Why do people not like therapists? Sometimes, therapists are just an expense to have a third party listen to your problems. Their advice or help is often generic and not worth the expensive price tag. Here are ten reasons why people do not like therapists.
Why People Do Not Like Therapists
They Tell You The Obvious
During sessions with a therapist, they tell you things you already know. You know you have problems (everyone does). Rather than providing practical advice to help you improve, they want you to come back to talk. It helps their bank account. You think it helps you, too.
Therapists Always Talk About The Same Things
The therapist you are seeing will likely return to the same surface issues that you brought up in past sessions. You only see them for thirty minutes to an hour. They cannot truly get to know you and the cause of your problems. It is in their self-interest to provide a solution to make it seem worthwhile. They want you to come back to talk more.
Give You Generic Sheets To Fill Out
Therapists give generic sheets to help clients with their problems. The issue with this is that you can find most of the information online by quickly searching. You can even find therapy sheets online. Why pay for a therapist when you can find similar information online yourself?
Work on yourself. Learn to do basic research. Stop overpaying for a therapist.
Limited Time Per Session
Your time is limited per session. This means that there is only so much time that a therapist can try to understand you. After they go through the recommended number of sessions, a therapist will start to offer solutions that may or may not help. They want you to think they are helping you, even if their help is not reaching your problem’s root.
Fake Connection
The connection feels fake. You are paying to be there. You spend your money for each session, hoping the therapists can help you. It is a professional relationship, not a familial relationship or a friendship. Rather than spend lots of money on a therapist, you could discuss some of these issues with a close friend or family member.
Vague Advice
There is only so much time in a session. A therapist only has so much experience in being able to give practical advice. Most of a therapist’s time is spent in sessions with other clients instead of researching self-development strategies or figuring out ways to work on oneself. Most of the worksheets they receive come pre-prepared. Because a therapist does not actively seek knowledge about personal development, their knowledge is vague and often unhelpful.
Schedule Another Session
It is in their interest to increase the amount of money that goes into their checking account. While they may provide a service that some people may find helpful, similar information can be found with some research online. There is no reason to spend much money on a counselor or a therapist. Learn to do a bit of research to solve your problems.
Dictate How You Should Feel About Something
A therapist is taught to think that there is only one right type of childhood or way to grow up. The reality is that everyone has a different experience. Everyone has issues with their friends, family, and co-workers. A therapist sells things in black and white when the world is grey.
Pragmatism and finding your solutions are preferable to spending lots of money on a therapist.
Dismiss Your Concerns
A therapist studies psychology. They are the therapist. They spent lots of money and likely went into debt to receive a degree in psychology. They are the expert in the room, not you. You know more about your circumstances than any therapist could ever know. Any concerns you may bring up in your sessions will be dismissed as unrelated or not backed by research.
The problem is that therapists are just glorified academics. They read lots of books while in school. They may deal with clients daily, but those interactions are very different from interacting with the reality that comes with the real world.
Everyone has problems. Everyone has issues. Everyone has concerns. To dismiss those concerns is to ignore the difficulties of being human.
Snitch On You If You Have Thoughts About Suicide
If you tell a therapist that you have the slightest idea of suicide ideation, a therapist will not have a problem writing you another prescription. They may even send a letter to the psych ward. Therapy is overly concerned with safety. Therapists do not want to get down to the nitty and gritty about why a person may be having those thoughts. They would instead take the easy way out than discuss the darkness and monster that each person hides.
It is simple. It makes them look good. The last thing any therapist wants is for a client to die on them. It would hurt their bottom line.
My Experience With Therapists
I have only seen two therapists. My experience with them has been that I was overpaying to talk to someone. They mostly told me things that I already knew. I was working to better myself anyway. I had become stuck due to following what the system tells people results in success. That system did not work for me. I wasted my twenties going to college and graduate school. My therapist did not want to hear about that. She thought college helped to lead to her personal success.
The therapists would give me generic worksheets. They would practice having conversations with me. I did not see the point of either of those. I could find that information online. I could go to a restaurant or a bar to talk to people. The problem is that there are better uses of my time and money than always spending money. My therapists encouraged me to live beyond my means at the time by telling me to go out. That is horrible self-development and personal finance advice. Yet, that is what my therapists recommended I do.
The only reason why I went to see therapists was because my family wanted me to. I hated every second of every session. The only good thing I got from one therapist was a diagnosis from a licensed therapist that I was autistic. However, the therapist made me take the same autism test that I had already done online for free. This time, I had to pay $90 for a thirty-minute session to get a proper diagnosis.
Solutions
The best thing to do is to invest in yourself. Therapists want you to work on your weaknesses. You likely already know what those are. There is no reason to pay someone else to tell you what those are.
Core problems that many people deal with are related to self-confidence, happiness, and personal finance. All three of those are connected.
Invest in yourself by starting a hustle or an online business. Go to the gym. Hone a skill that you know you lack. Seek to make yourself happy by setting and reaching goals.
There is no reason to pay a therapist to figure out things that you can solve yourself.
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Summary
Mental health has become a popular topic for the younger generation. The problem is, are they overpaying to see a therapist? How much does therapy help? From my personal experience, it is very little. That time and money would be better spent resolving issues for oneself. You likely already know your core problems. Why do you need to pay to talk to someone? Work on yourself and invest that money in yourself rather than in an overpriced therapist.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Toxic people can negatively affect you. For this reason, singles need to learn to set boundaries. Boundaries are the first step to dealing with toxic people. Singles can then start to recognize the warning signs of a toxic person. It is then up to you to implement the best strategy to expel a toxic person. You can learn how to remove toxic people from your life like an expert!
How To Remove Toxic People From Your Life
Why Singles Need To Avoid Toxic People
For singles, it is critical to avoid toxic people. Negative people can make you think poorly about yourself. These people can be anywhere in the lives of single people. Toxic people can manipulate, gaslight, and use you to reach their ends while blaming you for everything. You may know someone from work to a friend who may be a toxic person. Toxic people are everywhere.
Singles must learn to identify and avoid negative people since they do not help them to improve themselves. Start by learning to set boundaries for people and yourself. Boundaries will increase your productivity while also limiting whom you interact with daily. You can learn to identify the different types of toxic people. Then it is up to you to decide how you want to remove toxic people from your life.
Who Can Be A Toxic Person?
A toxic person can be an acquaintance, co-worker, friend, or family member. It is up to you where you want to draw the line when setting boundaries in your life with each toxic person. It will depend on your relationship with the toxic person. For example, you are more likely to be able to stop spending time with a toxic acquaintance compared to a toxic family member. When you eliminate toxic people from your life, you will become more positive and increase your productivity.
Why You Need Boundaries With Toxic People In Your Life
Boundaries are a critical part of life to develop. Boundaries allow you to set boundaries for other people. You can also set boundaries for yourself. Boundaries will let you work on self-improvement by improving your relationship, digital life, financial life, mental health, and time management. You will also force yourself to decide whom you want to spend your time with, which will help you to decrease the time spent with toxic people.
Relationships
You can learn to set boundaries with people in your life. This applies to everyone in your life, whether they are toxic or not. However, for toxic people, it is crucial to limit your interaction with them. You can set boundaries by limiting the amount of time you spend with a toxic person. You can set boundaries by starting to tell them “No.” You can stop always answering phone calls and let them go to voicemail.
Digital Life
You can also learn to change the conversation. This will allow you to control the conversation instead of the toxic person. You can also prioritize your email or messaging inbox. Only respond to people who add positivity to your life. There is no reason to respond to your work emails on the weekend or to every email you receive. The same thing goes with your social media. There is no reason to respond to all your messages. Only respond to the ones that apply to you—set boundaries for your digital life.
You can’t remove the toxic and damaging people from your digital life. You can set digital boundaries. Digital boundaries will help you to make time for the people who matter to you most. There is nothing wrong with hiding, blocking, or unfriending people. You can even do a combination of both, especially when it comes to toxic people. Start to set digital boundaries today!
Financial Life
You may have friends who always like to go out. They want to do things like going out to eat, going to bars, going to the movies, buying the latest fashion trends, or seeing the latest live performance at the performing arts center. While nothing is wrong with that, you need to set boundaries if you can’t afford to keep up with your friends. You can start to limit your interaction with your friends who live a lavish lifestyle. They may or may not be able to afford the lifestyle they put on the appearance of living. Limiting your interactions with these friends will improve your financial life.
This will also help you learn to manage your money better. A good strategy is to calculate what the necessities cost each month by living a minimalist lifestyle. You can start by learning how to budget your money using websites, and apps like You Need A Budget (YNAB), PocketGuard, Goodbudget, Mint, and EveryDollar. You can then learn the difference between active income and passive income. As you get more advanced, you could consider starting your own business, which is the natural way how people build wealth, according to Robert Kiyosaki’s ESBI Quadrant. Once you have enough money, you can reinvest it into another venture, invest it into the stock market, or speculate.
Recommended Article: What Is Minimalism? 30 Benefits Of Living A Minimalist Lifestyle
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Mental Health
Your emotional life is critical to your well-being. If people in your life negatively affect your mental health by increasing mental health problems such as anxiety disorders, eating disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, trauma disorders, stressor-related disorders, and psychotic disorders, then limit your interactions. This will spend time with people who help your mental health. This will make each day more enjoyable.
Toxic people can negatively affect your mental health. A negative person will make you question your decisions and actions. Toxic people are often controlling and manipulative. As a result, they can make you depressed or anxious when you associate with them. Avoid toxic people as much as possible to improve your mental health.
Recommended Article: How Does Mental Health Affect Your Life? 5 Tips To Improve Your Life!
Recommended Article: 20 Ways How To Deal With Loneliness And Depression
Personal Health
Your health is vital to your well-being. However, if you allow people who encourage bad health habits, you may want to consider if they are worth spending time with. It could be a sign they are a negative person too. Some unhealthy habits could be excessive drinking, excessive eating, oversleeping or not getting enough sleep, dependence on drugs, and relying on caffeine.
According to a 2007 study, when you are in a relationship with a negative person, you increase your risk of having heart disease, diabetes, and metabolism issues. Toxic people can negatively affect your health. Negative people can also get you to develop bad habits which will affect your health. Harmful people only make your health worse.
Time Management
Another critical life skill is time management. Prioritize your life and the tasks you need to get done. Plan ahead of time what tasks you need to finish. Organize your living space which will help you to manage your time better. An organized room allows you to think more clearly. Now, start to organize and manage your time. Set boundaries for when you need to complete a task or project. Learn to say “no” to people and things that get in your way. Set goals for yourself and work to reach them. Start with small goals, then work to make the dreams bigger over time.
People, especially toxic people, can take away your valuable time. That is why you need to set boundaries with people, particularly harmful people, by telling people “no” to manage your time better. When you start to tell toxic people “no,” you will begin to develop self-confidence too. Time management is about setting boundaries for yourself and others. Poisonous people are time wasters.
Warning Signs Of A Toxic Person
There are signs of a toxic person to keep an eye out for in your relationships. Here are five warning signs of a toxic person.
Don’t Respect Boundaries
The first sign is that they do not respect the boundaries you have set for them. This is precisely why limits are critical. It is one test to identify a negative person! Toxic People disregard the boundaries you set for them because they expect you to do what they want even if you already told them no. Toxic people have no issues stomping on you to get what they want.
They Are Always Right
The second sign is that they are always right. Toxic people believe they can never be wrong. They think they are better than others and above everyone else. They will use people to meet their ends. They will have no problem continuing to use you if they know that they can get away with it.
They Always Blame Others
Third, toxic people always blame you for everything wrong in their life. A poisonous person never takes responsibility for their choices or actions. Instead, they blame others for their bad feelings and circumstances. You will find yourself on the defense when they ask you questions or accuse you of things you never did. Toxic people love to blame others.
They Never Apologize
The fourth sign of a toxic person is that they never apologize. Since toxic people believe they are always right, they see no need to ever apologize to you or anyone else. A negative person has no problem manipulating you to get what they want. They believe they are always in the right.
They Lie
Fifth, they are always lying to you. They are habitual liars. Toxic people have no problems being dishonest because they think they can get away with it. They have never paid any consequences for it, so they have no problem exaggerating facts, stories, or making something up to make you feel bad or to get what they want. You will never know if the stories they are telling are true. It doesn’t matter because they are telling you the story to get a reaction out of you or to use you in some way.
Types of Toxic People
You need to be aware of the many different types of toxic people in the world. You won’t know if you need to remove someone from your life if you can’t identify a toxic person. Here are some of the main types to keep an eye out for and be able to identify. Below are five main types of toxic people.
Jealous And Judgmental Person
The first type of toxic person is jealous and judgmental. This type of negative person dwells on self-hate. They are never happy, especially with their friends and the people around them. The jealous and judgmental types come off to people as being judgmental, critical, or a gossiper.
Drama Queen Or King
The second type love to create drama or to attract attention to themselves. There is always something going wrong. They can find a way to make something go wrong if there isn’t. Or, they won’t be afraid to exaggerate to make something appear wrong. This toxic person only cares about receiving your support, sympathy, and empathy. However, they never want to hear advice or ways to improve themselves. A drama queen or king is a complainer. They live for drama.
Control Freak
The third type of toxic person is the control freak. These toxic people love to control people, activities, things, and anything they can control and micro-manage. They will always argue, berate, and tell you that you are wrong if you disagree with them. These toxic people will suck your emotional and mental health like a vampire.
The Destroyer
The fourth type of toxic person is the destroyer. They will destroy everyone’s feelings, emotions, ideas, and thoughts without a second thought. The destroyer does not respect you or anyone else. They don’t view other people as their equals. The destroyer thinks they are smarter, more intelligent, or a better person believes they are superior to everyone else.
Narcissist
The fifth type of toxic person is the narcissist. Narcissists love to always talk about themselves or just have someone listen to them so they can hear themselves. They will interrupt you. They won’t let you talk. A narcissist is not interested in asking you questions or hearing about you. They never shut up. Narcissists are self-centered and will never pay attention to you or your needs.
How To Deal With Toxic People
If you know a toxic person, you must learn to tell them no. Stop letting them use, abuse, and take advantage of you. It would help if you started to stand up for yourself. You need to retake control of your life! Tell them no! Stop associating with them! Block them! Delete them from your life!
How to Remove Toxic People From Your Life
You have five main options for removing toxic people from your life. Your first option is to block them on all of your social media, phone, and from your life. This is the most direct approach. However, this can’t be done for everyone in your life, particularly with a family member.
Have The Conversation
Your first option is to have a conversation with them in person. A conversation in person will allow you to show non-verbal body language and have a long conversation with the person you are looking to end a relationship with. It will also give them the ability better to explain themselves from their words to their actions. You can plan to have this conversation in a public place. Depending on how bad the person has been to you in the past, you may want to consider recording the discussion until the relationship is ended and you no longer have any connections with them.
Have A Phone Call
Your second option is to have a phone call with the negative person. This option is less personable compared to an in-person conversation. This is another choice if you have known the person for a shorter time or are not very close to them. The phone still allows them to pick up on specific emotions, although they won’t be able to pick up on non-verbal communication over the phone. This is an option for a somewhat serious friend with whom you may want to end on good terms by having a conversation, but who is a toxic person.
Social Media Conversation
Your third option is to have a text message, chat over your favorite app, or chat on social media with the negative person. You can have a conversation with them over an app or chat. Similar to text messages, your tone and non-verbal communication is lost in the medium. If this is how you are connected or know the person, this may be the best or your only option. Have a chat conversation with them, explain your side, then end the relationship with your toxic friend.
Block Them
The fourth option is to block them on all your accounts that you are connected with them. You may have many social media accounts. Unfriend them. Block them. Delete them from your contact lists on your email and phone, then block them. Blocking people on social media is a powerful tool. Use it, especially for negative people.
Tailor The Methods To Work For Your Personal Situation
Your final option is to combine the best methods for removing toxic people from your life depending on if you view the relationship are essential to ending on friendly terms or if you can immediately sever the relationship with the toxic person. You could hide or block them on social media, but you may still need their phone number for work or if it is someone in your family. You will still need to set aside time to have a discussion with them to work to find ways to improve the relationships. During that discussion, you will want to put any boundaries for yourself and them for the relationship.
Bottom Line
It is ultimately up to you how you want to remove a toxic person from your life. These are five strategies to eliminate a toxic person from your life. It is now up to you to decide which method works best.
Conclusion
Toxic people contribute negativity to your life. They drain you of happiness. They demotivate you from working to reach your goals. You must learn to set boundaries, recognize toxic people, tell people no, then remove them from your life. It is up to you to follow the steps to expel a negative person from your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being Single Can Improve Your Life
It has been said that being single as an adult can be quite a stigma. How do you combat a statement that the majority of the population notes? The answer is simple: find data and statements that back up why being single can actually be a positive way to live your life. I feel deep down that the majority of many single people are influenced by the media that some fairy-tale relationship exists and that because we are single we are missing out. Apparently, this isn’t the trend:
“In 1962, half of the 21-year-olds and 90% of 30-year-olds had been married at least once.
In 2014, only 8% of 21-year-olds and 55% of 30-year-olds had been married.”
From time to time, I feel the same. How do you combat those lonely nights, or not having a welcoming and sweet voice to greet you at the door when you come home from a long day? Be compassionate with yourself, and understand that it is all in mindset. Organize your life in such a way that you become to fulfill all of your life’s desires with rich friendships, extraordinary moments and experiences, and attain the feeling of fulfillment when you accomplish life’s goals.
After scouring the internet, I found many positive examples of why being single can actually be a good thing. For one, you have a lot more time to be with yourself and meditate. You have more time to Know Thyself, which is one of the fundamental principals to understand the meaning of life.
Single people tend to be more social. Singles are more likely to stay in touch with family and friends, as well as keep be sociable with their neighbors. Socialization is key, it’s part of being human.
Without the responsibilities of tending to a family you’ve created, you can invest that time in relaxing and doing leisurely activities. Have you heard about the importance of rest and recovery? It goes a long way to ‘sharpen the saw’ by occasionally participating in activities that promote your well-being. Relaxation is key for survival in our current fast paced world. The BLS found that single people spend on average 5.6 hours a day on overall leisure activities, in comparison to married people who spend about 4.8 hours a day on leisure.
Exercise. Single people have more time to work out in comparison to their married counterparts who tend to get fat after marriage.
A recent study by W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, and Robert Lerman, an economics professor at American University found that single women professionals earn more money than married women.
Just because you are single does not mean you have some sort of social status stigma, it means you have more time to do the things you enjoy without having strings holding you back. If you really want a relationship, then you will find one — and no matter how hard it is, you will find a way to make it work. If you are single and in a stage of uncertainty (this feeling will come and go), you can find the silver lining. Good luck out there Secure Singles, find a way to see the bright side of life. Live it up!