Being single gets a bad rap from people and society because it is often thought that if you are not dating someone or living with a partner, then you are either anti-social or there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being single, whether you are single by circumstance or single by choice. Despite popular thought, singles are more social than their coupled and married counterparts. Here are five reasons why being single does not mean you are anti-social or not part of a community because the single life provides freedom.
Singles Are Less Insulated Than Their Coupled Friends
The reality of life is that once you start dating someone, and later maybe marry someone, you become more insulated. This is because two people have committed to each other and as a result have moved to be closer to one of the partner’s families. The partner who most often moves closer to their partner’s family is the husband since the wife wants to be closer to family. This is not always the case, but this is very common. The newly married couple now mostly does activities with their family and family’s friends and does not get out as much compared to their single friends.
While those who are coupled up and married become more insulated, those who are single and unmarried are free to explore and make use of the freedom that the single life offers them. Singles are not committed to a person that also makes them a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to someone else’s family that brings additional obligations with marriage. Singles are able to make the most of their life to work on self-discovery, health, and their career. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is no reason why singles should be in a hurry to get hitched. Being single is fucking awesome!
Singles Have More Friends
Singles have a wider network and more friends than their married counterparts because they are able to meet more people and build new relationships. People who are married become more insulated and are unable to meet new people as they start a new family and stay confined within both of their familial network. This results in them having fewer friends and having less of an ability to meet new people compared to their single friends. Singles are able to go out when they want to, during the week or weekend when they want, while couples have to coordinate with their partner and possibly their family before they are able to go out. Singles should make the most of their unmarried life and meet new people to learn about other peoples’ life experiences and worldviews. Go out, meet people, and make friends singles!
Singles Volunteer More Than Their Coupled Friends
Again, since people who are dating or who are married become insulated and they have other priorities and they have less time to volunteer and to help their community. It has been found that singles volunteer more compared to their married friends. This is not surprising. Couples are committed to each other and in helping their partner and family to do well. Singles are often most interested in personal development, self-discovery, and helping to improve their community. For this reason, singles naturally are able to volunteer in their communities from their church, helping students, to political campaigns because there are not restrained by another person. Singles are able to allocate their time and volunteer for a cause they believe in!
Singles Are More Social Than Their Coupled Friends
Because singles are not restrained by a partner or have to work with a partner to do activities, singles are more social. Singles can try out new places where they live and talk to new people where they visit. The result the flexibility that the single life provides singles allows them to attend more events, explore their city, and to meet new people, and develop their personal network. There would be less opportunity for singles to do this if they were in a relationship. Singles should be open to meeting new people and exploring where they live!
Singles Can Build Their Own Community and Network
While couples become more insulated within their extended families and their own family, singles are able to build their own community and network. Singles are able to do this by meeting like-minded people in their community by attending events, volunteering for causes, and networking with professionals in their industry and industries that they are interested in as a professional. Community is important because human connection is part of the hierarchy of needs and it is healthy for singles to have interaction with other people. Singles should also work to build their career, business, and professional network. Networking is an important skill and your network can help you find people for future endeavors that you may have as a single professional.
Summary
There is a myth believed by society and people that if you are single, you are isolated and alone. Nothing is further from the truth. Singles are more social and have a larger community than their married friends. This is a simple list that only explains five simple ways why singles are in fact not isolated, alone, or anti-social but are in fact more involved and have a better social life than their married counterparts. Being single is great and there is no rush for singles to get married and to become restrained by a romantic relationship.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving dinner is the first holiday dinner that singles will have to go to this holiday season where family, extended family, and friends will ask you questions that are on all of their minds. Why are you still single? When was your last relationship? Why are you not dating anyone? When are you going to have children? While people are single for different reasons, there is nothing wrong with being single. This is a conversation recipe for how to respond to your family and friends interrogating questions about why you have no significant other.
Why Are You Still Single?
Directions: You are single because you found that the single life has much more to offer compared to when you were dating x, y, or z. In fact, you don’t see why it is a problem. Why are you asking me why I am single, you are not asking them why they aren’t divorced yet or how their marriage is going?
Recipe Variations: You are taking a break from relationships right now. You are content being single and have found that it better than dating. Or, you are single by choice and are not interested in ever getting into a relationship. You respect their choice to stay married, get divorced, live with their partner, etc; why can’t they respect your choice to remain single?
When Was Your Last Relationship?
Directions: Insert the number of years since your last relationship, now describe the values of the single life and how you have found them to benefit you while being in a relationship constrained you from achieving your potential. You can also say how you enjoy being single and you don’t know when your next relationship will be, you may be on a break, or that you have no interest in dating anyone.
Recipe Variations: You can point out that singles are on the rise, millennials are delaying marriage, and relationships can be overrated.
Why Are You Not Dating Anyone?
Directions: Describe that the need to date and to become a serial dater is a repercussion of society’s dating industrial complex. There is no need for people to date to be in romantic relationships when friendships can actually be more worthwhile. The need to always date has driven people into a relationship hysteria and to not recognize that the single life is worth living. You are enjoying your time being single and being able to focus on developing yourself instead of having to take care of someone else.
Recipe Variations: Pick the dangers of dating and online dating, especially in light of all the recent sexual assault and abuse scandals. Consider adding a generous dash of sass, spice, or sarcasm about the dating industry and people always being in relationships as you want.
When Are You Going to Have Children?
Directions: You can say that you have never asked about their sex lives and whether or not they planned to have their children or if they are considering having more. How is this an appropriate question?
Recipe Variations: This is one of the more direct and uncomfortable questions to be asked, you are welcome to retaliate to the question as you think is best. The response range can range from a jalapeno to ghost pepper, dependent upon the context and tone of the person who asked it. There is nothing wrong with being childless. It is fine to be single and childless.
These are four short and easy conversation recipes to guide you through those awkward questions that family and friends love to ask singles at Thanksgiving. Please use a generous dash of the ingredients and spices of your choice when responding to each question as the circumstances require. Turn up the heat and watch these questions burn in flames.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There is a new movement that is in its infancy. It is the Childless Movement. There are many different types of people that could fit within this movement, but its focus is on the involuntarily childless. Those who are single and childless by choice should look into this movement and help it to gain momentum. Here is a look at the rise of the childless movement.
The Rise Of The Childless Movement
There are people who have chosen that they do not want to have children by sexual relations, adoption, or in vitro fertilization. They are single by choice. They are childless by choice. This childless movement can join those who are single by choice and childless by choice. In industrialized countries, where singles are a rising demographic, singles can join the movement by speaking out against society and popular culture’s pressure for singles to get married and have children. After all, there is nothing wrong with being single or childless.
Women who want to work to progress the fourth-wave of feminism to incorporate childlessness should act to ally these two movements. Feminism and the childless movement can work together to achieve shared goals. The childless movement is a perfect opportunity for women to express themselves and let their voices be heard. Women, especially single women, can give themselves a voice that it should not be a social obligation to marry and have children. Women do not need a husband. Women are fine single. Women can pursue a career and enjoy life child free. Those are main components of the childless movement that women should choose to embrace. It gives them independence to live their life how they wish without being restrained by the goal finding and having a husband, two-and-a-half kids, and a white picket fence. Being single and childless gives women freedom.
Freedom is the foundation of the single life. Singles are able to choose how to live life according to their own terms. Being childless gives independence since children are expensive, require time, and to be with them as they grow up. Singles can embrace permanent self-governance by making the decision to be single by choice. For singles who are single by choice, the childless movement aligns with the values of the single life. Singles and the childless can join together to propel what being single truly means in a society that worships the white picket fence. The white picket fence can be changed making it acceptable to being childless and single.
Summary
The childless movement should work to unite the power of the growing number of singles in countries. Singles who are single by choice can join to give more strength to the movement. It is time that singles and childless are respected by society. The childless movement is a necessary first step along with singles studies to change the perception of being single by society.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single and ready to mingle is the phrase that society associates the most with singles. While some singles may be looking to mingle to make new friends or to find a date, there are other singles who are single and unavailable. These singles are not interested in romantic relationships and instead enjoy all that the single life offers. These singles who are unavailable and off the market are single by choice.
Society and the dating industrial complex believe that the goal of all singles is to date and to get hitched. While that may be the case for some singles, it is not true for those who are single by choice. These singles have decided that they do not want to get date or to get married. Society may think that these singles are outcasts, but these singles enjoy the autonomy and independence that the single life offers them. The consequence that society has charged those who are single by choice is that they will be treated by laws and finding jobs compared to those who are married.
The government has determined that singles do not positively contribute towards the common good of society compared to their married counterparts so they should be treated differently because they are single. There are more than 1,000 laws that provide tax deductions, benefits, and discounts on health insurance for married couples. The government makes singles pay more in taxes compared to those who are married because they are able to file jointly. For those who are single by choice, these thousands of laws and tax policies hurt them financially and is an injustice for a life decision. Singles should not have to pay more in taxes because they are unmarried and should not be treated differently by the law because of their single status.
Those who are single and unavailable should not be fined or treated differently because they are single by choice. Singles who are single by choice are about 15% of the American population. Their choice to not want to date and to get married should be respected by their friends and family. Society and the government, likewise, should acknowledge their decision and not treat them differently or attach stereotypes because they are single.
These singles are single, unavailable, and off the market by choice. They realize that the single life is a great life that allows them to pursue their career or dreams and live a healthy life. It is time that society recognizes that just because someone is single doesn’t mean that they are looking to mingle and on the market; in fact, some singles will always remain unavailable and remain of the dating market.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The topic of having children has been a long debated discussion for singles, and married couples. First, understanding that the people surveyed in most studies are people who have had children, are considering children, or do not have children at all. People involved are single parents with or without children, and married couples with or without children.
The debate on having children, or not, can result in 1 of 4 outcomes
- No Children and Happy
- No Children and Unhappy
- Children and Happy
- Children and Unhappy
There are many factors that can affect the experience each person has, which includes the financial situation of the parent, the general happiness level of the person excluding their parental status, and what type of cultural environment the person lives in. You could call it the good old, ‘nature vs. nurture’ comparison.
The two most common outcomes that we will focus on for today is people with or without children and their happiness levels.
The Pros
It’s no secret that children are expensive. An article in the Washington Post reveals that families shell out an average of $13,000 a year, or appropriately $233,610 over the course of raising a child to age 17. Deciding not to have children can free up your finances, and can allow you more freedom to travel, invest, and get more educated.
Children are stressful and cause parents a lot of anxiety during the initial child rearing stages. Not having children allows you the time and space to be more relaxed, and focus on having a better and higher quality life.
Singles with no children have more freedom, and time. Two qualities that attribute to higher levels of happiness. And then there are some singles who simply do not have a desire to bear and rear children. This does not make them selfish. It is simply their personal choice. And it is a legitimate decision.
The Cons
People who are married experience a lot of change after a baby arrives. What is shocking is that parents are more likely to be depressed than their child-free counterparts and that people without kids were happier than any other group, including empty nesters, according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association.
Whether single or partnered up, your sex life also diminishes after having children. According to Psychology Today, parents don’t have enough energy for sex, they allow their children to sleep in the same bedroom, and planning for date night requires a lot of effort to schedule babysitters. In fact, having safe sex is really important for your overall health.
The overall single life or marriage quality declines as a result from time allocated into child rearing. Boo.
Cultural Influences
Depending on where you live, and the influences you have around you, you may be pressured to have children or stay career oriented and single. Generally, as noted in All The Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister, women who live in cities tend to work more and have more social freedoms than their rural counterparts. The cultural effect has a big play on your parental status and happiness status.
Either way you look into it, people tend to do what makes them happy. Whether it may be a single adult who is rocking their career and loving it, or parents who feel more fulfilled after having children, one should look into what the pros and cons are for each side. Find out what makes you happy, and do more of it! As for now, rock what you’ve got, and have fun doing it.
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It can be difficult being single when your friends, family, and society says you must date or get married. As someone who gets asks if I am seeing or am interested anyone, I understand how it goes. The most important thing you can do is to pursue what you love and point out that out to anyone who asks about you love life. Being single is great and you do not need a significant other. It is perfectly fine to be single and here are five ways to deal with people who pressure you to date.
Let Them Down Softly
Simply be nice. It is important to love family and friends, even though they can difficult to put up with. In this option, explain to whomever it is who is pressuring you to date that you are not interested in dating or have no urge to date. You can also describe how singles now outnumber the married population.
Dating Questions
When people ask you if you are seeing anyone, or if you are interested in anyone, they are implicitly telling you that your value as a person comes from being in a relationship. Single shaming is common in a society that places value on someone for their relationship status. There is more to life than dating or getting married. Let them know this and tell them how you enjoy spending your time instead of being in a relationship.
Relationships Do Not Give You Value as a Person
Society says your value as an individual is given to you by being in a relationship. This idea is false. An individual’s value is the same whether they are single, dating, or married. A person has intrinsic worth as an individual that cannot be taken given or taken away from them by another person. If someone is placing pressure on you to date, and you are not ready to date or you enjoy being single, tell them that you value yourself enough as a person that you don’t need to date.
A Relationship Does Not Complete Someone
Movies, television, and popular culture portray singles in a range of negative ways. Popular culture incorrectly believes that a person need to find another person to become complete. Society falls for the soulmate theory that singles are missing their other half that completes them and until they find that other person singles are incomplete. The soulmate theory hurts singles by placing pressure on them to date and to always be in relationships. This is problematic because singles who want to date may get into an unhealthy relationship to satisfy their friends and family while hurting themselves. Another problem with the soulmate theory and the idea that society pushes for singles to get into a relationship is that some people enjoy being single. The easiest thing to tell someone who is shaming you to be single and to date is to let them know that a relationship does not complete you and that the soulmate theory is a myth.
Some People Enjoy Being Single
The single life is a good life. It offers many benefits that are lost once someone begins to data or get married. There advantages of the single life include security, autonomy, flexibility, and diversity. Singles are secure in who they are and that the single life is worth living. Singles also recognize that the single life offers them autonomy to go and to do as they please without another person restraining them. The single life offers singles the flexibility to travel unrestrained and to live as they want unhindered by another person. There is also a diversity among singles from singles who recently got out of a relationship and who may want to date to singles who have chosen to be single. If you have no interest in relationships, the simplest answer is to tell your friend that you enjoy being single and that you have no interest in getting married. It is that easy.
The next time someone gives you a hard time for being single, tell them these five points and help them realize that the single life is a wonderful life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Bill Maher just released a video that included a segment on singles. He presented singles in a positive light and asked, why do single people not have their own holiday? Bill Maher presentedd a nice summary of facts about the single demographics that Secure Single has covered on the site. It is nice for someone who has mainstream recognition to finally acknowledge singles. This is a step in the right direction. Society needs to realize the reality of the single population in countries and make a holiday that celebrates singles’ contributions to society.
In the five minute video, Bill Maher summarized data and studies about singles. He told his viewing audience that singles now outnumber those who are married and that singles are the new norm. Singles do have a smaller carbon foot print than their married counterparts. Society needs to stop with the negative stereotypes of those who are unmarried and face reality. Maher also told viewers that society and people need to stop believing that those who are single are incomplete and suspect. He explained that being single can be a rational decision (for those who are single by choice). Bill Maher told his audience that compared to couples; singles exercise more, are healthier, have less debt, have stronger social ties with family and friends, and that not being married should not be a shock. This is the 21st Century after all
Bill Maher asked for a holiday to be made for all single people since holiday are made for those who are married or who have a role to their children. His name for the holiday was “I Didn’t Reproduce Day.” While that name is comical, it still is negative to singles. There is a National Single Parents Day, but there needs to be a National Singles Day that celebrates being single. Here are some other Single Holiday, or holidays, name ideas:
- Secure Singles Day
- National Singles Pride Day
- Single By Choice Day
- Happy Singles Day
- Single Life Day
Since I first started Secure Single, I am happy to see that someone who is recognized by the mainstream is finally bringing the truth about singles out of society’s closet. There is nothing wrong with being single. No one is incomplete if they are single. No one should be held suspect by someone because they are single. There should not be any pressure for those who are single and unmarried to have children if they do not want to have kids. Being single is a healthy lifestyle choice or stage in life and society needs to begin to acknowledge that fact. This is a step in the right direction, thank you Bill Maher. The Secure Single Team will continue to move society’s pendulum to change the perception of all singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
More people today are deciding that they want to delay getting married, but there are some people who are not at all interested in dating or getting married. These singles often identify as single by choice. That means that they are comfortable being single and that they live their best life as a single individual. They do not have an urge to date to fit in to what society expects people to do. These singles are comfortable with their choice to remain single throughout their lifetime. However, since single by choice goes against what popular culture and society tells single people what they should want out of life, they are often considered to be sad individuals. Singles who have made the choice that they are comfortable remaining single recognize that there are other types of relationships. They are perfectly fine not having to walk down the aisle to get hitched. Single by choice is a viable lifestyle for people since it depends upon the decisions and preferences of each individual.
There are many different paths that people decide to walk that affects the direction of life. Life offers options. People make decisions. Those decisions influence who people become. While it is impossible to know what those important choices and decisions are for individuals, it is harmful to assume to anyone who is single by choice is sad. There is more to life than romantic relationships. Singles are a growing population and singles are known to volunteer more compared to those who are married. These singles may decide to spend their time to assist their parents as they prepare to retire and need their help later in life. These singles may decide to pursue their career and become the best professional in their field. That may lead them to decide to start their own company once they find a niche that needs to be filled to provide a product or service that people need. Many more examples could be given, but these show that there are other ways to find fulfillment in life that does not require a partner. These singles are not sad. On the contrary, they are happy with the decision that they made to remain single.
Society likes to frame decisions of individuals in black or white. This is called the false dilemma logical fallacy. Society, following that fallacy, pushes that everyone needs to date and marry their soulmate. By dating and getting married individuals are then deemed as good people. However, if someone decides that they do not want to date or get married than they are viewed as outcasts of society. Is this not problematic in a modern society that claims to be tolerant? The simpler solution is to recognize that an individual can make their own choices. In fact, an individual will make the best decision for themselves and they do not need society or an expert to help them with their choices. Since everyone is born single, everyone can decide their own future and to decide for themselves what they want it to be and who they want to be in it. This is ultimately a lifestyle choice that is dependent upon each single individual. It is time for society to truly start to respect the choices of all singles.
Single by choice is a lifestyle decision. These singles often value autonomy and flexibility most of all and they realize those qualities would be lost by getting married. These singles may also enjoy travelling alone and realize that they would face the same problem if they were married. Ultimately, it is most important to recognize that those who are single by choice are not heartbroken people. They are happy with their decision to remain single and are untroubled by the pressure that society places on them to get married. It is time for both society and people to stop falling for the false dilemma fallacy when it comes to singles not being in a relationship or not wanting to date at all. It is time for popular culture to stop telling people that they must get married because relationship experts believe it’s the most important life choice that someone can make. It is time for all singles make the decision themselves about if they really want to be in a relationship or if they are perfectly fine with being single. If the answer is in the affirmative about enjoying all that the single life offers, than those singles are single by choice.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The news focuses on why women are single and then usually provides reasons to help women find a date. That is the story the media and popular culture sends to women, but society often sends a different message to single men. Single women have remained society’s focus until a recent Reddit user asked men why they are single. There are many reasons men are single or may choose to be single instead of seeking a relationship. Here are just a few reasons the single men said in response to that user’s question in the thread. Here are four reasons why men are single.
Four Reasons Why Men Are Single
Single, But Want to Date
For men that are single but would like to date, there are some common reasons why these men are still single. The first most discussed reason is often repeated on dating and relationship websites, single men don’t put themselves out there. But why don’t they do this? They may be too busy with work or life, they have difficulty reading body language (this is more common than you may think), have high standards, don’t go out enough, don’t go out enough to meet women, and single men may view themselves as not being financially viable to make a woman interested in them. Those are a few of the reasons why men who are single but want to date are still single.
Sick of Relationships And/Or Women
There are some other men out there who are single because they have had many terrible relationships with women or just plainly despise women. These single men may not be interested in a relationship because their parents were married and divorced multiple times. Their background and experience growing up and seeing their parents go through serial divorces does not make them interested in pursuing or finding someone to date.
There are other single men who just hate women. This could be because they do not get how women operate emotionally, think, communicate (verbally and nonverbally), or have given up on interacting with women altogether. This could be temporary or permanent for single men that have sworn off women. Some men may not enjoy talking to or hanging out with women, but they may still want to hook up with women when they are able since they still appreciate the physical beauty of women and sexual pleasure.
Career and Goal Oriented
Single men may also be career oriented and, for this reason, delay or put off getting married. The average age for single Millennial men to get married is 29. These men want to get a secure job, start their own business, or achieve financial independence and personal success before looking to date someone. However, some single people may have no interest in dating or getting married and may view working hard and being financially independent as a life goal instead of getting hitched. These single men may also have other personal goals, such as traveling, being involved in their community, supporting a cause they believe in, or wanting to live well in a certain area of the country, so they are willing to give up on being involved with a person for momentarily or for their entire life.
Single By Choice
There is another group of single men who have completely no interest in getting married. These single men enjoy what the single life offers them. Single men by choice, also do not view relationships as the end all and be all of life, which is contrary to what society tells singles. As singles by choice, these single men don’t mind being single and don’t feel they need to be in a relationship with another person. These single may be have decided to remain single by choice for personal, health, or religious, or they may identify as single. Ultimately, the cause of why single men choose to be single will be highly personal or may come down to identity.
Summary
There may be variations and particulars that go beyond the scope of this article for why men and women are single. Secure Single wants to explore those reasons more to help all single men and women. Are you a single man? We would enjoy hearing the range of reasons why men may choose to be single or want to be single for a time before wanting to date and get married.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It is important to define who singles are to separate singles from their married counterparts. This helps singles, and others, to better understand what they are discussing by using the term in the same way. Singles are anyone who is not married.
Merriam Webster defines single as simply “not married.” Simply stated; if you are not married, then you are single. This is true even if you are dating someone. A stable romantic or stable relationship with a partner with whom you are dating or living with still makes you single. This is because of the legal definition of marriage is the “union of a couples as spouses.” In the strictest sense, everyone is truly single until they get married. However, there is the additional complexity of how society and culture views couples who are not married.
In the age of social media; individuals can change their relationship status from single to a range of other categories that are recognized by people and society, but not by the law, with the click of a button. These options are recognized by people that live in a society that recognizes these as other alternative lifestyle choices. However, except for civil union, certain definitions of domestic partnership that are dependent on a state’s law may be closer to being considered unmarried and single rather than living together and in a marital type of relationship. For this reason, although cultural norms may recognize people as a couple or “In a Relationship” the individuals in most popular relationship categories are truly still single. These individuals are just a different type of single. They are singles who are in a relationship, or want to be in a relationship, of some kind that appears to be like marriage but is not marriage according to the law. While cultural understanding of what constitutes a couple compared to being single is not clear cut, there are other singles who consider being single as part of their identity.
Individuals who consider themselves to be happily single or do not plan on getting married are now recognized as being single by choice. There are different reasons why someone may be single by choice, which places individuals in different categories under this identification. An individual could have decided to be a lifelong single due to experiencing a series of bad and damaging relationships. An individual could have committed a religious vow that forbids them from ever getting married (this vow could require celibacy). An individual could aspire to achieve other life goals that makes remaining single the best option while dating, getting married, or having a family would be a hindrance. Ultimately, the range of reasons why someone will be single by choice will depend upon everyone’s personal experiences and life choices.
Despite the range of options that popular culture may consider to be couples, most of these relationship statuses are merely ways for people to cover up the fact that they are still single. Marriage, and certain civil unions and domestic partnerships, is the only way that someone will no longer be single. Although someone my change their social media status to being “In a Relationship” or “It’s Complicated” does not change the reality that they are in fact still single. Ultimately, with some exceptions, singles are anyone who is not married.