find it, what you’ll really find is you finally loving yourself.

Lots of Love,

Dina Colada


Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC.


Secure Single provides a forum for a diverse variety of perspectives, ideas, experiences, and resources and does not take official stances. All writers speak exclusively for themselves. Concurrently, any quotes, shares, reposts, interviews, etc. do not imply endorsement by Secure Single LLC or its curators. Now go live your best single life!






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Dina has been mostly single for much of her adult life with lots of dating in between some short, yet growth-centered relationships. She has devoted most of her time to helping singles thrive while on the path to love. She is multi-passionate and loves to connect with other entrepreneurs— Especially ones that are single!
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