After ten years of being a single mom, I have one thing to say. Being a single mom isn’t so bad. In fact— Now I LOVE it!
But it wasn’t always this way. I struggled for a while being a single mom. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. When I was married, I knew even less if you want to know the real truth. I became a dating coach because I wondered why my relationships were always in the gutter. So I decided to dedicate my life to figure it out.
I didn’t know how to communicate— At all. Passive aggressive behavior was my MO. It kept the peace, (so I thought). When you’re taught to please other people, well sometimes you don’t know how to say what you mean. Stirring up the waters wasn’t what I was prepared to do. So shut up and stuffed down my feelings.
But now . . .
Being a single mom means it’s time to shake things up and be a disruptor of the way things used to be.
When you become a single mom, you get to figure out who you are— Really. Being a single mother (especially in the beginning) is hard. Really freaking hard. It can be depressing when you’re single.
Why are we depressed? Because people are built for love and we think if we’re not with someone we get depressed.
We don’t always know how to do love and lose it or leave it. Not only is love hard— Love is hard-wired into our DNA. Love makes out hearts beat and gives us a reason to get up in the morning. But love knows no bounds and we can love when we’re alone. It’s imperative.
Being a single mom does not mean you are loveless.
When you’re a single mom, it’s the very best time to learn about love. Love for yourself, your kids, your family, and those around you.
Just because you’re single and lonely doesn’t mean you are unlovable, and dammit— You must love yourself.
Being a lonely single woman and being bummed out doesn’t have to last forever. I can’t and it won’t.
Being a single mom might be a crazy lifestyle— But with the right shifts in your thinking, you can learn to love being single.
Magical moments happen every day when you’re a single mom.
You may go to bed and think you’re going to be living alone forever— Thankfully you get to go to sleep and give your way-too-active brain a rest. You’ll get to reset your depressed single buttons.
You’re going to wake up tomorrow, and I want you to do something to help you thrive as a single mom.
Do something for the kiddos that need you to be there for them in the best way you can.
Start your day off being present.
Be present with the what you hear, smell, taste, touch, see and feel. See that extra sense I added to the end? That one matters more than you know. Feeling life.
Use all of your senses to get you through the day. If you’re feeling sad, feel it and let it pass. As Carl Jung said, “The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning in it were not balanced by sadness.” Embrace all of your emotions:
And of course— Happiness.
When you’re actively being a single mom— It’s vital for you to give yourself a few minutes a day to get in touch with yourself and feel your emotions.
You may think, “Oh I don’t have time for that.” You can make the time. You have to. If you want to be happy you don’t have a choice.
Get up 5 or 10 minutes early. Give yourself time to allow your senses to unfold gently into your day. Notice the light coming through the curtains. Smell the candle by your bed. Listen to your heart beating. Feel your breath going in and out of your nose. Cuddle up in the cover and feel that cushy pillow.
Then give yourself and your kids a big hug and know that this is where you’re supposed to be— Embraced in love.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at DinaColada.com for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.