Single men are not dating. They are not asking women out as often compared to the past. While many in the dating, wedding, and marriage industries see this as a problem, single men are breaking free from the pressure to date women to pursue other interests is a valid choice. There are many reasons for why single men are not dating today. With the cost of living rising in cities and many men having debt along with working long hours, it makes sense to not date and to enjoy the single life. Single men are not dating and are dropping women like they are hot, dangerous, and are not worth their time to date for the freedom of the single life.

Single Men Are Not Dating Women For The Single Life

Studies have found that men work more hours than women. Working long hours for men has become a form of social signaling and of importance in today’s busy culture. Missed a phone call while working? Too busy working. By not answering it signals to the caller that you are doing something that is more important than  answering their call. Similarly, too busy working to pay the bills or to save up to buy a cool condo in the new trendy neighborhood to date? Nothing wrong with that. Work for what you want in life because romance is secondary when there are more pressing matters on men’s minds. It is healthy to work and it is beneficial to be single. Men are able to pursue their goals without having someone who they are dating get in the way of their dreams. That is a good thing. It is good to have goals in life and another person, especially a romantic relationship, gets in the way of achieving personal goals.

Single men often have more debt than women. This means that single men have to prioritize paying off student or loan debt or a mortgage compared to women. This discourages men to date because dating is expensive. The financial costs of dating would get in the way of paying off debts single men may have to pay to work to become financially free. These financial burdens rightly take priority over dating. Single men should not feel bad for putting financial objectives over finding a romantic relationship. It is a wise decision for single men to pay off their debts instead of getting entangled in the dating scene.

Single men are frustrated and are tired of dating, online dating, and speed dating. The dating industrial complex is prevalent in society from dating sites advertisements on television to popular dating or hookup apps. Why look to date someone when you are burned out from dating? Why spend more money going on dates when the relationship likely fail? Why pay for a dating service when that money could be better spend in other ways? Why not work on improving your personal skills instead of becoming emotionally burned out dating someone? The dating industrial complex would not like the answers to those questions because it wants people to spend money dating that will later be spent on the wedding industrial complex. However, the answers to those questions are legitimate and many men are sick of spending money on dates on a relationships that most likely won’t succeed, then having to get over a person. Single men are beginning to recognize that women are not worth the time or effort to pursue for romantic dating relationships.

Single men tend to live in western states such as Colorado, California, and Oregon while single women live in eastern cities such as New York, Washington D.C., and Florida. Single men and single women living in different states makes it harder to meet someone for those singles that may want to date. It also makes it easier for single men to explore their city and state instead of navigating the rough oceans of the dating scene. Living in states more like Colorado allows men to get out in the mountains while enjoying metropolitan areas such as Denver. Men should focus on staying fit, being healthy, and exercising over seeking dating relationships. These states offer those men and it makes sense that men outnumber women in these Western states and cities.

Single men are also dropping women because of the immense pressures to ask a woman out on a date. The right time and place to do so may never arise. Some men may also be afraid of women. The phobia is called gynophobia. While not all men have that phobia, men are often more socially awkward than women, which makes it more difficult to ask a woman on a date. Men normally are not as socially adept as women. The combination of single men having less sophisticated social skills, pressure to as a woman on a date, and the fear of women rejecting you all contribute to the decline in men dating. These social, psychological, and personal reasons are all legitimate reasons for why men are not dating women and why women can’t find men to date. Single men may simply enjoy being single and all that the single life offers them.

Men enjoy being single because they are not tied to and restrained by a woman in a romantic relationship. They have the ability to do as they please without being told that they can’t do something because their girlfriend does not approve of something that they want to do. Single men are able to embrace and utilize the values of the single life as they please. Single men can use autonomy to work more, travel, or to hook up with women without the concerns of a girlfriend.. Single men have flexibility to best use their time and direct their life as they best believe fit to move up in their career or to seek what they want from life. Single men are diverse in their life goals, sexual preferences, and what they think of the single life. Single men are secure not being in a relationship because there are many other things that can fill in the time and the status that is given to romantic relationships by society.


Men are not dating and are dropping women for the single life. Women are doing the same. Single men are staying single longer for a variety of reasons. Society and politics at the very least  portrays single men delaying marriage as unfortunate and at worst single shames men for not dating. Single men do not need a woman, or a significant ether to be happy in life. Single men do not need to find their mythical better half to have a prosperous life. It is good that single men are not dating women, whether it is temporary or permanent, because there is so much more to life than dating. Single men should not succumb to society’s dating industrial complex and its fetish with marriage. Keep on enjoying staying single instead of being pressured into a bad romantic entanglement that entangles men.

Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
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James Bollen is the Founder and President of Secure Single. He is an entrepreneur and a content creator with the goal of helping all different types of singles to learn to thrive as a single person.
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