Why Millennials Should Be Single In Their 20s
Why Millennials Should Be Single In Their 20’s: An advantage to Getting Ahead Financially
There is an overwhelming amount of data suggesting that the majority of millennials in the United States today have massive amounts of student loan debt. According to a study conducted by Experian, between 2008 and 2014 the student loan debt rose a startling 84%, and that 7 out of 10 seniors in the class of 2014 graduated with student loan debt.
If your goal is to get out of debt, and you are in your 20’s with no strings, kids, or significant other to worry about, then you have all the time in the world to work your butt off and pay off your debt. After all, college is overrated and over inflated.
If you are thinking about college, but don’t know what to study – go to a trade school to learn actual work skills for a third of the price.
When you have no strings attached to anyone and you are a single 20-something, you have a lot of freedom to direct your life in the way you choose. You have time to meditate, fix and find yourself, and begin to develop your expertise in a certain field. Work on growing your salary, simply because when you generate your own income, make a lot of it, and are able to put food on the table for yourself, your confidence goes up. Never depend on anyone.
The more hours you work, the more of an expert you become in your given field. If you have been lucky enough to get a full-time job out of college with benefits, keep it as long as you can. Your full-time work is only 40 hours a week. If you are paying off debt, get a side hustle or begin to market your skills and freelance them. Start generating cash flow.
Each person only has 24 hours in a day, it’s how you use those 24 hours that makes a difference.
Money can be a really big source of stress. And if you are all you’ve got to depend on, then you have an advantage. You will be more determined to make it because you don’t have plan-B. Just like the analogy of when the captain who burned his crew’s ships when in a foreign land, he made it clear that there is no return, only progression forward. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t understand the struggle, it can be very difficult. If it’s also not the right person, then you are headed for a distracting and temporary hold on your life while you figure your romance side out. Lower your stress and focus on you, your financial statement, and your ability to generate income. Become self-made.
If you take the time now to find yourself, develop your skills, and pursue your dreams, then you won’t have any resentments when you get older. A lot of people simply jump into relationships because they feel lonely, need their feelings validated, or some other random reason – does true romantic love even exist anymore?
The divorce rate is already above 50% and increasing – this could possibly be that people don’t take the time to think it through and truly figure out what they want in life and who their ideal partner is. In your 20s, you are still developing as a person, and don’t know yet what you want in another person. Don’t push your vision out of the way for some random person who might be the one. If they don’t understand you or get that you are pursuing your passion, then you are wasting your time. When you’re stressed out and they can’t handle your emotions, it’s time to say goodbye. Spend time with people who are like-minded, and invest in friendships rather than romance – which is so volatile anyway. Get your goals and look at the bigger picture. As one book famously puts it:
“We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.
We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward.”
— Paulo Coelho
Develop an unbreakable will. Pursue your goals like they are the last rescue boat leaving the Titanic. Pursuing your goals, financially and career wise, takes a lot of energy. When you are young and full of energy, like in your 20s, you have the most opportune time to pursue your goals. Go out and find yourself.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The news focuses on why women are single and then usually provides reasons to help women find a date. That is the story the media and popular culture sends to women, but society often sends a different message to single men. Single women have remained society’s focus until a recent Reddit user asked men why they are single. There are many reasons men are single or may choose to be single instead of seeking a relationship. Here are just a few reasons the single men said in response to that user’s question in the thread. Here are four reasons why men are single.
Four Reasons Why Men Are Single
Single, But Want to Date
For men that are single but would like to date, there are some common reasons why these men are still single. The first most discussed reason is often repeated on dating and relationship websites, single men don’t put themselves out there. But why don’t they do this? They may be too busy with work or life, they have difficulty reading body language (this is more common than you may think), have high standards, don’t go out enough, don’t go out enough to meet women, and single men may view themselves as not being financially viable to make a woman interested in them. Those are a few of the reasons why men who are single but want to date are still single.
Sick of Relationships And/Or Women
There are some other men out there who are single because they have had many terrible relationships with women or just plainly despise women. These single men may not be interested in a relationship because their parents were married and divorced multiple times. Their background and experience growing up and seeing their parents go through serial divorces does not make them interested in pursuing or finding someone to date.
There are other single men who just hate women. This could be because they do not get how women operate emotionally, think, communicate (verbally and nonverbally), or have given up on interacting with women altogether. This could be temporary or permanent for single men that have sworn off women. Some men may not enjoy talking to or hanging out with women, but they may still want to hook up with women when they are able since they still appreciate the physical beauty of women and sexual pleasure.
Career and Goal Oriented
Single men may also be career oriented and, for this reason, delay or put off getting married. The average age for single Millennial men to get married is 29. These men want to get a secure job, start their own business, or achieve financial independence and personal success before looking to date someone. However, some single people may have no interest in dating or getting married and may view working hard and being financially independent as a life goal instead of getting hitched. These single men may also have other personal goals, such as traveling, being involved in their community, supporting a cause they believe in, or wanting to live well in a certain area of the country, so they are willing to give up on being involved with a person for momentarily or for their entire life.
Single By Choice
There is another group of single men who have completely no interest in getting married. These single men enjoy what the single life offers them. Single men by choice, also do not view relationships as the end all and be all of life, which is contrary to what society tells singles. As singles by choice, these single men don’t mind being single and don’t feel they need to be in a relationship with another person. These single may be have decided to remain single by choice for personal, health, or religious, or they may identify as single. Ultimately, the cause of why single men choose to be single will be highly personal or may come down to identity.
Summary
There may be variations and particulars that go beyond the scope of this article for why men and women are single. Secure Single wants to explore those reasons more to help all single men and women. Are you a single man? We would enjoy hearing the range of reasons why men may choose to be single or want to be single for a time before wanting to date and get married.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. In fact, it is this Thursday. Singles and unmarried will be travelling home to catch up with their families and then will most likely be asked about their relationship status, or lack of one. Singles should be confident this year when asked about their singlehood at Thanksgiving dinner with their friend and family.
The primary animal that will be roasted this Thanksgiving is a turkey as its demand increases due to the holiday, but singles will be the other unusual creature roasted at the dinner table this year. A turkey will be cooked, braised, smoked, or roasted to be served as the main course. Singles will be roasted by dinner guests, friends, and family about their relationship status who expect that their sons and daughters should date and get married. However, there is nothing wrong with being single and that is the core message that singles need to get across to family and friends at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Society still expects men and women to get married to maintain the structure and organization of societal institutions. However, marriage rates continue to decline – especially among Millennials—while the divorce rate has remained consistent. Millennials have become skeptical, cynical, and disillusioned about marriage as they recognize the divorce rate, failed (or serial) marriages, and are delaying or not planning to get married because of debt from higher education. This is a first practical response and rebuttal to questions from family and friends directed towards singles at the dinner table.
Singles today are now 45% to 50.2% of the current American population (depending on how the survey is conducted) and are beginning to get noticed more when it comes to issues. As a growing group, singles are able to decide how they want to live their lives such as if they want to possible get married or remain single by choice. Single Millennials are also more open to open relationships and polyamorous relationships while becoming more skeptical about monogamy. In this way, singles are still able to have sexual and other relational experiences that have traditionally been considered to be part of marriage without committing to a partner; but instead, remaining single. Being single does not have to get in the way of sex and other life experiences; in fact, singlehood should increase the opportunity for more life experiences compared to getting married. This is a second response that singles can use to respond to questions from their family and friends this Thanksgiving.
No one is born married. Everyone is born and will die single (married or not). All people are individuals first. As individuals, each person is responsible for their choices and their actions without interference. All individuals are moral agents, this entails that each individual has natural rights and negative rights that are universal rights given to each individual for being a human being. An individual should be free from coercion, an external force that the government can use, that intimidates individuals. These provide the basis for a philosophical response for why individuals choose to be single because everyone is an individual first and is given rights in accordance with the laws of nature.
There are many ways to respond to dinner guests this Thanksgiving when asked why you are single. Depending on who is asking you about why you are single, you can respond with a practical or philosophical answer. This Thanksgiving be prepared and ready with a response as to why you are not dating rather than being roasted at the dinner table for being single and unmarried.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and popular thought consider those who are single and unmarried to be naturally selfish. One influential person is Eric Klinenberg who wrote an article for The American Interest called Selfishness as Virtue in response to the book Going Solo, which he called the book’s premise “nonsense.” Unfortunately, that is how people view those who are single and not dating as living a nonsensical life. But is that the case? No. Contrary to Klinenberg and popular culture, singles are not selfish and they do in fact contribute to society.
Klinenberg’s main problem with singles, compared to couples, is that they do not transfer social reproduction to future generations. What Klinenberg means by social reproduction is both the biological act of having children and transferring values from parents to children to maintain the moral foundation of society. While he is partially correct that parents are initially responsible for transferring morality and ethics to the next generation that is not completely true. Individuals, after they have grown up, can choose to reject the teachings of their parents and decide to follow the moral teachings of a philosophy, religion, or culture. For this reason, Klinenberg’s arguments against expressive individualism fail because the individual is ultimately responsible for how they live their life rather than being told by parents, friends, or the state how to best live one’s own life. Despite that reason, Klinenberg and others will still hold to the belief that singles are selfish.
As someone who is not interested in not dating or getting married, I have heard variations of the above argument mostly from past generations (but not from Millennials). Essentially; I have been told that I am selfish because I am delaying marriage to pursue higher education, enter the growing field of information assurance, and because I may not want to stay long-term in Denver rather than settling down. Additionally, I have been told that I should get married because single people tend make less compared to couples. While that the latter fact is true, that is because of the additional benefits that couples receive from being married both in the work place and from the government as well as potentially two people working compared to one. Those policies are in place because the reasoning made above by Klinenberg and others that marriage provides an inherent good to society that single cannot provide has won out in public policy and discourse. If those tax and other policies were repealed, it would be a large step towards making those who are single and unmarried more equal towards those who are married. There are more ways to contribute to society than only having and raising children.
Those who are single and unmarried contributions are often overlooked by society. Singles are more likely to volunteer and to help their aging parents compared to couples. Does this still mean that singles are selfish since they do not have children? There are many ways to contribute to society, but having children remains on a pedestal compared to the other multitude of options. Single have more time compared to those who are married which allows them to volunteer and invest their time in things that are of interest to them and to give back to society with their time, talent, and money. Those are all good ways things too!
Society should decide to support and respect individuals’ choices to remain single and unmarried rather than telling them that they will only be respected if they are married. All of the single and unmarried people need to be part of the solution to resolving this problem by explaining to others how singles actually give back to society. While there is nothing wrong with being married, the popular perception that single are selfish needs to stop. Singles are not selfish. Singles are people just like everyone else.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
This year’s Unmarried and Singles Week is from September 18 to 24 in the United States. This little known week should get more attention because the unmarried and singles of the United States now range from 45% to 50.2% of the population, depending on the ages included in and how the study is done. Being unmarried and single is becoming the new normal in many developed countries, including the United States. If you are unmarried and single, then Secure Single will provide you with the best ways to celebrate Unmarried and Singles Week 2016.
Unmarried and Singles Week is a time when the unmarried and single population of the United States should not feel ashamed or worry about answering the question that people and society continually asks, why are you single? First, it is no one’s business to ask why a single person is not in a relationship or not married. Second. Millennials are getting married later than earlier generations (if they get married at all). A recent Pew Research Study estimated that 25% of Millennials will never get married. Being single is becoming the new normal as many delay, never get married, or decide to be a lifelong single although society fails to recognize it.
There are many reasons why someone may be unmarried and single. A single person may prefer the lifestyle. A single person may not currently be interested in being romantically involved with another person or they may never want to date another person, the may be a lifelong single. A single person may have been married, but then their husband or wife died making them a widower or a widow. Similarly, a single person may have been married but later divorced their husband or wife making them a divorcee. Possibly in either of the last two instances; a widower, widow, or divorcee could have children making them a co-parent or a single parent. In short, there are a variety of unmarried and single people and each individual’s reasons for why they are single defy society’s stereotype of the single person.
Unmarried and Singles Week is a time for the unmarried and singles of America to explore what it means to be single while enjoying the benefits that the single life. In a society that glorifies couples, it is time for singles to fight to society to recognize them since the single population is becoming a majority in the United States. Secure Single is dedicated to helping the unmarried and singles to better live the single life, whether being single is a temporary or permanent state in life. This is the week of the unmarried and singles in America!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Couples are esteemed by society and by popular culture; however, Millennials continue to delay marriage and to remain single by choice or by circumstance. But as singles continues to increase, those who are getting married continue to decrease. For this reason, the perception about single people must change. Single is sexy for individuals because each single along that spectrum gets to decide how to utilize the freedom, mobility, and autonomy that the single life offers to people. Mobility is sexy for singles because it offers singles the ability to travel and to explore the world.
Singles are able to go to places without having to make plans around other people or with a significant other. Mobility provides singles to choose where, when, and how they want to spend their time. Singles have the ability to meet new people, attend events, travel, and explore their different personal interests. Single people should make use of their mobility while they can and their ability to move to and from places as they want without many commitments.
In the 21st Century, there are many opportunities to travel and to meet people that were not available to earlier generations. Social networking and mobile apps open up the world making it easier to talk and to meet people around the world. It is also easier today to find new restaurants and events to attend with apps and websites such as Facebook’s Events and Meetup that work for both professional networking and for meeting new people who could become new friends and acquaintances. Singles should make use of these technologies and get outside of their comfort zone because the single life offers mobility that the coupled life does not offer.
The single life offer mobility to explore, visit new places, and travel the world that will becomes more difficult to do once a single enters a relationship or gets married. For this reason, singles should make sure to enjoy the single life while they have it, whether it is only a transitional stage or a life long choice. Mobility is sexy for singles because it offers unrestrained freedom to investigate and to explore the world.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and popular culture places couples on a pedestal, despite Millennials delaying marriage or deciding to remain single. Because singlehood is on the rise, the societal perception of single people must change. Single is sexy for individuals who are currently single and for individuals who have decided to remain single because being single gives freedom, mobility, and autonomy to people. Freedom is hot for singles because each individual has their own prerogative to choose how to live.
Society, popular culture, and individuals primarily associate the word sexy as meaning that something or someone is sexually attractive, sexually exciting, or a cause of sexual arousal. However, sexy also means that something is exciting or appealing. Freedom is sexy. Freedom provides singles to act and do as they please because they are not constrained by the matters that couples must discuss together.
With being single comes the ability to ability to go where one wants, for singles this is both a strength and a weakness. Freedom is a strength because singles may freely do whatever they want at any time. Singles can visit new places, go to happy hours, and find events that are of particular interest to each individual single. Singles have generally have a more open schedule than couples, but this free schedule can be a potential problem for singles.
Freedom can be a weakness for singles because singles may focus on doing what they want to do rather than what they may need to do. To fight against freedom as a weakness, singles should consider making a list of priorities and following a calendar, loosely or closely depending on the single, to better stay on top of different tasks. These could range from places singles need to be, upcoming events, and meeting that need singles must attend. After establishing a timetable, the truly free time appears and then a single person can choose how one wants to spend that time while not having to worry that one may be forgetting something that must get done.
There are many strengths to living the single life, but the main three are the freedom, mobility, and autonomy that the single life offers to individuals. Being single is sexy because of the freedom that the single life offers. As Millennials continue to delay marriage and continue to remain single, the single life and the single lifestyle is on the rise despite mainstream society failing to recognize it.