Christmas is gone, and now for the next holiday event, singles feel pressured to take part in New Year’s. The New Year’s midnight kiss is part of the tradition to bring in the New Year. You don’t need to take part in this kissing tradition. As you prepare to celebrate New Year’s, here is a brief history of New Year’s origins and the midnight kiss.
Origins of New Year’s and the Midnight Kiss
Origins of the New Year’s Celebration
There are many different origins of the New Year’s celebration, with the earliest being the Akitu Celebration in Babylon. The festival combined Babylonian mythology and religion while practicing rituals that the Babylonians believed would symbolically recreate and cleanse the world in preparation for spring and the new year for the gods.
The ancient Romans had a New Year’s celebration of their own called the Celebration of Janus. The early Roman tradition began in the eighth century B.C. by the founder of Rome, Romulus. The first Roman calendar consisted of 304 days and corresponded each new year with the vernal equinox. It was later changed from the vernal equinox to the Julian calendar by Julius Caesar to a solar-based calendar. As part of Julius’ Caesar’s reform, he instituted January 1st to honor the Roman god of change and new beginnings, Janus, and as the first day of the new year. The Romans would celebrate the new year by offering sacrifices to Janus in anticipation of receiving good fortune in the New Year. Friends and neighbors would offer each other good wishes, gifts of figs, and honey.
Origins of the New Year’s Midnight Kiss
The midnight kiss traces back to two primary New Year’s celebrations from history. These are the Romans Saturnalia festival and the Scottish Hogmanay festival. The Saturnalia festival was a celebration of the Roman god Saturn. A lowlier Roman household member would be chosen as the “Lord of Misrule” who would cause various types of mischief around the house, such as insulting guests and chasing women as part of the celebration. During Saturnalia, social norms went out as excessive drinking, licentiousness, orgies, feasting, and partying became the norm from December 17th to 23rd. On a side note, it makes sense that Marilyn Manson would make a song called “Saturnalia” given everything that took place during the festival.
The Vikings in the early 8th and 9th centuries brought the Hogmanay celebration to Scotland. The Vikings celebrated with Winter Solstice with a party. Scotland continues to celebrate Hogmanay. In preparation for the upcoming year for Hogmanay, people would work to pay off their debts and clean the house, get rid of the old, and bring in the new. It was standard at the Hogmanay party for neighbors, strangers, friends, and family to be welcomed by the party host. During the party, people took part in kissing and lovemaking.
New Year’s Date
There is no need for you to have a date for the New Year. You can enjoy yourself perfectly fine on New Year’s or at a New Year’s party by yourself. There is no reason for you to bring a date to a New Year’s party because you can enjoy your time at the party as a single. Resist the pressure to find a date for New Year’s. You don’t need one! Ignore society’s insistence to find a New Year’s date so that you can take part in the New Year’s midnight kiss tradition. Since partying is part of the history behind the midnight kiss, don’t be afraid to have a little fun of your own in whatever form that may take on New Year’s.
Single on New Year’s
You can enjoy being single on New Year’s. There is no reason for you to find a date to celebrate and bring in the New Year’s with a midnight kiss. If you are going to a New Year’s Party, use it as an opportunity to get better to know your friends and to network with people at the party potentially. A New Year’s party is a chance for you to develop your soft skills of conversation and read non-verbal communication. You can use New Year’s as a time to think about what happened in the previous year, how you want to adjust in the upcoming year and work to create a strategy to achieve your life goals.
New Year Resolutions Versus Goals
It is common for people to make New Year Resolutions, but did you know that only 9% of people keep their New Year’s Resolutions? Resolutions are a firm decision to do something. A goal is the object of your ambition that you want to achieve the desired result. It is essential to understand the difference between the two. A resolution is simply a decision to do something, but a decision can change at any time. In contrast, a goal gives you direction and involve intentional setting, planning, preparing, and taking realist action. It may take time to achieve a specific goal that you have set for yourself, but you will eventually make it a reality in your life if you work towards it each day.
Conclusion
This describes a concise history behind New Year’s origins and the midnight kiss from the Akitu Celebration to Hogmanay. No matter how you plan to celebrate New Year’s, you can enjoy single and maybe tell someone at a New Year’s party about the origins of the holiday and the midnight kiss. Perhaps you’ll listen to the Antichrist Superstar on New Year’s. It’s up to you how you want to spend and celebrate your New Year’s.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Secure Single would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in 2020. Remember the Christmas spirit this holiday season instead of succumbing to the fear and uncertainty with 2020. No matter why you are single, know that you can enjoy and celebrate Christmas and the holidays. There is nothing wrong with celebrating the holidays alone as a single. You have the freedom to celebrate Christmas and the holidays as you choose by using the single life values. Merry Christmas, singles and remember that you can thrive as a single person.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
2020 has been an interesting year with the Covid pandemic. Covid has caused disruption and is changing things that will affect this decade. Due to the lockdown and stay-at-home orders that range from state to state, this will be a different Christmas. Singles can celebrate a Covid Christmas amid a pandemic in five simple ways.
Celebrate A Covid Christmas
Turn Off the News
Turn off the news. The news is best at spreading fear, worry, and negativity. When you watch the news, you expose yourself to an onslaught of fear and negativity that affects your subconscious mind. The news can make you view everything in a negative light instead of looking at the positives in your life. When you read or watch negative news about politics, the economy, or current events, it will influence you to think that there is nothing that you can do. When you watch the news, it increases worry and fear, which will affect your ability to relax and enjoy Christmas. Please turn off the news and social media for a day and see how it makes you feel.
Do What You Want
If you cannot go over to a friend or family’s house due to the coronavirus pandemic, do what you want to celebrate the holiday on your own. It is up to you how you want to celebrate Christmas and the holiday season. You can do what you want to celebrate. It is your day to spend as you choose. You can celebrate Christmas alone. You have the freedom to choose what you want to do as a single. It is up to you to decide how you want to celebrate. It would be best if you were not afraid to do what you want when celebrating Christmas or doing anything else in your life. You can relax, watch a movie, Skype or Zoom with your friends or family, or do something else because you are in control of your own life. Take charge this holiday season and use the freedom of the single life to do what you want on Christmas as a single.
Live Your Own Life
You are in charge of your own life, so choose to live your life. The single life values give you a guide on values that you can use to live your life as a single person. Don’t be afraid to do what you want and to live your own life. Once you start to live your own life, you become self-reliant and develop self-confidence. This Covid Christmas, don’t be afraid and decide to live your own life even if it means going against what others tell you.
Relax
It is a holiday, after all! Relax and enjoy the holiday. Christmas is a time to relax. Whether you are religious or not, it is a holiday. Use the holiday as a time to rest from your job, social life, and the world in general. Relax with a cup of hot cocoa or an Irish Coffee while reading your favorite book or watching your favorite show or movie. Use Christmas day to find peace in a chaotic world in a turbulent year.
Keep It Festive
The fun and enjoyment of life have been taken out of this year with the mask mandates, lockdowns, and the rising unemployment numbers, so make sure that Christmas is festive. If you celebrate another holiday, the same goes for any other holiday. Keep it lively to keep the holiday spirit intact in a lousy year. It is essential to keep to a schedule, traditions and to enjoy a festive holiday when things are chaotic. Find a way to maintain order in a year of chaos. A simple way of doing that is to celebrate Christmas this year.
This Christmas choose to enjoy the holiday. Don’t allow others to prevent you from celebrating Christmas due to the lockdowns, mandates, or if your family is deciding not to get together this year. You are in control of your own life as a single, so you can choose to celebrate this Covid Christmas if that is what you want to do. If you decide to celebrate Christmas, these are five ways to make the day more peaceful during a tumultuous year. You can turn off the news, do what you want, live your own life, relax, and keep it festive.
Conclusion
Singles can celebrate a Covid Christmas by keeping the holiday this year. You can celebrate Christmas as a single by turning off the news, do what you want, live your own life, relax, and keep Christmas festive. Have a Merry Covid Christmas!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The Christmas and holiday season is thought of as a time to spend with family. There is nothing wrong with celebrating the holidays by yourself. You don’t have to compromise when you celebrate the holidays by yourself as a single. These are three ways you can enjoy being single during the holidays.
Single During the Holidays
Plan Ahead
The first way to enjoy being single during the holidays is to plan. Make a plan and stick to it. Plan for what you want to do to celebrate the holiday. You will have peace of mind when you have a plan for how you will observe the holiday. A simple plan could be going out and getting a Christmas tree or picking out Christmas lights to make Christmas more festive. Is it going to be just you? Are you going to be going over to celebrate with friends or family? Plan so that you don’t have to worry.
You could also host a holiday party or Christmas at your apartment or house. You can send out invitations to your friends to let them know about the party and if they need to bring anything. A holiday party is a way to interact with your friends and catch up by learning about their holiday plans. You can also use this time to ask them questions about next year to learn what they plan to do after the New Year. A holiday party is also a great way to get to know your neighbors by letting your neighbors know that you will be having a party at your place.
At the holiday party, you can have eggnog and holiday treats along with Christmas decorations. You can have a holiday drink bar. There can be a treats area with holiday cookies, brownies, and cakes. Plan and enjoy the holidays singles.
Celebrate Alone
You can celebrate Christmas alone. The holidays are often considered a time to spend with your family and loved ones. There is nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas or the holidays alone. You can celebrate Christmas alone by making the holiday special. Some ways to do this could be to make a meal, bake a festive family recipe, or try a food that is part of a Christmas tradition. You could also try a different Christmas tradition to make the day exciting and try a new one every year. Christmas Day could be made into a day to relax and refresh by listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies.
You can get outside on Christmas if you choose to celebrate alone. If you know of any houses or neighborhoods that put up Christmas lights, you can see very festive homes and some holiday light shows. Get out, explore your area, and get to know where you live. You can celebrate the holidays alone, and you can enjoy being single during the holidays.
Reach out to your Community
If you would prefer not to celebrate alone, you can reach out to your community. You can see what Christmas events are happening where you live. You could ask if you can come over to celebrate Christmas with your family if they live nearby or get a last-minute plane ticket to go back home for Christmas. Another option is to see if your friends are celebrating Christmas and see if you can come over sometime during the day. When you reach out to your family or friends, you may be able to celebrate Christmas with your family and friends.
If you cannot celebrate Christmas with your friends or family, you can look online to see what Christmas events are happening near you. You can also look at online virtual events to celebrate Christmas and the holidays. There are free and paid virtual holiday events that you can attend and enjoy from the comfort of your home.
Conclusion
Despite everything going on in 2020, you can enjoy being single during the holidays by celebrating the holiday season. You can plan, reach out to your community, and celebrate the holidays alone as a single. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide how you want to spend your time during the holidays.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
When you’re coupled up, and in love, it seems natural to enjoy Valentine’s Day. You can reminisce about how you met and the love you share (hopefully) today
But if you’re in the camp of solo singles, you might find it a little harder to enjoy Valentine’s Day and rightly so. Especially if you don’t want to be single. It can pull at your broken heartstrings a little or even a lot.
11 Ways Single Women Can Make Valentine’s Day Alone Special
Even if you don’t have a significant other, you can still enjoy Valentine’s Day alone. Seriously
First thing’s first. Make sure you do something good for yourself on February 14. This is a great day to get a pedicure (one of my favorite things to do!). I just got out of the massage chair myself while I got my toes painted and my legs massages. It’s my pre-Valentine’s Day treat to myself. And if you do want to be in a relationship . . .
Don’t make a New Year’s resolution, instead set relationship goals
Imagine in your head what a perfect day with a partner would look like and feel like to you. But there is a catch. Do this only if it doesn’t make you feel sad or depressed. After all, Valentine’s Day is just another day with some rather creepy beginnings. And if you do want a partner, you’ve got to stay the course. So onto the next step.
If you don’t want to spend another Valentine’s Day alone make a big list
It’s time to get clear on what you want in a relationship STAT. That is if you want a boyfriend, partner or husband sometime in the future. If you’re going to get hitched up, if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day alone, it’s the perfect time to get your pen an paper out.
This list is everything you want in a partner, and I mean everything
Write out everything in detail about what you truly want in a man. Because the Universe will give you want you to want (on its own time of course). The first list I made was right after I separated from my now ex-husband.
I was in therapy (and a complete hot mess), like many people after messy breakup or divorce
Therapy was a weekly thing in my life (thank God). Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have gotten through that dark night of the soul time in my life. Spending Valentine’s Day alone can feel like this too. I know, because I’ve been there. When you’re newly single it’s especially hard.
Like I always say, it’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone
So when you’re creating your list, focus on the positive traits of any past partners if they happen to come up while you’re writing out your bulleted “perfect man” list. Think about all the things you like. Gary’s eyes, Bill’s bank account, or Jerome and his incredible lovemaking. Whatever stuff you’ve had in the past and loved, bring these things to the forefront of your mind and your pen.
After you’re all done writing all the things you want, stash your paper away and leave things up to God, the Universe, or even OK Cupid do the work. Next thing’s next. There are lots of things you can do when you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
Forget about being single, and forget about looking for a man
Because once you let things go, the world has a way of making the right person or connection pop into your life. My previous focus was always on finding a man, even if it was for a casual date. That was part of my process as a dating coach. I wanted to know what I was talking about when it came to everything dating. So my focus was on dating for ten solid years, but it also kept me kind of stuck.
If you feel like you’re pushing a boulder up the hill when you’re newly single on Valentines, it’s better to take a break from the man-hunt
When things are not feeling good, you need to take a step back and let things be. Now is the time to focus on your other goals, not just the purposes of the relationship kind. And if focusing on your career goals don’t feel right, let those go just for today too.
When you want to make Valentine’s Day special— focus on what makes you happy right now
Don’t just think about what makes you happy, do it! If you grew up Ice skating or baking with your Grandmother, do it today, or at least schedule it this week or next. I know life gets int he way of always doing what you want. Have a glass of wine or eat a cookie if that’ll make you feel right at the moment. But don’t just feed your stomach’s cravings.
Do something that feeds not just your belly but feeds your soul (and doesn’t have to do with a man)
And I’m not talking about chitlins or fried chicken. I’m talking about things that make you genuinely feel alive (or used to). What is something that you love doing but maybe haven’t done since you were in college or even as far back as when you were a little girl?
Now write about at least one thing you remember doing that made you feel like you just ran a 5k or climbed a giant mountain. Your adrenaline was pumping, your heart was singing, and you were smiling from the inside out?
You could have been laughing with your cousin or your best friend when you were just starting middle school. Or maybe you rescued a kitten from the side of the road. Did you score the winning basket when you played basketball in High School?
Valentine’s Day when you’re single is a time to think back to a moment in time that was one of the juiciest moments in your life
Maybe it was when you got your first job and received your very first paycheck. Or when you graduated High school and finally felt like you had true freedom. Imagine the feelings you had when this incredible experience was in your life.
Summary
You felt full of joy and were fulfilled entirely. You were on top of the world, and nothing could even come close to changing the way you felt. Write about that moment. Tap into those feelings and bring them back into your present.
When you feel joy, your heart will expand, and everyone will feel it, especially you!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Here’s a quick how-to guide for singles on how to host a Super Bowl LIII party.
Super Bowl LIII is this Sunday. This year it is the New England Patriots versus the Los Angeles Rams are competing at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. Singles can find a way to watch the big game or they can host a Super Bowl party. Being able to host parties and learning how to be a good host are important life skills that singles can. Super Bowl LIII is the perfect opportunity to learn how to host. Here are three ways singles can host a Super Bowl LIII party that your friends will enjoy during the big game!
3 Ways Singles Can Host a Super Bowl LIII Party For The Big Game
Choose a Location for Your Super Bowl LIII Party
The most important thing that any event requires is a location. Choose a location. It could be your apartment or house. It could also be your favorite bar or restaurant. If there is no location, then your guests do not know that there is an event or where to go for an event. The Super Bowl LIII party can be held at your place, but if you do not have enough space then find a friend who is willing to co-host. You just need a location that people can find to enjoy your awesome Super Bowl LIII party! Fill up the location with your friends, favorite people, and have fun during the game!
Host it Yourself
You can host the party yourself or you can ask a friend to co-host the party. Depending on how the Super Bowl LIII party hosting goes, the event can be hosted at either your place or your co-host’s place. Choose the location that has the most space and the biggest television to watch the game. After you have finalized a location, invite friends!
Food
A party is no fun without food… and alcohol. That is especially true of a Super Bowl party. Super Bowl party food is classic American fare. You will need to provide some light snack options that include chips, salsa, dips, poppers, and anything that is fried or stuffed. For the main course; buffalo wings, hamburgers, and hot dogs are classic options. You can also ask friends in your Super Bowl party invitation to bring an appetizer or a drink to your party. That will help you save some money by not having to purchase all the food yourself for your Super Bowl LII Party Don’t forget the drinks too!
Summary
It is possible for singles to host a Super Bowl LIII party. Singles should not be afraid to host events or gatherings because hosting is an important life skill. Enjoy Super Bowl LIII this Sunday and may the best team win!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Valentine’s Day can be a challenge for the newly single. Even if you’ve been single for years, February 14 can be a trigger. There’s a mythology around Valentine’s Day that presumes all of us are less worthy if we don’t have a partner. But you don’t have to drown your sorrows in a huge box of chocolates (unless, of course, you want to!) while binge-watching romantic comedies.
If Valentine’s Day as a single seems depressing or anxiety-provoking, we have some suggestions to embrace the 14th of February.
9 Steps To Embrace Valentine’s Day For The Newly Single
A Box Full of Valentines. Remember third grade? The teacher made you bring a card for everyone in the class. Buy a pack of old school valentines and give to your coworkers or friends.
Conversation Hearts. Take time to call a family member or neighbor who might be alone. Valentine’s Day can be hard for seniors and people struggling with ill health.
Puppy Love. Visit a local animal shelter to play with the dogs. There’s nothing like puppy kisses to put you in a good mood.
Be your own Significant Other. Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers or bring in your favorite dinner. Pour yourself a glass of wine. And don’t forget dessert!
Happy Galentine’s — or Guyentine’s Day. It may have become a bit of a cliche but Galentine’s Day is a great opportunity to let your “girls” know how much you appreciate them. The London West Hollywood in Beverly Hills is offering a posh Galentine’s Package for you and up to 9 of your closest pals. The package includes a private floral arrangement workshop on the rooftop, welcome champagne and cocktails, as well as hair and makeup at the salon and a photography session with a professional influencer. Then, you and your pals can enjoy a private dining experience in the hotel’s restaurant. All this comes at a posh price tag of $10,000.
Closer to Home. For a more down home experience, invite other single friends over for Happy Hour. Host a potluck game night. Ask your friends to bring a single friend.
Pump up those endorphins. Take your favorite exercise class or try a new one. Try spin, barre, yoga, or a circuit class.
Do your own thing. In “Bridget Jones Diary,” Renee Zellweger got in touch with her inner torch singer, drinking red wine in her comfy clothes. If all else fails, give yourself permission to wallow, just for one night.
Remember, Valentine’s Day is just another day.
The key to surviving or, better yet, thriving, on holidays as a single is to make plans with friends or other singles. Treat yourself and practice self-care. Celebrate friendship or your kids. Be grateful for what you do have in your life. And if you need to take some time to drown your sorrows under the covers with a pint of ice cream and your favorite rom-com, go ahead. Tomorrow is February 15 and another chance to embrace where you are!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
“Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing love. Love lifts up where we belong. All you need is love!” – Moulin Rouge, “Elephant Love Medley”
All you need is love! That is the message that pop songs, movies, society, and Valentine’s Day send to singles. Is love all that you need to live a happy and meaningful life? There are many different types of love. All you need is love but it does not need to be romantic love. All you need is love and here are six other types of love that singles can embrace to escape the love game.
All You Need Is Love? Singles Love Game
Love Your Neighbor
It is important to love your neighbor as yourself because it is attributed to a living a virtuous life. The virtues that stem from loving your neighbor as yourself include courage, temperance, liberality, magnificence, pride, honor, good temper, friendliness, truthfulness, wit, friendship, and justice. These twelve virtues lead to a well-ordered soul and eudaimonia. These are the best activities which humans are capable of doing to others and in society while displaying self-realization and self-love.
Love Yourself
Love yourself and love who you are as a person! Self-love is important because it combines self-acceptance, self-possession, self-awareness, kindness, and respect for yourself. Once you fully accept yourself and are aware of yourself as a person it leads to treating and respecting yourself better and being able to direct and control yourself. This self-love will better help to direct your desires, passions, and ambitions so that you can achieve your goals. However, self-love is difficult because you know everything that you have done, good or bad, and you have to live with yourself which makes you your hardest critic. Despite that difficult, learn to love yourself and to come to terms with who you are as a person.
Love of Country
Love of country, or patriotism, is important because it is an attachment or commitment to one’s country, nation, or political community. Patriotism is important because you are part of your country and you can work to direct change in your country through political and social involvement in politics. Love of country is for your nation but it can go down to your state, local, and community levels. Make a point to be involved in politics and in your community to work to change it into what you want them to look like in the next one, five, ten, and more years. Leave a country that you are proud of to future generations of single people.
Agape
Agape love is unconditional and compassionate love. This love is about sharing humanity with people. You can be compassionate and emphatic towards others because they are human, just like you. They are equal to you and have the same natural rights as you. It does not matter where they come from or the walk of life that they come because everyone is human. That is agape love.
Storge
Storge is familial love. This is an unforced, natural, and instinctual love. Everyone has a family. You may not always get along but you are connected blood, genealogy, and you are part of that family from birth. It is natural and intrinsic love. If you are a single who wants to date and eventually marry, you may experience this love as well between you and your spouse along with children as you start a family.
Phileo
Affection, fondness, and liking others is phileo love. This love is focused on caring and being kind towards other people who you may like or dislike. This is the friendship love. You have various ranges of friendships from a best friend, acquaintances, colleagues, and people who you meet in you daily life. Practice phileo love towards people in a society that become more antagonistic towards people who do not share your worldview. Be kind to others singles.
Summary
Let’s play a love game! No, it’s not that love game! This Valentine’s Day you don’t need to feel bad that you don’t have a date to celebrate romantic love. Instead, you can focus on these six types of love: love of neighbor, self-love, patriotism, agape, storge, and phileo. There is more to life than romantic love and these six types of love for singles: love yourself, your neighbor, humanity, your family, your friends, and your country. It is up to choose the order of these different loves. All you need is love? Yes, but it does not need to be romantic erotic love singles! Are you in the game?
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The origin of Valentine’s Day doesn’t get much press. What was once a dark and bloody time has turned into cupids, roses, and candy. Hmm. . . Maybe that’s why there’s so much red associated with this kissy face day.
The Dark Side — The Origin Of Valentine’s Day
The origin of Valentine’s Day might surprise you
At NPR Arnie Seipel discovered some questionable antics in ancient Rome. There was a party called the feast of Lupercalia. Here men would capture a goat and a dog then sacrifice them. They would then hit the women with the animal hides of these poor creatures.
As an effect, this was supposed to make women more fertile. The women lined up for the cause. Then all the ladies would have their name in a jar. Then the “lady lottery” would begin. Men would choose a name and they would be coupled up for the feast, or longer if they had a good match.
These not-so-feminist Valentine’s Day history facts, make me thankful to be alive today
Now I feel empowered. But it didn’t use to be that way. My Modus Operandi use to be bending over backward to please a man. This was for the reason that I thought I “needed” a man to be complete. Just like the famous line from Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. “You complete me.” I learned it was time for some self-love for myself.
I wasn’t quite living like the Romans but I put up with more than I should have
But wait — there’s more to the weirdly sadistic St Valentine’s Day history. Two men were executed on February 14th of two different years in the 3rd Century AD. The wish of Emperor Claudius II sealed their non-breathing fate. The origin of St Valentine’s Day was also helped by Pope Gelasius. He joined the Lupercalia fest with Valentine’s Day. This was to get rid of the pagan rituals. Thanks, Pope.
This was a step in the right direction for relationships and men not to hit women
This combination of a pagan holiday was formed into a more Christian based holiday, but old habits die hard. People were still drinking wine and hitting on each other but in a different way. It remained the day for love and hopefully fertile women. But publically people left their clothes on, unlike the Lupercalia feast.
A little Valentine’s Day romance never hurt anyone, so romance yourself
A little later in the history of Saint Valentine’s Day celebration, it was promoted by Shakespeare and Chaucer. They made Valentine’s Day seem romantic for lovers. The snakey St Valentine’s Day history eventually led the holiday to the Americas. Where you can now choose to take your clothes off if you want to without getting beaten. But there is still work to do in the human rights department, maybe promoting love with cards is a good thing.
Hallmark took the handmade card for lovers to a whole new level by mass producing cards in 1913. Valentine’s Day will never be the same (Thank God!). I’ll eat cheap candy in a heart-shaped box any day while I embrace the fact that progression is being made. I don’t care if it supports a 19.6 billion dollar industry.
So you can choose to look at Valentine’s Day with disgust or with love
If I had to spend all of my money to make every man and woman treat each other fairly, with love and respect, I would do it. Coupled or single. I’ll also wait in line to eat overpriced lobster, and heart-shaped chocolate cake with my friends, joyfully.
Summary
Even if you’re single, you can celebrate that times are changing. Get your single self a box of candy for Valentine’s Day, eat some of it in the bathtub and be glad you’re not living like the Romans.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Getting the skill of handling the pressure of finding a Valentine’s date when you’re single will trickle out into your daily life. If it feels like it’s just too much pressure, there is a step by step thing you can do let off some steam and let it go. Watch out! She’s ready to blow!
Learning how to handle pressure when you’re single isn’t just about having a Valentine’s date, it’s about everything
Especially if your friends and family say things like, “If he’d only find a nice girl,” or “It’s almost that time of the year again.” How about “You poor thing, o you have Valentine’s date yet honey?”
No Valentine’s Date? How To Handle The Pressure When You’re Single
Nope. Uh-uh. Not even close to having a Valentine’s date. Thanks for reminding me
So, whaddya do then? Let the pressure build up until it feels like it’s eating you from the inside out? Or something else? Let’s go with something else. You can learn some simple life skills right now! The first step of how to handle the pressure of not having a Valentine’s date yet is too. . .
Keep calm
I know this is easier said than done, but if you can keep your composure, no matter what happens, it will put you a step above the annoying questions and comments of not having Valentine’s date.
What do you do if you do lose your cool?
If someone triggers you, pisses you off, or makes you feel insecure and emotional, take a step back. This means hanging up the phone, going to the bathroom or even taking a walk around the block.
Don’t allow what someone else’s opinion or what they say to become your truth. You are the ultimate ruler of your world, and how you respond to anything. When you take responsibility for you, and not the other person, your life will become easier.
Put your focus on whatever takes your mind off not having a Valentine’s date
Focus on what you need to do to be satisfied with yourself right now. Because wherever you are is where you’re supposed to be. And if you do want to be dating someone keep your eye on the prize.
Focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t have
This is hard if you’re used to a lack mindset. Instead of thinking about getting married, or having a Valentine’s date this year, be thankful for what you’ve got.
Yes. Be grateful about anything, and be thankful often.
Another trick is to make a list of things you are thankful for right now
It can be a good friend, your cat or even your pillow. It’s not rocket science. Just take a look around you. You have transportation. If you don’t have a car, you probably have a bus, an Uber, a bike or even a mobility scooter. According to the Heart Math Institute, being grateful helps your emotional well-being.
You have lots of things available to you to make your life easier. Many of these things are at your fingertips. Think about your light switch the running water in your faucet, or your smartphone that gives you access to almost anything in an instant.
When you focus on the things that make your life easier, it won’t seem so sorry that you don’t have a Valentine’s date this year. Create a list of what you do have, and it will help you release the pressure bit by bit. You can also get some New Year’s Resolutions ideas here too!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!