The English language is an imprecise language compared to other languages, especially classical languages such as Greek. Love in the English language could mean a range of things from loving one’s wife or husband to loving chocolate. English does not clarify what type of love a person means when one says “love.” The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy expounds on this problem by explaining that because love is “broadly defined and hence imprecise, which generates first order problems of definition and meaning, which are resolved to some extent by the reference to the Greek terms, eros, philia, and agape.” Society celebrates Valentine’s Day as a day devoted to romantic love while dismissing philia and agape love in favor of erotic love.
Erotic love is the type of love commonly associated with love by modern society and the type of love that Valentine’s Day celebrates today. Erotic love, or eros, IEP explains “refer[s] to that part of love constituting a passionate, intense desire for something; it is often referred to as a sexual desire, hence the modern notion of “erotic” (Greek erotikos)”. However, the modern notion of erotic love is not what Plato had in mind in Phaedrus. When Plato talks about erotikos in Phaedrus he describes a love that is universally known by humanity and transcends a particular beauty of an individual. Practically, this means that an individual’s particular beauty points to the higher form of Beauty that is in the world of Forms or Ideas following Plato’s Theory of Forms. However, Aristotle’s conception of romantic love recognizes that there is a “special love two people find in each other’s virtues-one soul and two bodies” (Ibid). It is Aristotle’s version of romantic love between two people that is understood today by modern society and the kind that is being celebrated this Valentine’s Day. For most singles in the state of singlehood, romantic and erotic love is the type of love that one does not normally experience in life until a single person transitions from singlehood to a romantic relationship.
The type of love most singles experience is what the Greeks called philia. The classic Greek philosopher Aristotle elaborates upon philia in Rhetoric noting that “things that cause friendship are: doing kindnesses; doing them unasked; and not proclaiming the fact when they are done” (Rhetoric, II. 4). The love of philia is associated with appreciating ones’ friends, family, loyalties, and different communities that one is involved with in life. This means that there are different types and different levels of philia from having best friends, to family, and to professional work relationships. For single people, phila will be the most common love that singles will experience during single life. This Valentine’s Day, celebrate philia love with your fellow single friends by doing something different than what the modern holiday celebrates this Sunday.
Agape is the final type of love that the classical world separated from eros and philia. While philia distinguishes between different levels of friendships between people and eros is romantic –and devoted love to ideals—love between lovers or partners, agape “refers to the paternal love of God for man and of man for God” (IEP). Agape love is a universal love that applies to all of humanity. This is the Golden Rule to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and to love your enemies. This incorporates personal self-love with loving others. Everyone is capable and able to experience agape love by either a relationship with a spiritual entity or by showing love to all of humanity. Single people and married people can share and grow in agape love between friends and with people that they have never met as well as by showing respect between those who are single and those who are married. Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Remember that Valentine’s Day only celebrates one type of love in a very narrow sense: eros. Single people should be able to celebrate the holiday too by celebrating philia love with their friends and family. Valentine’s Day should also be used to celebrate universal humanity and to apply the Golden Rule of to love others, and your enemies, as you love yourself on the holiday. These three distinct loves are often forgotten because the English language is imprecise. Reconsider the love that society celebrates on Valentine’s Day and celebrate philia or agape love instead this Sunday.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It has been 2016 now for nearly two weeks. The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions is more common in the West than in the East, but both hemispheres take part in the tradition. New Year’s resolutions will vary from person to person and the goals that each person seeks to achieve for the next year. Secure Single has made a list of sixteen New Year’s resolutions that single people should consider making, or acting on, in 2016.
- Write down who your five closest friends are and stay connected with each about both the good and bad things happening in life.
- Ask someone who you think is interesting to coffee, lunch, or dinner and get to know that person more as a friend. (Asking a single person to do either of those things does not necessarily make it a date.)
- Write down two, five year, and ten-year goals for your life that you want to achieve and work on making them become reality.
- Volunteer at a food bank, soup kitchen, or for a cause that you want to spend your time giving back to your community.
- Call your parents and siblings once a month.
- Do not use your phone at the table when you are with others for coffee, lunch, or dinner.
- Do not go out to eat as much and learn how to cook.
- Learn how to successfully keep a budget and work on paying off any debt that you may have this year.
- Explore your city or town.
- Clean and organize your house or apartment.
- Read a book that you have been meaning to read.
- Read, respect, and consider the opposing sides arguments on topics and subjects that you disagree and learn how to respectfully make your case with those with whom you disagree about politics, philosophy, and religion.
- Get the recommended amount of sleep (7 to 10 hours).
- Arrive to work, events, and meetings on time.
- Take an online class or get lessons on a subject that you want to learn.
- Spend less time on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, or [insert favorite social media here].
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
December 2015 is nearing an end as January 2016 becomes nearer every day. The different holiday parties are winding down for the busy holiday season, but New Year’s is the final big celebration for 2015 to bring in 2016. It can be difficult to host parties as a single person. If you have never hosted a party before, below is a list of ten things to make sure to have prepared before and at the time of the event. Here are ten ways to make hosting a holiday or New Year’s party easier as a single person.
- Greet all of your guests who come, welcome them to the party, and take their coats. Be a good host.
- Fill a punch bow with your favorite punch or eggnog for the holiday event for the primary drink for the party. Provide wine and beer for guests at the party too.
- Clean and organize everything at your place before your guests arrive to the party that you are hosting.
- Buy or make your own vegetable and fruit trays. Make your own or pre-order a meat and cheese platter for the number of guests to attend the party.
- Provide crackers, chips, and salsa and Guacamole for snacks for guests.
- If you have time to cook, cook easy party recipes such as stuffed peppers, cheese and crackers, and bacon-wrapped apricots with sage. Be sure to cook ahead of time!
- Play music to the event festive to create the right atmosphere for the event.
- Provide water and soda for guests at the event who do not want to drink alcoholic beverages.
- Clean your place ahead of time, especially the living area and the bathroom. Decorate you apartment or house with simple decorations that you can find at your favorite grocery store, store, or the dollar store.
- Send out invitations, email or Facebook event invites, at least two weeks ahead of time so that people are aware of the event and can plan to attend the event.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The holiday season can be a rough time of the year. It is a time of travel. It is a time of seeing and talking to those family members or old friends that you only see one time a year. The holidays are busy with baking, cooking, and eating with family and relatives. If you are in a romantic relationship, then you will have to meet all of your significant other’s family members eventually during this season. The holidays, even as a single person can be tiring, that is why Secure Single has compiled a list of ten thoughts on being single during the holidays:
- Be confident in your independence as a single person! Don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend? So what! Celebrate your singlehood or singleness. Be a secure single!
- Celebrate the holidays and bring in the New Year exactly how you wish without having to compromise by negotiating with a significant other!
- You don’t have to visit your boyfriend or girlfriends family over the holidays. Hang out with your favorite friends and don’t worry about going out during the holiday season to do the things that you want to do!
- Spoil yourself by getting exactly what you want for Christmas!
- Have fun around the mistletoe at holiday parties since you don’t have a significant other.
- Have fun! Do crazy things in a Santa Morphsuit in your city or your favorite bar. Have a friend who wants to join you? Be a Santa and Elf duo! You can purchase the morphsuits here:
- Don’t want to travel home or to a significant other’s place during the holidays? You don’t have to because you are single and not tied down in a romantic relationship!
- You are responsible for your own happiness. Another person cannot help you find what makes you truly happy since they are not you!
- You don’t have to decorate for the holidays if you don’t want to.
- You don’t have to answer questions about your current relationship, how things are going, where you see it going, and if he/she is ‘the One’ since you are single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The holidays are a crazy time of the year. Holidays are considered a time when people should visit and get together with their family and loved ones. It is a time of year where, depending on how serious your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may visit your significant other’s family over Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years. As a single person, however, the holidays are tough since bringing a date to different events are considered normal and encouraged during the holidays. Single people should participate in a variety of holiday events while making time for themselves and their single friends.
Single people should hang out with all of their friends during the holidays. Single people should spend time with their friends who are dating. Single people should spend time with their friends who are married. But most importantly, single people should make sure to spend time with their fellow single friends during the holidays. Singles should not be afraid to go out and attend a variety of holiday events by themselves.
The number of events between Thanksgiving and New Years dramatically increase during the holidays. The holidays can be a great time to be a single person. As a single person, it is easier for an individual to attend a variety of events that the major cities and meet new people compared to a couple. Attend holiday events that are of interest and network, hang out with new people, and consider inviting other single people to events. The number of activities that a single person can attend and the purpose for attending each particular holiday event will vary depending on the event and an individual’s reasons for going to events.
So if you are single during the holidays, do not be afraid of putting yourself out there. Take advantage of all the different and fun events that the holidays offer to you. Spend time with those who you enjoy hanging out with, but especially make time to hang out with your fellow single friends.