Abraham Maslow theorized in 1943 a proper psychological order of human needs. The goal of the Hierarchy of Needs is to achieve self-realization. Society focuses on love and marriage for singles in order for someone to become happy instead of for an individual being able to achieve self-realization. Singles should seek self-realization in life rather than listening to society’s mixed messages about love and relationships.

Singles And Self-Realization

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, an individual cannot properly achieve self-realization until fulfilling the deficient needs. Each of these needs build upon each other and cover different areas of human psychology: emotional, social, and intellectual. These lower needs are being able cope with life (shelter, water, food), learning to think for oneself, self- respect, cognitive needs, and achieving personal self-esteem needs and having a social circle. Society concentrates on the lowest needs of sex (tier one) and sexual intimacy (tier three) instead of the qualities associated with self-realization.


An individual must first love oneself before an individual is able to fully love another person. Society, though, elevates love and romance at the expense of an individual’s self-worth and self-realization. Society tells singles that being single is pathetic. Society tells individuals that if one wants to be viewed well by other then one must be dating or be in a romantic relationship. The consequence of this is that individuals, if they want to date or eventually get married, date too early before they know what they want in a mate in order to be accepted by others. This option, says society, is better than being the awkward third wheel or being alone and single. But is it? You decide. The consequence of society’s emphasis on love and romance makes individuals, and society as a whole, forget what basic life needs are for ethereal hopes of true love and finding one’s soul mate.

Once an individual fulfills the deficient needs than an individual can attain self-realization. The result is an individual is more confident and able to make more informed life decisions. An individual will be able to make these decisions because of a combination of personal experiences along with being able to discern social, emotional, and intellectual cues from life lessons. Self-realization than leads an individual being able to discover a life purpose that fulfills oneself and results in an individual wanting to achieve transcendence. Transcendence for Maslow meant morality (which is a complex and debated topic in philosophy), but the most basic form of morality means being able to love, empathize, and have compassion for others.

Life is an exciting and difficult trip ultimately to a final destination that everyone will eventually reach, but before one gets there hopefully an individually has successfully achieved the Hierarchy of Needs. Self-realization and the maturity that it bring are important in dealing with others in life and most importantly being able to deal with oneself. One should seek to be able to provide the deficient needs in life and aim to achieve self-realization in life by accepting facts about life, unleashing creativity, problem solving, being spontaneous, and being able to empathize with other humans.

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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