There are many reasons why people are single. Some love being single. Some really just want to be in a relationship. For singles who desire a relationship; but who are currently single, they are single by circumstance. There is nothing wrong with being single and those are single by circumstance should wait until the right person comes along to date again.
Being single is often portrayed as being sad and lonely by the media and society. The single life’s values include independence and flexibility. Those who are single by circumstance can use the single life as a time of personal self-discovery, to learn more about themselves, and to prepare themselves for a future partner. While you are single, learn to take care of yourself and how to do basic home essentials from shopping to cleaning the house. This and other basic life skills that will better prepare you to assist your partner with household chores.
Those who are single by circumstance should take the opportunity of being single to learn more about themselves and go on life journey of self-discovery. The journey of self-discovery will allow singles to learn more about their likes, dislikes, and their life values. After you know what those you, you can determine if you are ready and find a compatible partner and want to no longer be single. This journey of self-discovery will help single prepare to find a compatible partner and they will know more about who they are as a person and mature in preparation for a potential life partner. Embrace your time as a single and prepare yourself for the one. Ultimately “the one” does not exist.
Soulmates are a myth. There are no soulmates. It is best to invest in yourself. If you choose to eventually date and marry, recognize that there is no perfect partner or spouse. “The one” is an illusion.
The single life provides flexibility and freedom. Singles can travel and explore the world while they are single by circumstance. Singles can also save, invest, and develop their professional skills to be able to provide for a partner and possibly a family. The single life is a great time to gain confidence and to build social skills so that you can talk and read nonverbal signals well from potential partners at social events. For those who are single by circumstance, take the opportunity and single life values to grow and mature in preparation for dating and finding a partner.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with being single and singles should not feel pressure to jump back into the dating scene. Those who are single by circumstance should be patient, focus on their career, and develop themselves and enter the dating scene only when they are ready and able to commit to a potential partner. Until that time comes, singles should enjoy the single life and not view being single as a negative life experience. Being single has plenty to offer and those who are single by circumstance can take advantage of all that the single life offers while single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Too often people rush to get married. When pressured by society, we often find the first person we can get our hands on to marry. This is a recipe for disaster, not to mention that rushing can cause you to attract the wrong partner. Here are the six main reasons why singles often regret getting married and why singles should stop believing that they need a partner to be happy.
The sages tell us that if we go about our lives, then ‘someone’ will come to us and be Mr. or Mrs. Right. I’ve seen it happen for some people, but I have also seen it happen where others attract someone who is completely uncomplimentary to them. The need to find Mr. or Mrs. Right is also reinforced to us by society’s belief in the soul mate myth.
Here are six of the top reasons people regret getting married:
The desire to hook up with other people
Some people just settle, without sowing their wild oats, and this can be a disaster. Suppressed urges eventually come out, and sometimes in the worst way. Save yourself and your partner the trouble of heartbreak, and just go experience life before you become committed. You can always enjoy life once you get into a serious relationship, but take care of your bucket list items first.
The person they married is not who they thought they were
Sometimes when people are trying their best to attract a partner, they put on masks and are not their true authentic selves. Once the partner is attained, the person reverts back to the original person they once were. This Can be traumatic for the one they married because they married you for who they thought you were. That person turned out to be a lie.
Having Children Too Soon
Once you’ve popped them out, there is really no going back. If you’re not already on a solid foundation, having children can add salt to the wound. Yes children are beautiful, but when you’re not solid in your relationship, it an be the solution to tear you and your partner apart. Most people buckle under pressure.
Not Having as Much Sex as You Thought You Would
People Get married and like the idea of sex with one partner who is safe, but sometimes when you get married you have less sex. When your needs aren’t met, you will seek them elsewhere. That is the essence and foundation of cheating.
Feeling Unappreciated
A simple act of kindness or ‘thank you’ goes a long way. You or your partner may not feel appreciated, or they may feel like you’ve taken advantage of them, or they take advantage of you. Behavior like this is cause for abandonment.
Not Having Clear Intentions
When you don’t know the motives of the other side, and every person has a motive for something, then communication down the road can be problematic. When you are upfront and honest, you can help set the tone for an open and safe environment for the other person to be open and honest.
Basically, if you follow a few simple rules you should be set when it comes to staying securely single, or avoiding heartbreak trauma while in a committed relationship. Don’t get married if you are not 100% sure it is what you want regardless of what society tells us. Wait until you feel ready. Be clear on your intentions, open, and honest. Make sure to experience your single life to the fullest extent, and have fun, because when you don’t get married, you now share your life and make decisions with another person’s consideration.
Stay safe, stay happily single, and enjoy life. Love is a battlefield, so don’t commit to anything you’re not comfortable with – especially a commitment like marriage. Good luck out there!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Modern society and dating websites adore the concept of the soul mate theory. It allows for easy promotion and marketing while responding to clients concerns for matchmakers when someone does not find a suitable date. Hollywood and television love the soul mates too because it an easy story. The usual soul mate story in media is an easy formula: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, girl/boy gets separated, and but despite inevitable odds they both end up successfully getting together! Despite society’s fascination with the soul mate theory, what is the origin of this popular theory that enthralls individuals, the media, and society? The Soul Mate theory can be traced to Plato’s Symposium where he philosophizes about love and his friend Aristophanes. It is Aristophanes who presents the Soul Mate theory as an origin story for the human race and who is responsible for this theory that now plagues society.
Aristophanes’ Soul Mate theory goes like this. There were three different types of round beings. One type was male connected to male. The second type was female connected to female. The third was androgynous with a male connected to a female. This round creature had to roll around like a ball in order to move around and across the Earth. One day, as is common in classical mythology, these round creatures decided to attack Zeus up on Mount Olympus. They lost. Zeus cursed them initially by splitting them in half. This created a problem for these creatures. The problem was that their split halves desired connection and sought their original missing half in order to become whole again. But the secondary problem was that they could not truly connect with their other half the first time because their sexual organs were on the back of their bodies. Zeus with all his mercy, or really just desiring more worship, was kind to the creatures that would become the human race and made the placement of mankind’s sexual organs in order that they may have pleasure, procreate, and produce more children who would worship Zeus. He also gave humans a torso, a belly button, and nipples. (This story also answers the question of why both sexes of human have nipples.) Since the human race could now reproduce after finding there other half, Zeus would ultimately receive more worship as the human race multiplied on earth Zeus was satisfied.
If the Soul Mate theory is the foundation of romantic relationships and the romantic ideal of love, then it would make more sense to remain single. Remaining single is the better option statistically, if this myth were true. Secure Single is more concerned with the practical application of this theory for couples and singles in society, but for those mathematically inclined who still want to hold on to idea of the “the one” you can read this article by BrainPickings to learn that the odds are never and cannot work in your favor with this theory. Additionally, in Aristophanes’ story the other half would eventually die after wondering aimlessly around the world if it was unable to find “the one” part that completed the original whole. Despite the fact that it would die if unable to find “the one”, the better option and use of time would be to enjoy life, succeed in what the one half thinks is valuable in life, and just enjoy the single life rather than spending one’s entire life seeking the lost half from Zeus’ curse upon humanity.
The single life provides different social and life benefits than does being in a romantic relationship or seeking “the one” in life. The single life gives an individual freedom to go and act as one pleases in life without an attached other person. This allows an individual to move around, without having to worry about a missing half and travel freely from location to location without having to be worried about the concerns or input from the other half. Finally, it also allows for an individual to spend time how one wants rather than having to go out to bars, restaurants, speed dating events, and join an online dating website in order to increase a person’s utterly hopeless odds in finding, meeting, and falling in love with “the one.”
The next time you are watching a movie, shows, or reading a book where two star struck and star crossed lovers miraculously end up together, you can thank Plato’s friend Aristophanes’ for his story from the Symposium. Since finding love in life is the focus of the story and finding one’s soul mate ultimately completes a person according to society, the option of being single should presented equally in society and in the media. Regardless, the soul mate origin story is entertaining and preposterous. Secure Single is pretty sure that there are enough couples in society that the human race will continue without any problems and single people can contribute to society in their own ways without having to worry about angering Zeus.