When you’re coupled up, and in love, it seems natural to enjoy Valentine’s Day. You can reminisce about how you met and the love you share (hopefully) today
But if you’re in the camp of solo singles, you might find it a little harder to enjoy Valentine’s Day and rightly so. Especially if you don’t want to be single. It can pull at your broken heartstrings a little or even a lot.
11 Ways Single Women Can Make Valentine’s Day Alone Special
Even if you don’t have a significant other, you can still enjoy Valentine’s Day alone. Seriously
First thing’s first. Make sure you do something good for yourself on February 14. This is a great day to get a pedicure (one of my favorite things to do!). I just got out of the massage chair myself while I got my toes painted and my legs massages. It’s my pre-Valentine’s Day treat to myself. And if you do want to be in a relationship . . .
Don’t make a New Year’s resolution, instead set relationship goals
Imagine in your head what a perfect day with a partner would look like and feel like to you. But there is a catch. Do this only if it doesn’t make you feel sad or depressed. After all, Valentine’s Day is just another day with some rather creepy beginnings. And if you do want a partner, you’ve got to stay the course. So onto the next step.
If you don’t want to spend another Valentine’s Day alone make a big list
It’s time to get clear on what you want in a relationship STAT. That is if you want a boyfriend, partner or husband sometime in the future. If you’re going to get hitched up, if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day alone, it’s the perfect time to get your pen an paper out.
This list is everything you want in a partner, and I mean everything
Write out everything in detail about what you truly want in a man. Because the Universe will give you want you to want (on its own time of course). The first list I made was right after I separated from my now ex-husband.
I was in therapy (and a complete hot mess), like many people after messy breakup or divorce
Therapy was a weekly thing in my life (thank God). Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have gotten through that dark night of the soul time in my life. Spending Valentine’s Day alone can feel like this too. I know, because I’ve been there. When you’re newly single it’s especially hard.
Like I always say, it’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone
So when you’re creating your list, focus on the positive traits of any past partners if they happen to come up while you’re writing out your bulleted “perfect man” list. Think about all the things you like. Gary’s eyes, Bill’s bank account, or Jerome and his incredible lovemaking. Whatever stuff you’ve had in the past and loved, bring these things to the forefront of your mind and your pen.
After you’re all done writing all the things you want, stash your paper away and leave things up to God, the Universe, or even OK Cupid do the work. Next thing’s next. There are lots of things you can do when you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
Forget about being single, and forget about looking for a man
Because once you let things go, the world has a way of making the right person or connection pop into your life. My previous focus was always on finding a man, even if it was for a casual date. That was part of my process as a dating coach. I wanted to know what I was talking about when it came to everything dating. So my focus was on dating for ten solid years, but it also kept me kind of stuck.
If you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up the hill when you’re newly single on Valentines, it’s better to take a break from the man-hunt
When things are not feeling good, you need to take a step back and let things be. Now is the time to focus on your other goals, not just the purposes of the relationship kind. And if focusing on your career goals don’t feel right, let those go just for today too.
When you want to make Valentine’s Day special— focus on what makes you happy right now
Don’t just think about what makes you happy, do it! If you grew up Ice skating or baking with your Grandmother, do it today, or at least schedule it this week or next. I know life gets int he way of always doing what you want. Have a glass of wine or eat a cookie if that’ll make you feel right at the moment. But don’t just feed your stomach’s cravings.
Do something that feeds not just your belly but feeds your soul (and doesn’t have to do with a man)
And I’m not talking about chitlins or fried chicken. I’m talking about things that make you genuinely feel alive (or used to). What is something that you love doing but maybe haven’t done since you were in college or even as far back as when you were a little girl?
Now write about at least one thing you remember doing that made you feel like you just ran a 5k or climbed a giant mountain. Your adrenaline was pumping, your heart was singing, and you were smiling from the inside out?
You could have been laughing with your cousin or your best friend when you were just starting middle school. Or maybe you rescued a kitten from the side of the road. Did you score the winning basket when you played basketball in High School?
Valentine’s Day when you’re single is a time to think back to a moment in time that was one of the juiciest moments in your life
Maybe it was when you got your first job and received your very first paycheck. Or when you graduated High school and finally felt like you had true freedom. Imagine the feelings you had when this incredible experience was in your life.
Summary
You felt full of joy and were fulfilled entirely. You were on top of the world, and nothing could even come close to changing the way you felt. Write about that moment. Tap into those feelings and bring them back into your present.
When you feel joy, your heart will expand, and everyone will feel it, especially you!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Valentine’s Day can be a challenge for the newly single. Even if you’ve been single for years, February 14 can be a trigger. There’s a mythology around Valentine’s Day that presumes all of us are less worthy if we don’t have a partner. But you don’t have to drown your sorrows in a huge box of chocolates (unless, of course, you want to!) while binge-watching romantic comedies.
If Valentine’s Day as a single seems depressing or anxiety-provoking, we have some suggestions to embrace the 14th of February.
9 Steps To Embrace Valentine’s Day For The Newly Single
A Box Full of Valentines. Remember third grade? The teacher made you bring a card for everyone in the class. Buy a pack of old school valentines and give to your coworkers or friends.
Conversation Hearts. Take time to call a family member or neighbor who might be alone. Valentine’s Day can be hard for seniors and people struggling with ill health.
Puppy Love. Visit a local animal shelter to play with the dogs. There’s nothing like puppy kisses to put you in a good mood.
Be your own Significant Other. Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers or bring in your favorite dinner. Pour yourself a glass of wine. And don’t forget dessert!
Happy Galentine’s — or Guyentine’s Day. It may have become a bit of a cliche but Galentine’s Day is a great opportunity to let your “girls” know how much you appreciate them. The London West Hollywood in Beverly Hills is offering a posh Galentine’s Package for you and up to 9 of your closest pals. The package includes a private floral arrangement workshop on the rooftop, welcome champagne and cocktails, as well as hair and makeup at the salon and a photography session with a professional influencer. Then, you and your pals can enjoy a private dining experience in the hotel’s restaurant. All this comes at a posh price tag of $10,000.
Closer to Home. For a more down home experience, invite other single friends over for Happy Hour. Host a potluck game night. Ask your friends to bring a single friend.
Pump up those endorphins. Take your favorite exercise class or try a new one. Try spin, barre, yoga, or a circuit class.
Do your own thing. In “Bridget Jones Diary,” Renee Zellweger got in touch with her inner torch singer, drinking red wine in her comfy clothes. If all else fails, give yourself permission to wallow, just for one night.
Remember, Valentine’s Day is just another day.
The key to surviving or, better yet, thriving, on holidays as a single is to make plans with friends or other singles. Treat yourself and practice self-care. Celebrate friendship or your kids. Be grateful for what you do have in your life. And if you need to take some time to drown your sorrows under the covers with a pint of ice cream and your favorite rom-com, go ahead. Tomorrow is February 15 and another chance to embrace where you are!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
“Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing love. Love lifts up where we belong. All you need is love!” – Moulin Rouge, “Elephant Love Medley”
All you need is love! That is the message that pop songs, movies, society, and Valentine’s Day send to singles. Is love all that you need to live a happy and meaningful life? There are many different types of love. All you need is love but it does not need to be romantic love. All you need is love and here are six other types of love that singles can embrace to escape the love game.
All You Need Is Love? Singles Love Game
Love Your Neighbor
It is important to love your neighbor as yourself because it is attributed to a living a virtuous life. The virtues that stem from loving your neighbor as yourself include courage, temperance, liberality, magnificence, pride, honor, good temper, friendliness, truthfulness, wit, friendship, and justice. These twelve virtues lead to a well-ordered soul and eudaimonia. These are the best activities which humans are capable of doing to others and in society while displaying self-realization and self-love.
Love Yourself
Love yourself and love who you are as a person! Self-love is important because it combines self-acceptance, self-possession, self-awareness, kindness, and respect for yourself. Once you fully accept yourself and are aware of yourself as a person it leads to treating and respecting yourself better and being able to direct and control yourself. This self-love will better help to direct your desires, passions, and ambitions so that you can achieve your goals. However, self-love is difficult because you know everything that you have done, good or bad, and you have to live with yourself which makes you your hardest critic. Despite that difficult, learn to love yourself and to come to terms with who you are as a person.
Love of Country
Love of country, or patriotism, is important because it is an attachment or commitment to one’s country, nation, or political community. Patriotism is important because you are part of your country and you can work to direct change in your country through political and social involvement in politics. Love of country is for your nation but it can go down to your state, local, and community levels. Make a point to be involved in politics and in your community to work to change it into what you want them to look like in the next one, five, ten, and more years. Leave a country that you are proud of to future generations of single people.
Agape
Agape love is unconditional and compassionate love. This love is about sharing humanity with people. You can be compassionate and emphatic towards others because they are human, just like you. They are equal to you and have the same natural rights as you. It does not matter where they come from or the walk of life that they come because everyone is human. That is agape love.
Storge
Storge is familial love. This is an unforced, natural, and instinctual love. Everyone has a family. You may not always get along but you are connected blood, genealogy, and you are part of that family from birth. It is natural and intrinsic love. If you are a single who wants to date and eventually marry, you may experience this love as well between you and your spouse along with children as you start a family.
Phileo
Affection, fondness, and liking others is phileo love. This love is focused on caring and being kind towards other people who you may like or dislike. This is the friendship love. You have various ranges of friendships from a best friend, acquaintances, colleagues, and people who you meet in you daily life. Practice phileo love towards people in a society that become more antagonistic towards people who do not share your worldview. Be kind to others singles.
Summary
Let’s play a love game! No, it’s not that love game! This Valentine’s Day you don’t need to feel bad that you don’t have a date to celebrate romantic love. Instead, you can focus on these six types of love: love of neighbor, self-love, patriotism, agape, storge, and phileo. There is more to life than romantic love and these six types of love for singles: love yourself, your neighbor, humanity, your family, your friends, and your country. It is up to choose the order of these different loves. All you need is love? Yes, but it does not need to be romantic erotic love singles! Are you in the game?
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The origin of Valentine’s Day doesn’t get much press. What was once a dark and bloody time has turned into cupids, roses, and candy. Hmm. . . Maybe that’s why there’s so much red associated with this kissy face day.
The Dark Side — The Origin Of Valentine’s Day
The origin of Valentine’s Day might surprise you
At NPR Arnie Seipel discovered some questionable antics in ancient Rome. There was a party called the feast of Lupercalia. Here men would capture a goat and a dog then sacrifice them. They would then hit the women with the animal hides of these poor creatures.
As an effect, this was supposed to make women more fertile. The women lined up for the cause. Then all the ladies would have their name in a jar. Then the “lady lottery” would begin. Men would choose a name and they would be coupled up for the feast, or longer if they had a good match.
These not-so-feminist Valentine’s Day history facts, make me thankful to be alive today
Now I feel empowered. But it didn’t use to be that way. My Modus Operandi use to be bending over backward to please a man. This was for the reason that I thought I “needed” a man to be complete. Just like the famous line from Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. “You complete me.” I learned it was time for some self-love for myself.
I wasn’t quite living like the Romans but I put up with more than I should have
But wait — there’s more to the weirdly sadistic St Valentine’s Day history. Two men were executed on February 14th of two different years in the 3rd Century AD. The wish of Emperor Claudius II sealed their non-breathing fate. The origin of St Valentine’s Day was also helped by Pope Gelasius. He joined the Lupercalia fest with Valentine’s Day. This was to get rid of the pagan rituals. Thanks, Pope.
This was a step in the right direction for relationships and men not to hit women
This combination of a pagan holiday was formed into a more Christian based holiday, but old habits die hard. People were still drinking wine and hitting on each other but in a different way. It remained the day for love and hopefully fertile women. But publically people left their clothes on, unlike the Lupercalia feast.
A little Valentine’s Day romance never hurt anyone, so romance yourself
A little later in the history of Saint Valentine’s Day celebration, it was promoted by Shakespeare and Chaucer. They made Valentine’s Day seem romantic for lovers. The snakey St Valentine’s Day history eventually led the holiday to the Americas. Where you can now choose to take your clothes off if you want to without getting beaten. But there is still work to do in the human rights department, maybe promoting love with cards is a good thing.
Hallmark took the handmade card for lovers to a whole new level by mass producing cards in 1913. Valentine’s Day will never be the same (Thank God!). I’ll eat cheap candy in a heart-shaped box any day while I embrace the fact that progression is being made. I don’t care if it supports a 19.6 billion dollar industry.
So you can choose to look at Valentine’s Day with disgust or with love
If I had to spend all of my money to make every man and woman treat each other fairly, with love and respect, I would do it. Coupled or single. I’ll also wait in line to eat overpriced lobster, and heart-shaped chocolate cake with my friends, joyfully.
Summary
Even if you’re single, you can celebrate that times are changing. Get your single self a box of candy for Valentine’s Day, eat some of it in the bathtub and be glad you’re not living like the Romans.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Getting the skill of handling the pressure of finding a Valentine’s date when you’re single will trickle out into your daily life. If it feels like it’s just too much pressure, there is a step by step thing you can do let off some steam and let it go. Watch out! She’s ready to blow!
Learning how to handle pressure when you’re single isn’t just about having a Valentine’s date, it’s about everything
Especially if your friends and family say things like, “If he’d only find a nice girl,” or “It’s almost that time of the year again.” How about “You poor thing, o you have Valentine’s date yet honey?”
No Valentine’s Date? How To Handle The Pressure When You’re Single
Nope. Uh-uh. Not even close to having a Valentine’s date. Thanks for reminding me
So, whaddya do then? Let the pressure build up until it feels like it’s eating you from the inside out? Or something else? Let’s go with something else. You can learn some simple life skills right now! The first step of how to handle the pressure of not having a Valentine’s date yet is too. . .
Keep calm
I know this is easier said than done, but if you can keep your composure, no matter what happens, it will put you a step above the annoying questions and comments of not having Valentine’s date.
What do you do if you do lose your cool?
If someone triggers you, pisses you off, or makes you feel insecure and emotional, take a step back. This means hanging up the phone, going to the bathroom or even taking a walk around the block.
Don’t allow what someone else’s opinion or what they say to become your truth. You are the ultimate ruler of your world, and how you respond to anything. When you take responsibility for you, and not the other person, your life will become easier.
Put your focus on whatever takes your mind off not having a Valentine’s date
Focus on what you need to do to be satisfied with yourself right now. Because wherever you are is where you’re supposed to be. And if you do want to be dating someone keep your eye on the prize.
Focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t have
This is hard if you’re used to a lack mindset. Instead of thinking about getting married, or having a Valentine’s date this year, be thankful for what you’ve got.
Yes. Be grateful about anything, and be thankful often.
Another trick is to make a list of things you are thankful for right now
It can be a good friend, your cat or even your pillow. It’s not rocket science. Just take a look around you. You have transportation. If you don’t have a car, you probably have a bus, an Uber, a bike or even a mobility scooter. According to the Heart Math Institute, being grateful helps your emotional well-being.
You have lots of things available to you to make your life easier. Many of these things are at your fingertips. Think about your light switch the running water in your faucet, or your smartphone that gives you access to almost anything in an instant.
When you focus on the things that make your life easier, it won’t seem so sorry that you don’t have a Valentine’s date this year. Create a list of what you do have, and it will help you release the pressure bit by bit. You can also get some New Year’s Resolutions ideas here too!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The couples holiday Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching on February 14th. While the modern rendition of the holiday is made for couples, there are ways that singles can enjoy Valentine’s Day single too. You can celebrate Valentine’s Day single. This is a guide for how to enjoy Valentine’s Day single for singles who celebrate the holiday. Here are fourteen things singles can do this Valentine’s Day single.
14 Ways To Celebrate Valentine’s Day Single Without An Obligatory Date
Celebrate Yourself
Being single is often viewed as a time of life that is not beneficial to you or to anyone else while dating and marriage are made into a portrait of what the correct life is supposed to look like by society. That is a false image. Being single is awesome! Celebrate yourself, who you are, and do the things that you love. No one will ever know you like yourself so celebrate this Valentine’s Day!
Make It Friendsvalentine Day
Modern Valentine’s Day only celebrates romantic love. There are other types of love as well. This Valentine’s Day, get together with your best friend and commemorate your friendship! Have a Friendsalentine! Make your Valentine’s Day single a chance to get to know your friend better.
Celebrate Your Family
Storge is the love of family. It is a natural familial love between parents and children. You can celebrate your family this Valentine’s Day. Get together with your siblings and parents, and cheers to your family and storge love. Call your family, do a video call, or get together with your family at your house, apartment, or go out to a restaurant. If your family pressures you to date, then you can have some prepared responses. Celebrate your family and not being in a romantic relationship this Valentine’s Day.
Contemplate The Different Types of Love
There are many different types of love, but the English language is imprecise which makes it difficult to differentiate between different types of love. That was not the case with classical philosophy which has observed and contemplated three types of love: eros, philia, and agape. This Valentine’s Day, critically analyze the nature of love or go to your favorite library and read Plato or another famous classical philosopher. While you are reading classical philosophy, brush up on the origin story of soulmates and true love because people and society are infatuated by that myth.
Make It Your Day
Valentine’s Day is a day that has been made into a day for couples to check off for a required date. This Valentine’s Day make it your day! You do you. Do anything that you want to do because you are a unique person that adds to this world.
Not Having To Spend Money On An Obligatory Date Night
Be happy that you are not in a relationship that forces you to waste money on an obligatory date, low-quality chocolate, and expensive roses. That is money that you have saved today just for being single. It is up to you how you want to save or spend that money that would go towards Valentine’s Date today if you had one.
Bubble Bath And A Glass of Wine
A classic option for singles to do on Valentine’s Day. Use your time in the bubble bath savoring your glass of wine, thinking about why you enjoy being single instead of that you are missing out on the holiday by not having a date.
Make A List Of All the Reasons Why You Enjoy Being Single
Instead of moping around your apartment or house while your roommate or your friend has an obligatory Valentine’s date, make a list of all the reasons why you enjoy being single. The single life is a time to thrive as a person instead of trying to always find someone to date and to marry. Singles are healthier than couples and these are five facts that can start your list.
Make A Dinner Reservation For One
Do you want to stand out on Valentine’s Day? Do you want to be that person that people ask, what is that person doing here? Celebrate yourself by dining out at a restaurant that you have been wanting to try. Restaurants often have prix fixe meals on Valentine’s Day. It’s a great way to try more than one dish at a restaurant while saving some money. As for those couples looking at you perplexed, enjoy yourself and know that you are free and are not part of society’s couples wall. Have a Valentine’s Day single dinner for one this year!
Cocktail For One
Find a bar or cocktail lounge that makes cocktails and cheer to the single life!
Spoil Yourself
Couples are spoiling their lovers, significant others, partners, or spouses with cheap chocolate and roses. Why can’t you spoil yourself? Buy a nice box of chocolate, a bottle of wine (or drink of choice, and anything else that you want to spoil yourself. Make this Valentine’s Day a Me Day.
Freedom
As you observe couples on Valentine’s Day, while they may be happy being together they are celebrating on Valentine’s Day having a ball and chain that limits the choices that they can make and the opportunities that they can take. A romantic relationship takes away the freedom of the single life. Acknowledge the freedom and the other values that come with the single life this Valentine’s Day single.
Do Something that You Have Never Done Before
Make Valentine’s Day a day of adventure. Try something new! Go to a new restaurant. Explore your city. Use the freedom of the single life to do something exciting that you could not do this holiday if you had to go on a cheesy date on Valentine’s Day. Have a Valentine’s Day single day that is unique and different from what all the couples will be doing on the holiday.
Educate Yourself About the History of Valentine’s Day
Modern Valentine’s Day has become synonymous with dinner reservations, cheap chocolate, expensive roses, and hoping to get lucky with a date on the holiday. It was not always like this. It was historically a fertility holiday where men would sacrifice an animal, then use the skin of the animal to hit women because it was believed that doing this it would make women fertile. A Roman emperor later outlawed marriage and Saint Valentine illegally performed marriages until he was martyred. Brush up on the real history behind Valentine’s Day instead and question why the masses are celebrating the holiday.
Conclusion
There are fourteen ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day single in 2018. Don’t let couples get you down about being single, instead, make couples jealous of you being single this Valentine’s Day. You have the freedom and you don’t have to waste money on a bad date and dinner this year. Love yourself. Love being single. Love the single life this Valentine’s Day!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You may notice that while you are walking down the aisles of the grocery store you can see pink and red balloons, candy hearts, and red roses. Looks like it’s almost Valentine’s Day! *Shrug* But who really cares, as a single person? All that lovey-dovey stuff just seems like a bunch of fluff, and can really make a person sick. What we really want is a night out at the bar with friends, or to stay in while wearing our pj’s and watching House of Cards. Really though, when you’re not a participant, it can be very overwhelming to see all this ‘love in the air’. Get ready, cause we’re about to hold our breath! Need help surviving this season? Check out our ultimate Valentine’s Day survival guide for all the single ladies.
A Single Ladies Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
Step 1. Learn To Tune It Out
When you’re single it’s nice to not have to worry about taking another out for a fancy dinner. In fact, most millennials are single and being single is on the rise. There is so much pressure from our parents and older generations that make us feel like we ‘have-to’ get into a relationship. People act like you’ve got the plague when you tell them you’re single, and simply reply, ‘Oh honey, let me help you!’ The truth of the matter is that some of us don’t really care. We want to do our thing, be independent, and enjoy ourselves while we’re young, wild, and free. So tune out all that garb, and focus on you!
Step 2. Recognize That Love Can Sometimes Equal Lust
Sometimes people who are in-love’ may just only be ‘in-lust’. So if you’re comparing yourself to the Joneses who seem to have a perfect relationship, realize that everyone has issues. Believe me, if we all put our problems on the street collectively, we would see everyone else’s and run to get ours back! Sometimes relationships make everything much harder. There are some people who are in love, which makes you happy that they’ve found happiness, but there are also others who force it and are just in lust. Be glad you don’t have to navigate those waters as a single guy or gal.
Step 3. Celebrate National Singles Awareness Day with Pride!
With everyone posing on social media all the flowers and chocolates from their Valentine, go forward and post a picture with you and your friends for National Singles Awareness Day! This Valentine’s Day survival guide says that you should also enjoy being single! Couples in love may have their spotlight, but you can have yours as well. Be proud of who you are, your single-status, and your job. Keep moving forward in your life. Relationship statuses don’t matter. Work hard to make things happen, and celebrate yourself every step of the way with your family and friends. Move forward and take this. #FriendsSelfie
Step 4. Be With Friends
If you’re celebrating National Singles Awareness Day, and you’re solo, then pick up the phone to dial a friend. What better way to celebrate a holiday than just to be with your amazing friends who build you up? I would say that’s a pretty good trade. Friendships enrich our lives.
Step 5. Get Ready for Bigger Things
Life is an amazing adventure. When you think bigger, and believe in yourself, you can bring some pretty incredible experiences into your life. Think about what you want to do in your career, with your friendships, and where you want to travel. One step you can do today, is to take a piece of paper out and begin to write out what you want your life to look like. Everything in our lives is a creation of our thoughts, so you want to make sure you are going for bigger and better things. Think big!
Summary
It does not matter what kind of single you are, whether recently broken up or a longtime proponent, Valentine’s Day can seem like a lot of fluff. This holiday season, be prepared to focus on other things and get out with your friends. There is more to life than romance, so go find beauty where you can and take your friends with you. Be the best you can be this Valentine’s Day, er I mean, National Singles Awareness Day! Hope this Valentine’s Day survival guide helps you to make the most of the holiday. Treat yourself to good times with friends, Netflix, and candy. Stay secure singles!
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. Modern Valentine’s Day celebrates everything society worships: romantic relationships, erotic love, true love, and finding the one. Those are the four things that modern Valentine’s Day celebrates today. Those historically were not associated with the holiday, but society and values change over time while some things remain the same throughout history. This Valentine’s Day it is okay for singles to give up on erotic and true love, temporarily or permanently, because there is more to life than romantic love and finding the one.
Why Singles Should Give Up On Romantic Love This Valentine’s Day
People characterize you as being a negative or a bad person if you say that you have given up on love. The follow up question that is never asked is if it is only temporary or a lifelong decision. People and society, when talking about love, mean erotic love instead of other types of love. Just because you have given up on finding true love does not mean that you have given up on all love. That is an important distinction that often is not discussed by people when the subject of love, dating, and relationships come up with family or friends. By giving up on one type of love does not mean that you are abandoning the loves of storge, phileo, and agape.
The three other types of love are forgotten in a society that places a paramount on romantic love. Singles should value their family. Storge is the love of family. Friends are important in the life of singles. Phileo is a relational and companionship love that is found in friendship. There is also agape love. Agape love is the love of charity and of sacrifice. Love is still important for singles to have in life. There is no need for love to be erotic since it is romantic love that modern Valentine’s Day celebrates.
By refocusing on other types of love that are beneficial in life, singles will not be distracted the myths of true love and of finding a soulmate. The problem with true love is that there can only be one person who you can love. People often divorce and marry someone because they fell in love again with someone they believe that this is true love. The love that they had in the first marriage was not true love. The eternal search for true love contributes to the never ending cycle of divorce and marrying again. True love connects with finding one’s soulmate. If there is only one person who can complete you and you married the wrong person, then why shouldn’t you divorce them to find your true love? These two romantic myths are elevated by society and marketed by the media that people believe them as true without knowing the history behind the soulmate theory.
There are different types of singles. Some singles do want to date and to marry. There are others who are taking a break from relationships. There are yet others who are single by choice or who have chosen to be celibate who are not interested at all in having a romantic relationship. The singles who fall somewhere in the last two categories are the ones who should give up on love this Valentine’s Day. You should know which type of single you are and how the goal of finding romantic love fits into your life. If it does not, say no to romantic love this Valentine’s Day.
Give up on the myth of true love that directly connects to the soul mate theory singles. All you need is love. No thanks! You can love yourself, your family, your friends, and you can sacrifice your wants and needs by volunteering and serving others. Fight modern Valentine’s Day this year by celebrating other types of love and say no to romantic love.
Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Singles everywhere are ditching the nationally recognized holiday in February known as Valentine’s Day to relieve themselves of the pressure to find a date. It’s true that advertisements make it look like everybody and their mother has special plans for Valentine’s day. You don’t have to feel alone, and you can be single while surviving this terrible lover-centric month. Who needs all that gushy stuff, anyway? Love is complicated, and being single is just less painless and even more liberating. Here are five things you need to know about Valentine’s Day.
Forget Having A Lover Or A Date This Valentine’s Day
The Majority of Singles Aren’t Rushing To Get A Date, And Neither Should You
To keep your cool, remind yourself that you don’t have to have a date for Valentine’s Day. Know that not everyone celebrates romance this month, even if subliminal marketing tells us so. Remember that singles outnumber married couples. Following the crowd and folding your values is not cool. Keep it real by finding something else to do, like playing basketball or hiking a 14’er.
Being In A Relationship And Having A Date Isn’t Everything
Relationships and dating are a mess. You can fulfill your life with friends and family, and forgo having a significant other. There is truly more to life than loving another person who might end up leaving you, or worse, you leave them. Breakups are messy too. Just avoid it all together, and you will save yourself a lot of time and useless heartache. Relationships and dating aren’t everything. There is more in life to enjoy.
Flowers Die And Candies Makes You Pudgy
Iconically, flowers and chocolate are common gifts during this dreaded holiday. Not that flowers aren’t pretty, and candy isn’t tasty, it’s just that you can get by without them. If you need alternatives, go to an Anti-Valentines Day party and bring a living house plant and some gluten-free sides. Try getting a spider plant from a gardening store, then head to Whole Foods for some paleo muffins. No date needed.
Valentine’s Day Isn’t Supposed To Be About Lovers, Anyways
This is a pretty dark holiday if you look at where it came from. NPR found that there is no exact pinpoint in time that marks 2/14 as ‘Valentine’s Day’. Between 2/13 – 2/15 the feast of Lupercalia is said to be a long-standing tradition that was celebrated by possibly the pre-Roman civilization as an annual pastoral festival, which was later adapted and observed in the city of Rome. The purpose of the celebration was to avert evil spirits, purify the city, and release health and fertility.
During this celebration, animals were sacrificed and the skins of the animals were used to hit women with in order to improve their fertility, hence getting hit on. Then later, names were drawn from a jar for matching purposes, where people would pair up for the duration of the festival, or longer. A historian from CU Boulder, Noel Lenski, says that the Roman romantics were drunk and naked, and you can see proof of this from many of their art.
No Reservations
Just like Anthony Bourdain, go out and make your own adventure. Forget booking a nice dinner with someone, just go out and find a way to enjoy yourself. Save the money you would have spent on a travel savings account. Seeing more of the world will probably broaden your mind, a lot more than one night’s holiday dinner.
Summary
This February, let go of any pressures that would make you feel like you’ve got to get a date. Turn off your Tinder app, and respect your body. Make this Valentine’s Day a day to celebrate your freedom as a single. Stay secure in who you are and enjoy your life this Valentine’s Day. You can make it happen, so stay positive, and good luck out there this Valentine’s Day.
Happy Upcoming Valentine’s Singles Day,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The fall and winter seasons are a time when singles are expected to find a significant other. This time is called cuffing season. It is called cuffing season because it is believed that singles desire to be cuffed or tied down to a serious relationship and to bring a significant other back home during the holidays. There is no reason why singles should be expected to become cuffed to someone during fall and winter to please their family or society during the holidays.
What Is Cuffing Season?
It is interesting that dating relationships equate to cuffs during this season. In contrast to the values of the single life, romantic relationships take away peoples’ freedom and flexibility to be with another person. By spending time with that person; they take time away from personal development, self-discovery, and improving their professional skills as an individual. The energy that would go into advancing yourself as a person are now spend wholly with someone else.
The hypothesis behind why cuffing season exists is because as the weather gets colder during the fall and winter months and people stay indoors more, they want to date someone to cuddle and spend time with instead of being alone. This is a fascinating theory for cuffing season because the number of social events increase during the fall and winter holiday season. Singles can find events to attend in there city and that does not require having a plus one. By spending time with others, the desire to get cuffed this holiday season may decline because it is healthy to be around people. There is also nothing wrong with watching Netflix and drinking hot cocoa on your couch in your house or apartment. It is actually healthy to spend time alone. Singles should not feel shame or pressure to get cuffed into a relationship.
Be Free During Cuffing Season
There is pressure to get cuffed and to have a date for New Year’s and Valentine’s Day. These are unhealthy expectations for singles. In fact, the pressure for singles to get cuffed for the holiday season is just wrong. Singles are now the majority of the American population and are a rising demographic in industrialized countries. Society’s assumption that people are best coupled stigmatizes singles and is singlism. The holiday season should be a time where people spend time with family and friends. There should not be pressure for singles to get date during cuffing season.
Singles should be happy and uncuffed during cuffing season because there is nothing fun about being tied down to a bad relationship. Singles should spend time exploring their city or going home to their families during the holidays instead of seeking out a romantic relationship. Remain free and uncuffed!