Society proclaims to support equality and teaches that everyone should be treated with respect. However, popular culture only advocates and encourages respect in areas that are the foundation of its own social constructs. These social constructs typically are connected to coupling and marriage in America. Singles do not fit into this construct and in order to fit in singles must become coupled. Singles are a growing population in the United States and society should respect a temporary or permanent single status.
In a society that preaches tolerance and equality, the culture remains biased against the unmarried and singles of America. Popular culture discriminates against singles by promoting coupling and marriage from silly shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but the real damage against singles is through the media and science. Society needs to work on improving the image of single people in through popular media and in other mediums where singles remain marginalized. The solution is simple. Singles need to be treated with respect just like any other person that society tells people need to tolerate their lifestyle choice.
Respect for people and for people to make rational choices in their life is the foundation of society, but it is not given to people who are single. This needs to change. It is no one’s business to ask someone who is single twenty questions about their love life; if they are interested in someone, if they are dating, or why they need to find so that they can have children before they get too old to name just a few questions that are continually asked of singles. The demographics of America are changing with singles now making up 45% of the population. This fact alone should change the tone of society and of popular culture when it comes to talking about singles. Singles should stand up for themselves and articulate why they are currently single or why they have chosen to be a lifelong single.
There are a variety of singles that range from temporary singles, current singles, lifelong singles, single parents, widowers, and divorcees. This range makes it difficult for society to stereotype singles, yet that is what popular culture does to those who are unmarried. If American society is truly tolerant and believes in equality, then it needs to begin to respect the diversity of single people.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
To be single is to be looked down upon in a society obsessed with matrimania. Society and popular culture glorify coupledom and has convinced families, friends, and dating businesses that if someone is single that the single person must be rescued from singledom. Society has built a mythology surrounding dating, couples, and marriage and singles do not fit the cultural narrative. The cultural solution is for singles to be paired up. Singles should not succumb to society’s pressure to be in a relationship unless it is something that a person wants in life.
The American society has created a myth about dating and marriage that is sent out daily to Americans through Hollywood, movies, and television. The result is that if someone is not dating, they feel like they need to be in a relationship. This results in casual dating in order to fit in with friends and family. People have become judged by their lack of a significant other and for their single state. This is a problem that stems from society’s expectations and beliefs about single people. The belief is that once a single person dates, finds the one, and gets married that they will now be happy. The happiness argument along with that some social and political views argue that marriage provides a societal good so it is important for people to get married. These variety of arguments that society presents, along with the belief that there is a right to marry, only makes it more difficult to be single in the 21st Century.
Despite the fact that marriage is believed to be a right; the American divorce rate ranges from 40% to 50%, depending on how the study is done. Society and people continue to tell singles that they need to find a mate and get married since ignoring facts and rationalizing anything is easy to do. American divorce is a problem, yet marriage is still forced upon singles. Single shaming someone because they are not dating and are not married, or on their second or third marriage, is a problem that reflects the values of our culture.
Society needs to stop pressuring singles to date and to get married. The combination of the marriage myth and the divorce rate send contradictory societal messages, but singles still are expected to marry because it is a right. Singles need to present facts and arguments about the state of marriage to combat the societal perception that singles must get married to be happy.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Stereotypes are an “unfair and untrue belief that many people have about all people or things with a particular characteristic.” There are many false stereotypes about singles that is perpetuated by society and popular culture about single men and single women. Unmarried and Single Americans should work to change the negative stereotypes of single people by informing the culture and people when an opportunity presents itself.
Society stigmatizes and stereotypes singles that single women as being either sluts or whores. For women, being called a slut or a whore portrays that a woman dresses sexy in order to get with anyone she can only for the purpose of sex. The insult is then taken a step further when single women are called whores. This implies that single women can be bought off to perform sexual acts because they are not married or in a romantic relationship. These derogative terms used to describe single women, or women in general, should not be socially acceptable to call anyone but it is socially acceptable to call women a “slut” or “whore.” Each individual woman has different values and lives a unique life so society and people making broad generalization about why a woman may be single is offensive. Men are called other interesting things by society.
Society stigmatizes and stereotypes single men are being either criminals, perfectionists, lazy, or gay. These stereotypes reduce men across a perplexing range of characteristics from being an offender of some kind (possibly even a pedophile), too busy to date, too lazy to date, or that a man must only be physically and sexually attracted to women. Like single women, single men have reasons or circumstances for why they may be temporarily or permanently single but society stereotypes them for their single status.
As a single man who has never truly dated anyone, I have experienced many of the stereotypes and stigmas myself from a variety of people. I have been told that I should be careful as I get older to not interact with children and people who are underage because I am not married since parents may get the wrong idea about me. Also, once when a woman thought I was flirting with her at a bar. The woman came over and asked if I was texting my girlfriend, but once she learned that I was single and did not have a girlfriend she began to interrogate me. She proceeded to go through the several sexual orientations from asking if I was gay to if I was asexual since it was apparently odd that I was not dating and enjoyed being single. Needless to say, it is no one’s business to question singles why they are not dating and why they are single although it is socially acceptable to do so.
It is socially acceptable in modern society to critically stereotype and stigmatize the unmarried and singles and to grill them on the spot for reasons why they do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Society needs to stop encouraging people to act this way around single people. These stereotypes negatively reduce single women and single men to a damaging characteristic that society does not support and places it on singles. Society should stop single shaming and recognize the numerous reasons why someone may be single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Love is an important aspect of life. However, society often neglects the love of friendship (philia) by preferring romantic love (eros). Society elevates romantic love with a nationally recognized holiday, Valentine’s Day, but fails to recognize Friendship Day. Friends and community are vital, whether married or single, because “Man is by nature a social animal” (Aristotle, Politics, 1.1253a). For this reason, it is essential to have friends and to invest in friendship. Singles should be aware of the different levels of friendship and decide which type of friend to invest time and effort when developing and maintaining friendships.
There are four general levels of friendship: acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, and best friends. Robin Dunbar was the anthropologist and psychologist who arrived at the maximum social group that an individual can keep. An acquaintance is someone that you know slightly, but not well enough to be called a friend. Casual friends are people who you know and would invite to a large event or party. Dubar found that someone’s casual friends group could range from one hundred to two hundred, depending on how social a person is. The next level was close friends that is around fifty people. Within that group of fifty, there will be a smaller group of fifteen that you will talk with on a more routine basis and will turn to for support when problems or something good happens in life. The final group is made up of five people and these are best friends. This smallest group is often made up of your closest and best friends along with family members. These various types of friendship are important for singles and for society because it develops intimacy between friends and people.
In the age of social media where you can easily have more than two hundred friends, it is important to be able to relate and to actually know our friends. This means knowing the things that they enjoy, their birthday, and their life goals. The level of intimacy and knowledge of your friends as a single person will go deeper for each of the four levels of Robin Dunbar’s social groups. The human race, and the single and unmarried, are social animals by nature. As social animals, it is important to have friends and to decide which friendships to invest time and effort in as singles.
Society too often trivializes, or worse neglects, friendship by placing romantic and erotic love on a pedestal. Start to spend time with friends outside of Facebook and other social media and start a conversation with someone at your local bar or your favorite hang out spot. Friendship and social connection is an essential part of humanity. This indirectly harms individuals and society as a whole. It is important for singles and the unmarried to spend time with friends and to decide which friendship to grow and maintain in life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It is often thought that if someone goes out to eat or goes out for a drink that they should go with friends, a best friend, or a date. That is not the case. Eating alone is on the rise in the United States. Singles should not be afraid to go check out a new restaurant or to go to a bar alone to keep up with sports. It is exciting to be single and singles should feel secure eating alone.
Eating alone is no longer odd; in fact, restaurants and reservation apps such as OpenTable are seeing an increase in individual reservations. OpenTable saw a national rise in single reservations grow by 62% and is reported as the fastest growing table size. According to a recent study, almost “half of all meals in solitude” while the “popularity of solo dining is on the rise and has been for some time.” There is no longer any reason why eating alone or dining alone is a problem, especially if you are single. The single life is all about embracing the independence, mobility, and autonomy being single provides to individuals.
It is a pleasure to eat alone as a single. I lived three years in New York City. It is more common to see people go to happy hours alone or to go out to eat alone in metropolitan areas. Large and growing cities like New York City such as Seattle, Denver, Austin, and Washington DC are where the majority of singles live. OpenTable made a list of the top restaurants in major cities in the United States to dine solo and enjoy a fantastic meal.
The single life is all about utilizing the freedom, travel, and to adapt to new things by acting as you please. There are many wonderful restaurants, bars, cocktail lounges, and events to go to in a city. There is no need to have to wait for a friend to go and visit the new hot restaurant in your city. Fully embrace being single and try that restaurant that you have been wanting to visit this week. It is National Singles Week after all. Celebrate being single and unmarried and become comfortable dining and eating alone.