The message that popular culture sends is for singles to find their soulmate. Society overemphasizes romantic relationships and external validation. When you focus on external validation, you care more about what people think about you instead of reaching your goals. Self-validation is the answer for singles.

Self-Validation For Singles

Society Focuses On External Validation

There are six ways that society wants you to focus on to receive external validation. These distract you from being able to improve yourself.


Relationships can be distractions. That can be true for both friendship and romantic relationships. When you get your value from others, you allow yourself to more easily succumb to pressure to do things you may not want. You will find yourself doing things you may not otherwise have done to seek another person’s approval.

Social Pressure

Society wants you to fall for social pressure. This pressure can come from relationships with people who you put on a pedestal and who tell you what to do. These people include celebrities, influencers, and politicians. It can also come from friends and loved ones.

[bctt tweet=”Social pressure is a form of conformity. It is best to go against the crowd.” username=”@secure_single”]


You can be distracted today in many ways that take away your valuable time and attention. Social media, video games, and streaming videos, and reading or watching the news are forms of entertainment. These distract you from being able to be productive.

Being A Consumer

As a consumer, you receive value from the things you buy. You think you must always have the latest tech gadget, clothes, or items being marketed to you on social media or by a podcast.

Another way that is done is that you think you must be like the Kardashians, Joneses, or your neighbors who have cool cars and live in nice houses. You think you must have the same lifestyle as someone else even if you cannot afford it. This makes you a consumer of things that you cannot afford. You then go into debt.

Victim Mentality

The victim mentality is a negative source of external validation. Instead of receiving your value directly from something, you receive it from something you don’t have. You think you are a victim because you don’t have or claim not to have the same things as others (rights, money, status, rights, or whatever is considered a current problem).

People with a victim mentality claim victimhood status and push off self-responsibility to someone else to solve a problem. The problem could be real, imaginary, or made up to push an agenda. By doing this, people refuse to change their mindset from a negative mindset of victimhood to a positive growth mindset. This makes people think they are victims, mainly because they were taught it going through the higher education system or listening to an influencer say they are a victim. They cannot better themselves.

This then creates a death spiral where you cannot improve your life. You think the things popular culture says are a part of society make you a victim. You remain in a continual state of victimhood rather than improving yourself. You buy the lies that society tells you.


You choose where to direct your attention. You can choose to direct it and receive it from things externally or focus on internal validation. When you focus on something, you give someone or something your time. Your time and attention are valuable.

4 Ways Singles Can Experience Self-Validation

These are four essential ways that singles can experience self-validation.


Self-confidence is critical. Without self-confidence, you will likely find yourself being a people pleaser. If you are not confident, you won’t stand up for yourself. Self-confidence and standing up for yourself can help you in many areas of your life.

You will be more willing to take risks and do things independently when you are confident that your actions are correct. Some people may tell you what you are doing is crazy or out of line because they don’t think it will succeed. Your confidence will help you to succeed.

Priority Management

You can start to manage your priorities. When you manage your priorities better, you will make better use of your time each day. What you prioritize becomes your time. You will manage what you give your attention to.

[bctt tweet=”The combination of being aware of your priorities, time, and attention can help you achieve success.” username=”@secure_single”]


You can reach your goals when you make better use of your priorities. You will determine the most critical priorities needed to achieve an ambition. You will start to become more confident as you realize an objective. It is up to you to set goals to increase your value as a single person.

[bctt tweet=”You can work both hard and smart to achieve your goals. Success does not happen overnight.” username=”@secure_single”]

Celebrate Your Achievements

When you reach a goal, you can celebrate your achievement. There is nothing wrong with celebrating an accomplishment for the hard work, time, and energy it took to accomplish something you wanted. Celebrating accomplishments is healthy. Gamification is psychologically rewarding. Gamification taps into intrinsic value by helping to build your self-esteem and self-confidence. It can help you to want to reach your goals when you celebrate both your small and large wins.

Recommended: How Self-Discipline Can Improve Your Life


It would help to decide where you want your validation to come from. It can come from other people. Or, it can come from you reaching your goals. You can also choose to have a victim mindset or a growth mindset. It is up to you.

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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