There are many people who are single who may want to date, but they do not date people who want to have kids. Many millennials are already faced with student loan debt and are working to pay it off while getting their careers on track. It’s distracting thinking about dating, and even about starting a family. We all want what we want, but we must first be willing to work hard for it. Some people were lucky to be born with a silver spoon in their hand, or to have had their college paid for by their parents. When you have both emotions and have student loans to pay of, you have got to work hard and can’t; deal with any distractions. Every minute matters. Here’s the breakdown in three steps:
Student Loans
They really suck. Trade schools are smart to get into because you can instantly go to work with real skills that are marketable to the world. When You get a general degree, making yourself marketable is tougher. Picking up a side hustle, getting into sales, and starting your own company are great ways to begin to pay off your student loans. You want to work to pay off all your loans and get into a financial position where you can breathe.College is expensive, and not really worth it. Ugh!
Career Focused
Yes, it’s true that millennials are the largest age demographic to be single, unwed, and childless, but it is also true that due to the student loan debt we have we are geared towards making a living and paying it all off. It’s time to be responsible. It’s time to get focused in our careers. Kids and marriage can come later in life, but in your 20’s you have so much energy to make things happen. What you do NOW will affect the rest of your future. You Have to be so careful how you spend your time, and you have to work towards generating GOOD cash flow to set up your future to be bright.
Be Free From Kids
Why bring children into the world when the divorce rate is at 50% and growing, and we live in a world where people are afraid of commitment. Relationships are messy. We need to set things up to counterbalance these events from happening. Use birth control and don’t get emotionally involved. People don’t commit, so why have children with them, especially out of wedlock? Be smart, and be safe.
In order to love better and have a more liberated life, you have got to work hard for what you want. It may require more hours but hey it’s your life and you need to find a way to make it worth something. Get out of debt, focus on your career, and don’t mess around with non-committal people because relationships are messy as it is. When You focus on you, and are bettering your life, you are truly living and being in alignment with your true self and making every second count. There is not a minute to lose, so focus on your goals, write them down, take steps towards them every day, and make what you do count. You can do it, and you are worth it to make your dreams and goals happen! Go get it!
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many reasons why people are single. Some love being single. Some really just want to be in a relationship. For singles who desire a relationship; but who are currently single, they are single by circumstance. There is nothing wrong with being single and those are single by circumstance should wait until the right person comes along to date again.
Being single is often portrayed as being sad and lonely by the media and society. The single life’s values include independence and flexibility. Those who are single by circumstance can use the single life as a time of personal self-discovery, to learn more about themselves, and to prepare themselves for a future partner. While you are single, learn to take care of yourself and how to do basic home essentials from shopping to cleaning the house. This and other basic life skills that will better prepare you to assist your partner with household chores.
Those who are single by circumstance should take the opportunity of being single to learn more about themselves and go on life journey of self-discovery. The journey of self-discovery will allow singles to learn more about their likes, dislikes, and their life values. After you know what those you, you can determine if you are ready and find a compatible partner and want to no longer be single. This journey of self-discovery will help single prepare to find a compatible partner and they will know more about who they are as a person and mature in preparation for a potential life partner. Embrace your time as a single and prepare yourself for the one. Ultimately “the one” does not exist.
Soulmates are a myth. There are no soulmates. It is best to invest in yourself. If you choose to eventually date and marry, recognize that there is no perfect partner or spouse. “The one” is an illusion.
The single life provides flexibility and freedom. Singles can travel and explore the world while they are single by circumstance. Singles can also save, invest, and develop their professional skills to be able to provide for a partner and possibly a family. The single life is a great time to gain confidence and to build social skills so that you can talk and read nonverbal signals well from potential partners at social events. For those who are single by circumstance, take the opportunity and single life values to grow and mature in preparation for dating and finding a partner.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with being single and singles should not feel pressure to jump back into the dating scene. Those who are single by circumstance should be patient, focus on their career, and develop themselves and enter the dating scene only when they are ready and able to commit to a potential partner. Until that time comes, singles should enjoy the single life and not view being single as a negative life experience. Being single has plenty to offer and those who are single by circumstance can take advantage of all that the single life offers while single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many different ways that someone can become single again. These ways include break ups, death of a partner or spouse, or your partner or spouse deciding to walk out on you. These all are hard things to deal with. These are difficult life circumstances, but the most important step is to slowly move on in your own way. The best choice that someone can make after a partner or spouse leaves them is to live their life on their own terms and to learn to enjoy being single again.
The ability for you to enjoy the single life provides a third solution amidst a society that presents people with a false dichotomy. Society says that there are only two options. The first option is to fix yourself for your partner or spouse to move on and meet new people after they leave you. The fatal flaw of both of these options is that they place the need for a romantic relationship above all else when a relationship is what just hurt you. The better solution is to take a break and to enjoy spending time alone instead of dating and trying to immediately get a partner or a spouse again.
During this break you may decide that you enjoy being single again and that it you may be too far in life to want to get into a relationship again. By acknowledging this, it give you the ability to fully embrace the autonomy and freedom that the single life offers individuals. This step will help you to choose what is best for you after your partner or spouse left you. Once you have tried the single life again after having to work and negotiate with a partner or spouse, you have the capability to fully embrace being single again.
These are the four values of the single life that you should embrace now that you are single again.
Security
Become secure again in yourself as an individual. There is nothing wrong with being single and you should not feel pressured to date or to get married again. Your human dignity does not come from external circumstances or relationships, but is inherent to you as an individual. You can rediscover who you are again outside of a relationship, your sense of purpose, and confidence in facing challenges on your own. Security is your anchor as a newly single person. Let it be your foundation.
Diversity
There is a broad spectrum of the types of people who are living as singles. You are just one of those many different types of singles by being single again. The reasons why people are single vary from person to person, circumstances, and life choices. You are now among other types of singles in the ocean of singles. There are a huge variety of singles in life just as there are a variety of sea creatures in the ocean.
Autonomy
You had to share the direction the ship went with your partner or spouse, but now you are the captain of your own life. You can now direct the course of your own life according to your own beliefs, values, and preferences. Your own inner compass as a single will help direct you and the type of single life that you want to live now that you are single again.
Flexibility
You now have the ability to make your own decisions and to embrace opportunities that were unavailable to you when you had a partner or spouse. You now have the flexibility and freedom to captain your ship that is your life as a single according to the flow of life’s winds or to harness life’s winds to go towards a specific direction. You are the captain of your single life and you now get to direct the sails of your own life’s ship to navigate towards the experiences and opportunities that you seek as a new single.
Now that you know the four options that are available to you after your partner or spouse left you, is now up to you to take the necessary steps and to embrace the four values of the single life now that you are single again.