There are many people who are single who may want to date, but they do not date people who want to have kids. Many millennials are already faced with student loan debt and are working to pay it off while getting their careers on track. It’s distracting thinking about dating, and even about starting a family. We all want what we want, but we must first be willing to work hard for it. Some people were lucky to be born with a silver spoon in their hand, or to have had their college paid for by their parents. When you have both emotions and have student loans to pay of, you have got to work hard and can’t; deal with any distractions. Every minute matters. Here’s the breakdown in three steps:
Student Loans
They really suck. Trade schools are smart to get into because you can instantly go to work with real skills that are marketable to the world. When You get a general degree, making yourself marketable is tougher. Picking up a side hustle, getting into sales, and starting your own company are great ways to begin to pay off your student loans. You want to work to pay off all your loans and get into a financial position where you can breathe.College is expensive, and not really worth it. Ugh!
Career Focused
Yes, it’s true that millennials are the largest age demographic to be single, unwed, and childless, but it is also true that due to the student loan debt we have we are geared towards making a living and paying it all off. It’s time to be responsible. It’s time to get focused in our careers. Kids and marriage can come later in life, but in your 20’s you have so much energy to make things happen. What you do NOW will affect the rest of your future. You Have to be so careful how you spend your time, and you have to work towards generating GOOD cash flow to set up your future to be bright.
Be Free From Kids
Why bring children into the world when the divorce rate is at 50% and growing, and we live in a world where people are afraid of commitment. Relationships are messy. We need to set things up to counterbalance these events from happening. Use birth control and don’t get emotionally involved. People don’t commit, so why have children with them, especially out of wedlock? Be smart, and be safe.
In order to love better and have a more liberated life, you have got to work hard for what you want. It may require more hours but hey it’s your life and you need to find a way to make it worth something. Get out of debt, focus on your career, and don’t mess around with non-committal people because relationships are messy as it is. When You focus on you, and are bettering your life, you are truly living and being in alignment with your true self and making every second count. There is not a minute to lose, so focus on your goals, write them down, take steps towards them every day, and make what you do count. You can do it, and you are worth it to make your dreams and goals happen! Go get it!
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The topic of having children has been a long debated discussion for singles, and married couples. The people surveyed in most studies are people who have had children, are considering children, or do not have children at all are considered, even young people. People involved are single parents, unmarried singles, and married couples. Single adults who may be career oriented are also included in in the pool study.
Single, Childless, And Happy
The debate on having children, or not, can result in 1 of 4 outcomes:
- No Children and Happy
- No Children and Unhappy
- Children and Happy
- Children and Unhappy
There are many factors that can affect the experience each person has, which includes the financial situation of the parent, the general happiness level of the person excluding their parental status, and what type of cultural environment the person lives in. You could call it the good old, ‘nature vs. nurture’ comparison.
The two most common outcomes that we will focus on for today is people with or without children and their happiness levels.
The Pros
Some parents say that having children gives meaning to their lives, which is quite a fulfilling life goal for some. Some people are just wired differently, and are natural caregivers. This is not a bad characteristic. From a child’s perspective, having a parent who truly loves you and cares for your upbringing is a huge indicator of an emotionally stable and confident adult life.
You may call this perspective ‘Heart Work’. When money is not a factor, and neither is outside stress. This can be a good thing if you are prepared for it.
The Cons
It’s no secret that children are expensive. An article in the Washington Post reveals that families shell out an average of $13,000 a year, or appropriately $233,610 over the course of raising a child to age 17. Deciding not to have children can free up your finances, and can allow you more freedom to travel, invest, and get more educated.
Children are stressful, and cause parents a lot of anxiety during the initial child rearing stages. Not having children allows you the time and space to be more relaxed, and focus on having a better and higher quality life.
Another take is that people who are married experience a lot of change after a baby arrives. What is shocking is that parents are more likely to be depressed than their child-free counterparts, and that people without kids were happier than any other group, including empty nesters, according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association.
Whether single or partnered up, your sex life also diminishes after having children. According to Psychology Today, parents don’t have enough energy for sex, they allow their children to sleep in the same bedroom, and planning for date night requires a lot of effort to schedule babysitters. In fact, having safe sex is really important for your overall health.
The overall quality of single life or married life declines as a result from time allocated into child rearing. This would be a definite indicator that having children decrease your happiness levels without a doubt.
Either way you look into it, people tend to do what makes them happy. Whether it may be a single adult who is rocking their career and loving it, or parents who feel more fulfilled after having children, one should look into what the pro’s and cons are for each side. Find out what makes you happy, and do more of it! As for now, rock what you’ve got, and have fun doing it.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?
Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.
You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.
On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on telegraph.co.uk describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children.
People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.
When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret.
Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!