Romance is heralded by poets, musicians, and in film and television as truly heavenly because you are able to spend the rest of your life with the one person whom you love. The problem with how love is portrayed in media and society is that is depicted as each person saving the other. It is also further depicted as the emotional and physical act of erotic love is all that is essential in life. However, if love is merely emotional and enjoying sex and everyone eventually is going to die alone, is love useful? Romantic love is useless because you only are able to enjoy the presence of the other without any truly beneficial outcomes in life.
What are the benefits of being in a romantic relationship with a significant other? When you go out now, you now have to pay for two people. You are now pay two times more than you would normally pay by living and going out by yourself as a single person. When couples also cook for two people they will also spend more money at the grocery store since they must buy more groceries compared to single people. If you go out with friends as a single person, you will normally split the check or pay for what you ordered. How about preparing for the future? Couples now have to plan for the future of a minimum of two people (if they wish to have children or not). A single person only has to save, invest, and plan for the future for oneself. Romantic love only deals with the needs of each other without practical benefits. Love is useless because it is an ideal.
From only examining those two examples above briefly, are they any advantages of being in a serious relationship rather than being staying single? It appears that there really is no real advantage. Romantic love, essentially, only provides someone whom you know intimately in many ways without providing any real benefits for life of the moment. Romantic love is useless because it unattainable and is not concerned with practical matters.
Ultimately, love is useless for many reason. Popular culture and society continue to place romantic love and marriage on a pedestal for the detriment of singles. Romantic love is useless because it does not provide any utility for the people in a relationship.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Couples are esteemed by society and by popular culture; however, Millennials continue to delay marriage and to remain single by choice or by circumstance. But as singles continues to increase, those who are getting married continue to decrease. For this reason, the perception about single people must change. Single is sexy for individuals because each single along that spectrum gets to decide how to utilize the freedom, mobility, and autonomy that the single life offers to people. Mobility is sexy for singles because it offers singles the ability to travel and to explore the world.
Singles are able to go to places without having to make plans around other people or with a significant other. Mobility provides singles to choose where, when, and how they want to spend their time. Singles have the ability to meet new people, attend events, travel, and explore their different personal interests. Single people should make use of their mobility while they can and their ability to move to and from places as they want without many commitments.
In the 21st Century, there are many opportunities to travel and to meet people that were not available to earlier generations. Social networking and mobile apps open up the world making it easier to talk and to meet people around the world. It is also easier today to find new restaurants and events to attend with apps and websites such as Facebook’s Events and Meetup that work for both professional networking and for meeting new people who could become new friends and acquaintances. Singles should make use of these technologies and get outside of their comfort zone because the single life offers mobility that the coupled life does not offer.
The single life offer mobility to explore, visit new places, and travel the world that will becomes more difficult to do once a single enters a relationship or gets married. For this reason, singles should make sure to enjoy the single life while they have it, whether it is only a transitional stage or a life long choice. Mobility is sexy for singles because it offers unrestrained freedom to investigate and to explore the world.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
June 9 is National Sex Day because of 6/9. You can figure out the rest from there. For singles who hook up or meet someone on this day or on any other day of the year, below is a short list of songs that you can it on to. Enjoy the songs and the company on National Sex Day, or 69 position day, with this playlist.
Sensual and Sultry
Justin Timberlake “Future Sex/ Love Sounds”
John Mayer “Your Body Is A Wonderland”
Maria Carey “Touch My Body”
In This Moment “Sexual Hallucination”
Kinky
Justin Timberlake “Sexyback”
Motionless In White “Hatefuck”
Marilyn Manson “Slutgarden”
Nine Inch Nails “Closer”
Straight to the Point
Korn “A.D.I.D.A.S.”
Tech N9ne “Fuck Food”
Marilyn Manson “Para-noir”
Marilyn Manson “User Friendly”
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and popular culture places couples on a pedestal, despite Millennials delaying marriage or deciding to remain single. Because singlehood is on the rise, the societal perception of single people must change. Single is sexy for individuals who are currently single and for individuals who have decided to remain single because being single gives freedom, mobility, and autonomy to people. Freedom is hot for singles because each individual has their own prerogative to choose how to live.
Society, popular culture, and individuals primarily associate the word sexy as meaning that something or someone is sexually attractive, sexually exciting, or a cause of sexual arousal. However, sexy also means that something is exciting or appealing. Freedom is sexy. Freedom provides singles to act and do as they please because they are not constrained by the matters that couples must discuss together.
With being single comes the ability to ability to go where one wants, for singles this is both a strength and a weakness. Freedom is a strength because singles may freely do whatever they want at any time. Singles can visit new places, go to happy hours, and find events that are of particular interest to each individual single. Singles have generally have a more open schedule than couples, but this free schedule can be a potential problem for singles.
Freedom can be a weakness for singles because singles may focus on doing what they want to do rather than what they may need to do. To fight against freedom as a weakness, singles should consider making a list of priorities and following a calendar, loosely or closely depending on the single, to better stay on top of different tasks. These could range from places singles need to be, upcoming events, and meeting that need singles must attend. After establishing a timetable, the truly free time appears and then a single person can choose how one wants to spend that time while not having to worry that one may be forgetting something that must get done.
There are many strengths to living the single life, but the main three are the freedom, mobility, and autonomy that the single life offers to individuals. Being single is sexy because of the freedom that the single life offers. As Millennials continue to delay marriage and continue to remain single, the single life and the single lifestyle is on the rise despite mainstream society failing to recognize it.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Maria Brink is the lead singer of the metal band In This Moment. In This Moment tackles interesting subject matter than most metal bands because the band has a female lead singer. Maria Brink is a single mother in the metal world as In This Moment is gaining a larger fan base. Maria Brink, while being a rock star, has learned to balance life on the road with raising her son as a single mother of metal.
Maria Brink has an adult son, but she had to learn to balance family life with touring with In This Moment. Early on in her career, Brink notes that when her son was younger she had to deal with her career and raising her son. As her son grew up and got involved in high school sports, she later would schedule tour dates around her son’s football season in order to attend the games. But when she was touring with In This Moment, she would stay in contact with his teachers to make sure he was doing well in school. In addition to being a single mother and staying involved with her son, Maria Brink is a female singer in the predominantly male world of rock and metal.
As one of the top front woman of metal, receiving an honorable mention by WatchMojo, Maria Brink provides theatrics with the hellpop and metal of In This Moment. The female voice provides an excellent contrast to the sometimes harsh sounds of rock and metal. However, since metal music is the genre of music most closely related to classical music in its form it works nicely. These strong women of metal also create a different image from the typical pop counter parts by tackling darker subjects and different themes than their male counterparts within the genre. In This Moment’s new album Black Widow tackles themes about societal standards for female beauty, love, and the role of women in society with a line about living behind a “white picket fence [in the suburbs]” (“Into The Darkness”, Black Widow).
Maria Brink may be one of the top front women in the world of rock and metal, but that is a debate for metal fans. In an interview, Brink explains that the lyrics she writes for In This Moment to “tell kids that they can believe in themselves and know that they can manifest anything in their lives.” As a single mother and a lead singer, Maria Brink provides a unique perspective in the world of music and addressing issues such as gender roles and human sexuality. If you are looking for to expand your musical horizons or to find new bands within the genre, In This Moment is worth checking out for the themes that the band addresses and for the lyrics and theatrics of Maria Brink.
hile the metal scene and metal music is not mainstream, the music tackles more important topics and issues than most pop music as Maria Brink does in Black Widow. Maria Brink owns here stage presence in a male dominated music scene. However, Maria Brink has also been able to work out the struggles of being a single parent, raising a son, and working on writing music and touring with In This Moment. Single parents and single mothers can learn from Maria Brink’s example by creating, planning, and incorporating a schedule and a list of priorities for the different areas of one’s life.
Maria Brink is the lead singer of In This Moment and a single mother. She may be a female rock star in the metal scene but she is a mother first to her son. Brink had to give up things and plan her schedule when her band toured around her son while working on her professional career as a musician. Single mothers, and single parents, can learn from her example by choosing what takes precedence in life and working to make them a reality.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society equates being alone with being lonely, although these two states are very different. There is an important difference between being alone and being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone and there are easy solutions to be social, if one begins to feel lonely. Society tells singles that because they are single that they are lonely.
Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines alone as being “without anyone or anything else” and being “without people that you know or that usually are with you.” It is appropriate to be alone in some circumstances to focus on work or to have solitude. Singles should be confident going out to places and going to events alone. This may be for drinks or going out for dinner alone. In fact, individuals are making reservations for restaurants on OpenTable to go out and dine alone which has been found to healthy for one’s mind. Consider spending more time in solitude and time being alone. There is an important difference between being alone and being lonely that the West has forgotten.
Loneliness is an emotional state. Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines lonely as being “sad from being apart from other people” and “causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people.” Loneliness is unhealthy because humans are social animals. Some of the health consequences of loneliness and social isolation are increased risk of coronary complications and of having a stroke. If you are feeling lonely or have isolated yourself from others, it may be wise to see a doctor to check for depression. Loneliness and depression often come as a bad couple. However, about seven and eleven percent of individuals suffer from depression and the heavy feeling of self-isolation that depression places on people. Being social is critical to the being human, but loneliness and depression fight against the social reality of human existence.
Single people should never feel ashamed of spending time alone. It is important to make time for oneself. Be confident when you are alone and enjoy the time to yourself. In contrast, loneliness and social isolation are unhealthy and may lead to depression. Loneliness, social isolation, and depression are varying degrees of emotional and psychological symptoms that can ultimately affect your long-term health. The next time that someone comments to you about you being single and alone tell them that being alone is healthy while loneliness is unhealthy.
There is an important difference between loneliness and being alone that society neglects. It is important to spend time alone, but being lonely can be problematic. If you are alone, do not listen society’s message that you need to be in a romantic relationship to be normal. Spend time alone is a way to clear your mind and to rejuvenate yourself. Embrace being alone and the health benefits that have been found with solitude.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Abraham Maslow theorized in 1943 a proper psychological order of human needs. The goal of the Hierarchy of Needs is to achieve self-realization. Society focuses on love and marriage for singles in order for someone to become happy instead of for an individual being able to achieve self-realization. Singles should seek self-realization in life rather than listening to society’s mixed messages about love and relationships.
Singles And Self-Realization
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, an individual cannot properly achieve self-realization until fulfilling the deficient needs. Each of these needs build upon each other and cover different areas of human psychology: emotional, social, and intellectual. These lower needs are being able cope with life (shelter, water, food), learning to think for oneself, self- respect, cognitive needs, and achieving personal self-esteem needs and having a social circle. Society concentrates on the lowest needs of sex (tier one) and sexual intimacy (tier three) instead of the qualities associated with self-realization.
An individual must first love oneself before an individual is able to fully love another person. Society, though, elevates love and romance at the expense of an individual’s self-worth and self-realization. Society tells singles that being single is pathetic. Society tells individuals that if one wants to be viewed well by other then one must be dating or be in a romantic relationship. The consequence of this is that individuals, if they want to date or eventually get married, date too early before they know what they want in a mate in order to be accepted by others. This option, says society, is better than being the awkward third wheel or being alone and single. But is it? You decide. The consequence of society’s emphasis on love and romance makes individuals, and society as a whole, forget what basic life needs are for ethereal hopes of true love and finding one’s soul mate.
Once an individual fulfills the deficient needs than an individual can attain self-realization. The result is an individual is more confident and able to make more informed life decisions. An individual will be able to make these decisions because of a combination of personal experiences along with being able to discern social, emotional, and intellectual cues from life lessons. Self-realization than leads an individual being able to discover a life purpose that fulfills oneself and results in an individual wanting to achieve transcendence. Transcendence for Maslow meant morality (which is a complex and debated topic in philosophy), but the most basic form of morality means being able to love, empathize, and have compassion for others.
Life is an exciting and difficult trip ultimately to a final destination that everyone will eventually reach, but before one gets there hopefully an individually has successfully achieved the Hierarchy of Needs. Self-realization and the maturity that it bring are important in dealing with others in life and most importantly being able to deal with oneself. One should seek to be able to provide the deficient needs in life and aim to achieve self-realization in life by accepting facts about life, unleashing creativity, problem solving, being spontaneous, and being able to empathize with other humans.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Today is National Single Parents Day. Single Parents households have steadily been increasing in the United States since the 1960s. Secure wants to wish a happy National Single Parents Day to the growing number of single parents in the United States, single mothers and single fathers, and may you be able to enjoy a day that recognizes and celebrates all of the hard work, difficulties, and joys of single parents. Single mothers and single fathers are a growing household in America and should be respected for their hard work for raising children.
The definition of family has become more fluid since the 1960s in America, but single parents are less likely to be thought of encompassing the definition of ‘family’ today. Both single mothers and single fathers have increased in the United States since the 1960s. Single mothers account for a quarter of all American households while single fathers account for about eight percent of American households. But the fact is that “single parents have more than tripled as a share of American households since 1960” as the traditional two-parent have steadily declined in the United States.
Since the single parent household is on the rise, society should acknowledge single mothers and single fathers. National Single Parents Day on March 21st is a reasonable first step to moving forward and helping single parents gain recognition as being considered a family. Since America has moved away from the traditional heterosexual family as being the required standard by allowing others to marry and adopt children, society continues to neglect single parents. Many good steps have been successful in the United States to bring about equality for others, but single parents remain unequal to other family arrangements.
National Single Parents Day is a great first step to build up recognition and respect for single parents in America. Since the American family has evolved and other non-traditional arrangements are now becoming more acceptable in the United States, it is time to work for equality for the growing number of single parents. Today, on National Single Parents Day, America should consider its allegiance to freedom and equality by working to give single parents the same rights that others have gained with past Supreme Court rulings on marriage yet do not have since single parents continue to go unacknowledged by society despite the rise of the single parent family.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single parents are a growing household in the United States, but single father households are on the rise. There are different types of single fathers according to how single fathers decide to live their lives. Society should be aware of the different types of single fathers without stereotyping and stigmatizing them.
Contrary to the stereotype of single fathers, and single parents in general, there are a range of options available to single fathers. The individual situation of a single father’s circumstances and preferences influence lifestyle choices. Some circumstances that may sway single father’s decisions are going through a separation or a divorce from one’s partner and possibly having to fight for custody or for visitation rights for any children that a father may have had with a spouse. While going through any of those experiences are difficult on a single father and all parties involved, following those experiences a single father has to make other life decisions that impact both the father and the child. Some of the lifestyle options for a single father include cohabitation or living with a non-marital partner once a single father meets a new person. Nevertheless, for single fathers, there are more options available than what the societal stereotype portrays and what popular culture believes about single fathers. The societal and popular culture view is too simplistic. For this reason, the various types of single fatherhood and each individual’s particular situation of classifying single fathers more complex than society portray single fatherhood.
Similar to a project that Secure Single is currently working on of creating a spectrum of the range of singlehood to singleness, there seems to be a range for single fathers and for single parents (whether single fathers or single mothers). This continuum would generally apply to single parents, both single fathers and single mothers. Society should change its depiction of single parents and of since single fathers particularly because single father households currently outnumber those of single mothers. Ultimately though, the social stigma and stereotypes of single fathers and single mothers must change.
Society depicts fathers as being incompetent of being able to raise and to care for children. This is a problem since both two-married-parent households and single-parent households both face this problem, but it is especially a problem for single fathers since they face a society and popular culture that sends a negative messages and stereotypes about single fathers. Stereotypes are simple and easy. Single fatherhood is complex and difficult, despite what society may believe about any single fathers today as being unable to successfully raise a child without a mother.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Today is February 29, 2016 or leap year. Today is also Leap Day or Bachelors’ Day. Leap year happens once every four years, but there is an interesting custom that can be traced back to legend or history on Leap Day. The tradition behind the legend, or history, of Leap Day allows single women to propose to bachelors. The leap year traditions of Leap Day and Bachelors’ Day are interesting because it is yet an other example of the search for marriage instead of learning to love oneself as a single person.
Folklore, legend, or history says that women can propose to men on Leap Day during leap year to an agreement in the Fifth Century AD. Saint Brigid negotiated a deal with Saint Patrick that permitted women to propose to men every four years during the time of leap year. The 29th of February is now known as Leap Day because of this legend.
Another tradition, most likely built upon the legend of Saint Brigid creating Leap Day, in European countries Leap Day is known as Bachelors Day. Leap Day was called Bachelors Day because if a man refused a marriage proposal from a woman, than he was expected to pay a fine such as buying her a gown, gloves, or giving the woman who proposed money. Gloves were given by the upper classes of European society historically to women on Bachelors’ Day. The purpose of the gloves were to hide that a woman did not have an engagement ring on her ring finger because her proposal was not accepted. The European Bachelorss Day most likely was a continuation of Saint Brigid’s Leap Day that began in the 4th Century.
The historical expectation has always been that single men and single women would eventually get married for different reasons that changed during various historical periods. Leap Day and Bachelors’ Day are built upon the historical understanding that single people were expected to get married. Today, those various historical practices are not held or recognized by mainstream society so single people –especially single women– should not stress or seek to propose to a single man on Leap Day. Single people are a changing demographic that has never before been seen in history.
Single people are now making up more of modern society compared to their coupled counterparts and this is unprecedented in the history of society. For various reasons, singles are either putting of getting married or completely deciding not get married. It is estimated that by the year 2030 “25% of young adults” in the age group between 25 to 34 will never get married. With an estimated quarter of the population never getting married, this is a new development for society. This new demographic sends a message to society that it has different values than what society has historically told single people to do in order to be accepted and that is a good thing. Society and popular culture should be prepared for the rise of the single demographic, with single women becoming an influential political constituency, and new traditions should be made for Leap Day and Bachelor Day that favor this new demographic that enjoy the single life.