The Christian church and the Christian community has neglected singleness in favor of the earthly institution of marriage. While marriage is good, it is a temporary earthly institution that God gave to Adam and Eve in the beginning. There will be no marriage on earth after the Second Coming with the new heaven and the new earth. The Christian church preaches about the present state instead of the future state where Christians will be single and will find their fulfillment in Christ instead of with an earthly spouse. The Christian church needs to acknowledge that marriage is an interim institution on earth and preach that singleness is good and is Biblical.
Christian Church Must Recognize Marriage Is Temporary
Christians too often make marriage into the goal that every churchgoer must achieve in life to be considered a good Christian. This should not be the case. Marriage is a temporary earthly institution that was given to man in the beginning, but marriage is not what Christians are called to find meaning from in life. The meaning of life comes from Christ who the husband to His bride the church. When that relationship between Christ and His church is perverted, Christians make marriage into an idol. That idolization of marriage by the church hurts Christians, the Christian community, and people who may be interested in the Christian faith by not welcoming those who are single. Christians need to remember that it is the relationship with Christ that is permanent while marriage is a fleeting institution.
Christians seem to forget that there will be no marriage in heaven and with the resurrection of the new heaven and the new earth. There will be no marriage after the resurrection. Christ told the Sadducees in Matthew 22:29-30, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” For those who are married, remember that you will be married on earth but not in heaven. Similarly, singles should not seek marriage as a means make themselves a better Christian. Marriage will not make you a better person or a better Christian because it is an impermanent earthly institution. Christians would be wise to remember what Christ told the Sadducees about marriage because the church’s idolization of marriage today mirrors the Sadducees.
Instead of making marriage the primary focus of the church, the church should make singleness the cornerstone of theology when talking to singles instead of marriage. Church leaders should stress to singles that there will be no marriage in heaven. The church should emphasize to singles that there will be no marriage in the new heaven and on the earth and that singleness is Biblical. Finally, with the new refocus on singleness, the church needs to create a theology of singleness that Christian singles can study to take the emphasis off of marriage for Christians. While marriage is good, it is temporal while single is eternal. The church and Christians must recognize this instead of pushing singles in churches to date and to get married.
Summary
It is time for the Christian church to follow Christ’s teaching that “in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” by teaching a theology of singleness. Marriage is provisional institution that God gave to Adam and Eve in the beginning, but will not be in heaven. It is time for the church to stop neglecting singles in the church and to study what the Bible actually says about singleness. The church and its leaders right now are acting like the Sadducees who do not know what the Scriptures says about marriage, the power of God, and the reality of singleness in heaven.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
As I type in the title of this article, a snippet of dialogue comes to mind from one of my favorite films growing up. About midway through 2001’s The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Gandalf the Grey tells our beloved hobbit Frodo Baggins the utterly tragic story of Gollum, a creature whose life is both extended, and ultimately destroyed by the same titular ring that Frodo now must bear. Singleness is a time for singles to rest and to prepare for the rest of their lives.
Singleness Is An Opportunity To Rest And Prepare
The story deeply troubles our hero, moving him to say: “I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” Instead of offering fickle words of pity, however, the wise wizard responds with the whole truth: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Singles, particularly those who have no intention of staying single, are liable to see their singleness through a filter of angst. Because we wish to find someone, we might see singleness as a kind of roadblock on the road trip of our lives; an unwelcome, restlessness-inducing inconvenience that offers nothing of value and must be gotten over with as quickly as possible. And that’s only if we can’t outright avoid it, mind you. It’s so easy to see singleness as nothing more than a ball and chain. To this day, I am about as guilty of this mindset as one can get, but I gradually came to realize after a while that such a one-sided way of thinking about singleness is… well, one-sided.
Keeping with the road trip metaphor, each and every road trip requires making pit stops along the way to one’s destination to do various tasks, be it to use the restroom, refuel the car, check the tire pressure, get a bite, get some sleep and recharge, or any combination of those. Each of these tasks is a necessity that serves to ensure arrival at one’s destination. Despite the fact that they take time and require a pause in the trip, pit stops still make up an essential part of the trip itself.
This is the case with singleness as well. It certainly won’t seem this way, especially right after you split up with someone, but singleness is in fact a great gift to those who wish for a partner. It is a unique period of time, wherein you have the opportunity to catch your breath, rest, learn, reevaluate, move forward, and grow at your own pace. The greatest luxury of singleness is having no obligations to anyone other than yourself and, therefore the freedom to set your priorities accordingly.
Summary
These great things are not a guarantee, mind you. Time is a precious, highly limited, completely nonrenewable resource, and we have the freedom to choose how to use it. So, will we make good use of this gift to prepare ourselves for the future, or will we abuse it by wasting it on dwelling on what happened before and on things we cannot change?
“All you have to do decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Choose wisely.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Christians in the church often look down on those who are unmarried. This is problematic because singleness is Biblical. This also creates division within the church. Celibacy and singleness also has been a part of church history since the beginning of the Church. Singles also means anyone who is single and may not be considering vocations such as the priesthood. The varying degrees of singleness, likewise, should be recognized as good. All Christian denominations must recognize that singleness is Biblical and create a more welcoming environment for singles in churches and in the Christian community. Here are three ways that the church can help single Christians in the church by recognizing that singleness is Biblical and make singles feel welcome by the Christian community.
Singleness Is Biblical
The Bible never condemns those who are single. It actually encourages those who do not desire to marry or who are widowed to seek a relationship with God first because spouses distract from pursuing holiness. That is because spouses can become the focus instead of God. In contrast, singles are able to grow and mature in their relationship with God by reading the Bible, praying, and living a holy life each day. The unmarried single person is concerned with the heavenly things of God while the married are focused on earthly things such as pleasing a spouse. Saint Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8 writes “to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” A few verses later Paul continues in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 that the “unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.”The Church needs to realize that the Bible positively connects being single to having a relationship with God, while society equates being single as being a problem. The church and the christian community should recognize and make use of this uniquely Christian view of singleness that goes against what the world says about singleness. The church needs to create opportunities for singles in the congregation to flourish instead of having groups with the purpose of pairing off those who are unmarried.
Unite The Church
By implicitly, and sometime explicitly, emphasizing that the married life is superior to the single life the Church is creating division in the Body of Christ. This hurts Christian singles as the Church and fellow Christians send single Christians the message that they are not mature in their faith until they are married. This stigmatizes singles in the congregation instead of embracing the strengths that the single life brings to the Church. All congregations and denominations need to embrace singleness and accept those who are single. The Church should be united in the faith and as the Body of Christ but this division between married and single is divisive and hurts the Church.
Church History of Celibacy And Singleness
There is a history of long history of singleness and celibacy in Church history. The modern Church has forgotten this history and has gone in the opposite direct by telling Christians that they must marry. Not every Christian is called to marry. Those who are married, if they are widowed, will become unmarried again. It is also time for the Church to recognize a historical change in the population and to evangelize to the unmarried. If the Church does not have a theology of singleness and does not even understand the Church’ history of celibacy and singleness, then it will never be able to reach out to the singles of today.
There is nothing wrong with being single, whether by circumstance or choice. The church should support all of the different types of singles that are make up the church from those who may be looking to date, who are content being single, who are single parents, and who are widows. Being single and singleness is much broader and singles should not need to take a religious vow or be celibate for the church to recognize that being is a great thing and equal, yet different, from marriage.
Summary
The unmarried and single population now outnumbers those who are married. It is time for the modern Church to change its message about singlehood and singleness. By doing this, the Church will be able to evangelize to the single population without falling for the stereotypes that society has constructed about those who are unmarried. Most importantly, the Church will not be watering down theology to do this but will actually be continuing church history and following what the Bible teaches about the single life. It is time for Christian denominations to focus on their single audience in other ways besides pushing marriage on those who are unmarried.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City explains the Christian concept of being single and how the Bible offers a theology of singleness. Pastor Keller describes how this is a unique worldview. Christianity is set apart in that it was the “very first religion or worldview that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life” (Hauerwas, S. 1991).
Theology Of Singleness
Western civilization idolizes individualism and self-realization and views marriage as something to get after reaching a certain point in life. Marriage becomes a means of self-fulfillment and an idol. Eastern civilization idolizes the family and makes everything revolve around it. Family becomes an idol. Christianity uniquely views singleness because there is no obligation to get married. Marriage is understood as a temporary earthly institution until the second coming with the new heaven and new earth. For singles who choose to get married, marriage is a sacrament meant to be an act of service. Christianity drastically changes both how marriage and singleness should be viewed by its followers. It also emphasizes that marriage will never give you everything you seek in life, which a person can find in Christ. This view is different from the world’s, of which Christians are called to be set apart from the world while remaining in the world.
Singles are not freaks until they get married. On the contrary, singles have a vital role in society, the church, and the family of God. Christianity’s understanding of singleness is unique because it acknowledges that being single is excellent. Singles can focus on God without being distracted by an earthly husband or wife. During the early church, widowed people would have to get married again to be cared for, but this view of singleness allowed widows to find a home in the church. Christianity says that it is okay to be single. Being single is a viable option. After all, Jesus and Paul were both single. Jesus, the perfect human being, was single and unmarried.
Paul is straightforward in 1 Corinthians 7 that a spouse can become an idol, and marriage can be made into something selfish. This upends marriage because relationships are supposed to be about service instead of self-fulfillment. In contrast, being single allows you to develop friendships and serve others. Singleness is a great gift. It frees single Christians from wanting to please their husband or wife instead of seeking to please the Lord. Christian singles should seek to grow closer to God and pursue God instead of finding a spouse to fulfill them on earth. Singles should not be pressured to get into relationships or to get married because Christianity offers an alternative worldview and a theology of singleness that makes it alright to be single in a world of couples.
Christian singles must be aware of the theology of singleness that the Bible teaches and that Paul articulates in 1 Corinthians about being single. Christians should seek to become closer to God. The single life offers that opportunity since a spouse and marriage can become idols and means of self-fulfillment instead of God. Single Christians must recognize this as they decide if they want to get married by realizing that Christianity teaches it is good to be single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The church has a problem. The first and most important problem confronting the church is that Millennials are not going to church. The second problem is that singles now are the majority of the population. Although singles are now the majority, the church continues to treat single congregates as inferior to married churchgoers.
The church must separate itself from secular society. However, the church and Christians have failed at this on many social issues by simply defaulting to what society and civil law says is right. The same is true for the church when it comes to singles. Society pushes singles to date and then cohabitate, if the couple doesn’t marry. This has created the dating industrial complex. The church is guilty of joining society’s bandwagon by making singles feel uncomfortable for not being in a relationship or being married in the church. This can be seen by the church’s emphasis on the importance of marriage— to the point that it is an idol—and having church singles groups that are essentially places for Christian singles to find someone to date. There are two ramifications for the church not having a theology of singleness and devaluing singles. First, by defaulting to relationships and marriage as the only option, the church and Christians have accepted secular beliefs about relationships and marriage that goes against what the Bible teaches. This would not be the case if the church taught a theology of singleness and Christians were aware of it when it came to modern society’s beliefs about relationships and marriage. Second, singles are leaving the church because the values of the single life are not acknowledged and singles are unwelcome by the church. If the church wants to reach out to Millennials and the single population, the church must recognize that singleness is good and have a theology of singleness.
The church treats singles by either dismissing them or suspiciously looking at singleness as unnatural. By dismissing singles, the church is banishing singles from the church. This means that the church is also disregarding what the Bible says about singleness. For Protestants who follow the tenet of Sola Scriptura, this is a problem. For the Catholic and Orthodox churches, this can include Tradition with what the Bible says about singleness being good. If the church does dismiss singleness, then it will continue to views singles with suspicion. This is a result of Christians elevating marriage where it has become the church’s Golden Calf. The church looks upon singles suspiciously because they do not meet what it means to be a true Christian because they are not married. This is an instance where the church and Christians have been influence by secular society and completely ignored the Bible. The consequence of this for the church is that it has forgotten singles in its pews, disregarded what the Bible says about singleness, and is a part of the secular world instead of being set apart from it. The church should have a theology of singleness and make Christian singles feel welcome again at church.
The church historically acknowledged that singleness was a righteous and holy state. This was based upon both Scripture and history. Christ says in Matthew 19:12 that there are three reasons why people are single, “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” There are those who have been single from birth. There are those who have been made single to serve man and are unable to have children. There are those who have chosen to devote their singleness to God. The third version is found in church’s that have holy orders and religious vocations. There are many Bible passages that address singleness, but here are three:
1 Corinthians 7:7-8
“7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.”
1 Corinthians 7:26-35
“26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
The main points that Paul is addressing to the unmarried in this section are threefold (26-35):
- Those who marry will have worldly troubles (26-28).
- The existence of the universe does not depend upon marriage (29-31).
- Singleness provides an opportunity for undivided service and attention to the Lord (32-35).
1 Corinthians 7:38
“38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
By making marriage an idol and demanding that all singles marry, the church has forgotten Paul’s message in the Scriptures about singleness that can be summarized as:
“I wish that all were [single] as I myself am… I want you to be free from anxieties… [and be] anxious about the things of the Lord… [to] secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
This is a quick survey of what the Bible says about singleness. The church should have a theology of singleness and welcome singles in the congregation. The church has a long history of having a positive view of singleness, but singleness is now negatively viewed and portrayed by the church as an oddity of life. It is not an oddity. It is Biblical and a way to devote oneself to God without the distraction of an earthly husband or wife. Who are you going to serve when it comes to singles, society or God? Christians must remember that “they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world” (John 17:18).
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Christians within the Church often look down on those who are unmarried. This is problematic because singleness is Biblical. This also creates division within the Church. Celibacy and singleness also has been a part of church history since the beginning of the Church. All Christian denominations must recognize that singleness is Biblical and welcome singles at church.
Singleness is Biblical
The Bible never condemns those who are single. It actually encourages those who do not desire to marry or who are widowed to seek a relationship with God first because spouses distract from pursuing holiness. That is because spouses can become the focus instead of God. In contrast, singles are able to grow and mature in their relationship with God by reading the Bible, praying, and living a holy life each day. The unmarried single person is concerned with the heavenly things of God while the married are focused on earthly things such as pleasing a spouse. Saint Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8 writes “to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” A few verses later Paul continues in 7:32-33 that the “unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.” It is a Biblical lifestyle and vocation to remain single, if singles are called to it. The Church needs to realize this and create opportunities for singles in the congregation to flourish instead of having groups with the purpose of pairing off those who are unmarried.
Unite the Church
By implicitly, and sometime explicitly, emphasizing that the married life is superior to the single life the Church is creating division in the Body of Christ. This hurts Christian singles as the Church and fellow Christians send single Christians the message that they are not mature in their faith until they are married. This stigmatizes singles in the congregation instead of embracing the strengths that the single life brings to the Church. All congregations and denominations need to embrace singleness and accept those who are single. The Church should be united in the faith and as the Body of Christ, but this creates division between those who are married in the Church.
Church History of Celibacy and Singleness
There is a history of long history of singleness and celibacy in Church history. The modern Church has forgotten this history and has gone in the opposite direct by telling Christians that they must marry. Not every Christian is called to marry. Those who are married, if they are widowed, will become unmarried again. It is also time for the Church to recognize a historical change in the population and to evangelize to the unmarried. If the Church does not have a theology of singleness and does not even understand the Church’ history of celibacy and singleness, then it will never be able to reach out to the singles of today.
The unmarried and single population outnumber those who are married. It is time for the modern Church to change its message about singlehood and singleness. By doing this, the Church will be able to evangelize to the single population without falling for the stereotypes that society has constructed about those who are unmarried. Most importantly, the Church will not be watering down theology to do this but will actually be continuing church history and following what the Bible teaches about the single life. It is time for Christian denominations to focus on their single audience in other ways besides pushing marriage on those who are unmarried.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society and the media present being single only in negative way. However, being single is a great time to be alive, whether it is only a transitional phase while you prepare yourself to enter another relationship or if you are single by choice. While some stereotypes of singles have improved, there is still much work done to be done to change how culture views those who are single and unmarried. There are many reasons why the single and unmarried state is a great stage of life and those who are single need to be able to defend their single status.
When someone – or the media presents singles — asks someone why they are single, it is most often asked with in a negative tone along with shock. This makes people believe that they need to be in a relationship at all times. It causes those who are single and who want a relationship to jump into a relationship when they are not ready for one. Further, and worse, it makes those who want to be in a relationship to enter bad relationships. 70% of college students have been abused by a former boyfriend or girlfriend while 43% of college age women have reported experiencing violent and abusive dating relationships. While dating abuse and violence is a difficult issue, could it decrease if those who are single were not constantly told that they must be in a relationship? It would slow down the relationship train that singles are told they must ride. It would allow individuals to mature before they decide to date. It would allow singles to learn more about who they are and if they even want to date or get married. It would let individuals learn to enjoy being single rather than being dragged into a bad relationship because being single portrayed as being bad.
By equating that single is always bad, society harms those who are unmarried by attaching stigmas that are false. These stereotypes range from that single women are crazy cat ladies to that single men are lonely bachelors’ who are unable to take care of themselves and need a woman in their life. This degrades the status of both men and women. This demeans men and women who do not have a relationship status that the culture approves. Further, the treatment of singles and the unmarried devalues the legitimacy of being temporarily or permanently single. Single now are a major part of population in industrialized countries so society should recognize this and change its attitude about the unmarried.
The single life is both a time to learn to enjoy life and to learn about who you are as an individual. It is a time to prepare to date or to consider becoming fully your own person by starting your own business by no longer having to rely on working for someone else. The time, flexibility, and autonomy that being single offers is the perfect time to take risks and to step outside of the confined comfort zones that society has drawn. Break down that line. Tear down that wall that society has put up that is the easy way to be comfortable, but does not ask for anything more from individuals besides getting married and working a 9 to 5 job. The qualities of the single life allow those who are unmarried to become the best version of themselves and to take chances that cannot be done once married.
Deciding to be temporarily single for a time and being single by choice are both legitimate lifestyle choices. The first option recognizes that being single is good, but the individual ultimately wants to be in a relationship and to get married. The second option the individual wants to remain single throughout life and does not want to get married. There are many different types of singles and reasons why people are single. For this reason, there are short-term and long-term singles and this reflects the diversity among the growing single and unmarried population that society has not yet acknowledged.
Society needs to accept that more people are remaining single longer and that singles contribute more time to volunteer and to other activities that improve their communities compared to those who are married. The tone needs to change about how being single is talked about in culture and presented in the media. This needs to change. Those who enjoy being single and unmarried, whether it is temporary or permanent, are responsible to help change the attitude of their family and friends about those who are single. Secure Single seeks to help all single adults optimize their human flourishing and to fulfill their life’s calling, but in order to create a different world where those who are single and are unmarried will be more accepted must first start with you.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Singlehood is the state of being single unmarried. People are in the state of singlehood whether they are in a romantic relationship or if they do not have a romantic partner. This is, despite possibly being in a romantic relationship, an individual is still single since they are not married. In contrast, singleness is the state of deciding to be single by choice or to devote your life to the vocation of singleness by committing oneself to a religious order. Regardless of where in the single spectrum you fall, here are eleven ways to own your singlehood while you are single.
Personal Growth
Singlehood allows you to develop yourself and to get to know yourself more fully. This is a time to work on your physical, mental, and psychological health in preparation for when you enter a romantic relationship. This time lets you grow as a person and is a time to work towards achieving your personal goals.
Pursue Goals
As you work on your personal growth to become the best version of yourself, you should also focus on pursuing and achieving your life goals. Set your goals high. Want to learn a new skill? Do it. Want to start your own business? Write a business plan and aim to achieve your goal. What is your life goal that you want to make a reality? Being single is the best time to work on your goal because you are not restrained by a significant other or a family that you have to care for, you are able to pursue your goals with your full drive and ambition.
Autonomy
Singlehood provides singles a time to enjoy autonomy to do what they want while they are singe. Autonomy lets singles focus on and to control the full independence that the single life offers singles. This gives singles the freedom to live their live as they want without someone interfering with their life.
Travel
Solo traveling is the rise because more people are single today. This is a time to travel the world and to get to know different cultures outside of the country that you are from. Travel lets someone grow more and to try new foods and have new experiences that would not happen from the country that you are from. This is the first single woman to successfully travel the world.
Financial Planning
Financial planning is another important part to prepare while you are single. This is a time to build up your savings account and to create a diversified investment portfolio. As you save up and invest more money, you will gain more independence and become financially independent from your parents or from having to share a place with roommates.
Security
Singles need to feel secure about the single life while they are single. There is nothing wrong with being single. Do not let society define your human worth by not dating anyone or not being married. Your human worth is inherent as a single. Have a peace in mind knowing that singles can flourish alone, now just become secure in your state of singlehood.
Time
Singlehood gives singles more time to travel and to explore their city. Make the most use of your time to explore, to read, and to grow as an individual. By spending time on developing yourself and to do the things that are of interest to you will allow you to grow more as a person while you are single. Once you decide to enter a relationship, you will lose time since couples have less time and spend more time together compared to those who are single who can spend time to do what they want.
Flexibility
Similar to time, singlehood offers more flexibility for singles to choices about what they want to do. Singles have the opportunity to go to and from places that they want to without having to worry about another person holding them back. They can do what they want and live their lives fully as they want. Make the most of the flexibility that the single life offers.
Diversity
Singlehood also offers a diversity of different types of singles. There are singles who are single, but who are in a romantic relationship. There are singles who are taking a break from dating, but want to date again. There are also singles who are single by heart who live their most authentic lives by being single and they may or may not be interested in dating. There are also singles who are single by choice who have lost interest in romantic relationships or who believe that the single life is the best way for them to live their life. There are also those who are single who have devoted their life to a vocation that transcends human relationships such as a religious order. That is just a basic explanation of the diversity of the different types of singles and the spectrum of singles that there are in the world.
Enrich Yourself
Singlehood is a time to enrich yourself and your life. Learn new skills. Set goals for yourself. Build your network to reach out to people as you start your career who could beneficial to you later. Start your own business. Save up and start to move out from your parent’s house. Visit the museums and gardens that are in your city. Get to know your friends more by asking them important questions about their life. Try new restaurants, bars, and lounges during happy hours. Single is a time to enrich your life by doing a range of different things that you have never done before and to improve any skills that you want to improve.
Devote Yourself to a Cause
Singlehood is a perfect time to devote yourself to a cause. Find a cause, organization, or religion or philosophy to devote yourself to as a single. This allows you to spend time with people who support the same cause as you as well as to give money to the cause. This will help it grow and to influence more people. You will be responsible for letting it grow and develop by volunteering your time or money to the cause, organization, or religion or philosophy. Find a cause today and volunteer.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Society portrays singles and the unmarried as being sad, lonely, and unsatisfied with their lives. However, the reality could not be farther away from this stigma and stereotype. Singles today outnumber those who are coupled or dating in industrialized countries and singles are deciding, or prolonging, staying single longer than ever before for many reasons. There are many reasons why the rise of the single and unmarried in society is a great thing and society should embrace singlehood and singleness instead of stigmatizing those who are single.
Singles are often shown as being alone and lonely. That is in fact false when compared to those who are couples. The unmarried are more likely to be engaged in their communities, civic groups, and public events as well as find more ways to be involved in their cities by finding different events and causes to attend and support compared to their married counterparts. Singles are also more likely to volunteer their time to coach, mentor, teach, counsel, and support causes and organizations that they want to assist to help others compared to couples. Singles have autonomy and flexibility that come with the single life. Singles don’t only help organizations through their volunteerism, but they also help their cities.
As the traditional family home goes, in its place are growing apartments and condos for one person. Where single and unmarried Millennials are moving to in cities often results in the growth of neighborhoods since they go out more and want to return to their house. This has led to the rise of neighborhoods in cities, and the rise of cities, where Millennials have moved to for work. This in turn has resulted in the growth of cities economies and of new types of restaurants and cafes that want to attract single Millennial customers. As single Millennials have brought about revitalization and growth in cities and their neighborhoods, single women have been able to contribute more to the economy as they have been able to enter the workforce.
Women have made considerable economic gains over the past decades with the success of feminist movements and as it has become acceptable to go to school and get a job. Today, only 14% of Millennial women are homemakers. Women are also projected to make up more than half of the United States work force by 2018. Single women share the values of the Millennial generation, according to a recent U.S. Census Bureau report, that places economic and educational success as more important than getting married and starting a family. These different factors have finally given women the freedom to not have to get married to have economic security. In the 21st Century, women can provide for themselves and attain financial freedom on their own without needing a man.
These sociological and economic changes have finally allowed singles to live full lives. Single is no longer a state where an unmarried individual must wait to mate. Being single today can now be a choice and not just a temporary state. As Millennials continue to delay and not consider marriage a necessary milestone, singles are able to live their fullest lives by making use of the autonomy and flexibility of the single life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
For someone to decide to commit one’s life to living as a single person comes across as bizarre and absurd in a society that loves and adores couples. As I wrote in my post concerning Valentine’s Day about the different types of love, eros originally was understood in the classical world was an act of an individual to devote oneself to a higher cause. Today the individual is often hailed as the center of all of life. The opposite of this that can also be seen often is that society as a whole, a collective, is the ends of an individual. Both of these, while having aspects of truth, neglect the call of an individual to commit themselves to something beyond oneself. Individuals may choose the vocation of singleness in order to devote oneself to that higher calling, an ideal, as eros was traditionally understood to mean in the classical world.
I was at an event in Denver, Colorado called Pint with a Priest that is held at Platt Park Brewing Company in Denver, Colorado by Our Lady of Lourdes Parish in January. At the event someone asked the priest if there is a vocation to living a single life. The priest’s short answer was that an individual must decide commit oneself to live a life that one chooses, but in so doing must also seek for ways to contribute to the common good. This answer demonstrates that there is nothing wrong with being single or living the single life. Some people may choose to get married. Some people may choose to remain single. It ultimately is a personal decision about how an individual decides how is the best way for one to life one’s life.
Whether married or single, an individual chooses one of the main two options should still contribute to the common good of society. For married couples, the family is the foundation of society as Aristotle writes in Politics:
First, then, there must be of necessity be a conjunction of persons who cannot exist on the one hand, male and female, for the sake of reproduction… on the other, the naturally ruling and ruled, on account of preservation…. [this leads to how] the household first arose… [because] the household is the partnership for the needs of daily life… [and this] partnership arising from the union of several villages that is complete is the city” (II 2-8, p 35-35).
Family is prior to the city, or society, and the political institution of government. It provides future citizens and individuals who will contribute to the economy and society. If one or both individuals of the couple work as well, they also contribute economically to society through their work. By having children and working is how couples normally contribute to the common good. However, single people who do not have children — with the exception of single parents– should find an ideal to devote themselves to if they commit their lives to the vocation of singleness.
Aristotle is concerned with how a polity comes about in the Politics and for this reason focuses on bringing and upbringing of children since the family comes before the city and nation according to the classical view. For this reason, Aristotle does not expand on the other two classical understanding of the purpose of marriage. Aristotle was concerned with the question of human flourishing, or eudaemonia, and its connection to virtue. This was why he wrote about marriage and its connection to the creation of society. Following Aristotle’s explanation above about how the state comes about, there are two other parts to the classical understanding of marriage. These are love and spousal unity. The classical view understood marriage with these two parts of marriage -love and unity- along with the generation and upbringing of children was a natural cause of the love between the couple. It was understood according to certain classical philosophers, particularly Aristotle, that society was made of multiple families and that the family unit was the foundation of society. (Secure Single plans to write future articles presenting different views on marriage since the classical view is only one view among many).
In the classical world, this meant devoting one’s life to the higher ideals of philosophy. An individual would practice and seek to attain Truth by studying philosophy or becoming a priest at a temple to one of the classical gods. Forms of this are still found today where an individual decides to commit ones life to the Church by becoming a priest, a religious order, or by becoming a monk in various religions found in both the East and West. However, someone who decides singleness as a life choice does not need to become a monk or a priest to live a life of singleness.
In the modern world, an individual can decide to devote oneself to a cause or a community that one is passionate about to better the world and society as a whole. (Secure Single plans to write future articles presenting different views on how best to live the single life since there are more than one view). Some examples could be for a single person to volunteer one’s time to help the poor, to volunteer one’s time to a variety of causes from civil rights movements to helping communities get clean water, or to devote one’s life to business or politics as ways for an individual to give back to society and the common good. An individual’s particular worldview will inform the ways that one will decide to contribute to one’s particular society and to the common good in the society in which one lives. Once an individual has found the cause or community that one is passionate about, one needs to seek to spend a majority of one’s time to that cause. In this day and age, that can be physically going to a place or helping out by getting the word out about an issue in the variety of mediums available today that the Internet provides that are accessible to most people around the world. Time and commitment to a cause or community is the key, along with passion for the subject matter to living a life of singleness.
The reason why a single person may decide wants to give oneself to more than just one’s daily routine is if an individual believes there is a greater and common good that one should contribute to as a person. This would entail that this particular individual holds to the classical view of arête that there is a proper function of a thing. Arete simply means that there is a proper function for how to use a thing, for instance the purpose of scissors are to cut, and similarly this would means that humans have a proper function as well as human nature. The classical ideal of vocations recognized marriage, priesthood, or giving oneself to religious life and for singles who choose to follows this classical understanding the single life of singleness naturally follows from the classical conception of arête.
The classical world and classical philosophy was very concerned with how one ought to live. The modern world and modern philosophy was not concerned with that question but with simply how to live life. Remember, eros for Plato did not mean romantic love, but rather, it was the goal to seek and to understand through reason all that True, Beautiful and Good and than to live life after attaining the knowledge of the higher forms. This is because this Eros is more than just romantic love, eros is devoting oneself to a higher ideal. It is according to this classical view that a single person should use one’s skills to help a community, cause, or issue that one is passionate about in life. Singles who choose a life of singleness should commit oneself to the classical understanding of eros by devoting themselves to a cause above oneself.