Going through a divorce is rough. When you get married, you don’t expect to hear anyone say “happily ever, well we actually mean happy for the next eight years or so”. There are many people around the world finding themselves single again.
Your divorce story is different than mine and nor is it the same as your best friend’s breakup. But we do have one thing in common. We find ourselves single again. Maybe you expected it for a while, but then again— perhaps you didn’t.
You can have a bit (or a lot) of transition time getting used to being single again. Before, you once were part of a “we,” and now you’re just a “me.” But being a “me” really isn’t bad once you get used to it.
Why It’s Alright To Be Divorced And Single Again
You can learn to love your “me” time more than you ever did before
Being newly single will take some getting used to, that’s for sure. But once you get into the groove, you’ll find yourself actually enjoying it. There are a few things that will make you go from sick and depressed or anxious to feeling even-keeled, comfortable and hopefully fabulous!
You’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, 40-50% of marriages end up in divorce. About half of all couples don’t get it figured out either!
Here are the 5 simple steps to feeling OK as a divorcee:
Give yourself time to cry it out
Even if your ex-drove you crazy, or you fought all the time— That person was still a big part of your life. You lose something. That person, that security, sharing of space, your heart, your soul and even your body.
You can heal after getting divorced. The next step is to:
Feel your feels
This means not cleaning out your kitchen drawer if you start feeling upset. Heavy emotions can be like a dark tunnel. And you can get through a tunnel to the other side. There is a light there, but you have to walk the path first. Don’t stuff down bad feelings. Get through them.
Talk to someone
Sure talking to your mom or your best friend can help you feel better, but having a therapist is much better. Especially if you have anxiety from your divorce. You can learn about what happened in your relationship. Being in a session with someone who knows what they’re doing is a gift.
Be good to yourself
This is a tough one to hear if you have any self-loathing or have negative thoughts too often. Most people are good at some things. Not all things. You and your partner just didn’t figure out how to do relationships quite right yet.
Just because your marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean you’re a loser or unlovable, but you’ll need to tell yourself daily that you are lovable.
Get yourself a mirror
After my divorce and finding myself single again, I read Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life.” She talked about mirror work. This is when you get out the mirror and say “I love you.”
When I started this process, I didn’t’ like myself, let alone love myself. The tears would well up in my eyes every time I did it for a long while. But I persisted and discovered that I wasn’t so bad. In fact, I’m pretty darn lovable— and so are you!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC.