You think the hookup culture is prevalent, do ya? Even though it’s easier than ever before to get some nookie by swiping strangers on Tinder, there are some surprising new data. Believe it or not, people are having less sex.
It’s A Sexual Desert Out There — Why People Are Having Less Sex
People are having less sex. Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
The Washington Post had a social survey in 2018 and compared it to the previous year’s results. Nearly 1 in 4 adults spent the last year going monk style. That is the no sex category.
Celibacy is the new cool to a lot of folks, and there is one major factor
Sex experts say the age is the driving factor of adults sexual activity (or lack of it). It’s known as the Great American Sex Drought. 23 percent of the 18-29 respondents reported having no sex in 2018. This number is doubled from 2008.
On the flip side, the 60 and up sexless group went up from 18 percent in 1996 to 26 percent in 2018. So the youngsters are getting partners later in life according to Jean Twenge professor of psychology at San Diego University. Being a single woman and not having sex also give you more time to do you.
The CDC reported more high school students are saying no to sex. In 1995 the numbers were 53 percent dropped to 41 percent in 2005. This could be a positive trend for teen pregnancy to slow down.
But what do you do if you want to have more sex?
There is a hookup option. The local pub is usually filled with a dynamic mix of guys with scruffy beards (of different lengths and colors) drinking beer. So if you want super casual with no strings, the bar and Tinder are places for a lady to get lucky.
However, women who have one-night stands say things like “I just felt utterly worthless and still do,” and “I lost my dignity,” and “I feel dirty.” So it’s always good to look before you let him leap and think about what you’ll feel like tomorrow.
The next choice is friends with benefits
This is a tricky non-relationship. Because even though you’ve got the label, there will still be feelings involved. When you’re having sex with your “friend” intimacy happens. Emotions grow, and they can often be one-sided.
When feelings develop on only one end of the stick, it can be excruciating. This is especially difficult if you really like someone and are pretending to be cool as friends with benefits.
Then there’s the good old fashioned way of getting some hanky panky
Start dating someone and build a relationship with a person you actually like. If you’re a relationship ready woman, you can have casual spring sex with a guy.
There are a lot of health benefits of sex: exercises your pelvic floor, decreases blood pressure, and lowers stress. But there are also risks. Emotional complications, STDs and unwanted pregnancy (with the wrong person).
Summary
Being an empowered woman is a beautiful thing. And you get to choose your sex or no-sex style. Just ask yourself a simple question, and you’ll know the right job for you. Here it is . . .
What do you really want in your life?
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The sex lives of single people are more active.
People are having less sex today. People experiencing a decline in sex are couples and Millennials. Are single people having less sex today too? According to a survey conducted from 1989 to 2014 that included 26,000 participants single people are having more sex than married people. People are having less sex today but singles are still getting it. The sex lives of single people are more vigorous because the single life allows singles to experiment and gain sexual experience.
Sex Lives Of Single People Today
Decline of Marriage and Sex
Marriage and sex are both on the decline. The traditional way of getting sex required marriage. However, values towards sex and marriage have evolved with feminism and the sexual movements that followed the sexual revolution. This has made available opportunities for sex outside of marriage and for society to accept a range of sexual expressions and sexual orientations. Sex no longer is thought of having to be an act done within marriage for the purpose of procreation. Sex is thought of now as a way to experience pleasure today. People may be having less sex today, but single people are having more sex and that are more options available for single people to have sex today than ever before.
More Options for Singles to have Sex
Technology has made it easier to connect with people. It has also made it easier for people to meet, hookup, and access a range of sexual content that was not possible before the Internet. Mobile devices have made it even easier. The combination of the Internet and mobile phones have made access to sex simpler and cheaper than ever before in history. Before technology and the Internet, you had to be married to enjoy sex without being shunned by society. But not today and not anymore. Singles can have sexual encounters with apps, webcams, and virtual reality.
Single people are not constrained by a relationship. This enables single people to choose if they want to to be sexually active. By not being restrained by a relationship and the easy accessibility of sex today, singles can find sex with the touch of a button or a quick web search. The reason why single people have more sex than couples is that they have the freedom and the flexibility to utilize technology today. The flexibility of the single life and the ability for singles to choose to have sex and how often by hooking up, or not at all, is part of the beauty of being single. Singles are able to sexually experiment and to become sexually experienced to better please and titillate sexual partners. Sex is cheap today.
Summary
The bottom line is if you are single and you like sex, want sex, or want to eventually get into a relationship of some kind that involves sex. It is best to be single. Why is it best to be single? Because single people are getting the most sex today. People are having less sex across the board today, but not singles! Make the most of being single today whether or not that involves sex today or this week!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single women have options for if they get pregnant out of wedlock.
Thanks to apps like Tinder and Bumble, out of wedlock pregnancy from casual sex is on the rise. STI’s/STD’s are also likely to be contracted. If you happen to get pregnant (women), or make one of your partners pregnant (men), the worst thing you can do is panic. Know that you always have options… Here are three ways that those who are single and unmarried can handle getting pregnant and pregnancy outside of marriage.
How Single Unmarred Women Can Deal With Getting Pregnant Outside Of Wedlock
What if… The pregnancy test is positive
Whoopsy, someone just had an oopsy. As a female, you can either have the baby or get an abortion. Before you make a decision, one way or another, you need to write down all the consequences you have. As a male, you really don’t have much choice in the matter. If abortion is on the table, then just be supportive in any way you can (as a man), and as emotionally stable as you can (as a woman). Babies are expensive and can reduce your economic power if you have one at a young age when your income earning capabilities are still developing. Know that having babies is a life-changing decision and if you do have one you have to step it up in a big way, like, growing up in a snap. This is because you would be raising another human. Adoption is also another option.
How will it affect you….
Having an abortion will relieve you of parental duties, and will allow you to save more money in the long run. Having no children is better for your career development. If you do get an abortion, you will not have to worry about co-parenting with a person you don’t really know. On the other hand, having an abortion could affect you emotionally, leaving you wondering… ‘what if’. Some people can deeply be affected by this, especially if you grew up religious and the act of abortion will leave your family upset with your decision. Men, sorry, don’t really have an option in this. For men, just make sure you do your due diligence and support your half of either paying for half of the abortion or half of the childcare.
Should you keep your fling going?
The odds of your hookup turning into marriage are probably less likely than the chance of someone hitting the road and running. Although, there are some cases shotgun weddings do exist.Whatever you decide to pursue after a decision is made (keep baby vs abort baby). Make sure to be moral and take your time to make a decision that best serves you. If things don’t work out the way you planned, remember to be gentle with yourself, and also forgive yourself for anything you feel bad about. It’s your life, and you have the right to make your own decisions and to also be happy with yourself. Sometimes things work out, you never really know till you give it a try.
Summary
What happens with an out of wedlock pregnancy after a hookup could result in a lot of different outcomes. Having a baby is not having a baby, pursuing your hookup for a relationship, and dealing with the consequences are all part of a long process that will put you in a decision to decide what is moral, and best for your happiness. Like all major decision in your life, make sure you seek the advice of more than one person, and if you can, a person who is unbiased and emotionally tied to the decisions. Good luck out there, singles!
Securely yours,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
How To Become A Virgin Again…
Virginity is something sacred and valuable that you have only once in your life. Once you lose your virginity, you will never really be a virgin again. However, for the hopefuls out there who wish to be pure again, you can become a virgin again. Don’t fret if you’ve lost your v-card, because we have some remedies. We’re talking emotional, physical, and spiritual. Why would anyone want to become a virgin again? There are several motives. Perhaps your virginity was lost to someone who didn’t mean anything to you, or you may have slept with so many partners that you are looking for redemption. There is always a way out to cleanse yourself. You can become a virgin again, by purifying yourself.
How Singles Can Purify Themselves To Become A Virgin Again
Purify Yourself Emotionally
One of the motives for purifying yourself emotionally is to rid yourself of bad memories. Maybe you grew up in a household that promoted promiscuity, was misguided as a youth and became at risk, lost your virginity to a sick minded family member, or even got raped. Whatever happened, know that it was not your fault, and you should not feel shameful. Accept what happened, forgive the past, and find a supportive and confidential group to help you move past this emotionally. The best part about growing up is maturing emotionally. This means that you can lick all the wounds you incurred as a youth, and heal yourself to become a better, faster, smarter person. Start today by loving yourself.
Purify Yourself Physically
Although you cannot ‘undo losing your virginity’ completely, you can get surgery (as a female) to restore a small part of your body called the hymen. This procedure can be expensive, and also take a fair amount of time. Other ways you can cleanse yourself include cleaning and grooming your sexual organs single men and single women. You may also want to start doing kegel exercises. This will maintain your sexual parts in addition if you don’t want to go through surgery. Working out is also a really good practice to get into. It serves as a meditation and strengthens your body and mind. It helps tighten you down below, too.
Purify Yourself Spiritually
Sex is one of the top pleasurable experiences known. It is also one of the most emotional experiences due to the intimate nature of sex. To purify yourself emotionally, you will want to journal, start attending a spiritual community center and get baptized in some manner (even if you are not religious). Do whatever it is you need to do in order to feel pure again, and to attain that mindset that you are a pure human being unaffected by the past. Make a treaty with yourself, and give yourself the gift of inner peace.Many people meditate as well. You may want to give it a try. Whatever you are working to achieve, know that you can do it.
Summary
Become a virgin again. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually become pure. Know that it will take a daily effort and practice to achieve what you want. You can achieve it with one step at a time. Start small, and achieve tasks as they come in. Love and accept yourself through the process, and let go of the past. You are worth it. Good luck out there, singles.
Securely yours
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are important things you need to know following a random hookup . Let’s face it, we’re human and we all like to hookup. It’s part of our human nature. Hooking up makes you feel good, and gives you a sense of accomplishment that you made out with or had sex with. You will likely experience a range of emotions after a hookup. What matters most, in terms of handling it well, depends on how you treat the situation. Here’s what you are likely to experience and what is likely to follow after your random hookup.
3 Things Singles Need To Know About Sex After A Random Hookup
Last Night, Did You….
Have sex? It’s important to understand the risk of sleeping with someone you don’t really know. You might have caught an STD, pregnancy could be an issue, and emotionally you don’t know how the other person will react. There is something to be said about having sex that is too casual or even having sex too early with a friend which could potentially result in ruining your relationship. Make sure you understand what you’re doing before it turns into an issue.
What You Can Do
If you get into a situation that could be compromising, remember that it is OK to say no. If you feel the pressures of sex could arrive, just go light for a kiss, and then end the night by getting a safe ride home by a trusted friend or an Uber. If you did end up sleeping with someone, you will want to first get an STD test from a doctor and then take the plan B pill if you are a woman who’s not on birth control. Emotionally, it could have meant nothing to the other person, and you may feel like you need more closure or a second pass. In this situation, be graceful. Remember to take action through love, meaning not to do anything mean, cruel, or hurtful. If you want to see more of the person who you had the random hookup with, but they don’t want to see you after it. Be graceful and move on. There are plenty of attractive people in the world,and you should take the opportunity to meet more people for other random hookups.
If You’ve Caught Something
Like STDs or if you get pregnant. You have options. The best thing to do in these situations is to talk to multiple professions who have an unbiased opinion influence the decisions you make. Go to a clinic to get tested for STDs and find treatment right away. Your body is truly an important part of your life,and by going to a clinic you are respecting your body. If you get pregnant after unprotected sex, then you should look at the options. If its the morning after, take Plan B right away. If it is a few weeks later and you test positive for pregnancy, then you can take action to care for your body during pregnancy and plan to take care of it. If you’re the guy and you got the girl pregnant, don’t leave her. Co-parenting is always an option. Set boundaries, and be supportive if she gets an abortion or if she has the kid. Remember to use birth control next time.
Summary
A random hookup is fun, but just like any other vise you need to be responsible. Have fun, but respect your body and the other person’s body. Use birth control and make sure you make decisions with a clear conscious. Good luck, singles!
Securely yours,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Involuntary celibacy has been in the news because of the Toronto Van Attack and an underground online community of people who call themselves incels. However, for every normal form of something there will be a radical form too. Incels have something that is common for some singles, involuntary celibacy, and have radicalized not having a sex life. If you are an involuntary celibate, that does not make you an incel. There are singles who want to have a sex life, but who currently do not have an active sex life. Singles who are involuntary celibate should not feel ashamed for not having a sex life since there are many ways to find sex today. These are three ways an involuntary celibate can get an active sex life.
3 Ways Involuntary Celibate Singles Can Hook Up
Internet
You can find anything you want on the Internet. If you can’t find it on the Internet, it may be on the Deep Web or Darknet. For those who are an involuntarily celibate, the Internet provides sex sites along with hookup sites. There is really no reason to be an involuntary celibate if you are looking for sex today. Top Internet sex sites include LiveJasmin, ImLive, EvilAngelLive, LivePrivates, and Joyourself. These websites charge per minute and allow models to make their own rates.
For an involuntary celibate who is looking for a more personal encounter or to add passion to life, there are sex hookup sites. The top Internet hookup sites include Ashley Madison, FriendFinder-X, NoStringsAttached, XMatch, Adult Friend Finder, iHookup, Passion, and Get It On. These hookup websites range from offering a free base membership to charging $50 a month to access the website’s users. The Internet offers many ways for an involuntary celibate to connect with someone for a night of passion.
Apps
There are a range of apps that singles can use to find sex as an involuntary celibate. These apps will work for Android, iOS, or both. Tinder is the most well-known app for hooking up, but there are many more that singles can utilize. Bumble is another popular app that allows you to find friends as well as to standard hook up. Happn is an interesting app that tracks your location with other users within a thousand feet of you so that you can see how many times you have encountered the person and connect over the app. For those who are looking for a more professional app, there is Coffee meets Bagel. CMB gives a suggestion a day and then when there is a match between two users allows eight days for the users to meet after chatting over the app. For those singles who identify as gay or bisexual, Grindr is an app that allows you to view user profiles to mingle and hook up with others in the community. While apps are useful for finding someone to meet with or hook up with, hooking up with someone you find attractive in real life is always a great option too.
Night On The Town
There are many places where you can hook up with someone as an involuntary celibate. These places include bars, restaurants, parties, and clubs. The way to get someone’s attention while you are having a night out requires preparation, conversation, and commitment. The first step is to have good hygiene and to be well-groomed in all the right areas. That means yous should take a shower, apply deodorant and cologne or perfume, and shave any facial hair as well as your nether regions. You will next want to dress to impress. For men, wear a nice pair of jeans or slacks with a dress and a blazer. For women, you can wear anything from a dress to a skirt to jeans with a range of tops for your night out on the town. Ultimately, dress in what makes you comfortable and meets the dress code of the location. Research your bar or talk to your friends to know which bars attract singles. Those bars will be the best places to increase your chances for a successful hook up.
The best places to find someone to hook up with are normally popular and happening places downtown. Invite one or two friends who are confident and who have had success in the past with hook ups to be your wing men or wing woman to help you meet your goal for the night: get laid. You will then need to attract the person’s attention who you are interested in by using nonverbal body language and see if the person of interest returns nonverbal signals back to you. Once you have caught someone’s attention who is interested in you, buy them a drink. If they are with friends, get their attention by buying a round for their friends too. Buying a round of drinks is only a way to get their attention and to make them aware of your presence at the bar.
Once they have accepted your drink , you can now go over and introduce yourself to the person of interest who has sent reciprocal nonverbal communication back to you. You can start by engaging in small talk about the music playing and ask what they do. If it is obvious that they are into you, then you can give compliments on what they are wearing and ask more personal questions about their hobbies, interests, and topics that arise in the conversation. After you have determined their level of interest in you, you need to read their body language to decide if they want to potentially hook up with you. You can test if they are into you by making physically intimate moves by touching their hair, face, shoulder, and waist. If they are not interested, apologize and say that you misread their body language and move on. However, if they are interested and return the displays of affection than be confident and invite them back to your place or get a room in a nearby hotel. If the hook up is successful, always remember to have safe sex.
Summary
These are three common ways to find someone to hook up with to no longer be an involuntary celibate. It will require you to explore the Internet or to download an app, be confident, and to be able to read nonverbal communication. Singles need to be confident and enjoy being single. Hooking up as a single is a way to revel in the single life. Remember, just because you may be an involuntary celibate does not make you an incel and there are many ways to find someone to hook up with for sex.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Abuse leaves lasting scars that the naked eye cannot see. When we talk about sexual abuse, it is no light matter. The after effects and the trauma that follow take months to years until a person is nearly healed. Therapy or self-medication tend to help a person recover, but therapy is healthier because the person deals with a professional who knows how to help a person fully recover. It becomes difficult to regain identity and feel comfortable with your sexuality. But don’t worry, there is hope. If you have experienced sexual abuse, you have resources available and methods to cope along with these five fast ways to recover from sexual abuse.
5 Fast Ways To Recover From Sexual Abuse
Feel Shameless
There is no right way to react to the effects of trauma. You should not feel ashamed if you have been a victim. Each person’s method of recovery and dealing with the issue is different. All survivors take their feelings out in different ways, like writing in a journal, running hardcore, or creating music. Anything in between that takes your mind off the trauma is an effective way to move forward and move on with your life. What happened to a victim of sexual abuse is not their fault. Start to feel better about yourself and take responsibility for your recovery. You cannot change what happened, but you can change how you feel about it.
Talk To People You Trust
Not everyone you know will be able to give you the support you need. This is why you need to seek out the help of trusted family and friends. You can succeed if you have the right support group. Talking to people you trust will help you release pent-up energy, and also to feel better about your situation. Trusted family and friends can also share advice with you on how to overcome your trauma. In special cases, if you feel no one is supportive you can seek professional help.
Pay Attention To What Triggers You
Survivors of sexual abuse can have triggers, which are places, events, or things that remind them of the traumatic events. In order to achieve a secure life, eliminating all the experiences that trigger memories of traumatic events will help a person move on. By surrounding yourself with positive influences, you can avoid being triggered. Also, through counseling, you can learn to develop the tools to handle stressful situations that trigger your emotions.
Find What Makes You Feel Safe
Finding a sense of safety and security will help a victim’s recovery process. Identifying what makes a person feel safe can be as simple as going for a walk, driving around, being alone in bed, or getting a message. Practicing being in moments that make you feel safe will help a person develop a sense of security. It is important to practice this once a day. Feel safe, feel secure, and feel good about yourself.
Say No – And Be Comfortable With It
Saying ‘No!’ has to be one of the most difficult things to do. We want to be there for people, but when we need to heal and involve ourselves in healthy activities, saying ‘No!’ gives you time to do the things that are a priority in your life. You can decline sexual advances, and feel prideful by keeping your body a sacred temple. No one has the right to touch you without your consent. If someone doesn’t respect your word, show them the door. Start by practicing it politely, and gradually work to say it firmly as well. No matter what it is for, being able to say no without having to apologize will make you feel more confident.
Summary
When it comes to recovering from something as serious as sexual assault, it is important you do things that make you feel secure and happy. The fastest way to recovery is to know that it was not your fault, talk to friends and family, or seek professional help. Know what triggers you, do what makes you feel safe, and be fearless when you say ‘No!’ Do not give anyone or anything the ability to break you- stay secure, singles!
Securely yours,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many people who are single who may want to date, but they do not date people who want to have kids. Many millennials are already faced with student loan debt and are working to pay it off while getting their careers on track. It’s distracting thinking about dating, and even about starting a family. We all want what we want, but we must first be willing to work hard for it. Some people were lucky to be born with a silver spoon in their hand, or to have had their college paid for by their parents. When you have both emotions and have student loans to pay of, you have got to work hard and can’t; deal with any distractions. Every minute matters. Here’s the breakdown in three steps:
Student Loans
They really suck. Trade schools are smart to get into because you can instantly go to work with real skills that are marketable to the world. When You get a general degree, making yourself marketable is tougher. Picking up a side hustle, getting into sales, and starting your own company are great ways to begin to pay off your student loans. You want to work to pay off all your loans and get into a financial position where you can breathe.College is expensive, and not really worth it. Ugh!
Career Focused
Yes, it’s true that millennials are the largest age demographic to be single, unwed, and childless, but it is also true that due to the student loan debt we have we are geared towards making a living and paying it all off. It’s time to be responsible. It’s time to get focused in our careers. Kids and marriage can come later in life, but in your 20’s you have so much energy to make things happen. What you do NOW will affect the rest of your future. You Have to be so careful how you spend your time, and you have to work towards generating GOOD cash flow to set up your future to be bright.
Be Free From Kids
Why bring children into the world when the divorce rate is at 50% and growing, and we live in a world where people are afraid of commitment. Relationships are messy. We need to set things up to counterbalance these events from happening. Use birth control and don’t get emotionally involved. People don’t commit, so why have children with them, especially out of wedlock? Be smart, and be safe.
In order to love better and have a more liberated life, you have got to work hard for what you want. It may require more hours but hey it’s your life and you need to find a way to make it worth something. Get out of debt, focus on your career, and don’t mess around with non-committal people because relationships are messy as it is. When You focus on you, and are bettering your life, you are truly living and being in alignment with your true self and making every second count. There is not a minute to lose, so focus on your goals, write them down, take steps towards them every day, and make what you do count. You can do it, and you are worth it to make your dreams and goals happen! Go get it!
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Breaking-up is no fun, we all know it. Sometimes you need to leave your lover because the relationship no longer serves you. It may be that you both are headed in a new direction, the relationship was previously toxic, or you just need some space to get on track with your career. Through the separation, you will most likely feel the 5 degrees of separation. It’s normal, and as a caveat, you may want to practice the following tips to ‘catch yourself’ after the demise of your last relationship. Ready for a fresh start? Okay, let’s go!
Go Out and Be Risky
One thing to consider to ‘get over’ your lover is to ‘get it on’ with another. As bad as you want to, don’t do it. You might settle for someone you don’t know that well, and potentially put yourself in a dangerous situation. You might also risk getting something unintentionally. Your sexual health is important.
INSTEAD, try spending time with friends and family. Feeling the loss of someone who you loved and invested a lot of time in can make you feel a void when their presence is not there. Sexually, look into books and products that can satisfy one of your basic human needs. Easing off of someone is not easy, no matter how the situation unraveled. Take the time to be there for yourself during the fall, and actually catch yourself. You can do it!
Call Them Back
Okay, so you’re a couple of drinks in, and you’re on the ride home with your friends. You start to pick up the phone and scroll through your ex’s Instagram. Seeing all those pictures makes you feel nostalgic of their presence. You open your contact list, and lo and behold, you find their name. You start to call, and… Stop right there. There’s no way the phone conversation will go well. Yes, you might end up back at their place, and it will feel unreal. You might even go to voicemail. Either option is not ideal, and here’s why: the rejection straight to the voicemail will hurt, worse than before you called and were missing them. And on the other side, ending up back at their place will potentially produce a pattern of the ‘broken-record’ syndrome, where neither of you will have time to recover emotionally. Be the bigger person and let time and space heal the hurt. It could just turn all physical, while your emotions get the beating.
INSTEAD, take the time to love yourself enough to not open your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being up to potential harm. Love yourself enough to pick yourself up, and walk away from the situation. Give your friend your phone until the feeling passes. We’ve all got a good friend who will help us out, so give them a call!
Don’t Draw the Shades – Do This Instead
Easy to feel down when your lover leaves you, or you had to leave your lover because they weren’t the person you thought they’d be. Either way, look at the situation as a learning lesson. You learned more about yourself, and about what you want in a partner. Staying in, eating pop-tarts, and drawing the shades may be appropriate for a week, but once you’ve allowed yourself to pout, come off it! It’s not that good for you, anyhow…
INSTEAD, write in your diary, and get outside. Being in the sun boosts your vitamin-D levels in your body, leading to increased levels of happiness, and a general well sense of being. You also will be more than, just wear sunscreen before leaving the house. Your future self will thank you. Working out with friends also helps. Blowing steam off by lifting weights, or going for a long and meditative run, will both clear your mind, and improve your fitness. You’ll look and feel great.
Bottom Line
Take care of yourself by optimizing your mental, physical, and spiritual health. We’ve all been there and can say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just because you are missing your ex, doesn’t mean you should compromise yourself. Take this new opportunity to rebrand yourself, build a company, and learn new skills. You may even make some good friends along the way. So keep progressing forward.