There’s a big difference between the coupled up folks and us. Single woman problems are real. Life is meant to be filled with joy, and coupledom according to everyone at your holiday get-togethers. Us loners are considered broken or weird. But in fact, we’re the smart ones (and the funny ones).
We’re supposed to be miserable, lonely and depressed until we meet “the one”
I’m calling bullshit. Since we were little girls, we’ve been led to believe that things are only great when you have someone else to call your very own. So, the time of year that single woman problems indeed arise is during the holidays. I can cook a damn ham alone, thank you very much, and I’m not afraid of cuffing season either.
And a man won’t make it taste any better (especially if he’s a vegetarian)
People unlike us have been infected with holiday cheer and single women . . . what? Can’t have cheer all by our bad selves? We can have plenty of joy. In fact, being single during the holiday is fine and dandy if you go about it the right way. Of course, there are challenges of being single, but I like to eat those problems for breakfast.
You can throw that can of single woman problems out the window along with the nasty canned cranberry sauce your aunt Mabel insists is delicious when you have the secret sauce
She also insists that you’d be better off if only you’d let her set you up with that nice geeky boy from church. But you know better. You’d much instead pick out your own geek to be jolly with and sing Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer all by your lonesome. Challenges of being single are noticed more by your family than you.
While you’re at it, you can check out these funny Christmas carol opposites with your single girlfriends. That is if you have any left. It’s given me some inspiration for a new song I’ll share with you soon. All I have to say is it’s great being single.
If someone at your family get-together asks you your favorite question “How could you still be single?” What’s a gal to do?
Even if you don’t want to make Uncle Harry uncomfortable by not playing “nice,” sometimes it’s essential. I know you want to keep everyone happy around the Christmas wreath with hot cocoa. As long as you have your flask or rum, I promise nobody will get hurt with this question. I digress.
The holidays can be tough for a sweet girl like you when in reality you’re just plain sick of answering that stupid question. It’s time for you to teach the naysayers a lesson or two. Unmarried woman life isn’t too bad.
We can take a lesson ourselves from the movie “Bridget Jones.” She’s inspired me to come up with exactly what to say in those annoying conversations. Here’s one of my favorite lines from the movie:
Bridget: [voiceover] Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find a nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.
Instead of making up excuses, I think it’s time for you to print out some song sheets and gather your family round’ the old Christmas tree
I’ve taken some royalties with the song “The Twelve Days Of Christmas.” I think you’ll like it. I call it “The Eight Days Of Dating.”
On the first day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
A pervert in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
On the third day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Three peeping toms
On the fourth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
On the fifth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Five peeping toms
On the sixth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Six guys with no jobs
On the seventh day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
On the 8th day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Eight men a ghosting . . .
Have you heard enough Aunt Mable? I bet you a dollar, she’ll never ask you that question after you sing one round of The Eight Days Of Dating. Ever again.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada is a contributing author at Secure Single LLC. You can connect with her at DinaColada.com for loads of dating advice and profile makeovers or on Instagram.
Secure Single provides a forum for a diverse variety of perspectives, ideas, experiences, and resources and does not take official stances. All writers speak exclusively for themselves. Concurrently, any quotes, shares, reposts, interviews, etc. do not imply endorsement by Secure Single LLC or its curators. Now go live your best single life!