For all the single ladies

Being a woman is hard enough on its own. We’re emotional, judge ourselves unfairly, compare what we look like to The Girls Next Door. If you’re single, you’d better add another layer of difficulty to the list. We get shamed, and then later eat a whole bowl of popcorn late at night wondering what the heck is wrong with us.

Here are the common types of shames, and how to handle them. Ready? Let’s go!

Get married before you’re too old and no one will want you


Okay, so this statement cut me deep. Not only does this allude to the fact that men (or some women) only care about looks, but it also implies that no one will want you when you’re older. If you’re single, and older, guess what? Usually no baggage! What about people who get divorced and have 2nd marriages or those hot MILF’s and GILF’s?


How to respond:
Be honest with yourself, and let those shaming you know that you’ve chosen to be single for either one specific goal, or an assortment of goals. It could be that you just got out of a relationship, and need to clear the air, or it could mean that you are too focused to deal with relationship stress.

You’re so pretty, Why don’t you have a boyfriend? 


Don’t even get me started on this one. Generally speaking, 20-somethings women have better things to do than chase men. In our current era, women are now more independent and financially empowered to do as they please. Why rush and end up in a relationship that you don’t care for? No one really knows what they are doing in their 20’s anyhow.


How to respond:
Of course you’re pretty, but that doesn’t automatically qualify you as ‘relationship-bound. Let the shammer know that you are confident in how you look, but are single because you’ve got 99 problems, and a dude ain’t one.

Your Biological Clock Is Ticking


Alright, so I’m a bit of a feminist when it comes to choosing between being barefoot and pregnant, or blazing down that career path and being a dominant income earner. There are alternatives to having a child in your 20’s, like freezing your eggs, adopting a child in need of a loving home, or just not having children in general. With over half of all relationships ending in a divorce, why risk putting a child through all the trauma? Save your money, and go travel. Make friends instead of getting into a relationship and having kids. Fool proof your life, even if your clock is ticking.

How to respond:
It’s my body, and I can ultimately decide what I want to do with it. Thank you!

All the good men will be taken when you’re ready to settle


Yes, we’ve all heard this before, and though it is somewhat true, if you’re really not ready to get into a relationship, then don’t. Risk being single over choosing a partner you think is right. If you are scared you’ll be single forever, relax. Everything comes into your life when you are ready for it. After all, a lot of people get divorced in their 30’s, the rate is somewhat lower as time goes on. Just wait, you’ll likely save legal fees if you do.

How to respond:
Most couples get divorced in their 20’s and 30’s anyhow, and if I’m not ready to marry, I won’t marry. No sense in rushing something that won’t work anyway. Chase your goals, not people. Romance is a fleeting feeling anyways, and yes people still cheat. I figure I am safe here being a secure single


Being single may not be viewed as the romantic relationship so many people envy. The truth is, the grass always seems greener on the other side. If you’re finding yourself in your 20’s or 230’s, take that time to find yourself. If you’re developing in your career, then do it and don’t look back. If you’re recovering from a terrible breakup, then allow yourself to recover. Your mental well being, career path, and your entire future depend on becoming stable on your own, while you’re single. Be happy where you are, and strive hard for a better tomorrow. If someone comes into your life, then great -but in the meanwhile, love your single life. It is, after all, one of the best times of your life.


Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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Danielle has chosen to be single in her walk of life. She experienced dating in her late teens and early twenties, and had always felt each relationship was unfulfilling. To find more meaning in her life, she broke off to go down a path of self-discovery.
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