The Internet has created many benefits, such as allowing people to create their own online businesses and build passive income. The negative side of the Internet is that it has made it easier to stalk, dox, and take photos online. Cyber safety is especially a concern for women. Here is an introduction to online safety for single women.
An Introduction To Online Safety For Single Women
What Is Online Safety?
Online security requires ensuring your digital identity and information are posted or available online. It includes highly technical skills, such as white hat hacking and awareness of what you post online. As the Internet connects more people today, people can access a wide range of information. For single women, cyber harassment ranges from cyberstalking to inappropriate use of photos online.
Facebook And Instagram (Meta)
Facebook, now called Meta, became popular because it became a place for people to connect and share what was going on in their lives. That also meant that people shared their locations, videos, and photos.
Limit who you allow to see your posts, from text to photos. Turning your account private will give you the most privacy. You can then decide who can share your posts outside of your Facebook friends.
For Twitter, set your account to private. Another option is limiting the number of people who can respond to your tweet. The three possibilities are that anyone can reply, only the people you follow, or you may mention in a Tweet.
LinkedIn is a professional social media network. It combines a media feed with professional networking. LinkedIn allows you to change the visibility of your email address. This will help prevent people from soliciting your emails if they are publicly available. LinkedIn also allows users to make their accounts private. The account will then only be able to be viewed by LinkedIn users who are logged in rather than being found on the Internet if someone searches your name.
Protecting Photos Online
Photos and videos can be downloaded if they are publicly available online. Turn the settings to private or delete them on social media accounts.
EXIF Data
Data is in everything. That is true of the photos that you take with your phone. EXIF data includes the following after a picture is taken:
- Where the photo was taken.
- The time the photo was taken.
- The camera setting used on the camera when a photo was taken.
- The device name
- The serial number of the camera
You can read this article by How-To Geek to learn how to remove EXIF and geotagging information from your photos.
Solutions
Limit or do not post photos or videos online. That may be difficult, though, if you are an influencer.
Do not share the actual location of where you live or your location when you are out, and do not check in on apps. If you decide to post pictures or videos, remove the EXIF and geotagging data.
Only interact with people you have built trust with. Be careful of the images, videos, and content you share online. It will likely be there forever, and traces may still be found even if deleted.
Secure Single recommends:
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5 Reasons For The Growing Lack Of Self-Confidence In Young People
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Debunking The Myth Of The Magical Other
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12 Ways Popular Culture Idealizes Marriage
Summary
The Internet has many great uses, but one of its significant downsides, especially for single women, is cyberstalking and being sexually harassed online. This is just an introduction for single women on online safety. Single women can research and learn more about the technical aspects of online safety and cybersecurity from specialized websites.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperbackand for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Does society have a double standard when it comes to single people? Today’s culture subjects people to an incompatible double standard with its portrayal of lonely single men versus empowered single women.
From criminal profilers in law enforcement to insurance companies setting your rate, being single is usually a liability.
Lonely Single Men Versus Empowered Single Women
Lonely Single Men
Society calls single men lonely. Our culture then equates single men with being involuntary celibates or incels. The public portrays single men in negative ways. They are unsuccessful because they don’t have a girlfriend or a wife. Men are creeps because they are single. People tend to think there is something wrong with single men.
Culture doesn’t think that men can enjoy being single. However, many men can enjoy being single. They may have no interest in dating or marriage. Overall, society sends a negative message about single men. In contrast, it sends a positive message about single women.
Related – What Is Involuntary Celibacy?
Related – The Myth Of Toxic Masculinity In A Gynocentric Social Order
Empowered Single Women
While society presents single men as lonely, it calls single women empowered. Our culture gives a positive message about remaining single to women. People tend to say single women are powerful because they are bucking the system by not dating or settling down with a partner or spouse.
Women don’t need a man, thanks to feminism. They can be alpha females. Single women don’t need a man for anything. Women can do everything a man can do. They can do it better! That is the positive message that our culture sends to women. They can be empowered and independent women.
Related – Career Focused Women: Independent Women
Related – Single Women – 5 Skills You Can Learn To Empower Yourself
Related – More Women Want To Be Single: Why We’re Leaving Behind An Age-Old Tradition Of Marriage
Society’s Double Standard
Society sends a clashing message about being single with its hypocritical statement about lonely men versus empowered single women. The public tends to think that men are lonely and that there is something wrong with them for not having a romantic relationship. While for single women, it sends the positive message that they are powerful and can live their best life single without a partner or spouse.
This is truly a conflicting message!
There Is Nothing Wrong With Being Single
No matter if you are a single man or a single woman. You can know that there is nothing wrong with being single. People may be single for many different reasons. You can learn to enjoy being single. The most important relationship that you can have is the one with yourself.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Who enjoys being single more? Men or women? According to a study in the United Kingdom, single women enjoy their single status more than single men.
Do Single Women Prefer To Be Single Compared To Single Men?
What the study found
According to a study from the UK research firm Mintel. 61% of single women in the UK reported feeling content and being single compared to 49% of single men who felt the same about being single. Interestingly, 75% of single women decided not to actively pursue a relationship in the past year than 65% of single men.
According to Mintel’s Jack Duckett, because single women are “typically better at creating support groups with whom they can discuss their thoughts and feelings, putting less pressure on the need for a relationship.” Men often have a more difficult time creating support groups and being able to discuss their feeling. Duckett explains further, “[With] many men still largely finding it difficult to be open about their thoughts and feelings, the absence of a partner could mean that they have no one they can talk with about issues affecting them.” For this reason, single men struggle more to enjoy their single status. Gender roles in relationships have also changed over the past 50 to 70 years. In the past, women were dependent on men to be the breadwinners and responsible for the household. Today, women can be successful on their own and make their own decisions. They do not need a husband or a spouse to succeed today since they can be successful independently. They can make their life how they want. Single women no longer feel like they are inferior or missing out on things in life. They can now focus on their job, career and do what they want to do without having a husband.
Both single men and single women encounter similar challenges in life. These shared challenges include eating healthy, paying rent, paying the mortgage, paying utility bills, and ensuring that the household chores got done. The study found that single men and women had lower confidence when it came to social activities than those who lived with a partner, were married, or were in a civil partnership. Singles can develop self-confidence and improve their social skills if they feel uncomfortable in social situations. Being single allows you to build self-awareness, learn to be independent, and develop life skills to clean, cook, or work on finding a side hustle. The freedom of the single life gives you the ability to run your own life how you want.
Conclusion
Single women may enjoy their single status more than single men, but this is just one study. Singles are a rising demographic as people are staying single longer today. No matter why you may be single, being single is a time to develop your life skills and to thrive as a single person.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You may feel that society deems single women as less than or incomplete for some reason. But being single is the opposite of weakness. Being single and not having a Valentine’s Day date this year can empower you immensely. After you read this article, you’ll be one of the select few who will know how to have the right mindset to be single and feel good about it.
How You Can Feel Empowered By Not Having A Valentine’s Day Date
Not settling for any old Valentine’s Day date means you have exceptional standards
You know you deserve the best life has to offer. There’s no reason to go out with just any old guy just to have a date on a specific day of the year. When you choose to be with someone, he’ll be the man that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. You won’t complete each other, you’ll complement one another
You don’t need to have a Valentine’s Day date with a man to be happy
Because you know having a relationship won’t make you happy. Especially if you rush into exclusivity with the wrong guy. You don’t need anyone to put a ring on it to smile every day. You can do this by your bad self. Valentine’s Day is the day to be elated that you’re not in a subpar relationship.
Independence is a good thing (you know this from your previous bad relationships)
Basing your life on depending on someone else isn’t what a strong woman like you needs. You’ve got this. You can pay your own bills, make your own dinner, and do whatever you want whenever you want it.
You get to make your own decisions
Any changes you want don’t need to be voted on by anyone else. If you’re going to buy a $300 la cruset pot, more power to you. You don’t need to ask permission to spend your own money. Life is in your hands. This freedom is something many women crave and don’t have.
Having a Valentine’s Day week doing what you want is a dream come true
Instead of having to get a rose that smells like every other flower in the shop (they spray them to feel like that you know!), you can get yourself a flower that smells like it’s supposed to. You can hug your friends and family and not feel obligated to have sex just because it’s one of the things you’re supposed to do for the Valentine’s Day romance department. When you’re in a relationship there are days you just don’t want to do it, and he wants to (all night long). Enjoy the sleep you’ll get!
The fact that you’re single means you are brave enough to be alone
There are people out there who don’t know what to do if they’re single. You’re not one of those folks. Not having a Valentine’s Day Date this year isn’t a big deal. It’s really just another day (that has some disturbing historical facts by the way). Enjoy your Valentine’s Day date this year— you. Because you’re worth it.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are some ladies out there who don’t want to deal with friends, let alone a boyfriend. But even if you’re a single woman you’ve still got these . . . You know, urges. And you want to satisfy them healthily and with a man.
Why You Need Some Hot Booty (If You’re A Sexy Single Woman)
Sometimes you want to get your freak on and find some hot booty
If you find the right person, sex can be great! But if there’s no chemistry, or he’s clueless— well, that’s a different nightmarish story that you’ll want to forget. So how can you find a guy and get some good lovin’ even if you don’t want a boyfriend or a partner? It’s better to find one in person.
If you’re a woman, it’s pretty darn easy to find a man who is willing to satisfy (or at least give it some sort of effort) your deepest desires. You’ve first got to get your flirt on.
There are two ways for a woman to find some hot booty
- Path one: Leave the house (that’s a start)
- Path two: Stay inside and get on Tinder
The first path will take a little more effort on your part
Path two of finding some action is what I’m going to cover in this article. You’ll have to put in a bit of time, but it will be worth it because you can see all the men’s body language.
You will, however, have to get out of your pink and white polka dotted bathrobe and push Binky, the cat off your lap. You’ll have to brush your teeth and your hair (you could actually skip this, but I don’t suggest it) and put some clothes on.
If you’re a single woman and want to get a super hot guy, I would suggest putting on makeup and some sexy clothes too
We’re talking low cut tops, push-up bras, and heels that aren’t made for walking. They’re usually just collecting dust on the top shelf in your closet. They do serve a purpose, and I’m glad you have an excellent selection to choose from. But don’t worry you won’t do much walking anyway.
The second step of the second path is to go to a local pub, club or even a coffee shop. But we know the club is your best bet. Because people are dancing and drinking. But we all know why they’re really there. They want to meet someone for at least one night.
Grab a sex-on-the-beach, a Sprite or mocktail if you’re a non-drinker
You don’t even have to get on the dance floor. You can literally sit your butt at the bar and simply look pretty. There is hardly any effort involved. When you sit down, make sure there’s an empty seat beside you.
The next step is all in the eyes
So if you stay put the magic of this seduction is to make eye contact with the guy that catches your eye. You’ve got to look at him for a few seconds (which will most likely feel like an eternity). Then look at him again.
As the old saying goes, third time’s a charm
Then if you want casual sex, you’ve got to look at him again and this time put on your most coy smile.
Getting the attention of a man is pretty easy, really if you know some basic flirting moves
Smile. Make eye contact. Flip your hair. Run your fingers down your neck as you do.
Look at him. You know, the basics. Men aren’t that complicated when it comes to attracting them into your world. If he’s a little shy, you can also look at him then look at the empty seat next to you. Flirting can not only help your love life. Getting your flirt on can also help you in business.
Make sure you make direct eye contact with him and then look directly at the chair
Even the shyest guy can’t resist this move. He’ll know you’re interested, and now your night has suddenly gotten more interesting. I hope you’ve enjoyed these fun and flirty moves and you get precisely what you want tonight. Please leave any comments below if you enjoyed this article!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
I’m really excited to talk to you about my experience as an Uber driver and freelance experience (it’s a great way to get closer to a man’s yearly earnings). When you’re a single woman it’s a great idea to figure out a side hustle because the bills don’t seem to stop.
Life As A Single Woman Uber Driver [The Gig Economy Experience]
Having some Uber Driver money (or other side hustle) in your pocket can change your life
A trip to Ulta beauty to buy one lipstick from Urban Decay can cost you over 19 bucks. You can probably make this much money in about an hour driving Uber if you need to stock up on makeup or buy organic groceries for your persistently hungry teenagers.
First, let’s talk about the gender pay gap between women and men
Well, it’s no secret women in America earn an average income well below that of men (no kidding). I’m going to fill you in with some staggering statistics.
I got these numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and The Institute For Women’s Policy Research. Through these sources, I discovered full time working women only earn $0.76 to every working man’s dollar. Holy smoke! I’ve created a handy dandy chart for you here so it’s easy to understand how much more money men are making than you.
Men make almost $500,000 more than women make in a lifetime
When you add it up it seems almost unbelievable. I’m terrible in math and at first thought, it was $50,000. I wish I would have been right. It’s time for us to catch up with men.
In many households today the gig economy is a real thing because it has to be— especially for single women
We need to make more money— that’s the bottom line. And if you’re not doing any side gigs yet, you might want to consider it and pay off your Sallie Mae student loans for the English degree you’re not even using.
The gig economy became popular during the financial crisis of 2008 to 2009. During this to time, people had to find ways to make some cash.
Gigging is ever-expanding and hopefully, women’s pay will also expand enough to catch up
This gig economy now is estimated to have around 34% of the workforce, and by 2020 it’s expected to be closer to 43%. So almost half of Americans will be doing side gigs. There is a good reason for this (or rather, a bad one).
Debt is skyrocketing out of control for too many people
No wonder side gigs are happening— the approximate debt of the average American is about $38,000 according to CNBC. That’s more money than the average woman makes in the US until she hits her 35th birthday. This amount of debt is unacceptable!
This information (and rant) is coming from a woman who filed bankruptcy 5 years ago due to drowning in over $45,000 in credit card debt after a divorce
This whopping average debt includes mortgages, student loans, car loans, and personal loans and of course credit cards (with exorbitant interest rates). People today often don’t have a choice but to enter the gig economy.
You need money. I need money. We all need more money. You can do it with freelancing
Harvard Business Review estimated that about 150 million North American and Western European countries were independent contractors. I’m one of them (in many areas). I’m not a steady paycheck kind of person, and I’m used to fluctuating income sources. Maybe you don’t know anything different.
What’s it’s like being a full-time gigger and entrepreneur
I’ve been an entrepreneur for most of my adult life. I’ve also had brick-and-mortar businesses, bartended, managed restaurants, waited tables, sold stuff on eBay and Etsy, still have a concession stand and face painting business, and currently do lots and lots of freelance writing, branding, and copywriting for other businesses.
I live and breathe the gig economy. I haven’t had a “real” job ever— at times it’s scary (but it’s totally worth it!)
I’ve also been fired and squeezed out of more jobs than I can count on one hand. And it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t know what I’m doing. It was because I questioned authority— always. And wanted to live a life filled with freedom and of course, I love me some risk.
So I’ve embraced the whees! And OMGs! of the gig economy
I’m a bit of rebel and like doing something different every day in my life. The corporate world was never a good fit for me (not that I ever tried it). Living the life of a gigger isn’t always consistent, but it’s exciting.
So even if you like the 40-hours-a-week job with consistent pay, you can still dig up a few hours somewhere to be part of the ever-growing gig economy. You might get the gig bug and never look back. But if you’re not ready for that—
Becoming an Uber Driver is an easy fit for the single woman lifestyle who’s still in the regular workforce
It doesn’t matter if you’re a cashier at Wawa or a professor of Economics (who happens to have summers off). You can drive for Uber, meet amazing people and make some extra moolah.
There are many other things you can do to make extra cash too. You can clean someone’s house, sell clothes on Poshmark, do social media posts for a local business, or walk your neighbor’s furry bestie, named Jerry Seinfeld.
Or you sit on your butt in your car with the windows down and the radio turned up (and work whenever you feel like it)
Even when you work full time sometimes it feels like they’re still not enough money, and that is because there isn’t.
Single women have a disadvantage, but you have the power to figure out what you need to do to reach your goals and keep some gourmet pizza on the table
Hopefully, you have enough to pay your outrageous phone bill and have a little fun, but if you don’t, you probably need a little side hustle in your life
Let’s say you’ve been grinding 6am-5:30 pm every day for the past 20 years. You need a break. You love to go out for drinks and dinner with your girlfriend’s every week. After you get the tab for one evening out, you’re probably spending 20-50 bucks. Now if you go to the salon (a girl’s got to pamper herself!) we’re talking $100 or even more!
Besides buying new shoes and lipstick, you can use Uber bucks to save up to buy a home, or stash money away in your savings account or get a much-deserved pedicure
Even if you have a high-paying job, just imagine having a source of income that is purely for savings, or can get you to your dream vacation goals even faster. Where do you want to go? Venice, Italy, Machu Picchu or even New York City? Or how about all three? That’s what I’m talking about!
If becoming an Uber driver is something that actually interests you, I’m sure you’re wondering how much can I earn with Uber?
Lucky for you (and for me) I just finished doing my 2018 taxes. Some people aren’t quite so transparent with their money, but I don’t mind. So here is what I made driving very part-time. Ok, there are some one dollar bills under those hundreds.
Here’s the breakdown of how much I made driving Uber:
Completed trips: 945
Miles driven: 7310
Gross earnings (what I made before deductions): $11,190.76
Uber fees (there are several different ones): $4,195.23
My net payout (what I made after deductions in 2018): $6,995.53
I made an extra $7,000 driving Uber part-time
That breaks down to $583.33 extra per month. Not too shabby. I made more than enough in the past year to pay for plane tickets to Phoenix, Saint Pete and Myrtle Beach and also upscale hotels, food and $4.50 ginger ale at my bougie hotels.
Another great thing about being an Uber driver is I had a juicy deduction on my taxes thanks to the increased IRS standard mileage rate.
The standard deduction for business mileage in 2018 was 54.5 cents. So my $7,301 gave me a $3,947 deduction on my taxes. Yeah, baby. We can all use a little reduction.
Here’s one of my favorite Uber driver hacks:
If I need to take a trip to Target or the Aldi grocery store, I simply turn my Uber driver app on to destination mode. So while I run errands for my household I can make some money. I also can get compensated for mileage on my taxes.
When you pick up passengers while you’re out shopping or going to the post office, you can pay for your new sandals and gluten-free crackers
Then when I’m on my way home, I turn on my destination mode on again toward my house. Then I can also write off the mileage or travel time on Uber. My experience with Uber has been a great one. It’s given me more freedom and I’ve also made great connections in my community it’s a good thing when you’re single.
When you drive for Uber you can meet your neighbors, and even strike up business deals while you’re driving. The benefits to this side gig are incredible.
Do you want to know some more of the benefits of driving for Uber as a side gig?
- You can work whenever you feel like it.
- There’s no boss to answer to.
- You can eat on the job.
- Your favorite Thievery Corporation pandora station can play all day long.
- If it snowing you can stay in bed?
- When it’s beautiful outside, you can pick up a passenger, and make $10 on your way to the beach.
- You can write off candy and drinks for passengers, your car waxed, probably even a new iPhone (for mileage tracking) on your taxes. However, you need to talk to your tax professional about this, because I’m definitely not an accountant.
So if you want to become an Uber driver, you can click here for my referral link. I could receive a commission for referring you. So if you do you’ll be helping another single woman out while taking the wheel of your own life.
Here are some of the basic requirements to become an Uber driver
However, these could change at any time. They were relevant the day this article was published.
- You have to be 21 years of age or older
- Must have a four-door car truck or van that is less than 10 years old (usually).
- Have an insurance policy
- Have a current driver’s license in your state
- Current vehicle registration and license plate
- Social security number
- You have to pass a driving record check in a background check
Summary
These are the basics. I hope this has been educational and is giving you the inspiration to increase your income as a single woman. I know it can be hard paying all the bills by yourself and creating a lifestyle that you love. Doing freelance gigs have given me more freedom, an opportunity to travel more, and have some extra money in the bank. You can do it too!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
According to KBS World Radio, there’s a survey that shows that women get married even if they have negative thoughts about the whole “I do” establishment. There are lots of reasons why women also marry if they’re not feeling it in their heart. Let’s get into the feelings and thoughts women have around this first.
Why Women Marry When They Could Be Doing These Things Instead
Why do people have the question in their heads about why should a woman get married?
Many women get married because they feel like they should. They’re supposed to. They’ve been told it’s the way to find happiness. Since women were little girls, they’ve heard things from their family, church, Disney movies, and society in general that getting married is what happens to everyone when you’re a real legit grown-up. The word spinster still hasn’t made it in the sexy word category. However, times are changing a wee bit since the fifties.
In 1960 about 72 percent of women over the age of 18 were married. Compare that to today’s digits. The single ladies not getting hitched was down to 50 percent in 2016, according to the Pew Research Center.
Part of the reason why some women never get married is that they’re getting educated first
There is an education gap expanding when it comes to relationships. But that’s not the only factor. What I’m leading up to is this.
There are more reasons why some women never get married
In 2017 there was a Survey of US adults that say a majority said they haven’t found the right person yet. Others were not financially stable, while others responded they weren’t ready to settle down.
At the Independent, Chris Sherwood, executive the charity Relate (a relationship support organization) said, “Eighty years ago people got married, in part, because society expected them to.”
The pressure of society still exists today in some families, but today people have more choices. You don’t have to graduate High school, marry your High School sweetheart and have babies.
Many people make other things a priority in their lives first. Such as buying a home, getting cultured from traveling experiences, and going to a university.
Being alone isn’t as scary as it used to be
Marriage is a status symbol. Some people wear their diamond rings to prove their happiness. Of course, there are many happily married couples out there (kudos to you!), and I’m not saying married people are unhappy.
Your happiness can be found on your own (with a tribe)
With the support of friends, your community, hobbies groups you’re passionate about you can lead a blissful and joy-filled life.
Feeling like you’re part of something, even if it’s not a marriage can make you feel happy. The most extended adult life study in history from the Harvard Study of Adult Development found personal relationships were the key to longevity and happiness.
Summary
So even if you’re single, you don’t have to do it alone. Build a tribe or join one that’s already started. Your tribe can be your spiritual or religious group. A sports fan club, or a business networking group. Your pilates class can be your tribe or even a non-profit organization. Being part of a tribe will help you feel connected, understood and cared for. Your tribe matters!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
When you’re coupled up, and in love, it seems natural to enjoy Valentine’s Day. You can reminisce about how you met and the love you share (hopefully) today
But if you’re in the camp of solo singles, you might find it a little harder to enjoy Valentine’s Day and rightly so. Especially if you don’t want to be single. It can pull at your broken heartstrings a little or even a lot.
11 Ways Single Women Can Make Valentine’s Day Alone Special
Even if you don’t have a significant other, you can still enjoy Valentine’s Day alone. Seriously
First thing’s first. Make sure you do something good for yourself on February 14. This is a great day to get a pedicure (one of my favorite things to do!). I just got out of the massage chair myself while I got my toes painted and my legs massages. It’s my pre-Valentine’s Day treat to myself. And if you do want to be in a relationship . . .
Don’t make a New Year’s resolution, instead set relationship goals
Imagine in your head what a perfect day with a partner would look like and feel like to you. But there is a catch. Do this only if it doesn’t make you feel sad or depressed. After all, Valentine’s Day is just another day with some rather creepy beginnings. And if you do want a partner, you’ve got to stay the course. So onto the next step.
If you don’t want to spend another Valentine’s Day alone make a big list
It’s time to get clear on what you want in a relationship STAT. That is if you want a boyfriend, partner or husband sometime in the future. If you’re going to get hitched up, if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day alone, it’s the perfect time to get your pen an paper out.
This list is everything you want in a partner, and I mean everything
Write out everything in detail about what you truly want in a man. Because the Universe will give you want you to want (on its own time of course). The first list I made was right after I separated from my now ex-husband.
I was in therapy (and a complete hot mess), like many people after messy breakup or divorce
Therapy was a weekly thing in my life (thank God). Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have gotten through that dark night of the soul time in my life. Spending Valentine’s Day alone can feel like this too. I know, because I’ve been there. When you’re newly single it’s especially hard.
Like I always say, it’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone
So when you’re creating your list, focus on the positive traits of any past partners if they happen to come up while you’re writing out your bulleted “perfect man” list. Think about all the things you like. Gary’s eyes, Bill’s bank account, or Jerome and his incredible lovemaking. Whatever stuff you’ve had in the past and loved, bring these things to the forefront of your mind and your pen.
After you’re all done writing all the things you want, stash your paper away and leave things up to God, the Universe, or even OK Cupid do the work. Next thing’s next. There are lots of things you can do when you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
Forget about being single, and forget about looking for a man
Because once you let things go, the world has a way of making the right person or connection pop into your life. My previous focus was always on finding a man, even if it was for a casual date. That was part of my process as a dating coach. I wanted to know what I was talking about when it came to everything dating. So my focus was on dating for ten solid years, but it also kept me kind of stuck.
If you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up the hill when you’re newly single on Valentines, it’s better to take a break from the man-hunt
When things are not feeling good, you need to take a step back and let things be. Now is the time to focus on your other goals, not just the purposes of the relationship kind. And if focusing on your career goals don’t feel right, let those go just for today too.
When you want to make Valentine’s Day special— focus on what makes you happy right now
Don’t just think about what makes you happy, do it! If you grew up Ice skating or baking with your Grandmother, do it today, or at least schedule it this week or next. I know life gets int he way of always doing what you want. Have a glass of wine or eat a cookie if that’ll make you feel right at the moment. But don’t just feed your stomach’s cravings.
Do something that feeds not just your belly but feeds your soul (and doesn’t have to do with a man)
And I’m not talking about chitlins or fried chicken. I’m talking about things that make you genuinely feel alive (or used to). What is something that you love doing but maybe haven’t done since you were in college or even as far back as when you were a little girl?
Now write about at least one thing you remember doing that made you feel like you just ran a 5k or climbed a giant mountain. Your adrenaline was pumping, your heart was singing, and you were smiling from the inside out?
You could have been laughing with your cousin or your best friend when you were just starting middle school. Or maybe you rescued a kitten from the side of the road. Did you score the winning basket when you played basketball in High School?
Valentine’s Day when you’re single is a time to think back to a moment in time that was one of the juiciest moments in your life
Maybe it was when you got your first job and received your very first paycheck. Or when you graduated High school and finally felt like you had true freedom. Imagine the feelings you had when this incredible experience was in your life.
Summary
You felt full of joy and were fulfilled entirely. You were on top of the world, and nothing could even come close to changing the way you felt. Write about that moment. Tap into those feelings and bring them back into your present.
When you feel joy, your heart will expand, and everyone will feel it, especially you!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Do relationships hold you back in life? That’s what some women think. There are ladies out there who stand by the reasons why single women don’t need to date. Nobody “needs” to date. If you don’t put yourself out there on the dating scene, nothing bad would happen.
Dating isn’t a need like eating and drinking. People need water and food to survive, but they don’t need dating. Not dating for 3 weeks won’t kill ya. But if you stop eating for that long, well that’s a different story. No water? You’ll only last for about three or four days.
There are people out there who think their hunger for love will kill them— but it most certainly won’t.
5 Reasons Why Single Women Don’t Need To Date
There are plenty of reasons why single women don’t need to date
One of them is because they don’t have to. An anonymous AskMen reader posed the question. There are women who never want to date?
Many of them were in the 30-50 age range. That sounds about right. Some single moms only want to date after their kids are off to college— maybe.
Even if you’re a single woman and don’t have kids, you enjoy time with your friends and family. If you’ve got the itch for kids and you have nieces and nephews you can get your fix there. No dirty diapers. No sleepless nights either. We’re two for two!
Another reason why single women don’t need to date is that they don’t want to
I have a good friend who is single and wants to stay that way. She likes to spend time with her dog and make art and write. She wants to embrace the Old Crone archetype in her life. She’s cool with it and wouldn’t want it any other way. There are men who aren’t interested in dating either!
Many women are unhappy in marriages
And once they get out of a bad one, they don’t want to land in another one. Being on their own is empowering. You can take care of yourself and not have to ask your husband permission for anything. It’s kind of nice!
Women think all the good men are taken
Sure, dating can feel like a chore, especially if you’re a homebody introvert. When women believe the myths about men, it can also make you want to stay single. But there is something about the thoughts going around in your head. Most of what you tell yourself isn’t true, so you might as well show yourself something nice about yourself and the state of the world for a change.
Another reason why single women don’t need to date is that casual sex is more openly accepted than it used to be
Sure not having sex won’t kill you, but you don’t have to wait until your married or even be in a relationship to get some action. Having a one-night-stand for a woman is not hard. If you want sex, you could probably walk up to any number of men and find more than one to help you with your desires.
I’m not promising it will be any good, but you could still get yourself some easy sex if you really wanted to. And if you don’t want to go that route, you can completely satisfy your sexual desires on your own.
Not only can you satisfy yourself sexually, but you can please yourself in every way. With your friends, your career, and your passions. If you like doing you-you can do it all day and every night without even waking up the neighbors.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
I visited my friends over at Urban Dictionary to do some serious research. I’m talking about researching people being pistol whipped. While combing through the miniature stack of information on it, I stumbled across an action movie titled Pistol Whipped. Where Steven Segal’s character was an unemployed, gambling drunkard.
Steven Segal’s character “Matt” is a suspect of a crime and he also had to work off his debts as a hitman. But there is a bigger crime than this that many women face in the dating and relationship world. It’s better to be single than to become a love hitman.
Why Do Single Women Let Themselves Get Pistol Whipped By Men?
And that is being pistol-whipped by a man
According to Urban Dictionary, being pistol-whipped has a couple of meanings:
- Hitting someone (usually in the face) with a pistol grip. Yikes.
- Or the equivalent of a man being pussy-whipped. The pistol, in this case, refers to a man’s you-know-what.
Personally, I don’t want to get hit in the face with a gun or a guy’s prominent member. So, I’m going to lay out some of the reasons why I couldn’t stop obsessing thoughts.
I get it. I’ve been there. There was one man in my life and if he said “Meet me after I’ve been drinking all day,” and I’d grab a racecar and get there as fast as humanly possible. I’m so thankful those days are finally over.
Being pistol whipped is one of the worst feelings you can have. Especially if it’s a one-way street. Meaning I like you much much more than you like me. That’s where I was at that time in my life.One of the reasons I was pistol-whipped was because of the fantasy in my head
Instead of wearing the usual rose-colored glasses I’d worn in the past when I was falling in love, I was wearing lenses that were covered in thick gooey red paint, and I couldn’t see a damn thing clearly.
What I thought was my heart speaking was actually my ego when I was pistol-whipped
My brain said things like that guy was my “one and only.” My “soulmate.” And “I’ll never find another guy like him.” And my most-desperate all-time-favorite sayings was, “I’ll do anything to make him love me.” Well, almost anything.
None of the things I said and did to try to make things work with “us” didn’t work. Because I was pistol-whipped. There were lots of things that made me pistol beaten, and maybe you’ve been in the same place as me.
Here’s a list of reasons I became pistol-whipped:
My love for him was greater than the love I had for myself
It’s taken me years to get to the place where I put me first when it comes to my dating life. When you put someone up on a pedestal and think they’re the end-all-be-all of your life, you know what being pistol-whipped means.
I read too much stupid advice
I’d read literally hundreds of books, programs and reports on how to make relationships work. Besides that, I listened to all of the things other people said about relationships that didn’t’ really resonate with me. Instead of following my heart, I followed the rules made up by someone who knew nothing about how I worked.
My last mistake was thinking lust meant love and long-term compatibility
Of course were compatible in the chemistry department, but in other areas — not so much. We were meant to be together because we had incredible chemistry or so I thought. I thought that meant we would be together forever. I was wrong. Great chemistry doesn’t always equal love.
Dr. Helen Fisher, she said: “Lust drives us to copulate with almost any remotely appropriate partner.” You can learn how to solve many of your single woman problems at Secure Single before they happen.
Lust is not love. I found out the hard way, and I hope you never have to.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada