In a world that continues to move faster, and more people are trying to get your attention, the best thing you can do is start to focus on yourself. It is not selfish to focus on yourself. When you begin to focus on yourself, you will see results in your own life. As you start to focus on yourself, you will discover that you will achieve your goals faster and be more successful in your life. Rather than worrying about what other people think about you, you can work towards internal validation when you start to work on yourself. Here is the complete guide for how to focus on yourself in a busy world fighting for your attention.


The Complete Guide For How To Focus On Yourself


Article Overview


This article is broken down into nine sections. The first part focuses on distractions and forms of validation. The second part of this article focuses on external versus internal validation. The third section is on developing good life habits. The fourth part breaks down psychology from negative thinking to the growth mindset. The fifth part focuses on your well-being. The sixth section focuses on money and your financial health. The seventh part is on relationships from your family to toxic people. The eighth section is on community. The ninth part covers achieving self-actualization in a society that wants you to be mediocre. After reading this article, you will understand the variety of areas you can focus on in your life. It is then up to you to develop the area that needs the most work in your life.


Part 1: Distractions And Forms Of Validation


External Distractions


There are many different types of external distractions. An external distraction wastes time that you could spend investing in yourself. Some common distractions people encounters are politics, news, bad relationships, social media, and wasting your time doing activities that do not benefit you. When you focus on external distractions, you will remain stuck where you are in life. These distractions do not provide any benefit to you. They only take time away from your life that you could direct to better yourself.


Society raises us to believe that the institutions such as politics, mainstream media, and others are worth your attention. If you don’t pay attention or have an opinion about current events, your view is automatically labeled as wrong or incorrect. The problem is that all of these things are merely distractions from keeping you from achieving your full potential in life. Instead of embracing your uniqueness, when you spend your time and energy on external distractions, your distinctive personality gets lost by going along with the masses.


Society says that institutions are there to help you when the central institutions you were raised to believe instill fear into your life. The reality is that only you can solve your problems. When you stop believing that these institutions and people, whom all have their self-interests, are there to help you and start to focus on yourself instead, you will begin to see your life improve.




Society raises people to place politicians on a pedestal and treat them with the utmost respect. Politics is also a waste of time. You are putting your trust in someone in a position of power who has their self-interest. Politicians are not public servants, and they are not leaders. Politicians do not contribute anything beneficial to society. If they did serve the people and not the big corporations, it would be less likely that politicians on both sides of the political aisle, such as Austin Scott, Dan Crenshaw, and Nancy Pelosi, would beat the S & P 500. We’d be thrown in jail for insider trading if you or I did what these politicians did.  When you stop paying attention to politics, you have more time to focus on developing yourself.


Mainstream Media


Society raises people to trust people in authority, including the news anchors on the mainstream media. They would never lie to you, right?  The mainstream media is not in the business of giving you accurate news. The mainstream media’s job, be it Fox News or CNN, is to make you fearful, spread propaganda, and keep you distracted by pushing the current thing. The fear-mongering has been evident over the last two years; then, the mainstream media moves on to the new current topic to keep you distracted and in fear. It does not matter if it is a pandemic, a threat of nuclear war, Roe v. Wade being overturned, or whatever the next thing is.


If you watch the mainstream media, you will more likely be in fear. You will also be more distracted by wanting to keep up with the news. Fear and distraction are two vital things that will prevent you from accomplishing what you need to get done.


Social Media


Social media further drives this problem because you see the reality that people want you to think about them when it is a projected reality. In other words, it is not real. There is nothing social about social media. According to Uswitch, Americans spent more than 1,300 hours on social media. Facebook was the most used social media platform.


Social, or digital, media is a popular distraction that most people use, from scrolling through their social media feeds to watching YouTube videos when that time could be spent on more productive tasks. Another distraction could be to keep putting things off until the last minute that you know you need to do, but you do the fun activities before the complex tasks.


Related Article: The Loneliness Epidemic and Social Media Paradox





Entertainment is another external distraction. Whether you enjoy watching YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon, it is entertainment. It can be nice to relax from time to time. However, if you end up spending most of your day watching mindless entertainment, then you are wasting valuable time that you could use to be productive to improve yourself. If you have multiple subscriptions to entertainment services like YouTube TV to Amazon Plus, those subscriptions are cutting your budget. Instead, you could choose to cut back on your entertainment and invest your money in stocks, self-education, or other ways that will help improve your life.


People Who Waste Your Time


People who waste your time can be another external distraction. These could be people you may or may not enjoy spending time with. One of the best lessons to learn in life is to tell people no. You can work to sift through the people who waste your time while you work to surround yourself with like-minded people. When it comes to people, find people who share your values and tell people no. When you tell people no, it shows that you value your time, stay busy, and it is a sign of strength instead of always going along with people by being a people pleaser.



Part 2: External Versus Internal Validation


External Validation


Most people spend their time focusing on external validation rather than internal validation. Some examples of external validation are receiving your validation from your relationship status, hanging out with the right people, the number of likes/subscribers/followers you have on social media, or trying to prove yourself to other people. You will always be chasing to increase the number of likes, followers, or influential people you relate to in your life. External distraction may feel nice for a short time, but it is not as long-lasting as internal validation. When external validation is your focus, you will learn that people will let you down in your life. External validation is a temporary form of validation.


Internal Validation


Instead of worrying about what people may think about you, your relationship status, or comparing yourself to the Kardashians or the Joneses, you can focus on internal validation. Internal validation occurs when you say and prove to yourself that you can do something that you thought that you could not do. The three critical areas in your life where you can work to validate yourself are health, money, and relationships. You are all you need. You can start to work to achieve your life goals by validating yourself instead of wasting your time with toxic people who could drop you in a second.


Related Article: How To Be A Strong Woman — Instead Of Seeking Validation In Relationships


Part 3: Life Habits


Good Habits


Key Point: [bctt tweet=”Self-education is a life skill, and college teaches you little to nothing.” via=”no”]


You can work to develop good life habits. These will hold you in good stead as you work to improve yourself every single day. Self-education is a vital life skill. You never stop learning in life, and college teaches you very little. You can start to wake up earlier and develop a consistent sleep routine. Your time is the one thing that we all have in common, yet it is the one thing that we can never get back. Learn to manage your time better by being productive during your day. The final way is to learn to confront your fears. If you do not face your fears, your worries will control you and your life.


Stop Procrastinating


If you are a procrastinator, work to overcome your bad habits. You can work to break your large projects into smaller, manageable chunks. You can create to-do lists to help you keep track of tasks that you need to get done. To complete your goals, your to-do list can be daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. A change of environment can also help to improve your performance in completing a task. You can change your room if you need a quiet space to concentrate, while you may do better at other tasks on your to-do list in a more open room or a public area like a coffee shop.


It is critical to give yourself deadlines when it comes to stopping procrastination. Break all of your projects into small tasks that you can complete, and give yourself a deadline for each. You can finish a large project by breaking it down into smaller chunks. You will then have a range of small deadlines to help hold you accountable for completing your goal. Also, eliminate unnecessary time-wasters from your life. A time waster could be wasting time checking your email in the morning, constantly checking your social media, being overly social, or wasting time with toxic people who do not contribute positively to your life.


Time is your most valuable asset. Everyone has the same twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and a year. Yet, it is up to you if you choose to waste your time or to use it to focus on yourself to help you succeed in reaching your goals. If you continue to procrastinate, you will remain stuck where you are, but you can become successful if you develop good living habits.


Part 4: Psychology


Negative Thinking


Key Point: [bctt tweet=”How you think affects the other areas of your life and that is why practicing positive thinking and having a growth mindset is vital to personal development.” via=”no”]



Negative thinking can destroy your mental health and your life. Negative thinking is a “mental attitude of anticipating the worst possible outcomes on situations, events, and circumstances… Negative thoughts are intrusive, disturbing, annoying, and unwelcome.” If you allow negative thinking to control you, you will always be stuck where you are. There are also negative thinking traits that society presents as being admirable. An example of negative thinking is perfectionism.


Perfectionism is an example because you are taught that there are only right and wrong answers to test questions from grade school to the higher education system. This creates perfectionists. Perfectionism is a type of negative thinking because it connects to having low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are more likely to need to control everything in their lives. Why? Perfectionism is a coping mechanism to hide the negative feelings about themselves.


Positive Thinking


Many benefits come with practicing positive thinking. According to the study called Positive Psychology and Physical Health: Research and Applications the following are advantages of positive thinking:

  • Increased physical well-being
  • Enhanced psychological health
  • Increased physical well-being
  • Longer life span
  • Greater resistance to the common cold
  • Decreased rates of depression
  • Reduced rates of cardiovascular disease-related to death


Positive thinking will help you improve your overall life from psychological to physical well-being. Positive thinking also connects to a growth mindset. Negative thinking relates to a fixed mindset. Positive thinking and a growth mindset will help you in your life journey as you build self-confidence to achieve your goals.





Mindset is a crucial factor that will determine your success in life. If you have gone through any higher education system, as I have, then you most likely have a fixed mindset. Higher education teaches you there is one solution to a problem. The reality is that there are many ways to solve a problem. The college system makes you believe the world is black and white. If you pass or fail a test, then your life is set. If you do well in school, you will have a great career. At least that is what school tells you, even though it is not true. This type of thinking limits you and trains you in a fixed mindset.


Mindset is everything. You are your only limit. However, society trains people through the education system and other institutions that it is better to obey because society wants you to remain stuck where you are rather than succeed. Society wants you to stay stuck at the job you hate, stay poor, and not become the best version of yourself by living a happy, complete, and prosperous life.


Fixed Mindset


A fixed mindset limits yourself to what you think you can do. You are fixed in what you believe you are capable of and can do in life. To do something, you may feel that you must have a degree from a university or a certification from an educational institution to be proficient in a skill. If you have a fixed mindset, you will likely have low self-confidence and self-esteem and may even loathe yourself. You are complacent and obey because you think that is how you will get ahead in life.


If you think this way and have a fixed mindset, do not worry because you can overcome it and develop a growth mindset. You will have to identify your limiting beliefs about what you think you can’t do: learn a new skill, make money, change careers, become self-employed, improve how you look or live a life that you want to live. The institutions you went through and thought were helping you taught you the fixed mindset. However, you can work to develop a growth mindset in your life.


Growth Mindset


In contrast to the fixed mindset is the growth mindset. A growth mindset is based on the belief that you can cultivate, grow, and develop your skills and abilities over time. You can figure out how to make the most of your talents, interests, and skills by first knowing what they are and then always working to hone them so that you are a master in your area of expertise. A growth mindset acknowledges that you can learn skills over time, grow over time, and develop as an individual over your lifetime. A growth mindset focuses on self-education, personal development, and improving slowly over your lifetime.


Know Yourself


It is also crucial that you know yourself. The best way to start learning about yourself is to know your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, problems that you want to solve, and things you want to improve in your life. You can learn about yourself by asking yourself the basic questions you probably learned in elementary school in English class: who, what, where, when, why, and how. When you ask variations of those questions in your life, you will start to work towards them. The more you know yourself, the faster you can begin to find your passions in life and work to achieve your life goals.


Discover Your Life Purpose


As you work to know yourself, you can work to discover your life purpose. You can find your life purpose by finding a need in the world or a problem that you care about and then working to find a solution to solve the need or problem. You can then work to identify your natural skills and strengths, which are your natural gifts. Next, you can discover what you love to do and your interests in your life. When you figure out those three things, you will have found your life purpose. The diagram below shows it in an easy-to-understand way. Find this as soon as you can in life to prevent yourself from becoming a cog in society’s machine.


Part 5: Your Well-Being


Focus On Your Well-Being


There are many different areas of your life that you can work to focus on yourself. The great thing about being single is that you have fewer distractions. You don’t have to worry about a significant other, family, or children. This is the perfect opportunity to focus on improving your life in three critical areas of life that everyone deals with. You can improve the three key areas: your health, relationships, and work to grow your wealth. You can work to enhance your well-being in all the areas of your life!


Personal Well-Being


It is vital to take care of your well-being. Seven main areas contribute to your well-being: physical, mental, intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and financial. These are the different parts that make up a person you can focus more on to improve yourself daily. Start with one, then move on to another and watch yourself improve in your life over time!


Physical Well-Being


Physical well-being is when you take care of your body with exercise, going to the gym, and following a consistent diet. This may be referred to as body or physical health because you are working to improve how you look in different ways. Physical health is taking care of your body. You can improve your physical health by dieting, cardio exercise, weightlifting, and working on getting your body in peak condition. You will also feel better about yourself when you want to look your best. You may want to get six-pack abs or fit to look sexy for bikini season or anywhere in-between! When you focus on improving your body’s physical health, you will be more self-confident while teaching and learning self-discipline. After all, self-discipline is freedom.


Popular workout exercises are High Interval Intermittent Training (HIIT), cardio exercises on different machines, and lifting weights. All three of those types of exercises and following a healthy diet will help you improve the well-being of your body. If you are new to working out at the gym, it is worth investing in a personal trainer who can show you how to use all the gym equipment properly. A personal trainer can also write you a custom exercise and workout plan to help you achieve your body goals faster, whether to get lean to look and feel better or make gains by lifting more weights.


Many popular diets will help you lose weight. Some of the most popular diets are the Mediterranean Diet, Keto Diet, Carnivore, and the vegan diet. You can choose the diet that fits your needs and lifestyle best. Your diet compliments your exercise as you work to get fit by exercising or going to the gym. Rather than eating crappy processed foods, you can eat a consistently healthy diet that will help you get stronger as you exercise or go to the gym. When you focus on your diet and getting exercise, you learn self-discipline, which can help you in other areas of your life. Self-discipline also leads to freedom in your life.



Mental Well-Being


Mental Health


Mental health is vital because it affects other parts of your life. According to the Mayo Clinic, mental health “refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors.” Your mental health affects how you feel, think, and view yourself.


Positive Mental Health


Many benefits come with positive mental health. You will improve your self-image and how you view and think about yourself. Positive mental health will help you improve your relationships with your friends and family. You will experience a higher quality of life because once your mental health thrives, your entire life will begin to flourish.


Maintain Mental Well-Being


Mental health plays a critical role in personal wellness. For that reason, it is vital to pay attention to your mental health. Here is a list of ways to improve your mental health and well-being:

  • Get enough sleep and rest
  • Practice meditation or prayer
  • Exercise regularly
  • Learn positive coping skills
  • Keep in touch with friends and family
  • Exercise regularly
  • Maintain a positive outlook on life
  • Practice positive thinking
  • Consider seeing a therapist or counselor


Depending on your mental health and your personal history, it may be worth considering seeing a mental health professional like a therapist. A therapist or counselor could help you better understand yourself and find ways to develop, improve, and maintain your mental well-being. Therapy can also be a valuable tool to address negative behaviors and negative thoughts and provide you with tools to work to make changes to improve your life.


Intellectual Well-Being


Intellectual well-being is being able to learn to think critically and to think for yourself. The best education does not come from going to college. Education does not come from getting an overpriced fancy degree from a fancy university, then contributing to degree inflation. The best education is self-education. Self-education is more accessible today because of the Internet, discovering websites, content creators, and channels online. You can learn anything from how to plant a garden to the philosophical thoughts of an esoteric philosopher.


Intellectual well-being is being intellectually curious. Always continue to educate yourself every day on what you are passionate about. Never stop learning! Your intellectual health will also be able to learn how to think critically. All that is required to think critically is to ask the basic questions: who, what, where, when, why, and how. Remember, there is nothing wrong with questioning authority.


Emotional Well-Being


Emotional well-being is also referred to as emotional wellness. Your emotional health is essential. According to BetterUp, “Emotional well-being is the ability to produce positive emotions, moods, thoughts, and feelings, and adapt when confronted with adversity and stressful situations.”


Self-resilience is foundational to your emotional well-being. Self-resiliency is like a muscle because it becomes stronger as you navigate life’s challenges. An example of self-resilience may be when you are fired from your job.  Instead of viewing this negatively, you can use this as an opportunity to learn new skills to make changes in your career path.


Poor Emotional Well-Being


According to The National Institute For Emotional Wellness, “Emotional wellness refers to an awareness, understanding and acceptance of our feelings, and our ability to manage effectively through challenges and change.” Poor emotional well-being results in:

  • A weaker immune system
  • Hypertension or high blood pressure
  • Increased illness as stress worsens everything from heart issues to psychiatric problems.
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Work problems or difficulties at your workplace
  • Relationship issues with friends, families, or loved ones


When you focus on your positive well-being, your life will begin to improve. You can transition from practicing negative thinking to positive thinking and work to develop a growth mindset. How you think, and the type of mindset you have in life will determine if you successfully achieve your goals.


Social Well-Being


Social well-being or social wellness also contributes to your physical well-being. According to the Health Insurance Fund of Australia, “Social health can be defined as our ability to interact and form relationships with others.” There are health benefits that come from interacting with and being social with people in your daily life. Likewise, people with low social interactions and loneliness are more likely to die younger than those who are more social according to a study called Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy. According to a study from Brigham Young University, loneliness and social isolation can even kill you.


Negative Social Well-Being


Negative social well-being can affect your mental and physical health. The health issues that can result from poor social health are:

  • Suffering a heart attack
  • Chronic disease
  • Mobility issues
  • High blood pressure
  • Raised stress hormones that lead to inflammation
  • Cancer
  • Poor mental health
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Poor immune system
  • Suicidal thoughts and suicide


Positive Social Well-Being


Rather than dealing with the negative health consequences of poor social health, you can work to improve your social health. You can practice self-care in your life. You can work to make friends and maintain the current friendships in your life. You can learn small talk, how to talk to people, and how to read people’s body language. You can reach out to reconnect with an old friend to try to rekindle the friendship. You can be involved in your local community to find like-minded people who share your values. You can interact and meet people at your gym.


Spiritual Well-Being


Spiritual well-being or spiritual health is another area of personal health. If you are religious, spiritual, or agnostic, you can work on your spiritual health. You can practice meditation. You can work on breathing and remaining calm instead of being controlled by anxiety and fear. You can contemplate life and what may come afterward, if anything. You can pray. You can go to church, pray the rosary, or do other religious practices that are part of your belief system.


Related Article: 5 Health Benefits of Meditation And Why Singles Should Meditate During The Holiday Season


Financial Well-Being


Financial well-being or financial health is a critical aspect of your well-being. While this will be covered in more detail below in the money category, your financial well-being will help you in other areas of your life. Paying off or being behind on your student loans, debt, mortgage, credit card bills, career, or being unable to buy the things you need to live can lead to stress. Financial health can directly influence your physical, mental, emotional, and social health by causing stress in your life. However, you can work to improve your financial well-being in your life.


Part 6: Money


One of the most vital things you can learn to manage is your money and finances. However, society does not want to teach people how to manage and grow their money over time. This is especially true in a society based on consumerism, debt, and credit.


Five Different Asset Classes


Key Point: [bctt tweet=”Modern society is based on consumerism, debt, and credit, and to become financially successful, you must learn about investing and how to manage your money.” via=”no”]


According to the Corporate Finance Institute, there are five different financial asset classes. The first financial asset class is stock or equities. The second financial asset class is bonds or other fixed-income investments. The third financial asset class is cash or cash equivalents, such as a money market fund. The fourth financial asset class is real assets such as real estate. The fifth financial asset class is forex, futures, and other derivatives. You can work to diversify your portfolio over time to include each of these five types of financial asset classes. While it is vital to understand the five different financial asset classes, you can start by learning the basics of finance and managing your money.


Basics of Finance


There are some basics of financial education, but you can always continue to educate yourself about money and finance. I was only taught the basic things about money, such as budgeting, the bare minimum about saving, and investing. However, there is much to learn about finance connected to understanding the monetary system, economics, and the best places to get a return on investment. Below is an overview of some of the core financial terms you may come across if you are new to finance and the world of investing. It is by no means a complete list.




It is vital to have a budget. A budget teaches you self-discipline. A budget teaches you how to manage your money. You will also be able to track where your money is going in your bank accounts. You can budget using the envelop method or with budgeting apps. You Need A Budget (YNAB) is one budgeting app that you can use that will sync to your bank accounts. Once you start to manage your money, you can work to spend less than you make and put the extra into your savings accounts.




A savings account is the second checking account you will likely have alongside your checking account. Your savings account is where you can put your money to start accumulating capital in your own life. While savings accounts have low-interest rates right now, you can put your money there until you decide how you want to invest it. Your goal should be to spend less than you make, then put the extra into your savings. This is a way to begin building capital that you invest in different areas to continue growing your wealth over your lifetime.


Related Article: 3 Basic Savings Accounts Singles Can Invest In To Increase The Value Of Their Money And Their Net Worth




As you grow your savings account, you can then start to invest. Investing is a broad term for making money, and there are lots of ways how you can do it. But it is most generally used to invest in the stock market, bonds, and fixed-income investments. You can also invest in real assets like real estate, which will give you consistent passive income as long as you have a tenant renting. You can invest in the different asset classes depending on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Generally, the more risk something has, the higher the return on the investment will be.


Related Article: 5 Simple Finance Habits You Can Integrate Into Your Financial Life As A Single Person




While investing is necessary, you can learn to speculate. You will take more risk speculating than investing, but if you are correct, your reward will be higher than playing it safe by investing in a safe stock. According to Doug Casey of International Man, there are nine secrets for successful speculation.


The first secret is that “contrarianism takes courage.” The second secret is that “success takes discipline.” The third secret is “analysis over emotion.” The fourth secret is to “trust your gut.” The fifth step is to “assume bullshytt.” Bullshytt means anything that may be misleading or empty of meaning. The sixth step is to know that “the trend is your friend.” The seventh secret is “only speculate with money you can afford to lose.” The eighth secret is “stack the odds in your favor.” The final secret is “you can’t kiss all the girls,” which means you will always find another speculative opportunity if you miss one. Just as the soulmate theory, or oneitis, is a myth, there will always be another opportunity.


Related Article: The Obsession with Finding ‘The One’ To Marry

Related Article: Soul Mate Theory 101: The Origin Behind The One


Real Assets


Once you reach a certain point of financial stability, you can start to invest in real assets. These are real assets that you own and are not just digits on a screen. They exist in real life, so you have control over them. Most of these real assets have a higher cost of entry, although you can get a physical asset such as silver which is currently undervalued compared to most other assets in a bubble. Real assets include commodities, real estate, owning a physical or online business, and products that you can sell through a business. Real assets, such as a business or real estate, will generate cash flow while a real asset, such as a commodity, will not.


Work To Achieve Your Financial Goals


The bottom line is that you need to find a way to achieve your financial goals. You are responsible for your situation. It will require you to learn to budget, manage your money, and get more sophisticated in your investment strategies. A financial goal could be buying your own house, investing a certain amount of money each month in the stock market or cryptocurrencies, or saving in precious metals instead of keeping the money you want to save in the bank.

Part 7: Relationships


Key Point: [bctt tweet=”People are naturally social creatures, and it is vital to surround yourself with like-minded people in your community.” via=”no”]


There are three main types of relationships besides romantic relationships. While erotic, romantic, and mania love receive the most attention from society, there are different types of non-romantic love that you can focus on. When you pay less attention to romantic love and instead work to invest in yourself, you will become the person you always wanted to become. You will meet other people who think and share the same values as you along your transformational journey.


Relationship With Yourself


It is essential to have a relationship as you focus and work on yourself in your relationship with yourself. This is called Philautia, or self-love. You need to know yourself by understanding your passions, strengths, and weaknesses. If you are always hating yourself, then you will never learn self-love. You are your own worst enemy, yet you can also be your own best friend. Once you can love yourself as the unique person you are, you will begin to accept yourself despite all of your flaws. When you fully accept yourself and love yourself for who you are, then you can proceed to work to succeed at reaching your life goals.


Related Article: What Is Self-Love And Why Is It Important For Singles?

Related Article: The Art of Self-Love For Singles

Related Article: Big Benefits Of Self-Love — [According To Science]




Familial love is the love of family. Family is essential in the life of singles. While no one has a perfect family, you can work to get along with the family you do have in your life. You could get together with your family once a week for dinner if they live nearby. Or, you could do a phone or video call with your family members to keep current with their lives.




Philia is the love of friendship. You can start to spend more time with your friends. Rather than just making small talk with your friends, you can work to begin to get to know your friends on a deeper level by asking questions. Small talk is just about the weather, what they do, and what they may think about this, from sports to politics. However, in a quality friendship, you will be able to talk about issues and topics that are important to you.


Types of Friends


Best Friend


Everyone wants a best friend. Yet it is tough to turn a friend into a best friend because a few factors will contribute to making a best friend: time, mutual interests, shared values, getting along with each other, and talking to each other regularly. If you have a best friend, consider yourself blessed.




The second type of friend is the friend you spend time with consistently. You see these friends often enough that you know their names, you have had a conversation with them, and you know enough about them that you can start a conversation with them. These friends may invite you out to do something or go to a party because you are on a first-name basis. You would do the same with your friends. However, you will not have deep or meaningful conversations like you would have with your best friend.




Acquaintances are casual friends. These are people whom you may only see every once and a while. You may see them out at your favorite bar, at church, or at the gym. You may know their first names and have had a few conversations with them. However, you don’t know them as well, and you don’t see them as consistently as your friends.




Your work friends, or colleagues, are another type of friends that you may have in your life. This may not apply to you, depending on how much you separate your professional life from your regular life. However, you still have to know your colleagues and get along with them well enough to keep the relationship from getting uncomfortable at your workplace. You do this because you want to please your boss and receive your paycheck, but you also recognize that if you are consistently late, your colleagues must pick up and do extra work that you were responsible for.


“Friends” And “Connections”


In the age of social media, you have “friends” and “connections” on many different platforms. They may be called other things: “friends,” “followers,” or “connections.” However, how many have you met and talked to of the hundreds, thousands, or maybe millions of friends/connections/followers you may have? Those people are not your friends in real life. They are just the digital identity or fake digital identity of someone. The person could not even be natural.


Toxic Friends And Negative People


A toxic friend or a negative person can be a best friend, a friend, an acquaintance, or a colleague at work. These types of people are leeches in your life. They will take away your time, energy, and strengths. Your time, energy, and knowing your strengths will make you successful in life. Toxic people will prevent you from achieving success by making you feel bad about yourself, lowering your self-confidence, and will keep you in a state of negative thinking. Toxic friends and negative people suck out all of the positivity and energy from your life. It would help if you had that positivity and energy to work to achieve your goals. There are many different types of toxic people, but here are three main ones to be aware of as you navigate people in life.


The Victim


The first toxic person to watch out for is the victim. The toxic person who is a victim is often passive-aggressive and always blames others when something goes wrong rather than taking responsibility for their actions.


The Bully


The second type of toxic person is the bully. A bully could be a friend, coworker, or family member who despises uncertainty while having an exaggerated sense of responsibility. Bullies like to control things, especially people in their lives. Some signs that someone is a bully is that they take advantage of you without giving anything in return. They do this by asking people for favors and soliciting free advice. A bully can also yell or be very harsh with you without letting your finish your thought or sentence by interrupting you. They must always have the final word. Bullies love to scrutinize and micromanage every aspect of someone’s life because they live at the expense of other people.


The Gossiper


The third type of toxic person to be wary of is the gossiper. A gossiper loves being the center of attention. They also love to know what everyone is up to and who they are friends with so that they can gossip. Gossipers also live off of drama, and they love nothing better than creating drama so that they can be the center of attention. It can be tiresome to have a gossiper as a friend. That is why they are toxic, plus you never know if they will tell people something that you want to remain a secret or private.


Dealing With Toxic People


It is best to mitigate the toxic people in your life. You can identify the toxic people among your coworkers, friends, and family. You must decide if you want to limit your interaction with a toxic person or completely cut them out of your life. The bottom line is that many toxic people will prevent you from reaching your full potential.


Part 8: Community


Community is vital to your social health and well-being. You can work to spend time in your local community by volunteering, attending a Meetup, going to a local coffee shop or bar or restaurant, or seeing and interacting with people at your gym. More people have started to spend more time alone by staying inside and not getting to know their neighbors and people in their community. Here are six ways to become active in your community.




When you move into a new neighborhood, you can make a point to get to know your neighbors. If you don’t know your neighbors, get to know the people on your street and neighborhood. The perfect opportunity to get to know your neighbors is when you move in, and you can host a housewarming party. Another good way to get to know your neighbors is to drop a letter in their mailboxes and describe your skills and what you bring to the neighborhood. This will make your neighbors see that you are approachable and open to knowing your neighbors.


Related Article: The Ultimate Guide for How to Host a Housewarming Party


Support Your Local Businesses


Another way is to support local businesses in your area instead of big-box chain stores as much as possible. Rather than always going to a chain store to buy what you need, start to go to your local grocery stores, clothing, hardware, or any other type of store when you need something. You can also order from smaller businesses that sell things online.




Supporting non-profits is another way you can be involved in your community. You can donate your time or money to a non-profit or charity you support. You can look up non-profits in your area that need help running fundraisers or volunteers for an event. Giving your time or talents to assist a non-profit is another good way to meet like-minded people in your community.




Volunteering is another way to be involved in your community. You can volunteer for events looking for people to help, organizations, your church, or anything else that may interest you. Volunteering will allow you to meet new people who share similar values as you. This is also an excellent way to get involved and give back to your local community. As a bonus, it has been found that volunteering helps with loneliness!


Be Involved In Your Community


You can start to be actively involved in your community. Another way is that you can be involved in your local community. You can go to local Meetup events. You can meet people at your church. You can meet people at your favorite coffee shop or bar. Another way to be involved in your community is to attend local events. These regional events can range from farmer’s markets and outdoor concerts to something your town or city may celebrate unique to your area each year.


Virtual Community


The final way is to interact with a virtual community on your favorite social media platforms. While the virtual community will never replace the real physical in-person community, it is still an excellent way to network and interact with people online. You can meet people online using apps and social media platforms. You can professionally connect with people on LinkedIn. You can also events in your areas using Facebook and Meetup.


Part 9: Self-Actualization


The previous sections of this article provide a foundation to work towards achieving self-actualization. As you improve yourself daily by focusing on yourself, you will work your way up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You will do this by working on yourself, growing your finances and physiological needs, being involved in your community (love and belonging needs), improving your self-esteem and self-confidence by accomplishing your goals, and finally achieving self-actualization as you realize your full potential.


Society wants to prevent you from achieving your full potential. The dangerous combination of the toxic people you will encounter in your life, limiting beliefs you were raised with by living in a fake society, and being told to conform to it will keep you from self-realization. It is up to you to go on the journey towards self-realization.


Achieve Your Full Potential In Life


From the education system to politicians to employers, society doesn’t want you to learn how to focus on yourself. They don’t want you to understand the basics, especially around money and finances, so that you can be kept in the system and never escape the rat race of life. You can escape, but only if you begin to focus on yourself and work towards self-actualization. How you think directly affects your choices. It is up to you to stop being a people pleaser, going along with the crowd, doing as you are told, and going on a journey of self-discovery to discover your purpose in life. To do that, you must focus on yourself.  It is up to you to achieve your full potential in life.




When you change how you view yourself, you must first change your psychology. This means changing your mindset and where you get your validation from in your life. Ultimately, you can do more than you think you can do because society has programmed you since birth, through school, and by respecting institutions, to delegate responsibility to others when you are responsible for your life. It is up to you if you want to remain society’s captive or break free to unleash your full potential to the world. It will be the latter once you choose to embrace focusing on yourself.

Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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