There’s a big difference between the coupled up folks and us. Single woman problems are real. Life is meant to be filled with joy, and coupledom according to everyone at your holiday get-togethers. Us loners are considered broken or weird. But in fact, we’re the smart ones (and the funny ones).
Holiday Single Woman Problems Solved!
We’re supposed to be miserable, lonely and depressed until we meet “the one”
I’m calling bullshit. Since we were little girls, we’ve been led to believe that things are only great when you have someone else to call your very own. So, the time of year that single woman problems indeed arise is during the holidays. I can cook a damn ham alone, thank you very much, and I’m not afraid of cuffing season either.
And a man won’t make it taste any better (especially if he’s a vegetarian)
People unlike us have been infected with holiday cheer and single women . . . what? Can’t have cheer all by our bad selves? We can have plenty of joy. In fact, being single during the holiday is fine and dandy if you go about it the right way. Of course, there are challenges of being single, but I like to eat those problems for breakfast.
You can throw that can of single woman problems out the window along with the nasty canned cranberry sauce your aunt Mabel insists is delicious when you have the secret sauce
She also insists that you’d be better off if only you’d let her set you up with that nice geeky boy from church. But you know better. You’d much instead pick out your own geek to be jolly with and sing Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer all by your lonesome. Challenges of being single are noticed more by your family than you.
While you’re at it, you can check out these funny Christmas carol opposites with your single girlfriends. That is if you have any left. It’s given me some inspiration for a new song I’ll share with you soon. All I have to say is it’s great being single.
If someone at your family get-together asks you your favorite question “How could you still be single?” What’s a gal to do?
Even if you don’t want to make Uncle Harry uncomfortable by not playing “nice,” sometimes it’s essential. I know you want to keep everyone happy around the Christmas wreath with hot cocoa. As long as you have your flask or rum, I promise nobody will get hurt with this question. I digress.
The holidays can be tough for a sweet girl like you when in reality you’re just plain sick of answering that stupid question. It’s time for you to teach the naysayers a lesson or two. Unmarried woman life isn’t too bad.
We can take a lesson ourselves from the movie “Bridget Jones.” She’s inspired me to come up with exactly what to say in those annoying conversations. Here’s one of my favorite lines from the movie:
Bridget: [voiceover] Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find a nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.
Instead of making up excuses, I think it’s time for you to print out some song sheets and gather your family round’ the old Christmas tree
I’ve taken some royalties with the song “The Twelve Days Of Christmas.” I think you’ll like it. I call it “The Eight Days Of Dating.”
On the first day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
A pervert in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Two workaholics
On the third day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Three peeping toms
On the fourth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Four alcoholics
On the fifth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Five peeping toms
On the sixth day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Six guys with no jobs
On the seventh day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Seven megalomaniacs
On the 8th day of Christmas, online dating gave to me
Eight men a ghosting . . .
Have you heard enough Aunt Mable? I bet you a dollar, she’ll never ask you that question after you sing one round of The Eight Days Of Dating. Ever again.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You can learn how to be a strong woman instead of seeking validation from men— Or anyone for that matter. Even if you’re not a secure single woman yet, you can learn to be one faster than you realize.
Learning how to be a strong woman will make it, so you never take any bull from anyone.
You can validate yourself from the inside instead of looking to your outer world to feel better.
How To Be A Strong Woman Instead Of Seeking Validation In Relationships
Start seeking approval— From yourself first.
Validation means understanding your insides. You don’t need anyone to validate your feelings. This can all be done internally within yourself.
Understand that anything you feel is valid even if you don’t understand why you think a certain way.
Many people have what I call the “ugly little monster” in their head, telling them they should or shouldn’t do. That nagging voice can also tell you to “stuff your feelings down,” or say things like, “you shouldn’t feel that way,” or “crying is weak,” or a slew of things that are not true.
Know that the things you think and feel are valid— Even if you don’t agree with them. There will be times that you may consider a thought about someone or something and it isn’t in alignment with your values. That’s OK. I don’t mean that thought is the entire existence of your being.
Remember that thoughts are fleeting.
So don’t beat yourself up over any ideas you don’t love. Learn to accept yourself and any confusing feelings you may have. We’re all human, and that’s part of the deal.
You’re not perfect, and neither are your thoughts. Being an independent woman means you don’t need a man to validate your feelings or career or anything else— Becuase you can validate your own damn self.
There are some more ways to be a strong woman who doesn’t’ show signs of insecurity by seeking validation in relationships.
Be present with yourself.
Tapping into what is going on at this minute will help you be OK with the single life you’re living. In this precious seconds, you are OK. And if you’re going through something, you’ll get through it— You always do!
When you pay attention to how you feel and your surroundings, it will bring you into the moment. Smell, feel, taste, touch, hear and sense things are part of learning how to be a strong woman.
Life is now, not yesterday— Live in it.
So get yourself up to speed and pay attention to what is going on around you and inside your body.
If you have icky feelings that do come up, notice them, feel them and let them process.
Allowing feelings to process (even painful ones) will help you let go of past conditioning. When you and help you get unstuck in that seeking validation mindset you may have had forever.
According to Counseling and Therapy Online, there are four steps to process emotions and feelings.
- Identify the feelings.
- Accept your feelings.
- Process your feelings.
- Then address your emotions.
Feelings are tricky, and you can learn to process them alone, or you can reach out to support networks who can help you get through them more easily.
Summary
Taking care of yourself is the most empowering thing you can do to let go of needing validation from other people. You can learn to love it!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
In today’s world, current research still concludes that men prefer women who are less ambitious than themselves. This state of affairs has left alpha females in relationships— Or rather not in relationships, wondering what they should do?
Alpha Females In Relationships: Are Men Afraid Of Successful Single Educated Women
Alpha females in relationships or not— Should you give up your career for a man? Lighten the load a little?
I hear a big fat “hell no!” echoing from offices all over the world. Women in the workforce are a crucial element to the evolution of people. Alpha females in relationships at work are great at getting things done.
Lighten the load for yourself.
Are you too good at everything Miss Alpha woman? My guess is probably. Except one thing.
Being efficient and great at switch-tasking is a trait many alpha women share. We move quickly through time and space and use our intuition when it comes to many aspects of our lives in work and elsewhere (especially after our 40s).
But when we’re in alpha-woman mode— We forget how to be feminine. To relax. To have fun. We get things done instead.
Does this turn men off? You betcha.
Many alpha men want to be with a woman who knows how to enjoy her time— Not just work all the time and be in “Get things done mode.”
There was a study done at Harvard that had some impressive results. I’m not going to go into too many details about the experiment itself. I want to get to the nitty-gritty.
According to the Harvard Business Review, the second part of the said experiment “shows that single women present themselves less favorably to the labor market, and more favorably to the marriage market when they believe their choices will be seen by men.
Some of the women in the study probably want to get married.
But if you’re wondering, are alpha females in relationships possible? Of course they are!
My advice is to keep doing what you’re doing. You can still be successful and have a fantastic relationship, but you may need to put some things in the forefront besides your career.
Things like taking time off.
You can put loads of focus and energy on getting your degree, MBA or Ph.D. to be successful, right?
Now it’s time to put some of this energy into other areas of your life— Or maybe give yourself a break.
You deserve it.
I want to ask you a question. If you do want to be in a long-term relationship with a man someday— How much time are you willing to spend to learn about men or for starters— or even just yourself?
Don’t watch a Ted Talk or go over meeting notes while eating your lunch. Don’t “Get things done.” Switch to relaxing receptive mode. Learn about what’s going on right here right now. In your moment.
Instead of multitasking while on your lunch break, take the time to enjoy your meal. Go outside on the patio of the cafe.
- People watch.
- Listen to the birds.
- Feel the wind blow in your hair.
- Notice nature around you even if it’s a tiny weed growing through the crack in the sidewalk.
That flower can bloom even through extenuating circumstances, where there was barely any dirt.
Imagine how it’s thriving.
It’s thriving by doing nothing. Just being.
Don’t do a thing. Just be with yourself. You will learn a lot about what it is that you really want.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
When you’re flying solo (whether you like it or not), you might feel like there’s a single woman stigma rolling round in your universe.
This single woman stigma and the feelings that can come up can happen to anyone and anywhere— In the office, at parties or at church. You might feel like you’re life isn’t as fabulous as your hitched up friends.
The Outdated Single Woman Stigma: How To Value Yourself And Live The Best Life Ever!
When you focus on any single woman stigma, you hold yourself back.
Sure your friends post their gorgeous family photos and pictures of their kids at the beach and birthday parties. Their lives look peachy-keen online and while they’re in public.
But nobody has the perfect relationship— Even if it seems like they do. Because relationships are tricky.
Many people only post the good times on their Facebook account.
Couples leave out the complaints of their husband leaving smoothie drippings on the counter in the morning, or their wife snoring so loudly it almost wakes the neighbors.
The single woman stigma you feel will only bother you if you let it and keep your focus on sad and single.
I know I don’t get invited to dinner parties that are couples-only. I’m more than OK with that. I don’t want to be like the episode of Sex In The City where all the single ladies go to a husband and wives only party. It was awkward for everybody.
Other than not getting invited to couple’s only parties, I don’t notice the single women stigma, but then again . . . I don’t let other people’s opinions about me, make me lose sleep at night.
Because I’ve thrown the single woman stigma out with the garbage, and what anyone else says about my status, well— They have to deal with it. If they don’t’ have to like it, I don’t care either way.
I’m happy skipping down the street knowing the only mess in my house is the one I made.
So when you’re single and don’t want to be part of the single women stigma, ignore other people’s opinions of your single life.
If you don’t get invited to a couples-only party, have your own party— A singles-only party.
I used to have them and they were fabulous! Me and all of my single friends (no couples were invited), drank wine and ate delicious food.
My best friend got together with her now-hubby.
Don’t let being a single woman stop you from being happy. If you notice yourself talking badly to yourself in your mind about your single status—
Shift your awareness to something else. Anything will do. Your breath, a smell, a taste or some good relaxing music.
Married couples that are happily satisfied with their spouse are happy because they had the right mindset before they got married. Not because marriage put them in a delightful, perfect setting with the end-all-be-all perfect man.
Putting a ring on it doesn’t make you happy if you’re currently miserable.
Even though there is plenty of current research showing that singles have great lives compared to the married couples, it doesn’t mean being single forever is an easy way to happiness, but you CAN do it.
Your mindset’s got to shift to help you let go of the single woman stigma.
It might take a little time, just keep at it.
While so many people love being single. Singles are more likely to experience heightened psychological growth than those who walk down the aisle.
Embrace your singleness, and don’t take any single shaming personally.
I know my parents would love me to find a “nice man,” to live happily ever after with— But my 10 years of being mostly single have been the most enlightening time of my life.
There is plenty of time for self-reflection and working on myself.
The single woman stigma is something you allow into your life. If you notice the single woman stigma, let the feelings about it process through you, then let them go.
You can make a choice not to feel stigmatized by society and be happy living your life as it is.
Let things flow in your life and take it easy on yourself for once!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
National Girlfriends Day has women all over Twitter in a tizzy!
According to NationalDayCalendar National Girlfriends Day was created in 2006 by Allie Savarino Kline and Sally Rodgers to celebrate the bond between women. AKA “Your girlfriends.” It was officially added to the National Calendar in 2014.
But some online twitter babes took this sacred “National Girlfriends Day” and made it the day to complain about men— Or rather the lack of men in their life.
Some women complained about boyfriends not doing enough in their relationship. Other women talked about why they hate their ex so much. Other women lamented about being single, and how they don’t have a man to love them on this day.
OMG. Is National Girlfriends Day going to give Valentine’s Day single depress-ees a run for its money?
Valentine’s Day gives those in the land of singledom a day to remember that they are just that— Single and alone. The people who aren’t solo are guilted into over-spending for their significant other. It can be depressing for everyone!
The dreaded by singles V-day is 18.2 billion dollar commercial industry. It’s not about love, it’s about people making money. Please don’t let this happen to National Girlfriends Day!
According to ABC News the average spend per person is $136.57. That could buy me a very nice pair of shoes for a date night with my girlfriends! The real reason behind National Girlfriends Day that is to celebrate your female tribe!
Instead of National Girlfriends Day making singles feel worse than Valentine’s Day I have a solution.
Take the money you’ll save while your single and go shopping with your girlfriends.
I don’t actually want to focus on the scariest moments of twitter or of being single. I want to highlight some of the best “Tweets” with #nationalgirlfriendsday.
To show appreciation for the ladies over at Twitter, I’m going to give a few of them a shout out from Secure Single. So, if you’re single you might as well have a good laugh and maybe shed an emo tear thinking about your best girlfriends while you’re at it. Women need women (psst… even when they are in a relationship).
Here are some women hash-tagging their thoughts about National Girlfriends Day.
Remember to celebrate your friends and how much you love them! Your girlfriends make the world go round and give you the best place when you need a shoulder to cry on. So celebrate National Girlfriends Day every single day!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Do women need men? Of course not. That’s so 1950.
It’s not necessary to have a marriage or a relationship to have good health and happiness according to science. You don’t need a man to bring home the bacon, because you’ve already got some in the fridge. Or maybe you’ve made the empowered choice to not eat bacon and have apples and tempeh instead.
Speaking of bacon, I’m going to get to the meaty science part of being single in more ways than one.
The University of Basel in Switzerland and the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany conducted some research that answered the question . . . “Do Women Need Men?”
Do Women Need Men? Or Do Women Need Women? Or Something Else?
Do women need men? According to the research— Not-so-much.
Especially when it comes to having a healthy body mass index (BMI). What woman doesn’t think about that way more she needs to? Do I need this donut? Or do I need a man? Or do I need either?
You can get you BMI by dividing your weight in kilograms by how tall you are in meters squared. Or you can check out this handy BMI calculator at the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute if you’ve ever wondered if your BMI is a healthy number.
Do women need men? Maybe if women want to gain weight they do!
The Switzerland study showed married couples may eat more healthy food, but they weigh significantly more than their single girlfriends. The single people in this study participate more in being sporty and this equals more fit.
Being a healthy single women is better than being an unhealthy married woman. Being married while having an unhealthy BMI can contribute to the increased chance of heart disease, diabetes, and gallstones.
Too much fat (like in bacon, which I happen to partake in), could also contribute to high BMI. Instead of being hitched to a man, and you’re married to eating a high-cholesterol diet— Whether you’re single or married, you could wake up in the middle of the night with rapid intense pain in your upper abdomen. I’m being dramatic of course, but it could happen.
So if you happen to be a single gal wondering do women need men— You can sleep well at night knowing you don’t need men or cookies—
You can live without both. But you might not want to, as long as it’s a good cookie or a good man.
However, If you happen to be in an unhealthy relationship as opposed to a healthy one, a negative relationships can contribute to problems with your heart that lead to high blood pressure, high blood sugar and obesity. I know because I’ve had unhealthy relationships that made my blood boil and gave me severe panic attacks.
When I was in college I was going to donate plasma, and found out my boyfriend cheated on me. My blood pressure was so high, they wouldn’t let me donate a drop. Usually I was a pretty chilled out bird Not that day.
I would much rather be single than in an unhealthy relationship. I love myself way too much, and I hope you do too.
Your life can be fufilling and healthy and happy right now as a single woman. Of course men and women don’t need each other, but sometimes you might want to have a partner around— Sometimes you don’t. So while you’re single enjoy it.
The question do women need men has a simple answer. No.
If you are choosing the single life, you are lucky to be alive today.
You are a single empowered woman in this amazing time when women can vote, wear short skirts, buy your own condo, be a CEO, and drive in Saudi Arabia. What more could you want? You may eventually want to have a man around, but until this being single is YOUR choice and it can be incredible.
Single women are on a badass trajectory and the curve is never coming down. You have all the power.
So choose to make your life one where you make every day count. Go for the salad bar. Take time every day to meditate or pray. Get that degree you’ve always thought about getting but were too afraid. Share your gifts with the world. Find your tribe that “gets” you. Those women are out there and there are people who will support you on your journey.
Join the single tribe! It’s an incredibly fun and wild ride!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The first house for single women is able to be purchased for these seven reasons.
Singles account for nearly half of the American population and single people have more purchasing power than ever before today. However, when it comes to real estate, single women are buying homes more than single men. Single women are making the most of their rise in careers and putting their money towards getting a house. These are seven reasons why single women are purchasing a new home compared to single men and the criteria of a first house for single women.
First House For Single Women Buying Real Estate
Careers
Single women are graduating from college at a higher rate than men which means that they are able to get more stable jobs that pay more compared to their non-college educated single counterparts. This has resulted in the rise of the single career oriented women who has financial freedom and does not need to rely on a spouse when it comes to making large purchases. Single women are able to make those purchases on their own. A first home is normally one of the large purchases that someone makes in life.
Savings
Women save more than men. This puts single women in a better position to save up for their first large purchase and to have the monetary resources to purchase a home. It has been found that single women spend on average $200,000 on their first home purchase.
Investing
It has been found that women are better investors than men. This is an asset to single women to increase the value of their money to prepare for the purchase of a first home. Investing and saving work together to prepare anyone to purchase a first home, but single women are better at it compared to their single male counterparts.
Location
Location. Location. Location. This mantra drives the real estate market. Single women are willing to spend more money to get a smaller house in a more desirable part of a city. The location of a first house for single women are often close to fitness centers, shopping centers, and stores. Single women prefer to be in the city compared to being in the suburbs. They will compromise on square footage to be in the city, especially a hot neighborhood. The house for single women needs to be in a good part of a city where they can access a range of activities to fit their lifestyle.
Security
Single women place a premium on security in the house that they purchase. The common types of security that single women desire are to be in a gated community, gated access, or to know that the house and neighborhood have security in place for residents. Single women can add additional home security with smart security devices for twenty-four hour surveillance that can immediately call the police if something happens to them or to their house.
Condos
Single women prefer purchasing condos over traditional houses. Condos usually do not have yards that single women need to take care of and are more often centrally located in cities compared to houses that are in the suburbs. For this reason, the first house for single women will most often be a condo.
2 Bedrooms
The first house for single women often has two or more bedrooms. This allows them to have guests to come over and to stay with them or to start a family with the extra rooms. If an extra room is not being used, it can be used as their personal office for their work or their home business. Single women recognize that there are benefits to having more than one bedroom when purchasing their first house or condo.
Summary
Single women are making the move to purchase a home or condo because they want to own their own home instead of paying rent each month. The first home for single women will often have more space or be a smaller home, depending upon the location of the home and what the woman real estate shopping is willing to compromise on. The first home for single women is often purchased in order to be closer to their family, work, or school. Single women are a growing force in the real estate market and they show no sign of slowing down.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Things can become tricky when you want to know how to be friends with a guy
But he wants to jump your bones, put a ring on it, or be your seductive servant for the next few months. Here’s how to be friends with a guy.
What’s a girl to do?
Girlfriend, you’ve got to stick him in the friend zone. ASAP.
I’ve talked about the friendzone before, and how it’s an excellent place to be. I’m going to take a wild guess that he likes you because you bring value to his life.
He brings value to your life too, right? If he didn’t, you wouldn’t care to keep him around.
For him, being in your friendzone is better than not having you in his world at all. You like each other, so keep things friendly.
I want you to know precisely how to be friends with a guy when he’s interested in more than your current platonic status.
Let’s say you friend Chad (he could even be your bestie), gives you googly eyes every time you’re in his vicinity. According to eharmony, there are subtle ways you can tell if a guy likes you. If you figure out the signs and you’re not interested in him— Keep reading!
How To Be Friends With A Guy For Women
He hasn’t asked you out on a date, but you have a deep feeling in your bones that he’s into you. There are three things you can do with Chad (or any other guy friend) to keep him in your life, and out of your pants.
How to be friends with a guy when he’s letting you know with his eyes that he likes you
Bring up other guys you’re interested in dating. Be open about your active dating life and don’t hide it. If you keep talking about Jim, or Jermaine or Ali, he’ll eventually get the hint.
I’ve talked about dates with guy friends (who I’m pretty sure wanted more than friends), and they’ve stopped me mid-sentence because I was divulging too much information. Cutting you off before you talk about intimate details is a sign that a guy is into you.
There are more things you can do if a guy is digging on you as well.
How to be friends with a guy when he asks you on a date
Say no to a one-on-one kind of thing if you don’t want to lead a guy on romantically. If you like his company, do invite him to your backyard barbecue or a night out with other friends.
Keeping him in your life with other people around will keep the pressure off of you. When you have group outings with friends, do ask single girlfriends to join you. If you have a dinner party, make place cards and make sure he’s got a single gal on either side of him. Make sure you let him know you only want the best woman for him.
How to be friends with a guy when he tries to put the moves on you
When this happens, you can laugh out loud (this will push him far far away). It’s not the smoothest move however or the most polite, but it works. But I don’t recommend it.
He will be so embarrassed you probably won’t hear from him for weeks— Or months.
So if you want him to stick around in your friendzone, don’t laugh at him if he tries to make a move.
Instead, be straight up with him. Tell him you like him in your life, but not “that way.” He won’t like it, but he’ll have to deal with it because he won’t have a choice if he wants you in his life.
Dangling your beautiful self in front of him may make him crazy, but if he cares about you, he’ll keep you as a friend. He’ll probably get a girlfriend someday— So enjoy his company while you can.
Navigating close friendships isn’t always easy, but when you can work through the rough patches, keeping your friends close is always worth it.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are tons of ways to learn how to be a happy single woman.
I’m not going to bore you with the same old same old how to be a happy single woman. Oh no. I’m going to share with you the things that have worked for me and the happy Danes. I’ve been mostly single and happy for a while. Although all Danish people aren’t single, they are, however, happy.
There used to be a thing that everyone thought. It was coined by Malcolm Gladwell, (I’m in love with his brain by the way). His principle was that it takes 10,000 hours to master something. Be it sports, education, or even being single (I added that one myself!).
Some of us have spent more than enough time to master singledom according to that number, no problemo. But maybe you’re new to this way of the single woman living and you’re not sure how to master not dating and being single.
Thankfully, according to a new Princeton Study, smarty pants, Malcolm’s theory got pretty much crushed. (Sorry Gladwell, I still love you). Researchers did a meta-analysis of deliberate practices in 88 different studies.
Maybe you don’t have to practice how to be a happy single women for that ginormous integer of time, after all.
Mastery of the single life can come much more quickly.
What it does take to be a happy single woman is to have deliberate intentions to be happy.
Your focused intentions can change the perception of the world inside you and of your surroundings. You get to decide that your happiness is of utmost importance.
Maybe the Beatles would have been great if they had only practiced for 5000 hours. However, we’ll never know. But they did practice and you can practice happiness.
I know one thing that rings true. Practice makes perfect. Learn from other happy people— And don’t hate on yourself when you don’t feel like the happiest of the happy. You also don’t need to be with a man or even have one on the horizon.
You don’t have to be dating to know how to be a happy single woman.
Looking at men on tinder isn’t the only thing in your life. You can stop swiping and learn a thing or two from the Danish population.
According to BBC News, Michael Booth, the author of “The Almost Nearly Perfect People: Behind The Myth Of The Scandinavian Utopia”, questioned many Danish people about their happiness.
He believes part of their happiness is due to them setting their expectations low.
Lower those expectations in yourself, girl. You can’t do everything perfectly— Neither can anyone else.
So when you’re single don’t feel bad if you don’t feel like a million bucks every second of every day.
Give yourself fewer goals of trying to be perfect. Make of your intentions to do well, and if it’s not perfect that’s OK with me.
If you want to know how to be a happy single woman: Give yourself a break.
I know it’s easy to beat yourself up for the things you think you’ve done wrong.
Certainly, we all do it— Unless you’re a narcissist in complete denial for ever doing anything wrong, ever.
You can think about the things you didn’t accomplish— Or you can decide to be nice to yourself one more time. Just keep doing that. One thing at a time.
Pat yourself on the back for not burning the lasagne. And hey! You’ve flossed every single day for the past month. Yeah!
Lower your expectations of the things you can accomplish in 8 hours. You’re not superhuman.
Talk nicely to yourself and if you fall brush off your pants and pretend it never happened.
If you spill your coffee on your white blouse or the lady at the grocery store is rude and it makes you upset— That’s OK. You’re human and perfectly imperfect, just like everyone else.
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
I’m going to start with the basic building blocks to get you started to be part of the tribe of single women who feel passionate and powerful.
5 Single Women Empowerment Skills
Self-Regulation
There may have been times in your life when you thought you needed a man to feel better. Maybe you were with a guy and if you felt bad a hug, a smile or even being angry at him made you feel better.
It’s possible to feel better on your own too. You can learn to self-soothe yourself with a couple tips.
Learning to self-regulate your emotions are a crucial part of being a strong independent single woman who doesn’t need a man. When your emotions are in charge of you, it makes your life much harder. You can learn to manage your emotions with a little know-how.
According to Psychology Today awareness of the function and biology of your emotions can help you understand your feelings. Being aware of your emotions is a stepping stone for you to become the master of your to manage them.
If you can learn to process your emotions, you will be ahead of many women out there. Calming yourself down when you’re anxious or upset and cheering yourself up if you’re feeling down in the dumps— Are two of the most important skills Single Women can learn to empower themselves.
Time Management Is One Of The Critical Skills Single Women Can Learn To Empower Themselves
If you spend hours of your day looking at Grumpy Cat memes on Facebook instead of focusing on things that are making you more successful, focused, and satisfied in your life— You’re doing yourself a disservice.
Making A List Of Important Tasks Every Day Is Good For Single Women Empowerment
There’s nothing much more gratifying than completing things that will make you feel more successful every day.
Ask yourself a few questions about your daily to-do list.
- Which task will help me feel secure about my future?
- Which things make me feel good about myself?
- How can I make more money?
- Is this task really important?
- Am I holding myself back by making this task important?
Prioritize your list from most important to least important. Cross off each item when you’re finished. Then pat yourself on the back at the end of every day for the things you “did” accomplish. instead of beating yourself up for the things you didn’t get to finish.
Another Way For Single Women To Not Need A Man Is To Be Good To Yourself
When you’re single it’s crucial to talk nicely to yourself. Think about the things that go on inside your head that make you feel bad about yourself. Switch them to something that feels better! When you speak kindly inside your mind you will feel more confident and powerful.
Making Extra Cash Is Good For Single Women’s Empowerment
Figure out a way to save some cash to invest, or pamper yourself for all the things you’ve finished on your to-do list. Sometimes it can be hard to make ends meet as a single woman. Making a little extra money can make you feel like “I can” instead of “I can’t.”
I’ve met women who stayed in unhealthy relationships because they didn’t think they could do it without financial support from their boyfriend or husband.
So learning how to use the internet to make extra cash is a great way to feel more empowered. Watch some tutorials and learn how to sell some things on eBay, Etsy, Amazon, or Facebook marketplace. You can also clean out your garage or closet and post things you don’t need or love on Craigslist.
If you’ve always wanted to be a writer, create a WordPress blog and research how to monetize your website. Connect Google AdWords to your blog and bring in some green while you sleep.
Managing your time, saving some money for a rainy day and noticing how these things make you feel will make you feel like you can do it alone— And you might actually enjoy going solo!
Lots of Love,
Dina Colada