There are many different types of singles. Some single may want to get married one day. Some singles are single by choice and will remain single for the rest of their lives. There are singles who have sex regularly and are sexually attracted to men and/or women. However, there is a percent of the population that is both single and asexual. Asexual singles are not understood by society because they do not experience sexual attraction are not interested in sexual relationships.
Society thinks that everyone’s mission in life is to get laid as often as possible until one decides to settle down with the one. This belief that permeates popular culture influences people to think that if they are not having sex, dating, or married then they are inherently lesser than those people who get some on a regular basis or have a significant other. Asexuality, however, flies in the face of this thought that is taken for granted by people believing that sex and relationships are life needs.
Since society does not consider asexuals normal because of their lack of interest in sex which apparently makes people regular in the eyes of society is a disservice to anyone who is asexual. An asexual person can have a range of personal interests, just like anyone else, and could become a parent through adoption while having a non-physical relationship with a partner. In the scheme of life of what people are supposed to do, singles and asexual individuals both confront similar problems by not fitting into what society says they need to do to be an ordinary person. Singles are not in a relationship for whatever reason either at the moment or permanently and asexuals are not interested in sex which appeals to everyone following culture’s logic. Singles and asexuals can work together to explain to people to slowly change popular culture’s views of the importance of needing to be in a relationship all of the time and having to think about or regularly have sex to be accepted by society.
In the end, everyone should be accepted for who they are as an individual and for their life choices. The fact that someone may not be in a relationship, has no urge to date, or has no sexual urges does not decrease their value as a person. All singles, asexual or not, can work on changing how society talks about people do not participate in intercourse or regularly date by addressing it as a problem when those topics are brought up in your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Friendship is the state of forming a bond with another person to get to know them better and to enjoy spending time with them. The Greek word for the love between friends is philia. Friendship often neglected and placed behind sexual and romantic relationships. Despite the age of social media where people can have hundreds of friends, most people do not know how to be a good friend. Society also emphasizes that people should pursue sexual and romantic relationships; despite that once they end, the people in those relationships go there different ways because it did not last and lose contact with each other. Friendship, if done well, should last since the goal is to build and continually improve the human connection with another person who you want to know more by spending time with that person. Here are five steps to be a better friend.
1) Loyalty
Friendship is about making time to support your friends when they are going through a hard time or they just want to get together over coffee or drinks to talk. This also means that you are willing to hear your friends concerns and always be honest with your friends. This is especially true when disagreements arise between friends. Loyalty means that you make time for your friends out of your busy life to stay connected, or to reconnect with old friends.
2) Accept Your Friend Unconditionally
To unconditionally accept anyone is difficult. It requires that you accept your friends for their problems and all. This also means that you are willing to accept them when they expose their vulnerabilities and expose some of their hidden problems or secrets that you were not aware of until having a real conversation with your friend.
3) Stay Friends Regardless of Your Friend’s Choices
People can make their own choices and to decide how they want to live their life. Regardless if you agree with your friend’s choices, stick by your friend. This means that even when you disagree with the choices your friend is deciding to make, or made, that you will not leave them just because you don’t support their choice. It is easy to leave, bail on a friend, and to lose a friendship. It is hard to stay friends and to stand by your friend’s choices. Do the hard choice and stay friends regardless of your friend’s decisions.
4) Work to Improve Their Life
As a friend, you should genuinely want to help and want to improve your friend’s life. This requires that your friendship is a vehicle to benefit them in the different areas of their life. Listen to them. Talk to them. Help them as needed. Be there when they are having a difficult time in life. As a friend, you want to see their life improve and watch them become a better person.
5) Show Up
Take time out of your busy life and show up when your friend wants to do something. This reveals to your friend that you care enough about them by taking time out of your day to meet up with them. Showing up proves to your friend that you actually care and that you are a loyal friend.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society proclaims to support equality and teaches that everyone should be treated with respect. However, popular culture only advocates and encourages respect in areas that are the foundation of its own social constructs. These social constructs typically are connected to coupling and marriage in America. Singles do not fit into this construct and in order to fit in singles must become coupled. Singles are a growing population in the United States and society should respect a temporary or permanent single status.
In a society that preaches tolerance and equality, the culture remains biased against the unmarried and singles of America. Popular culture discriminates against singles by promoting coupling and marriage from silly shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but the real damage against singles is through the media and science. Society needs to work on improving the image of single people in through popular media and in other mediums where singles remain marginalized. The solution is simple. Singles need to be treated with respect just like any other person that society tells people need to tolerate their lifestyle choice.
Respect for people and for people to make rational choices in their life is the foundation of society, but it is not given to people who are single. This needs to change. It is no one’s business to ask someone who is single twenty questions about their love life; if they are interested in someone, if they are dating, or why they need to find so that they can have children before they get too old to name just a few questions that are continually asked of singles. The demographics of America are changing with singles now making up 45% of the population. This fact alone should change the tone of society and of popular culture when it comes to talking about singles. Singles should stand up for themselves and articulate why they are currently single or why they have chosen to be a lifelong single.
There are a variety of singles that range from temporary singles, current singles, lifelong singles, single parents, widowers, and divorcees. This range makes it difficult for society to stereotype singles, yet that is what popular culture does to those who are unmarried. If American society is truly tolerant and believes in equality, then it needs to begin to respect the diversity of single people.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
To be single is to be looked down upon in a society obsessed with matrimania. Society and popular culture glorify coupledom and has convinced families, friends, and dating businesses that if someone is single that the single person must be rescued from singledom. Society has built a mythology surrounding dating, couples, and marriage and singles do not fit the cultural narrative. The cultural solution is for singles to be paired up. Singles should not succumb to society’s pressure to be in a relationship unless it is something that a person wants in life.
The American society has created a myth about dating and marriage that is sent out daily to Americans through Hollywood, movies, and television. The result is that if someone is not dating, they feel like they need to be in a relationship. This results in casual dating in order to fit in with friends and family. People have become judged by their lack of a significant other and for their single state. This is a problem that stems from society’s expectations and beliefs about single people. The belief is that once a single person dates, finds the one, and gets married that they will now be happy. The happiness argument along with that some social and political views argue that marriage provides a societal good so it is important for people to get married. These variety of arguments that society presents, along with the belief that there is a right to marry, only makes it more difficult to be single in the 21st Century.
Despite the fact that marriage is believed to be a right; the American divorce rate ranges from 40% to 50%, depending on how the study is done. Society and people continue to tell singles that they need to find a mate and get married since ignoring facts and rationalizing anything is easy to do. American divorce is a problem, yet marriage is still forced upon singles. Single shaming someone because they are not dating and are not married, or on their second or third marriage, is a problem that reflects the values of our culture.
Society needs to stop pressuring singles to date and to get married. The combination of the marriage myth and the divorce rate send contradictory societal messages, but singles still are expected to marry because it is a right. Singles need to present facts and arguments about the state of marriage to combat the societal perception that singles must get married to be happy.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society equates being alone with being lonely, although these two states are very different. There is an important difference between being alone and being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone and there are easy solutions to be social, if one begins to feel lonely. Society tells singles that because they are single that they are lonely.
Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines alone as being “without anyone or anything else” and being “without people that you know or that usually are with you.” It is appropriate to be alone in some circumstances to focus on work or to have solitude. Singles should be confident going out to places and going to events alone. This may be for drinks or going out for dinner alone. In fact, individuals are making reservations for restaurants on OpenTable to go out and dine alone which has been found to healthy for one’s mind. Consider spending more time in solitude and time being alone. There is an important difference between being alone and being lonely that the West has forgotten.
Loneliness is an emotional state. Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines lonely as being “sad from being apart from other people” and “causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people.” Loneliness is unhealthy because humans are social animals. Some of the health consequences of loneliness and social isolation are increased risk of coronary complications and of having a stroke. If you are feeling lonely or have isolated yourself from others, it may be wise to see a doctor to check for depression. Loneliness and depression often come as a bad couple. However, about seven and eleven percent of individuals suffer from depression and the heavy feeling of self-isolation that depression places on people. Being social is critical to the being human, but loneliness and depression fight against the social reality of human existence.
Single people should never feel ashamed of spending time alone. It is important to make time for oneself. Be confident when you are alone and enjoy the time to yourself. In contrast, loneliness and social isolation are unhealthy and may lead to depression. Loneliness, social isolation, and depression are varying degrees of emotional and psychological symptoms that can ultimately affect your long-term health. The next time that someone comments to you about you being single and alone tell them that being alone is healthy while loneliness is unhealthy.
There is an important difference between loneliness and being alone that society neglects. It is important to spend time alone, but being lonely can be problematic. If you are alone, do not listen society’s message that you need to be in a romantic relationship to be normal. Spend time alone is a way to clear your mind and to rejuvenate yourself. Embrace being alone and the health benefits that have been found with solitude.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Abraham Maslow theorized in 1943 a proper psychological order of human needs. The goal of the Hierarchy of Needs is to achieve self-realization. Society focuses on love and marriage for singles in order for someone to become happy instead of for an individual being able to achieve self-realization. Singles should seek self-realization in life rather than listening to society’s mixed messages about love and relationships.
Singles And Self-Realization
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, an individual cannot properly achieve self-realization until fulfilling the deficient needs. Each of these needs build upon each other and cover different areas of human psychology: emotional, social, and intellectual. These lower needs are being able cope with life (shelter, water, food), learning to think for oneself, self- respect, cognitive needs, and achieving personal self-esteem needs and having a social circle. Society concentrates on the lowest needs of sex (tier one) and sexual intimacy (tier three) instead of the qualities associated with self-realization.
An individual must first love oneself before an individual is able to fully love another person. Society, though, elevates love and romance at the expense of an individual’s self-worth and self-realization. Society tells singles that being single is pathetic. Society tells individuals that if one wants to be viewed well by other then one must be dating or be in a romantic relationship. The consequence of this is that individuals, if they want to date or eventually get married, date too early before they know what they want in a mate in order to be accepted by others. This option, says society, is better than being the awkward third wheel or being alone and single. But is it? You decide. The consequence of society’s emphasis on love and romance makes individuals, and society as a whole, forget what basic life needs are for ethereal hopes of true love and finding one’s soul mate.
Once an individual fulfills the deficient needs than an individual can attain self-realization. The result is an individual is more confident and able to make more informed life decisions. An individual will be able to make these decisions because of a combination of personal experiences along with being able to discern social, emotional, and intellectual cues from life lessons. Self-realization than leads an individual being able to discover a life purpose that fulfills oneself and results in an individual wanting to achieve transcendence. Transcendence for Maslow meant morality (which is a complex and debated topic in philosophy), but the most basic form of morality means being able to love, empathize, and have compassion for others.
Life is an exciting and difficult trip ultimately to a final destination that everyone will eventually reach, but before one gets there hopefully an individually has successfully achieved the Hierarchy of Needs. Self-realization and the maturity that it bring are important in dealing with others in life and most importantly being able to deal with oneself. One should seek to be able to provide the deficient needs in life and aim to achieve self-realization in life by accepting facts about life, unleashing creativity, problem solving, being spontaneous, and being able to empathize with other humans.