It is important to define who singles are to separate singles from their married counterparts. This helps singles, and others, to better understand what they are discussing by using the term in the same way. Singles are anyone who is not married.
Merriam Webster defines single as simply “not married.” Simply stated; if you are not married, then you are single. This is true even if you are dating someone. A stable romantic or stable relationship with a partner with whom you are dating or living with still makes you single. This is because of the legal definition of marriage is the “union of a couples as spouses.” In the strictest sense, everyone is truly single until they get married. However, there is the additional complexity of how society and culture views couples who are not married.
In the age of social media; individuals can change their relationship status from single to a range of other categories that are recognized by people and society, but not by the law, with the click of a button. These options are recognized by people that live in a society that recognizes these as other alternative lifestyle choices. However, except for civil union, certain definitions of domestic partnership that are dependent on a state’s law may be closer to being considered unmarried and single rather than living together and in a marital type of relationship. For this reason, although cultural norms may recognize people as a couple or “In a Relationship” the individuals in most popular relationship categories are truly still single. These individuals are just a different type of single. They are singles who are in a relationship, or want to be in a relationship, of some kind that appears to be like marriage but is not marriage according to the law. While cultural understanding of what constitutes a couple compared to being single is not clear cut, there are other singles who consider being single as part of their identity.
Individuals who consider themselves to be happily single or do not plan on getting married are now recognized as being single by choice. There are different reasons why someone may be single by choice, which places individuals in different categories under this identification. An individual could have decided to be a lifelong single due to experiencing a series of bad and damaging relationships. An individual could have committed a religious vow that forbids them from ever getting married (this vow could require celibacy). An individual could aspire to achieve other life goals that makes remaining single the best option while dating, getting married, or having a family would be a hindrance. Ultimately, the range of reasons why someone will be single by choice will depend upon everyone’s personal experiences and life choices.
Despite the range of options that popular culture may consider to be couples, most of these relationship statuses are merely ways for people to cover up the fact that they are still single. Marriage, and certain civil unions and domestic partnerships, is the only way that someone will no longer be single. Although someone my change their social media status to being “In a Relationship” or “It’s Complicated” does not change the reality that they are in fact still single. Ultimately, with some exceptions, singles are anyone who is not married.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
I recently attended a speed dating event this last weekend to attend a speed dating event to experience a way to people to meet potential dates. For those who do not know what speed dating is or how it works; Merriam Webster defines it as “an event at which each participant converses individually with all the prospective partners for a few minutes in order to select those with whom dates are desired.” For singles who are prospectively interested in seeking a romantic relationship, speed dating may be a reasonable option since there are now various types to better narrow down and meet someone who shares your values and life goals. I was there to help out my friend and was not particularly interested in meeting up with or dating someone after the event. Speed dating comes down to competition and being able to make the right first impression to potential suitors in seven minutes or less. The core lesson that I learned from this event by viewing it from a singleton’s perspective is dating is ultimately about competing for a mate.
There is a stereotype for the people who speed date that they are more socially awkward; therefore, they are unable to meet people in regular areas such as bars, restaurants, or meeting new people at social events. This is probably a half truth and is probably more accurate for the men who attend speed dating events compared to the women at an event. Speed dating essentially consists of only small talk and maybe time for one important question for prospects who are seeking to find a date after the event.
Dating is often viewed as a competition since men and women are fighting to attract and date the person who they found the most attractive and felt that they related the best to during the event. Men and women compete differently while dating, especially during speed dating events. For men, they compete by attempting to come across as having an established career, financially responsible, vast array of interests, and well-groomed and clean. However, as a woman commented to me during the speed dating experience who came to the event with friends, women often compete among themselves— whether friends or not – in order to get the attention of the main person who they are interested in at a dating event. Women being more competitive and choosy when they find prospective dates is consistent with evolution as summarized in the University of Los Angeles paper “Evolution and Close Relationships” explains:
The sex difference in minimal obligatory parental investment leads female mammals to be more choosy when picking mates, and it leads males to compete with one another to demonstrate their relative viability and superiority as mates.
Dating and romantic relationships are merely a competition to find a mate to continue a family name, experience intimacy, and to continue the human race.
This competition has become popularized with shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette by society and popular culture. The lesson that I learned while helping my friend run her speed dating event is that dating is the ultimate competitive sport; whether it is for a one night stand, a short term relationship, or a long term relationship. In short, dating is a tournament to find a mate.