Ann Coulter sent out a Tweet the other day that succumbed to society’s stereotypes of singles being sad and lonely and couples being happy. Being single does not mean that you are unhappy and lonely. That is a myth created by society. The single shaming done by society, the media, and politics needs to stop since singles are now the majority of the American population.
Ann Coulter And The Culture Of Single Shaming
As someone with influence in society, especially in certain political circles, Ann Coulter is hurting singles. She should be helping them instead of saying that singles live “lives of quiet desperation and will die alone”. Further, as a professional single woman, Ann Coulter fails to realize the values of the single life and that singles are healthier than couples. Women are more independent than ever today. Women do not need a man to be happy. It is disheartening to see a single political celebrity take part in single shaming because Ann Coulter is not only shaming singles, but is also shaming herself.
Politics Of Being Anti-Single
The politics of both American political parties have always favored those who are married and have a family. This is because because they are an essential political base. Both the Democrat and Republican Parties have historically been anti-single. Politicians need to attract this base to to win an election. Politics has used taxes to assist those who are married and who have families since it is thought that families are a requirement for a healthy society. This belief has resulted in couples with children receiving tax deductions for children. Children become a tax write off for couples while singles pay a tax penalty.
These can include tax cuts and deductions for being married and having children. There are already more than 1,000 laws, just on the federal level, that help provide benefits to those who are married. Those laws were written and enacted by both American political parties. Washington and Politicians like to ignore singles because it is good for them to be seen as pro-marriage and pro-family. Why do you think politicians are always kissing babies on the campaign trail? To win votes and to look relatable to their voters. This has to change.
Direction Politics Should Take Towards Singles
Political institutions from the local level to the federal level in Washington need to realize that singles are now the majority of the American population. Those who are married are becoming a smaller number of the American population. Future policies that should work to dismantle tax deductions that those who are married receive for having children. Singles should not be taxed more people who are married. The more than 1,000 laws that favor those who are married should be rewritten or amended to make a truly equal playing field for everyone when it comes to taxes. It will not matter if they are single, cohabiting, or married. Everyone will be taxed the same instead of some receiving tax benefits from the government for having children.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being single gets a bad rap from people and society because it is often thought that if you are not dating someone or living with a partner, then you are either anti-social or there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being single, whether you are single by circumstance or single by choice. Despite popular thought, singles are more social than their coupled and married counterparts. Here are five reasons why being single does not mean you are anti-social or not part of a community because the single life provides freedom.
Singles Are Less Insulated Than Their Coupled Friends
The reality of life is that once you start dating someone, and later maybe marry someone, you become more insulated. This is because two people have committed to each other and as a result have moved to be closer to one of the partner’s families. The partner who most often moves closer to their partner’s family is the husband since the wife wants to be closer to family. This is not always the case, but this is very common. The newly married couple now mostly does activities with their family and family’s friends and does not get out as much compared to their single friends.
While those who are coupled up and married become more insulated, those who are single and unmarried are free to explore and make use of the freedom that the single life offers them. Singles are not committed to a person that also makes them a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to someone else’s family that brings additional obligations with marriage. Singles are able to make the most of their life to work on self-discovery, health, and their career. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is no reason why singles should be in a hurry to get hitched. Being single is fucking awesome!
Singles Have More Friends
Singles have a wider network and more friends than their married counterparts because they are able to meet more people and build new relationships. People who are married become more insulated and are unable to meet new people as they start a new family and stay confined within both of their familial network. This results in them having fewer friends and having less of an ability to meet new people compared to their single friends. Singles are able to go out when they want to, during the week or weekend when they want, while couples have to coordinate with their partner and possibly their family before they are able to go out. Singles should make the most of their unmarried life and meet new people to learn about other peoples’ life experiences and worldviews. Go out, meet people, and make friends singles!
Singles Volunteer More Than Their Coupled Friends
Again, since people who are dating or who are married become insulated and they have other priorities and they have less time to volunteer and to help their community. It has been found that singles volunteer more compared to their married friends. This is not surprising. Couples are committed to each other and in helping their partner and family to do well. Singles are often most interested in personal development, self-discovery, and helping to improve their community. For this reason, singles naturally are able to volunteer in their communities from their church, helping students, to political campaigns because there are not restrained by another person. Singles are able to allocate their time and volunteer for a cause they believe in!
Singles Are More Social Than Their Coupled Friends
Because singles are not restrained by a partner or have to work with a partner to do activities, singles are more social. Singles can try out new places where they live and talk to new people where they visit. The result the flexibility that the single life provides singles allows them to attend more events, explore their city, and to meet new people, and develop their personal network. There would be less opportunity for singles to do this if they were in a relationship. Singles should be open to meeting new people and exploring where they live!
Singles Can Build Their Own Community and Network
While couples become more insulated within their extended families and their own family, singles are able to build their own community and network. Singles are able to do this by meeting like-minded people in their community by attending events, volunteering for causes, and networking with professionals in their industry and industries that they are interested in as a professional. Community is important because human connection is part of the hierarchy of needs and it is healthy for singles to have interaction with other people. Singles should also work to build their career, business, and professional network. Networking is an important skill and your network can help you find people for future endeavors that you may have as a single professional.
Summary
There is a myth believed by society and people that if you are single, you are isolated and alone. Nothing is further from the truth. Singles are more social and have a larger community than their married friends. This is a simple list that only explains five simple ways why singles are in fact not isolated, alone, or anti-social but are in fact more involved and have a better social life than their married counterparts. Being single is great and there is no rush for singles to get married and to become restrained by a romantic relationship.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving dinner is the first holiday dinner that singles will have to go to this holiday season where family, extended family, and friends will ask you questions that are on all of their minds. Why are you still single? When was your last relationship? Why are you not dating anyone? When are you going to have children? While people are single for different reasons, there is nothing wrong with being single. This is a conversation recipe for how to respond to your family and friends interrogating questions about why you have no significant other.
Why Are You Still Single?
Directions: You are single because you found that the single life has much more to offer compared to when you were dating x, y, or z. In fact, you don’t see why it is a problem. Why are you asking me why I am single, you are not asking them why they aren’t divorced yet or how their marriage is going?
Recipe Variations: You are taking a break from relationships right now. You are content being single and have found that it better than dating. Or, you are single by choice and are not interested in ever getting into a relationship. You respect their choice to stay married, get divorced, live with their partner, etc; why can’t they respect your choice to remain single?
When Was Your Last Relationship?
Directions: Insert the number of years since your last relationship, now describe the values of the single life and how you have found them to benefit you while being in a relationship constrained you from achieving your potential. You can also say how you enjoy being single and you don’t know when your next relationship will be, you may be on a break, or that you have no interest in dating anyone.
Recipe Variations: You can point out that singles are on the rise, millennials are delaying marriage, and relationships can be overrated.
Why Are You Not Dating Anyone?
Directions: Describe that the need to date and to become a serial dater is a repercussion of society’s dating industrial complex. There is no need for people to date to be in romantic relationships when friendships can actually be more worthwhile. The need to always date has driven people into a relationship hysteria and to not recognize that the single life is worth living. You are enjoying your time being single and being able to focus on developing yourself instead of having to take care of someone else.
Recipe Variations: Pick the dangers of dating and online dating, especially in light of all the recent sexual assault and abuse scandals. Consider adding a generous dash of sass, spice, or sarcasm about the dating industry and people always being in relationships as you want.
When Are You Going to Have Children?
Directions: You can say that you have never asked about their sex lives and whether or not they planned to have their children or if they are considering having more. How is this an appropriate question?
Recipe Variations: This is one of the more direct and uncomfortable questions to be asked, you are welcome to retaliate to the question as you think is best. The response range can range from a jalapeno to ghost pepper, dependent upon the context and tone of the person who asked it. There is nothing wrong with being childless. It is fine to be single and childless.
These are four short and easy conversation recipes to guide you through those awkward questions that family and friends love to ask singles at Thanksgiving. Please use a generous dash of the ingredients and spices of your choice when responding to each question as the circumstances require. Turn up the heat and watch these questions burn in flames.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Recently a young woman put herself through 80 first dates to find Mr. Right. You heard it – 80 dates and counting. We’re talking 80 different nights of getting ready, doing hair, makeup, and picking out the right outfit. Combined in total, that’s a lot of effort. When we approach the age of 30, the majority of our friends will statistically be married, have children, and have been divorced at least once (yikes!). Though, data tells us that there is a steady decline of marriage overall.
American society still pressures us to pair up, and if not then people feel sorry for you because you’re single. What the fuck is wrong with our society? There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re single. Personally, I’ve noticed me being single proses people to put me on terrible blind dates, and even ask how promiscuous I am or if I’m getting any – whoa now, that can be pretty personal. Let’s just say I enjoy being single, and all the freedom that comes with it. America is all about freedom, right?
In attempts to fit the norm, people like the woman above desperately scramble to find someone to marry – which can be a cause for disaster. When you force things, it never tends to go well. This woman may want to have a meaningful relationship with someone, but the fact that she went through 80 dates with no avail proves one of two things: she either has really high standards (nothing wrong with that), or the people who go on these dates reek of desperation.
Let’s go back to this – 80 dates. She might feel pressure from family and friends. She might also be called out for being a spinster. If she can’t find someone, then it’s just not the right time. Not saying there is anything wrong with being in a relationship, but one should never feel inclined and desperate enough to go on 80 dates.
I firmly believe there are good men and women out there that are perfectly date-able, but some people just like their independence – like me! Every time I do get into a relationship, I compromise a lot only to realize the men I attract are ‘emotionally unavailable’, complete jerks, or end up being stalkers – which is why I carry my pepper spray on my keys now, thanks Jim!
Looking at the woman who went on 80 dates, I find she is extremely attractive and ambitious. If she cannot find a guy, then she shouldn’t feel desperate. She should enjoy herself, and build a huge bucket list of things she can do to enjoy life to the fullest. This reminds me of a great quote by Mae West:
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Again, I think 80 dates is completely ridiculous. It should never come to that much of a desperate measure, and when it comes to getting into a relationship, desperation is a GREAT repellent to keep you single. So don’t feel that way.
Stay single and be happy – you will enjoy your life a lot more, and will attract good friendships, experience, and feels. You’re life is worth is to be happy – not desperate. To all the hopeful singles out there, Bobby McFerrin puts it this way, ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.’
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?
Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.
You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.
On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on telegraph.co.uk describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children.
People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.
When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret.
Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Bill Maher just released a video that included a segment on singles. He presented singles in a positive light and asked, why do single people not have their own holiday? Bill Maher presentedd a nice summary of facts about the single demographics that Secure Single has covered on the site. It is nice for someone who has mainstream recognition to finally acknowledge singles. This is a step in the right direction. Society needs to realize the reality of the single population in countries and make a holiday that celebrates singles’ contributions to society.
In the five minute video, Bill Maher summarized data and studies about singles. He told his viewing audience that singles now outnumber those who are married and that singles are the new norm. Singles do have a smaller carbon foot print than their married counterparts. Society needs to stop with the negative stereotypes of those who are unmarried and face reality. Maher also told viewers that society and people need to stop believing that those who are single are incomplete and suspect. He explained that being single can be a rational decision (for those who are single by choice). Bill Maher told his audience that compared to couples; singles exercise more, are healthier, have less debt, have stronger social ties with family and friends, and that not being married should not be a shock. This is the 21st Century after all
Bill Maher asked for a holiday to be made for all single people since holiday are made for those who are married or who have a role to their children. His name for the holiday was “I Didn’t Reproduce Day.” While that name is comical, it still is negative to singles. There is a National Single Parents Day, but there needs to be a National Singles Day that celebrates being single. Here are some other Single Holiday, or holidays, name ideas:
- Secure Singles Day
- National Singles Pride Day
- Single By Choice Day
- Happy Singles Day
- Single Life Day
Since I first started Secure Single, I am happy to see that someone who is recognized by the mainstream is finally bringing the truth about singles out of society’s closet. There is nothing wrong with being single. No one is incomplete if they are single. No one should be held suspect by someone because they are single. There should not be any pressure for those who are single and unmarried to have children if they do not want to have kids. Being single is a healthy lifestyle choice or stage in life and society needs to begin to acknowledge that fact. This is a step in the right direction, thank you Bill Maher. The Secure Single Team will continue to move society’s pendulum to change the perception of all singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
What You Need To Know About WHO’s Single Disability
The World Health Organization has listed being single as a disability under their definition of infertility. How can being single mean that a man or woman is infertile? It may just be the case that an individual is waiting for the one.
The World Health Organization is making an assumption that single people are disabled, which makes single people infertile. This statement does not account for out of wedlock single parents, common law marriage, teen pregnancies, divorcees, or widowers – of which, many have children. Because the definition is so broad, it would extend to children and our elders, which is also odd to comprehend as a disability. However, the WHO does define infertility as “[the] disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.” The definition of infertility is now written in such a way that it includes the rights of all individuals to have a family, and that includes single men, single women, gay men, and gay women.
For technicalities, wouldn’t this exclude a person’s lifestyle choice and not their inability to conceive? The WHO pushes the issue even further as of late fall 2016 by revising their definition of infertility, according to the Telegraph:
“Single men and women without medical issues will be
classed as ‘infertile’ if they do not have children.”
Snopes noted that the WHO will declare that a person’s choice to be single should no longer be regarded as simply a medical condition is unproven. However, the WHO remains firmly committed to the principles set out in the preamble to the Constitution of the World Health Organization, who’s statement about singleness as an infertile disability is in accordance with one of the first principles:
- Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
- The enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one of the fundamental rights of every human being without distinction of race, religion, political belief, economic or social condition.
- The health of all peoples is fundamental to the attainment of peace and security and is dependent on the fullest cooperation of individuals and States.
- The achievement of any State in the promotion and protection of health is of value to all.
- Unequal development in different countries in the promotion of health and control of diseases, especially communicable disease, is a common danger.
- Healthy development of the child is of basic importance; the ability to live harmoniously in a changing total environment is essential to such development.
- The extension to all peoples of the benefits of medical, psychological and related knowledge is essential to the fullest attainment of health.
- Informed opinion and active co-operation on the part of the public are of the utmost importance in the improvement of the health of the people.
- Governments have a responsibility for the health of their peoples which can be fulfilled only by the provision of adequate health and social measures.
According to the WHO website, the WHO Constitution was adopted by the International Health Conference held in New York from 19 June to 22 July 1946, signed on 22 July 1946 by the representatives of 61 States and entered into force on 7 April 1948.
Even though the statements from the WHO are just words, they are just as demeaning as racism and negative LGBT slurs. The statements from the WHO are closely a legislative slap in the face. Supportive conspirators defended the disability claim as a revised definition that every individual currently has “the right to reproduce”. How would both statements coincide? The WHO’s definition of single persons being disabled does not bar single people from producing children, but rather it is an odd and extremely broad definition. People who have a disability generally have the right to do as they please but are barred because of their disability. According to the CDC.gov, the number of live births to unmarried women is 1,601,527, which breaks down to a birth rate for unmarried women to be 43.4 births per 1,000 unmarried women aged 15-44 years. So, approximately the percentage of all births to unmarried women is 40.3%. This statistic is pretty shocking.
There are some benefits to the WHO’s definition of single-disability. The Telegraph stated, “Under the new terms, heterosexual single men and women, and gay men and women who want to have children would be given the same priority as couples seeking IVF because of medical fertility problems.The WHO’s decision is likely to place pressure on the National Health Service to change their eligibility standards concerning in vitro fertilization.”
Having a lifestyle choice to be single should not be deemed a medical disability. However, this ‘disability’ can benefit single people who want children. It is a legislative slap in the face and marginally demeaning definition for single people across the globe. To find out more information on the WHO, check out their website and send an email to their office if the statement of singles being a disability offends you.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and popular thought consider those who are single and unmarried to be naturally selfish. One influential person is Eric Klinenberg who wrote an article for The American Interest called Selfishness as Virtue in response to the book Going Solo, which he called the book’s premise “nonsense.” Unfortunately, that is how people view those who are single and not dating as living a nonsensical life. But is that the case? No. Contrary to Klinenberg and popular culture, singles are not selfish and they do in fact contribute to society.
Klinenberg’s main problem with singles, compared to couples, is that they do not transfer social reproduction to future generations. What Klinenberg means by social reproduction is both the biological act of having children and transferring values from parents to children to maintain the moral foundation of society. While he is partially correct that parents are initially responsible for transferring morality and ethics to the next generation that is not completely true. Individuals, after they have grown up, can choose to reject the teachings of their parents and decide to follow the moral teachings of a philosophy, religion, or culture. For this reason, Klinenberg’s arguments against expressive individualism fail because the individual is ultimately responsible for how they live their life rather than being told by parents, friends, or the state how to best live one’s own life. Despite that reason, Klinenberg and others will still hold to the belief that singles are selfish.
As someone who is not interested in not dating or getting married, I have heard variations of the above argument mostly from past generations (but not from Millennials). Essentially; I have been told that I am selfish because I am delaying marriage to pursue higher education, enter the growing field of information assurance, and because I may not want to stay long-term in Denver rather than settling down. Additionally, I have been told that I should get married because single people tend make less compared to couples. While that the latter fact is true, that is because of the additional benefits that couples receive from being married both in the work place and from the government as well as potentially two people working compared to one. Those policies are in place because the reasoning made above by Klinenberg and others that marriage provides an inherent good to society that single cannot provide has won out in public policy and discourse. If those tax and other policies were repealed, it would be a large step towards making those who are single and unmarried more equal towards those who are married. There are more ways to contribute to society than only having and raising children.
Those who are single and unmarried contributions are often overlooked by society. Singles are more likely to volunteer and to help their aging parents compared to couples. Does this still mean that singles are selfish since they do not have children? There are many ways to contribute to society, but having children remains on a pedestal compared to the other multitude of options. Single have more time compared to those who are married which allows them to volunteer and invest their time in things that are of interest to them and to give back to society with their time, talent, and money. Those are all good ways things too!
Society should decide to support and respect individuals’ choices to remain single and unmarried rather than telling them that they will only be respected if they are married. All of the single and unmarried people need to be part of the solution to resolving this problem by explaining to others how singles actually give back to society. While there is nothing wrong with being married, the popular perception that single are selfish needs to stop. Singles are not selfish. Singles are people just like everyone else.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Stereotypes are an “unfair and untrue belief that many people have about all people or things with a particular characteristic.” There are many false stereotypes about singles that is perpetuated by society and popular culture about single men and single women. Unmarried and Single Americans should work to change the negative stereotypes of single people by informing the culture and people when an opportunity presents itself.
Society stigmatizes and stereotypes singles that single women as being either sluts or whores. For women, being called a slut or a whore portrays that a woman dresses sexy in order to get with anyone she can only for the purpose of sex. The insult is then taken a step further when single women are called whores. This implies that single women can be bought off to perform sexual acts because they are not married or in a romantic relationship. These derogative terms used to describe single women, or women in general, should not be socially acceptable to call anyone but it is socially acceptable to call women a “slut” or “whore.” Each individual woman has different values and lives a unique life so society and people making broad generalization about why a woman may be single is offensive. Men are called other interesting things by society.
Society stigmatizes and stereotypes single men are being either criminals, perfectionists, lazy, or gay. These stereotypes reduce men across a perplexing range of characteristics from being an offender of some kind (possibly even a pedophile), too busy to date, too lazy to date, or that a man must only be physically and sexually attracted to women. Like single women, single men have reasons or circumstances for why they may be temporarily or permanently single but society stereotypes them for their single status.
As a single man who has never truly dated anyone, I have experienced many of the stereotypes and stigmas myself from a variety of people. I have been told that I should be careful as I get older to not interact with children and people who are underage because I am not married since parents may get the wrong idea about me. Also, once when a woman thought I was flirting with her at a bar. The woman came over and asked if I was texting my girlfriend, but once she learned that I was single and did not have a girlfriend she began to interrogate me. She proceeded to go through the several sexual orientations from asking if I was gay to if I was asexual since it was apparently odd that I was not dating and enjoyed being single. Needless to say, it is no one’s business to question singles why they are not dating and why they are single although it is socially acceptable to do so.
It is socially acceptable in modern society to critically stereotype and stigmatize the unmarried and singles and to grill them on the spot for reasons why they do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Society needs to stop encouraging people to act this way around single people. These stereotypes negatively reduce single women and single men to a damaging characteristic that society does not support and places it on singles. Society should stop single shaming and recognize the numerous reasons why someone may be single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single parents are a growing household in the United States, but single father households are on the rise. There are different types of single fathers according to how single fathers decide to live their lives. Society should be aware of the different types of single fathers without stereotyping and stigmatizing them.
Contrary to the stereotype of single fathers, and single parents in general, there are a range of options available to single fathers. The individual situation of a single father’s circumstances and preferences influence lifestyle choices. Some circumstances that may sway single father’s decisions are going through a separation or a divorce from one’s partner and possibly having to fight for custody or for visitation rights for any children that a father may have had with a spouse. While going through any of those experiences are difficult on a single father and all parties involved, following those experiences a single father has to make other life decisions that impact both the father and the child. Some of the lifestyle options for a single father include cohabitation or living with a non-marital partner once a single father meets a new person. Nevertheless, for single fathers, there are more options available than what the societal stereotype portrays and what popular culture believes about single fathers. The societal and popular culture view is too simplistic. For this reason, the various types of single fatherhood and each individual’s particular situation of classifying single fathers more complex than society portray single fatherhood.
Similar to a project that Secure Single is currently working on of creating a spectrum of the range of singlehood to singleness, there seems to be a range for single fathers and for single parents (whether single fathers or single mothers). This continuum would generally apply to single parents, both single fathers and single mothers. Society should change its depiction of single parents and of since single fathers particularly because single father households currently outnumber those of single mothers. Ultimately though, the social stigma and stereotypes of single fathers and single mothers must change.
Society depicts fathers as being incompetent of being able to raise and to care for children. This is a problem since both two-married-parent households and single-parent households both face this problem, but it is especially a problem for single fathers since they face a society and popular culture that sends a negative messages and stereotypes about single fathers. Stereotypes are simple and easy. Single fatherhood is complex and difficult, despite what society may believe about any single fathers today as being unable to successfully raise a child without a mother.