Because sometimes I wasn’t that happy. In fact, I was severely depressed because I was single. At least that’s why I thought I never wanted to get out of bed. I desperately wanted to know how to be happy being single. I then discovered these five self-love secrets.

Now I’ve learned being single is great! Once you get over that “being single is hard” mindset it’s hard not to be single.

It’s incredible when you learn how to be happy being single.

There could be a barrage of men (or women) banging down your door begging to be with you. Instead of inviting them in for tea or into your bed— You slam the door in their wishing-they-weren’t-single faces.

You are happy as a peach and living alone and on your terms.

I’m going to share with you the five self-love secrets for singles that will make your hitched-up friends jealous. They’re not rocket science. However, some of these self-love secrets take a little practice to get the I’m super-happy-being-single momentum going.

5 Self-Love Secrets For Singles

Practice The Art Of Saying No

Back in my doormat days I often said “Yes” when I would have been better off saying “No.”

  • Having that last drink I shouldn’t have consumed.
  • Paying for expensive dinners or gifts when I couldn’t afford it.
  • Going on dates when I was under the weather and my sick body was whimpering “Please don’t go— Stay home and drink some lemon-ginger tea and go to bed.”

Learning to say no when it doesn’t feel good to you is OK. But when you are a people pleaser— It’s a hard habit to break— But you must. You can’t please everyone all the time. The word no is something you need to learn to know how to be happy and single.

Be Self-Aware

You probably won’t be like the Dahli Lama in a week when you start this practice. According to Thai Nguyen stopping your negative self-talk can keep you depressed and stressed out.

Notice your reactions to others and yourself. If you feel upset to ask yourself “Why?” and “What?”

“Why am I feeling this way and what can I do to feel better?” Then do the thing that makes you feel better. If you don’t know what these ask yourself another question.

“What brings joy in my life?” Petting the cat, painting, drinking coffee, cuddling up and watching a funny movie or meditating? Figure out what makes your heart sing or calm down.

Cherish Your Friends

Friends (New and old ones) are good for your soul. Cultivate friendships in all areas of your life. Call your friends up to see how they’re doing. Listen to what they say and respond with empathy.

If you need a sounding board to vent friends are a great place to start releasing some stress. Talking with friends is especially helpful for women. Chatting with friends helps release Oxytocin that is the feel-good hormone.

Be Nice To Yourself

When you notice any adverse self-talk, you might have to use your self-awareness. Tap into the thoughts you’re thinking, listen to them, and remember these thoughts probably aren’t ever your own.

If you talk nasty to yourself, switch your thoughts to something more positive. It doesn’t have to be “perfect” thoughts. Start with “better” thoughts and work your way up to “excellent” thoughts over time.

If you want to know how to be happy being single if you say “I hate this (fill in the blank)” switch it to something like “It’s not that bad,” or I’m getting better at seeing the good in this (insert thing that makes you crazy).

This method isn’t “perfect” and learning how to be happy being single knowing that nothing is “perfect” is key to your happiness.

Instead Of Looking At Problems— Get Creative With Solutions

If you’re stuck in traffic and it seems like the most devastating thing that’s ever happened in your life— Look for the silver lining in the line of cars ahead.

  • Leave for work a little earlier and stop by that local coffee shop you always pass on your way to the office.
  • Listen to some positive audiobooks in the car.
  • Call your sister.
  • Use Google Voice and start working on that novel you’ve always wanted to write instead of complaining about the waiting.

There can be joy in waiting.

If you want to know how to be happy being single— Follow these five self-love secrets and stop beating yourself up. Being single is incredible if you learn to tweak the few bad habits that make you think otherwise.

Lots of Love,


Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Dina has been mostly single for much of her adult life with lots of dating in between some short, yet growth-centered relationships. She has devoted most of her time to helping singles thrive while on the path to love. She is multi-passionate and loves to connect with other entrepreneurs— Especially ones that are single!
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