In countries like America, being a single woman is revered for the lifestyle characteristics like freedom, independence, and higher economic status. Being single is not bad. You’ve got the perks of a career and are highly independence. For some women in other countries, this is not the case. Being single may be a life or death matter, where here the stakes of survival depend heavily on one’s relationship status. Single women are facing this problem all the way from China to developing third world countries.
In countries like China, women who are 27 years or older who have remained unmarried are considered to be the country’s ‘leftover women’, or more commonly denoted, ‘sheng nu’. Just like in America, China is experiencing higher percentages of educated women who have more opportunities than their previous generational counterparts.
Because society pressures are so strong, some women come to tears because of social shaming. Many women believe that they are incomplete without marriage. Single women in China are being targeted by the government and ads in the media who make marriage and motherhood the top priorities for women.
What’s more, is that some women in developing countries are forced to marry, with child marriages being one of the worst scenarios. The young girls who face this forced marriage average about 1 in every three, according to the same source above. These women don’t get shamed for being single at the moment, but rather, they face horrific tragedies such as rape, birth complications for under developed women, and homelessness. Marriage doesn’t quite solve their issues either, because spousal abuse is highly likely. These women have potential of higher educations and brighter careers, should they find the opportunity to escape. Some programs donate to seeing these young women, for more information, then visit Worldvision.
Another factor also plays into women in developing countries, the sanitation conditions and lack of resources cause multiple deaths per year for women who initially got pregnant from rape or forced childhood marriage. In an article posted by The Guardian, they found that the UN reported over 500,000 women in developing countries die each year because of pregnancy complications:
“The death toll is more than half a million women a year, according to Unicef, the UN children’s emergency fund. Some 70,000 who die are girls and young women aged 15 to 19. Although it is the subject of one of the millennium development goals, the death toll is not going down.
The reasons are multiple, according to UNICEF’s annual state of the world’s children report on maternal and newborn health. “The root cause may lie in women’s disadvantaged position in many countries and cultures and in the lack of attention to, and accountability for, women’s rights,” it says.
UNICEF aims to educate women in developing countries to improve conditions, in hopes that they can save women and prevent death from pregnancy.
In the end…
From social shame to the loss of safely, single women in other countries have a lot more challenges than women in developed countries, like America, Canada, and parts of Europe. Single women in developed countries do get a stigma for being career oriented and successful, but women in developing countries face far more of a challenge between life and death.
Every day women get closer to a level playing field where our rights, freedoms, and income earning capabilities expand. We are on the upswing in the political, social, and economic arenas where women can truly integrate into communities as whole and complete persons with the liberties we deserve in every country. Women are, after all, beautiful, powerful, and strong.
If you already have freedom, be thankful for what you have. Not to mention to be proud if you are single and have the opportunity to advance your career and your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Too often people rush to get married. When pressured by society, we often find the first person we can get our hands on to marry. This is a recipe for disaster, not to mention that rushing can cause you to attract the wrong partner. Here are the six main reasons why singles often regret getting married and why singles should stop believing that they need a partner to be happy.
The sages tell us that if we go about our lives, then ‘someone’ will come to us and be Mr. or Mrs. Right. I’ve seen it happen for some people, but I have also seen it happen where others attract someone who is completely uncomplimentary to them. The need to find Mr. or Mrs. Right is also reinforced to us by society’s belief in the soul mate myth.
Here are six of the top reasons people regret getting married:
The desire to hook up with other people
Some people just settle, without sowing their wild oats, and this can be a disaster. Suppressed urges eventually come out, and sometimes in the worst way. Save yourself and your partner the trouble of heartbreak, and just go experience life before you become committed. You can always enjoy life once you get into a serious relationship, but take care of your bucket list items first.
The person they married is not who they thought they were
Sometimes when people are trying their best to attract a partner, they put on masks and are not their true authentic selves. Once the partner is attained, the person reverts back to the original person they once were. This Can be traumatic for the one they married because they married you for who they thought you were. That person turned out to be a lie.
Having Children Too Soon
Once you’ve popped them out, there is really no going back. If you’re not already on a solid foundation, having children can add salt to the wound. Yes children are beautiful, but when you’re not solid in your relationship, it an be the solution to tear you and your partner apart. Most people buckle under pressure.
Not Having as Much Sex as You Thought You Would
People Get married and like the idea of sex with one partner who is safe, but sometimes when you get married you have less sex. When your needs aren’t met, you will seek them elsewhere. That is the essence and foundation of cheating.
Feeling Unappreciated
A simple act of kindness or ‘thank you’ goes a long way. You or your partner may not feel appreciated, or they may feel like you’ve taken advantage of them, or they take advantage of you. Behavior like this is cause for abandonment.
Not Having Clear Intentions
When you don’t know the motives of the other side, and every person has a motive for something, then communication down the road can be problematic. When you are upfront and honest, you can help set the tone for an open and safe environment for the other person to be open and honest.
Basically, if you follow a few simple rules you should be set when it comes to staying securely single, or avoiding heartbreak trauma while in a committed relationship. Don’t get married if you are not 100% sure it is what you want regardless of what society tells us. Wait until you feel ready. Be clear on your intentions, open, and honest. Make sure to experience your single life to the fullest extent, and have fun, because when you don’t get married, you now share your life and make decisions with another person’s consideration.
Stay safe, stay happily single, and enjoy life. Love is a battlefield, so don’t commit to anything you’re not comfortable with – especially a commitment like marriage. Good luck out there!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There is a new movement that is in its infancy. It is the Childless Movement. There are many different types of people that could fit within this movement, but its focus is on the involuntarily childless. Those who are single and childless by choice should look into this movement and help it to gain momentum. Here is a look at the rise of the childless movement.
The Rise Of The Childless Movement
There are people who have chosen that they do not want to have children by sexual relations, adoption, or in vitro fertilization. They are single by choice. They are childless by choice. This childless movement can join those who are single by choice and childless by choice. In industrialized countries, where singles are a rising demographic, singles can join the movement by speaking out against society and popular culture’s pressure for singles to get married and have children. After all, there is nothing wrong with being single or childless.
Women who want to work to progress the fourth-wave of feminism to incorporate childlessness should act to ally these two movements. Feminism and the childless movement can work together to achieve shared goals. The childless movement is a perfect opportunity for women to express themselves and let their voices be heard. Women, especially single women, can give themselves a voice that it should not be a social obligation to marry and have children. Women do not need a husband. Women are fine single. Women can pursue a career and enjoy life child free. Those are main components of the childless movement that women should choose to embrace. It gives them independence to live their life how they wish without being restrained by the goal finding and having a husband, two-and-a-half kids, and a white picket fence. Being single and childless gives women freedom.
Freedom is the foundation of the single life. Singles are able to choose how to live life according to their own terms. Being childless gives independence since children are expensive, require time, and to be with them as they grow up. Singles can embrace permanent self-governance by making the decision to be single by choice. For singles who are single by choice, the childless movement aligns with the values of the single life. Singles and the childless can join together to propel what being single truly means in a society that worships the white picket fence. The white picket fence can be changed making it acceptable to being childless and single.
Summary
The childless movement should work to unite the power of the growing number of singles in countries. Singles who are single by choice can join to give more strength to the movement. It is time that singles and childless are respected by society. The childless movement is a necessary first step along with singles studies to change the perception of being single by society.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It is October. The month for fun thrills and horror. It is also the month of the Day of The Dead. While October is fun month to dress up for Halloween, it is also a month to reflect on mortality as is the tradition with the Day of the Dead. It is important for singles to realize that while life can be fun and great that in the end we are all mortal.
Memento mori is a Latin phrase that means to remember that you are mortal. The phrase has been traced back to the time of Socrates in Greece. Socrates believed that the role of philosophy is “about nothing else but dying and being dead.” The concept of memento mori is also found in Buddhist texts with maraṇasati that means ‘remember death.’ This is an ancient and classical idea that directly confronts the reality of death. Marcus Aurelius summarizes memento mori in his Meditations, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
In the 21st Century and the postmodern world, people do not like to think about death since we like everything to be gratified at the moment. Medicine and modern science have helped to increase the human life span compared to what it was during ancient times. However, while all of things have increased the length of human life, death still remains a reality. For this reason, wherever singles are in life they should remember that they are mortal.
Memento Mori will help singles to better assess the value of things that are considered to be important by society by recognizing that this life is temporary. While it is good to pursue careers, goals, and ambitions, it is necessary to step back and place those aspirations within the context that life is ultimately short. Memento mori will also help singles to realize that life is fleeting and to embrace every second of life instead of taking life for granted. Singles can use memento mori as the foundation of their single lives to work to not waste a second of life.
The single life is a great life, but sometimes life requires a hard and honest recognition that in the end we will all become dust. Singles should not be afraid of death. Singles need to use memento mori to direct them to live their fullest life by acknowledging their mortality. This October with Halloween and the Day of the Dead, become comfortable with your own mortality and use it as the reality that you construct around the single life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The topic of having children has been a long debated discussion for singles, and married couples. The people surveyed in most studies are people who have had children, are considering children, or do not have children at all are considered, even young people. People involved are single parents, unmarried singles, and married couples. Single adults who may be career oriented are also included in in the pool study.
Single, Childless, And Happy
The debate on having children, or not, can result in 1 of 4 outcomes:
- No Children and Happy
- No Children and Unhappy
- Children and Happy
- Children and Unhappy
There are many factors that can affect the experience each person has, which includes the financial situation of the parent, the general happiness level of the person excluding their parental status, and what type of cultural environment the person lives in. You could call it the good old, ‘nature vs. nurture’ comparison.
The two most common outcomes that we will focus on for today is people with or without children and their happiness levels.
The Pros
Some parents say that having children gives meaning to their lives, which is quite a fulfilling life goal for some. Some people are just wired differently, and are natural caregivers. This is not a bad characteristic. From a child’s perspective, having a parent who truly loves you and cares for your upbringing is a huge indicator of an emotionally stable and confident adult life.
You may call this perspective ‘Heart Work’. When money is not a factor, and neither is outside stress. This can be a good thing if you are prepared for it.
The Cons
It’s no secret that children are expensive. An article in the Washington Post reveals that families shell out an average of $13,000 a year, or appropriately $233,610 over the course of raising a child to age 17. Deciding not to have children can free up your finances, and can allow you more freedom to travel, invest, and get more educated.
Children are stressful, and cause parents a lot of anxiety during the initial child rearing stages. Not having children allows you the time and space to be more relaxed, and focus on having a better and higher quality life.
Another take is that people who are married experience a lot of change after a baby arrives. What is shocking is that parents are more likely to be depressed than their child-free counterparts, and that people without kids were happier than any other group, including empty nesters, according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association.
Whether single or partnered up, your sex life also diminishes after having children. According to Psychology Today, parents don’t have enough energy for sex, they allow their children to sleep in the same bedroom, and planning for date night requires a lot of effort to schedule babysitters. In fact, having safe sex is really important for your overall health.
The overall quality of single life or married life declines as a result from time allocated into child rearing. This would be a definite indicator that having children decrease your happiness levels without a doubt.
Either way you look into it, people tend to do what makes them happy. Whether it may be a single adult who is rocking their career and loving it, or parents who feel more fulfilled after having children, one should look into what the pro’s and cons are for each side. Find out what makes you happy, and do more of it! As for now, rock what you’ve got, and have fun doing it.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single and ready to mingle is the phrase that society associates the most with singles. While some singles may be looking to mingle to make new friends or to find a date, there are other singles who are single and unavailable. These singles are not interested in romantic relationships and instead enjoy all that the single life offers. These singles who are unavailable and off the market are single by choice.
Society and the dating industrial complex believe that the goal of all singles is to date and to get hitched. While that may be the case for some singles, it is not true for those who are single by choice. These singles have decided that they do not want to get date or to get married. Society may think that these singles are outcasts, but these singles enjoy the autonomy and independence that the single life offers them. The consequence that society has charged those who are single by choice is that they will be treated by laws and finding jobs compared to those who are married.
The government has determined that singles do not positively contribute towards the common good of society compared to their married counterparts so they should be treated differently because they are single. There are more than 1,000 laws that provide tax deductions, benefits, and discounts on health insurance for married couples. The government makes singles pay more in taxes compared to those who are married because they are able to file jointly. For those who are single by choice, these thousands of laws and tax policies hurt them financially and is an injustice for a life decision. Singles should not have to pay more in taxes because they are unmarried and should not be treated differently by the law because of their single status.
Those who are single and unavailable should not be fined or treated differently because they are single by choice. Singles who are single by choice are about 15% of the American population. Their choice to not want to date and to get married should be respected by their friends and family. Society and the government, likewise, should acknowledge their decision and not treat them differently or attach stereotypes because they are single.
These singles are single, unavailable, and off the market by choice. They realize that the single life is a great life that allows them to pursue their career or dreams and live a healthy life. It is time that society recognizes that just because someone is single doesn’t mean that they are looking to mingle and on the market; in fact, some singles will always remain unavailable and remain of the dating market.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The topic of having children has been a long debated discussion for singles, and married couples. First, understanding that the people surveyed in most studies are people who have had children, are considering children, or do not have children at all. People involved are single parents with or without children, and married couples with or without children.
The debate on having children, or not, can result in 1 of 4 outcomes
- No Children and Happy
- No Children and Unhappy
- Children and Happy
- Children and Unhappy
There are many factors that can affect the experience each person has, which includes the financial situation of the parent, the general happiness level of the person excluding their parental status, and what type of cultural environment the person lives in. You could call it the good old, ‘nature vs. nurture’ comparison.
The two most common outcomes that we will focus on for today is people with or without children and their happiness levels.
The Pros
It’s no secret that children are expensive. An article in the Washington Post reveals that families shell out an average of $13,000 a year, or appropriately $233,610 over the course of raising a child to age 17. Deciding not to have children can free up your finances, and can allow you more freedom to travel, invest, and get more educated.
Children are stressful and cause parents a lot of anxiety during the initial child rearing stages. Not having children allows you the time and space to be more relaxed, and focus on having a better and higher quality life.
Singles with no children have more freedom, and time. Two qualities that attribute to higher levels of happiness. And then there are some singles who simply do not have a desire to bear and rear children. This does not make them selfish. It is simply their personal choice. And it is a legitimate decision.
The Cons
People who are married experience a lot of change after a baby arrives. What is shocking is that parents are more likely to be depressed than their child-free counterparts and that people without kids were happier than any other group, including empty nesters, according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association.
Whether single or partnered up, your sex life also diminishes after having children. According to Psychology Today, parents don’t have enough energy for sex, they allow their children to sleep in the same bedroom, and planning for date night requires a lot of effort to schedule babysitters. In fact, having safe sex is really important for your overall health.
The overall single life or marriage quality declines as a result from time allocated into child rearing. Boo.
Cultural Influences
Depending on where you live, and the influences you have around you, you may be pressured to have children or stay career oriented and single. Generally, as noted in All The Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister, women who live in cities tend to work more and have more social freedoms than their rural counterparts. The cultural effect has a big play on your parental status and happiness status.
Either way you look into it, people tend to do what makes them happy. Whether it may be a single adult who is rocking their career and loving it, or parents who feel more fulfilled after having children, one should look into what the pros and cons are for each side. Find out what makes you happy, and do more of it! As for now, rock what you’ve got, and have fun doing it.
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many industrial complexes but the most well known is the military industrial complex. The dating industrial complex is more recent with the rise of the online dating and the marriage industry. There is nothing wrong with dating or getting married for those singles who want to, but when an industrial complex arises in society that places pressure on singles to date it is a problem. Here are three ways singles can survive the dating industrial complex.
3 Ways Singles Can Survive The Dating Industrial Complex
The dating industrial complex consists of online dating, speed dating, matchmaking, dating advice, dating books, and finally getting married. The dating industrial complex came about because of the pressure society places on people to date and get married along with the growth of the Internet where dating sites and advice are now common. The pressure that singles receive by society to date leads to singles believing that they must seek out dating advice and use dating services to find a mate. Each of these relationship services feed off the other and fuels the other while society continues the cycle by shaming singles for being single. The dating industrial complex is a problem that singles need to deal with in a culture that wants everyone to become coupled.
Recognize It Exists
The first step for singles to survive the dating industrial complex is to realize that it exists. By acknowledging that it is real, it will allow singles to be aware of the complex. This will then help singles to not succumb to the pressure to date. After recognizing that it exists, singles can move on by being secure in their singleness.
Be Secure In Yourself
Singles should be secure in their singleness and comfortable in who they are as a person. One of the common reasons why people get into a relationship is because they are pressured to date. They are also not comfortable with who they are as an individual. The solution is for singles to learn about themselves as a person. This includes their interests, goals, values, and what brings them happiness in life. Once a single knows and understands what drives them in life, they gain work to achieve their life goals. For some singles, this may include dating and getting married. For other singles, it may mean that they want to remain single throughout their life. For others, it may be somewhere between dating and being single by choice. There is diversity in the single life and what it means to be single.
Work To Reach Your Goals
After a single knows what they want from life, they can better work towards that goal and respond to the dating industrial complex. The dating industry is worth an estimated $3 billion. Singles are getting married later and that means singles are using the dating industries services less. Singles are, instead, focusing on paying off any debts and their careers rather than dating. This refocus of what is important has decreased the value of the milestone of getting married of past generations. By refocusing their goals, singles have already started to react to the dating industrial complex and less its impact. This is a small step that can be built upon with movements, organizations that support singles, and by protesting the stereotypes and stigmas that society tells people to believe about singles.
Singles should enjoy being single and there is no reason why people who are unmarried need to date. The dating industrial complex instructs singles that they need to always be in a relationship and if they are not, then they are less valuable to society. It is time for singles to recognize the dating industrial complex and respond by becoming secure singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It can be difficult being single when your friends, family, and society says you must date or get married. As someone who gets asks if I am seeing or am interested anyone, I understand how it goes. The most important thing you can do is to pursue what you love and point out that out to anyone who asks about you love life. Being single is great and you do not need a significant other. It is perfectly fine to be single and here are five ways to deal with people who pressure you to date.
Let Them Down Softly
Simply be nice. It is important to love family and friends, even though they can difficult to put up with. In this option, explain to whomever it is who is pressuring you to date that you are not interested in dating or have no urge to date. You can also describe how singles now outnumber the married population.
Dating Questions
When people ask you if you are seeing anyone, or if you are interested in anyone, they are implicitly telling you that your value as a person comes from being in a relationship. Single shaming is common in a society that places value on someone for their relationship status. There is more to life than dating or getting married. Let them know this and tell them how you enjoy spending your time instead of being in a relationship.
Relationships Do Not Give You Value as a Person
Society says your value as an individual is given to you by being in a relationship. This idea is false. An individual’s value is the same whether they are single, dating, or married. A person has intrinsic worth as an individual that cannot be taken given or taken away from them by another person. If someone is placing pressure on you to date, and you are not ready to date or you enjoy being single, tell them that you value yourself enough as a person that you don’t need to date.
A Relationship Does Not Complete Someone
Movies, television, and popular culture portray singles in a range of negative ways. Popular culture incorrectly believes that a person need to find another person to become complete. Society falls for the soulmate theory that singles are missing their other half that completes them and until they find that other person singles are incomplete. The soulmate theory hurts singles by placing pressure on them to date and to always be in relationships. This is problematic because singles who want to date may get into an unhealthy relationship to satisfy their friends and family while hurting themselves. Another problem with the soulmate theory and the idea that society pushes for singles to get into a relationship is that some people enjoy being single. The easiest thing to tell someone who is shaming you to be single and to date is to let them know that a relationship does not complete you and that the soulmate theory is a myth.
Some People Enjoy Being Single
The single life is a good life. It offers many benefits that are lost once someone begins to data or get married. There advantages of the single life include security, autonomy, flexibility, and diversity. Singles are secure in who they are and that the single life is worth living. Singles also recognize that the single life offers them autonomy to go and to do as they please without another person restraining them. The single life offers singles the flexibility to travel unrestrained and to live as they want unhindered by another person. There is also a diversity among singles from singles who recently got out of a relationship and who may want to date to singles who have chosen to be single. If you have no interest in relationships, the simplest answer is to tell your friend that you enjoy being single and that you have no interest in getting married. It is that easy.
The next time someone gives you a hard time for being single, tell them these five points and help them realize that the single life is a wonderful life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Being single is frowned upon by society and popular culture. This is because it is thought that in order to be happy you must have a significant other and get married. That is not true. But that is what is believed by most people. Your closest friends and family may unknowingly hold that belief. Because this is a widely held view by popular society and people, singles must know how to respond when they are shamed for being single. There are five common ways that society shames singles.
Dating
People seem to think it is their duty to help people who are unmarried to find someone to date. This can happen in many different ways from asking to set you up with someone who they think you would be compatible with to asking you what dating sites you use. Singles are sick and tired of hearing unsolicited dating advice. This is the most common form of single shaming. Please tell your friends and family to stop this, if you are happy being single.
Couples
One of the most common ways that singles are shamed is when they are the third-wheel when they join their coupled friends. There are a range of topics that could be discussed, but the question that is frequently asked is about singles’ love life. Are you seeing anyone? Are you interested in anyone? They may think this is innocent conversation, but it is really single shaming. It is shaming someone who is single into feeling bad that they are not dating anyone and pressuring them to find a relationship. Stop doing this couples to your single friends. There are a number of other topics that can be discussed: current events, sports, television, work, and mutual shared interests. If you do find your coupled friends single shaming you, let them know and be frank about it.
Married Friends
These are your married coupled friends who want you to get married because they think that married life is bliss. At least, that is how they present it to all their single friends in public. The same guidelines above apply to your married friends as it does to your dating friends and partnered couples. However, since married couples officially tied the knot they can be smug about it. They do this by acting that they are better than singles by parading their marriage in public, rubbing their relationship in the faces of singles, and saying that anyone who is single is incomplete because they have not found their soul mate. Please. Just stop. Tell your married friends to turn down their public display of affection down a few notches, to stop telling you how amazing marriage is, and explain to them that you enjoy the freedom of the single life.
Fertility Clock
This is one that single women are frequently told, especially once they reach their 30s. Single women are informed that since they are getting older and the chances of them being able to have children decreases in their 30s, that they better find a man and start that family. First, how is it acceptable to direct someone’s sex life? Second, how is it culturally acceptable for someone to give advice about the timing of when women should have kids? It is not your friend’s or family’s decision. It is your decision. Feel free to point out your friends what they are telling you about your sex life is completely unacceptable. In addition to being inappropriate, it is also single shaming because they say that you must find someone quick and start a family. There is no need for you to find someone since you are happy being single.
Not Getting Any
Men often talk among themselves and keep score of how many women they have slept with. Think of Barney from How I Met Your Mother and him always wanting a wingman to increase his chances of having sex with women. Unfortunately, today this is what many men base their masculinity on. For single men who do not sleep around, have religious or ethical objections for not doing it, or are celibate they are attacked by other men for their decision. For single men that do not pick up women, their masculinity is attacked by other men and their sexuality questioned by their male friends because of their life choices. This is unfortunate since there is more to life than sex. When single men experience this, they should tell their buddies that there is more to life that hooking up and that it is fine to be single. Further, for singles that have taken a vow of chastity or are celibate, they should ask their friends to let them explain the theological and philosophical foundation for their decision. The simplest solution is to respect your single friend’s choices.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!