sad lady giving up on looking for love

When you’re single and looking for love it’s easy to get a little crazy about it. It’s actually very easy to fall into the trap of getting obsessed about finding a partner.

How do I know? Because I’ve been there— done that.

I’d been looking for love for what seems like forever

All. Day. Long. Or rather— all year long. OK, I’ll be honest, since I was 5-years old until recently (and I’ll never tell my age!). Finding love is at the top of so many people’s to-do list because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do. Whether it is from watching too many Disney movies that make the finding a knight in shining armor the fantasy that will make you a happy complete person.

It’s lies. All lies. Played out in cartoons and every little girl’s dreams because their mom’s say things like, “I just wish you would find a good guy.” Or “I just know he’d finally be happy if he just found a woman to marry.”

Thankfully I’ve learned how to enjoy living the single life instead of always looking for love. It’s actually not too hard to do when you’ve already lived an obsessed with finding love life for far too long.

One way to enjoy your single life is first not to enjoy your single life

It may seem messed up, but it’s true.

I know this from experience. Being a co-dependent, always looking for the next boyfriend, lover or partner was at the forefront of my every move. I felt depressed if the next potential beau didn’t work out.

My happiness used to be dependent on someone else’s opinion of me and always on the search for human connection.

Currently, I don’t really care about that and plan on keeping it that way.

When you’re life revolves around finding something outside of your current life, things can be well, annoying and unsatisfying.

So, if you’ve already done the obsessed-with-finding–a-relationship-thing, — you know exactly what I’m talking about.

cat lady stopped looking for love

Several things can go through your mind when looking for love is all you think about

  • I’ll never find love.
  • All the good ones are already taken.
  • There’s nobody in my town.
  • I’m going to have to move to find someone compatible.
  • I will die alone as the weird cat or dog lady (or both!).

This is real stuff that people think about when they’re single. Don’t beat yourself up over because of it. You are not alone.

There is something else about being single. It’s doesn’t mean you’re single, or weird or unlovable.

Being single can also be something totally different than those icky kinds of thought.


When you’re looking for love, yet still single it can also mean some or all of the following:

  • I’m not going to settle.
  • Most people aren’t deserving of my time.
  • The people I spend time with, need to earn it.
  • My passions and my life are more important than what society or my family thinks.
  • You don’t think you deserve it

Stop and tell yourself that you’re going to do me for a change— instead of somebody else.

When you find the power in yourself (at last!) to enjoy your single life. Things will start to shift like gangbusters.

After beating yourself up for being single for too long, you’ll realize it was all a façade to make you and everyone else around you feel better.


You can do life by yourself— and actually do it well. When you tell yourself that you’re awesome just as you are, your life will get better and you won’t worry about looking for love.

So, do yourself a favor and tell yourself something good right now.

Say it as a proclamation to the universe today, or better yet— this very second.

  • I am awesome, just like I am.
  • My singleness doesn’t define me.
  • Being single is a blessing to figure out what it is I really want in my life.

Appreciate nobody hogging the covers or leaving crumbs on the coffee table. Your life is awesome if you give yourself the time to notice it.

Lots of Love,

Dina Colada


Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.


Secure Single provides a forum for a diverse variety of perspectives, ideas, experiences, and resources and does not take official stances. All writers speak exclusively for themselves. Concurrently, any quotes, shares, reposts, interviews, etc. do not imply endorsement by Secure Single LLC or its curators. Now go live your best single life!


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Dina has been mostly single for much of her adult life with lots of dating in between some short, yet growth-centered relationships. She has devoted most of her time to helping singles thrive while on the path to love. She is multi-passionate and loves to connect with other entrepreneurs— Especially ones that are single!
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