Everyone knows that Tinder is a completely ruthless hookup app. In our millennial generation, having meaningless-pleasurable sex out of wedlock is super common, and increasingly becoming more popular. There have been rare cases of people finding ‘the one’, but it does happen. If you are just looking to hookup, here is how to honor your emotional boundaries. Tinder is good for bouncing back after breakups, or just getting some goodies if you need it. We live in the insta-now decade, so when in Rome do as the Romans do. Right? Here are five easy ways to use Tinder without getting emotionally involved with someone by learning your boundaries and using the app to find sexual pleasure.
5 Ways Singles Can Use Tinder Emotion Free
No Strings While Traveling
Travelling is something that absolutely necessary. If you have not found a way to travel yet, do so immediately. You need to see as much of the world as possible. So while you are on your travels going solo or in a group, there is no harm in using Tinder to meet other singles on the road. As long as you know this is a one-time instance, go into the initial meeting knowing that you may never see this person again. Be safe and aware of ALL your surroundings. This is a great way to leave no-strings-attached because you are ultimately in a different zip code.
Post-Breakup-Hookup
If you just broke up with your significant other, there is absolutely every reason to be emotionally unavailable. You probably still have needs: company, companionship, physical touch, and sex. You will probably meet other people on Tinder that feel the same. You may even just want revenge sex. After all, the best way to get over someone else is to get on top of another. Forget getting under someone. Get on top. Do what you need to, in a healthy manner, to get over your lover.
Lonely Persons Colonic
If you are a workaholic, then you probably feel lonely from time to time. Work on fulfilling your sexual or companionship desires by using Tinder or other sex websites and apps. You don’t always have to have sex when you go on Tinder to find dates. Sometimes you just need a companion to join you on a simple date. Surrounding yourself with people is a good way to cure any sort of loneliness. Work on serving what serves you and others. Be good company. For moments when you just want to relax and breathe have a conversation with a stranger. This makes Tinder a good way to get connected to new people who may also be looking for a fresh new experience without unnecessary commitments.
Love ‘Em And Leave ‘Em
You might just want to sow your wild oats and whey. As long as you are clear with another person what your intentions are, and if their intentions align with yours, no harm will be done. Just know yourself, and work to understand how you will feel after having a sex with a complete stranger. Use protection, always. If you are okay with this sort of behavior, then go forth with confidence. Some people are just wired this way. Make sure you go into the situation with a strong and healthy mental attitude. Sowing your wild oats may just be a phase, so enjoy it and then talk about your wild adventures when you’re older. We all need good campfire stories.
Summary
Think about it in this way, Tinder is quite a useful app! Know yourself, know your worth, and prepare yourself for any situation that may arise. When your values align with who you are, then you can enjoy life more by doing activities that align with who you are. Singles have the opportunity to be emotionally unattached if is a stage in our lives, so enjoy it. Whether you are recovering from break up, wanting to have company, or just need a lot of sex, be clear about your intentions to yourself and your sex partner. Get ready to have fun!
Securely yours,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City explains the Christian concept of being single and how the Bible offers a theology of singleness. Pastor Keller describes how this is a unique worldview. Christianity is set apart in that it was the “very first religion or worldview that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life” (Hauerwas, S. 1991).
Theology Of Singleness
Western civilization idolizes individualism and self-realization and views marriage as something to get after reaching a certain point in life. Marriage becomes a means of self-fulfillment and an idol. Eastern civilization idolizes the family and makes everything revolve around it. Family becomes an idol. Christianity uniquely views singleness because there is no obligation to get married. Marriage is understood as a temporary earthly institution until the second coming with the new heaven and new earth. For singles who choose to get married, marriage is a sacrament meant to be an act of service. Christianity drastically changes both how marriage and singleness should be viewed by its followers. It also emphasizes that marriage will never give you everything you seek in life, which a person can find in Christ. This view is different from the world’s, of which Christians are called to be set apart from the world while remaining in the world.
Singles are not freaks until they get married. On the contrary, singles have a vital role in society, the church, and the family of God. Christianity’s understanding of singleness is unique because it acknowledges that being single is excellent. Singles can focus on God without being distracted by an earthly husband or wife. During the early church, widowed people would have to get married again to be cared for, but this view of singleness allowed widows to find a home in the church. Christianity says that it is okay to be single. Being single is a viable option. After all, Jesus and Paul were both single. Jesus, the perfect human being, was single and unmarried.
Paul is straightforward in 1 Corinthians 7 that a spouse can become an idol, and marriage can be made into something selfish. This upends marriage because relationships are supposed to be about service instead of self-fulfillment. In contrast, being single allows you to develop friendships and serve others. Singleness is a great gift. It frees single Christians from wanting to please their husband or wife instead of seeking to please the Lord. Christian singles should seek to grow closer to God and pursue God instead of finding a spouse to fulfill them on earth. Singles should not be pressured to get into relationships or to get married because Christianity offers an alternative worldview and a theology of singleness that makes it alright to be single in a world of couples.
Christian singles must be aware of the theology of singleness that the Bible teaches and that Paul articulates in 1 Corinthians about being single. Christians should seek to become closer to God. The single life offers that opportunity since a spouse and marriage can become idols and means of self-fulfillment instead of God. Single Christians must recognize this as they decide if they want to get married by realizing that Christianity teaches it is good to be single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Everyone has had difficulty forming and keeping good relationships alive, there are friendships that you may have silently or explicitly ended. There are many people out there who struggle with mental health when it comes to connecting with others. At a very young age, someone may have hurt you and made it not okay to be yourself. Adults you work with and converse with suffer from these issues. Here’s how you can turn it around if you have suffered connecting with yourself and others. You can build and keep healthy relationships!
Get To The Root
Whatever happened, you should meditate and think deeply on what caused you to turn in and away from yourself and others. Emotional scars cannot be easily seen, and make it difficult for others to understand us. Buy a journal, and seek counsel from a professional therapist or free support group, and you can begin to uncover the real you. This hidden real you will be unafraid of meaningful connection and long lasting friendships.
Take Baby Steps
It can be frightening to open up thought if you are used to being closed off. You may have heard or encountered people who are mean, closed off, and shut off. These are the people who need human connection the most, and are starved for it. You will need to see if the above resonates with you, and if so, it is time to make positive changes in your life to live a better way. Positive changes in your life will make it easier for others to deal with you, a good characteristic in your personal and professional life. Each person in your life you meet is a reflection of yourself, so when you begin to make meaningful friendships you know that you are headed on the right path.
Let Go
Many people hold onto thoughts, patterns, and habits that do not serve them well in the long term This makes them bitter and unable to forgive others who wronged them in the past. Bad habits can be a defense mechanism people use to protect themselves from being hurt. I noticed this in myself, as I have become recently aware that I am a relationship saboteur and push people away when they get too close. I have began to meditate on what caused me to be this way, and have started to let go of a lot of junk thoughts that no longer serve me. I have a long road to go, but have found I am becoming a happier person though this journey of self discovery. Let old hurt and resentments go, you will begin to feel so much more free, and you will begin to be a happier person.
Human Connection
People are waiting to connect, this is because man is by nature a social animal. There are many friendships awaiting you to enjoy! You’ve got to love yourself, and have a love deep enough to care about fixing yourself. To play a part in this magical place we call the world, you’ve got to learn to connect with others.
Being single can be hard enough, so learn the skills that will allow you to connect with others in order to be a sociable and happy person. Great social skills lead to building great relationships with friends. They do say, after all, that friendships are the wine of life and make your life experience a more enjoyable way to live. If you are not feeling fulfilled on some level, you need to develop the skills that are going to help you be a social guru. Connection is essential, and you can do it. Open up and have fun with your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
For all the single ladies…
Being a woman is hard enough on its own. We’re emotional, judge ourselves unfairly, compare what we look like to The Girls Next Door. If you’re single, you’d better add another layer of difficulty to the list. We get shamed, and then later eat a whole bowl of popcorn late at night wondering what the heck is wrong with us.
Here are the common types of shames, and how to handle them. Ready? Let’s go!
Get married before you’re too old and no one will want you
Okay, so this statement cut me deep. Not only does this allude to the fact that men (or some women) only care about looks, but it also implies that no one will want you when you’re older. If you’re single, and older, guess what? Usually no baggage! What about people who get divorced and have 2nd marriages or those hot MILF’s and GILF’s?
How to respond:
Be honest with yourself, and let those shaming you know that you’ve chosen to be single for either one specific goal, or an assortment of goals. It could be that you just got out of a relationship, and need to clear the air, or it could mean that you are too focused to deal with relationship stress.
You’re so pretty, Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Don’t even get me started on this one. Generally speaking, 20-somethings women have better things to do than chase men. In our current era, women are now more independent and financially empowered to do as they please. Why rush and end up in a relationship that you don’t care for? No one really knows what they are doing in their 20’s anyhow.
How to respond:
Of course you’re pretty, but that doesn’t automatically qualify you as ‘relationship-bound. Let the shammer know that you are confident in how you look, but are single because you’ve got 99 problems, and a dude ain’t one.
Your Biological Clock Is Ticking
Alright, so I’m a bit of a feminist when it comes to choosing between being barefoot and pregnant, or blazing down that career path and being a dominant income earner. There are alternatives to having a child in your 20’s, like freezing your eggs, adopting a child in need of a loving home, or just not having children in general. With over half of all relationships ending in a divorce, why risk putting a child through all the trauma? Save your money, and go travel. Make friends instead of getting into a relationship and having kids. Fool proof your life, even if your clock is ticking.
How to respond:
It’s my body, and I can ultimately decide what I want to do with it. Thank you!
All the good men will be taken when you’re ready to settle
Yes, we’ve all heard this before, and though it is somewhat true, if you’re really not ready to get into a relationship, then don’t. Risk being single over choosing a partner you think is right. If you are scared you’ll be single forever, relax. Everything comes into your life when you are ready for it. After all, a lot of people get divorced in their 30’s, the rate is somewhat lower as time goes on. Just wait, you’ll likely save legal fees if you do.
How to respond:
Most couples get divorced in their 20’s and 30’s anyhow, and if I’m not ready to marry, I won’t marry. No sense in rushing something that won’t work anyway. Chase your goals, not people. Romance is a fleeting feeling anyways, and yes people still cheat. I figure I am safe here being a secure single.
Being single may not be viewed as the romantic relationship so many people envy. The truth is, the grass always seems greener on the other side. If you’re finding yourself in your 20’s or 230’s, take that time to find yourself. If you’re developing in your career, then do it and don’t look back. If you’re recovering from a terrible breakup, then allow yourself to recover. Your mental well being, career path, and your entire future depend on becoming stable on your own, while you’re single. Be happy where you are, and strive hard for a better tomorrow. If someone comes into your life, then great -but in the meanwhile, love your single life. It is, after all, one of the best times of your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Christians within the Church often look down on those who are unmarried. This is problematic because singleness is Biblical. This also creates division within the Church. Celibacy and singleness also has been a part of church history since the beginning of the Church. All Christian denominations must recognize that singleness is Biblical and welcome singles at church.
Singleness is Biblical
The Bible never condemns those who are single. It actually encourages those who do not desire to marry or who are widowed to seek a relationship with God first because spouses distract from pursuing holiness. That is because spouses can become the focus instead of God. In contrast, singles are able to grow and mature in their relationship with God by reading the Bible, praying, and living a holy life each day. The unmarried single person is concerned with the heavenly things of God while the married are focused on earthly things such as pleasing a spouse. Saint Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8 writes “to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” A few verses later Paul continues in 7:32-33 that the “unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.” It is a Biblical lifestyle and vocation to remain single, if singles are called to it. The Church needs to realize this and create opportunities for singles in the congregation to flourish instead of having groups with the purpose of pairing off those who are unmarried.
Unite the Church
By implicitly, and sometime explicitly, emphasizing that the married life is superior to the single life the Church is creating division in the Body of Christ. This hurts Christian singles as the Church and fellow Christians send single Christians the message that they are not mature in their faith until they are married. This stigmatizes singles in the congregation instead of embracing the strengths that the single life brings to the Church. All congregations and denominations need to embrace singleness and accept those who are single. The Church should be united in the faith and as the Body of Christ, but this creates division between those who are married in the Church.
Church History of Celibacy and Singleness
There is a history of long history of singleness and celibacy in Church history. The modern Church has forgotten this history and has gone in the opposite direct by telling Christians that they must marry. Not every Christian is called to marry. Those who are married, if they are widowed, will become unmarried again. It is also time for the Church to recognize a historical change in the population and to evangelize to the unmarried. If the Church does not have a theology of singleness and does not even understand the Church’ history of celibacy and singleness, then it will never be able to reach out to the singles of today.
The unmarried and single population outnumber those who are married. It is time for the modern Church to change its message about singlehood and singleness. By doing this, the Church will be able to evangelize to the single population without falling for the stereotypes that society has constructed about those who are unmarried. Most importantly, the Church will not be watering down theology to do this but will actually be continuing church history and following what the Bible teaches about the single life. It is time for Christian denominations to focus on their single audience in other ways besides pushing marriage on those who are unmarried.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and the media present being single only in negative way. However, being single is a great time to be alive, whether it is only a transitional phase while you prepare yourself to enter another relationship or if you are single by choice. While some stereotypes of singles have improved, there is still much work done to be done to change how culture views those who are single and unmarried. There are many reasons why the single and unmarried state is a great stage of life and those who are single need to be able to defend their single status.
When someone – or the media presents singles — asks someone why they are single, it is most often asked with in a negative tone along with shock. This makes people believe that they need to be in a relationship at all times. It causes those who are single and who want a relationship to jump into a relationship when they are not ready for one. Further, and worse, it makes those who want to be in a relationship to enter bad relationships. 70% of college students have been abused by a former boyfriend or girlfriend while 43% of college age women have reported experiencing violent and abusive dating relationships. While dating abuse and violence is a difficult issue, could it decrease if those who are single were not constantly told that they must be in a relationship? It would slow down the relationship train that singles are told they must ride. It would allow individuals to mature before they decide to date. It would allow singles to learn more about who they are and if they even want to date or get married. It would let individuals learn to enjoy being single rather than being dragged into a bad relationship because being single portrayed as being bad.
By equating that single is always bad, society harms those who are unmarried by attaching stigmas that are false. These stereotypes range from that single women are crazy cat ladies to that single men are lonely bachelors’ who are unable to take care of themselves and need a woman in their life. This degrades the status of both men and women. This demeans men and women who do not have a relationship status that the culture approves. Further, the treatment of singles and the unmarried devalues the legitimacy of being temporarily or permanently single. Single now are a major part of population in industrialized countries so society should recognize this and change its attitude about the unmarried.
The single life is both a time to learn to enjoy life and to learn about who you are as an individual. It is a time to prepare to date or to consider becoming fully your own person by starting your own business by no longer having to rely on working for someone else. The time, flexibility, and autonomy that being single offers is the perfect time to take risks and to step outside of the confined comfort zones that society has drawn. Break down that line. Tear down that wall that society has put up that is the easy way to be comfortable, but does not ask for anything more from individuals besides getting married and working a 9 to 5 job. The qualities of the single life allow those who are unmarried to become the best version of themselves and to take chances that cannot be done once married.
Deciding to be temporarily single for a time and being single by choice are both legitimate lifestyle choices. The first option recognizes that being single is good, but the individual ultimately wants to be in a relationship and to get married. The second option the individual wants to remain single throughout life and does not want to get married. There are many different types of singles and reasons why people are single. For this reason, there are short-term and long-term singles and this reflects the diversity among the growing single and unmarried population that society has not yet acknowledged.
Society needs to accept that more people are remaining single longer and that singles contribute more time to volunteer and to other activities that improve their communities compared to those who are married. The tone needs to change about how being single is talked about in culture and presented in the media. This needs to change. Those who enjoy being single and unmarried, whether it is temporary or permanent, are responsible to help change the attitude of their family and friends about those who are single. Secure Single seeks to help all single adults optimize their human flourishing and to fulfill their life’s calling, but in order to create a different world where those who are single and are unmarried will be more accepted must first start with you.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Singlehood is the state of being single unmarried. People are in the state of singlehood whether they are in a romantic relationship or if they do not have a romantic partner. This is, despite possibly being in a romantic relationship, an individual is still single since they are not married. In contrast, singleness is the state of deciding to be single by choice or to devote your life to the vocation of singleness by committing oneself to a religious order. Regardless of where in the single spectrum you fall, here are eleven ways to own your singlehood while you are single.
Personal Growth
Singlehood allows you to develop yourself and to get to know yourself more fully. This is a time to work on your physical, mental, and psychological health in preparation for when you enter a romantic relationship. This time lets you grow as a person and is a time to work towards achieving your personal goals.
Pursue Goals
As you work on your personal growth to become the best version of yourself, you should also focus on pursuing and achieving your life goals. Set your goals high. Want to learn a new skill? Do it. Want to start your own business? Write a business plan and aim to achieve your goal. What is your life goal that you want to make a reality? Being single is the best time to work on your goal because you are not restrained by a significant other or a family that you have to care for, you are able to pursue your goals with your full drive and ambition.
Autonomy
Singlehood provides singles a time to enjoy autonomy to do what they want while they are singe. Autonomy lets singles focus on and to control the full independence that the single life offers singles. This gives singles the freedom to live their live as they want without someone interfering with their life.
Travel
Solo traveling is the rise because more people are single today. This is a time to travel the world and to get to know different cultures outside of the country that you are from. Travel lets someone grow more and to try new foods and have new experiences that would not happen from the country that you are from. This is the first single woman to successfully travel the world.
Financial Planning
Financial planning is another important part to prepare while you are single. This is a time to build up your savings account and to create a diversified investment portfolio. As you save up and invest more money, you will gain more independence and become financially independent from your parents or from having to share a place with roommates.
Security
Singles need to feel secure about the single life while they are single. There is nothing wrong with being single. Do not let society define your human worth by not dating anyone or not being married. Your human worth is inherent as a single. Have a peace in mind knowing that singles can flourish alone, now just become secure in your state of singlehood.
Time
Singlehood gives singles more time to travel and to explore their city. Make the most use of your time to explore, to read, and to grow as an individual. By spending time on developing yourself and to do the things that are of interest to you will allow you to grow more as a person while you are single. Once you decide to enter a relationship, you will lose time since couples have less time and spend more time together compared to those who are single who can spend time to do what they want.
Flexibility
Similar to time, singlehood offers more flexibility for singles to choices about what they want to do. Singles have the opportunity to go to and from places that they want to without having to worry about another person holding them back. They can do what they want and live their lives fully as they want. Make the most of the flexibility that the single life offers.
Diversity
Singlehood also offers a diversity of different types of singles. There are singles who are single, but who are in a romantic relationship. There are singles who are taking a break from dating, but want to date again. There are also singles who are single by heart who live their most authentic lives by being single and they may or may not be interested in dating. There are also singles who are single by choice who have lost interest in romantic relationships or who believe that the single life is the best way for them to live their life. There are also those who are single who have devoted their life to a vocation that transcends human relationships such as a religious order. That is just a basic explanation of the diversity of the different types of singles and the spectrum of singles that there are in the world.
Enrich Yourself
Singlehood is a time to enrich yourself and your life. Learn new skills. Set goals for yourself. Build your network to reach out to people as you start your career who could beneficial to you later. Start your own business. Save up and start to move out from your parent’s house. Visit the museums and gardens that are in your city. Get to know your friends more by asking them important questions about their life. Try new restaurants, bars, and lounges during happy hours. Single is a time to enrich your life by doing a range of different things that you have never done before and to improve any skills that you want to improve.
Devote Yourself to a Cause
Singlehood is a perfect time to devote yourself to a cause. Find a cause, organization, or religion or philosophy to devote yourself to as a single. This allows you to spend time with people who support the same cause as you as well as to give money to the cause. This will help it grow and to influence more people. You will be responsible for letting it grow and develop by volunteering your time or money to the cause, organization, or religion or philosophy. Find a cause today and volunteer.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society portrays singles and the unmarried as being sad, lonely, and unsatisfied with their lives. However, the reality could not be farther away from this stigma and stereotype. Singles today outnumber those who are coupled or dating in industrialized countries and singles are deciding, or prolonging, staying single longer than ever before for many reasons. There are many reasons why the rise of the single and unmarried in society is a great thing and society should embrace singlehood and singleness instead of stigmatizing those who are single.
Singles are often shown as being alone and lonely. That is in fact false when compared to those who are couples. The unmarried are more likely to be engaged in their communities, civic groups, and public events as well as find more ways to be involved in their cities by finding different events and causes to attend and support compared to their married counterparts. Singles are also more likely to volunteer their time to coach, mentor, teach, counsel, and support causes and organizations that they want to assist to help others compared to couples. Singles have autonomy and flexibility that come with the single life. Singles don’t only help organizations through their volunteerism, but they also help their cities.
As the traditional family home goes, in its place are growing apartments and condos for one person. Where single and unmarried Millennials are moving to in cities often results in the growth of neighborhoods since they go out more and want to return to their house. This has led to the rise of neighborhoods in cities, and the rise of cities, where Millennials have moved to for work. This in turn has resulted in the growth of cities economies and of new types of restaurants and cafes that want to attract single Millennial customers. As single Millennials have brought about revitalization and growth in cities and their neighborhoods, single women have been able to contribute more to the economy as they have been able to enter the workforce.
Women have made considerable economic gains over the past decades with the success of feminist movements and as it has become acceptable to go to school and get a job. Today, only 14% of Millennial women are homemakers. Women are also projected to make up more than half of the United States work force by 2018. Single women share the values of the Millennial generation, according to a recent U.S. Census Bureau report, that places economic and educational success as more important than getting married and starting a family. These different factors have finally given women the freedom to not have to get married to have economic security. In the 21st Century, women can provide for themselves and attain financial freedom on their own without needing a man.
These sociological and economic changes have finally allowed singles to live full lives. Single is no longer a state where an unmarried individual must wait to mate. Being single today can now be a choice and not just a temporary state. As Millennials continue to delay and not consider marriage a necessary milestone, singles are able to live their fullest lives by making use of the autonomy and flexibility of the single life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. In fact, it is this Thursday. Singles and unmarried will be travelling home to catch up with their families and then will most likely be asked about their relationship status, or lack of one. Singles should be confident this year when asked about their singlehood at Thanksgiving dinner with their friend and family.
The primary animal that will be roasted this Thanksgiving is a turkey as its demand increases due to the holiday, but singles will be the other unusual creature roasted at the dinner table this year. A turkey will be cooked, braised, smoked, or roasted to be served as the main course. Singles will be roasted by dinner guests, friends, and family about their relationship status who expect that their sons and daughters should date and get married. However, there is nothing wrong with being single and that is the core message that singles need to get across to family and friends at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Society still expects men and women to get married to maintain the structure and organization of societal institutions. However, marriage rates continue to decline – especially among Millennials—while the divorce rate has remained consistent. Millennials have become skeptical, cynical, and disillusioned about marriage as they recognize the divorce rate, failed (or serial) marriages, and are delaying or not planning to get married because of debt from higher education. This is a first practical response and rebuttal to questions from family and friends directed towards singles at the dinner table.
Singles today are now 45% to 50.2% of the current American population (depending on how the survey is conducted) and are beginning to get noticed more when it comes to issues. As a growing group, singles are able to decide how they want to live their lives such as if they want to possible get married or remain single by choice. Single Millennials are also more open to open relationships and polyamorous relationships while becoming more skeptical about monogamy. In this way, singles are still able to have sexual and other relational experiences that have traditionally been considered to be part of marriage without committing to a partner; but instead, remaining single. Being single does not have to get in the way of sex and other life experiences; in fact, singlehood should increase the opportunity for more life experiences compared to getting married. This is a second response that singles can use to respond to questions from their family and friends this Thanksgiving.
No one is born married. Everyone is born and will die single (married or not). All people are individuals first. As individuals, each person is responsible for their choices and their actions without interference. All individuals are moral agents, this entails that each individual has natural rights and negative rights that are universal rights given to each individual for being a human being. An individual should be free from coercion, an external force that the government can use, that intimidates individuals. These provide the basis for a philosophical response for why individuals choose to be single because everyone is an individual first and is given rights in accordance with the laws of nature.
There are many ways to respond to dinner guests this Thanksgiving when asked why you are single. Depending on who is asking you about why you are single, you can respond with a practical or philosophical answer. This Thanksgiving be prepared and ready with a response as to why you are not dating rather than being roasted at the dinner table for being single and unmarried.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Valentine’s Day is a day that modern culture has adopted to celebrate romantic love between couples who are dating, who are partners, or who are married. Despite society only acknowledging romantic and erotic love on Valentine’s Day, philia and agape are other types of love that provide single people an opportunity to celebrate Valentine’s Day this Sunday. Since there are other types of love besides erotic love, here are ten ways that single people can celebrate the single life and being single this Valentine’s Day.
-
- Go out for drinks or get dinner with your best friend or a group of friends to celebrate philia.
- Study the different theories and types of love that philosophers, theologians, and socialists discuss and debate. Contemplate love with a fuller meaning and discuss with a friend or write a page about your finding and, possibly, new discoveries about the different types of love that Valentine’s Day fails to celebrate.
- Look into ways that you can give back to your community.
- Study and seek to attain the true eros that Plato considered by contemplating the nature of the Theory of Forms and the implications of it in life.
- Call you family members and tell them that you appreciate them, or at the very least try to reconnect and catch up with them.
- Consider being more respectful and showing agape love to people who you greatly disagree with in the heated areas of politics, religion, and ethics and decide to show them love. This will challenge yourself and will allow you to grow as an individual.
- Be active and go work out or try to get in touch with the beauty of nature by doing an outdoors activity.
- Do not feel sorry for yourself for not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day and sit at home eating ice cream in your bed, couch, or living area.
- Acknowledge the fact that we are all born into this world alone and we will leave this world by dying alone.
- Do not read or watch any based upon Nicholas Sparks or romantic comedies.
This Valentine’s Day, celebrate the different types of love as a single person. Celebrate the love of friendship. Celebrate the love of community. Celebrate the love of humanity. Do not only think of Valentine’s Day as a couples’ holiday.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!