Singles get a hard time for not being married. This is surprising since singles now outnumber those who are married. But popular culture and people like to make someone who is single feel bad for not dating and pressure them to date so that they can “fit in” and be “normal.” This needs to stop. There is nothing wrong with being single and singles need to firmly respond that they are not interested when they are pressured to date.
When someone encourages a friend to date, they never stop to consider the positive attributes of being single. The single life provides autonomy and flexibility. The dating and married life offers dependence and constraint. Staying single will allow you to better grow and develop into the person that you want to be. In contrast, when you date and get married it has been found that people become more insular and become more what their partner wants them to be. These options are both good in their own way, but the single life ultimately offers more independence and chances to grow as a person compared to being in a relationship.
Time is a valuable resource. When you are in a relationship, a lot of that time will go to the person you are dating. While you are single, that same time could be spent studying, working to move up at work, starting your own business, travel, and trying new restaurants in your city. Personal development and growth is essential to life, and the single life is the best opportunity to flourish as an individual. Ground and prepare yourself so that you can become financially free by paying off any debt that you may have and work to become the best version of yourself. Time is required to do both of those things. After you can sustain yourself, pay off any debt that you may have, and know yourself, you decide if you love being single or want to date. Regardless, you will be at a better place in life to make that decision than if you had just jumped into a relationship. The single life made you into the person that you are now. It is now your choice if you want to get set up by your friends who keep bugging you to date and get hitched or continue to live the single life.
If you are not interested in dating, then you need to respond first with a few questions and change the focus off of you to the person who is questioning your decision. A great first response that gets to the point is to ask them, “why haven’t your broken up yet” or “why aren’t you divorced yet?” This normally stuns people. If they continue, talk to them about the positive sides to being single that are rarely discussed, such as that the single life offers autonomy, flexibility, security and diversity. Describe to them why you enjoy the freedom of not being tied down to someone and the flexibility that it gives to your life. You can explain that you are secure in your singlehood, that there are different types of singles, and that singles now outnumber those who are married. At the end of your conversation, you can ask, do you think I should jump into a relationship with what you know now about singles?
There are many different types of singles. Some may want a relationship. Some may be taking a break from relationships. Some are not interested in relationships. Some have discovered that they can be their most authentic selves by being single. Some have decided to remain single to commit themselves to something larger than themselves. Regardless of why you are currently singles, you should not be pressured to enter a relationship if you want don’t want to. It is time for singles to stand up against the assumed obligation to always be in a relationship and to proclaim that they are content and satisfied being single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?
Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.
You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.
On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on telegraph.co.uk describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children.
People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.
When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret.
Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
More people today are deciding that they want to delay getting married, but there are some people who are not at all interested in dating or getting married. These singles often identify as single by choice. That means that they are comfortable being single and that they live their best life as a single individual. They do not have an urge to date to fit in to what society expects people to do. These singles are comfortable with their choice to remain single throughout their lifetime. However, since single by choice goes against what popular culture and society tells single people what they should want out of life, they are often considered to be sad individuals. Singles who have made the choice that they are comfortable remaining single recognize that there are other types of relationships. They are perfectly fine not having to walk down the aisle to get hitched. Single by choice is a viable lifestyle for people since it depends upon the decisions and preferences of each individual.
There are many different paths that people decide to walk that affects the direction of life. Life offers options. People make decisions. Those decisions influence who people become. While it is impossible to know what those important choices and decisions are for individuals, it is harmful to assume to anyone who is single by choice is sad. There is more to life than romantic relationships. Singles are a growing population and singles are known to volunteer more compared to those who are married. These singles may decide to spend their time to assist their parents as they prepare to retire and need their help later in life. These singles may decide to pursue their career and become the best professional in their field. That may lead them to decide to start their own company once they find a niche that needs to be filled to provide a product or service that people need. Many more examples could be given, but these show that there are other ways to find fulfillment in life that does not require a partner. These singles are not sad. On the contrary, they are happy with the decision that they made to remain single.
Society likes to frame decisions of individuals in black or white. This is called the false dilemma logical fallacy. Society, following that fallacy, pushes that everyone needs to date and marry their soulmate. By dating and getting married individuals are then deemed as good people. However, if someone decides that they do not want to date or get married than they are viewed as outcasts of society. Is this not problematic in a modern society that claims to be tolerant? The simpler solution is to recognize that an individual can make their own choices. In fact, an individual will make the best decision for themselves and they do not need society or an expert to help them with their choices. Since everyone is born single, everyone can decide their own future and to decide for themselves what they want it to be and who they want to be in it. This is ultimately a lifestyle choice that is dependent upon each single individual. It is time for society to truly start to respect the choices of all singles.
Single by choice is a lifestyle decision. These singles often value autonomy and flexibility most of all and they realize those qualities would be lost by getting married. These singles may also enjoy travelling alone and realize that they would face the same problem if they were married. Ultimately, it is most important to recognize that those who are single by choice are not heartbroken people. They are happy with their decision to remain single and are untroubled by the pressure that society places on them to get married. It is time for both society and people to stop falling for the false dilemma fallacy when it comes to singles not being in a relationship or not wanting to date at all. It is time for popular culture to stop telling people that they must get married because relationship experts believe it’s the most important life choice that someone can make. It is time for all singles make the decision themselves about if they really want to be in a relationship or if they are perfectly fine with being single. If the answer is in the affirmative about enjoying all that the single life offers, than those singles are single by choice.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Our lives are composed of the choices we make, and the choices we intend to make. Each decision carefully crafts our futures in a way that could drastically impact how we interact with people, the careers we choose, the amount of income we take in, how healthy we are, and our levels of happiness. The quality of choices we make determines the quality of our lives. Some may call it the Butterfly Effect.
Two of the biggest choices people make are their choices in a career and their choices in a partner. Your career should always come first, as it is the way you provide for yourself, your family, and your country. To put food on the table, and to turn your lights on at home are critical. In fact, your sense of security is one of the most pressing needs you have to fulfill. After your needs are met to provide for yourself, then you have the option to choose a partner.
Many millennials are striving to find a sense of security through finding a meaningful career. The millennial generation is also attempting to pay off student loans. These two focuses are essential to lead a fulfilling life. We are all assured we will find just what we are looking for, but what do we do when it comes to love? Finding a meaningful relationship with someone who is compatible with us, and will help up become a better person is a huge need. To love, and give love in return is one of the greatest gifts in life. A soul mate, or our other half, is something many people are looking for even beyond their 20s and 30s.
Who you choose as a partner is critical. They can either make you or break you, as Napoleon Hill once noted in his book Think and Grow Rich.
From the logistical side, it would make sense to have your life together before you have a lifelong, loving partner in your life. You will need to pursue your passions first to feel a sense of profound accomplishment and self-fulfillment before you fall in love. But what happens if you meet someone along the way? Is it possible to balance both love and career? It depends on who you are as a person, and what your priorities are.
You should want to be as complete as you can before letting a partner join you along your journey. But if it happens to be that love happens, you should share a mutual understanding of support in each other’s career paths.
How you weather the storm will reveal to yourself just what you are made of. Some millennials can balance this, while others are either on one side or the other.
As a rule of thumb, you should have your education and career in forwarding progression first. The reason for having your life in order before you choose your partner will make for a smoother sail when you partner up. One thing is for certain, there is nothing wrong with being single and finding yourself. There is also nothing wrong with having a partner who loves and supports you in your journey.
I believe so many people are in search of love for the wrong reason, and we select what is fast, convenient, and in the end a genuinely bad match.
Take your time when choosing a partner, and keep focused on your goals no matter what. The right person will come along when you least expect. If your partner is a quality person, they will respect you for staying true to who you are and not compromising your dreams. They may have the same mindset as you. You want someone to complement you. When you have your career and goals aligned with yourself and can fully provide and support yourself, you will have someone to enjoy your time with.
Get your life in order first, choose your career. When you are independent, fulfilled, and happy, you will attract the right person. Good luck out there Secure Singles! Love is a battlefield!
Securely Single,
Danielle E. Brockman
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Men are not receiving enough physical touch in their lives. This has left men unsure of when physical touch is appropriate in a platonic friendship environment. For single men, physical touch is especially important because it has been found to include health benefits. There are many reasons why men are afraid to touch each other, especially in public. Single men should not be afraid to touch their friends or to bring it up as an appropriate way for men to show affection to one another when they are together.
The main reason is that society has sexualized physical to a touch to where it is now weird for two people –especially two men—to touch each other as friends. If it is not the problem of the sexualization of touch by popular culture, then it is that men are believed to be untrustworthy and only want sex. This is further perpetuated by the belief that men only want sex and have low animalistic desires. These three thoughts when combined make it nearly impossible for men to display physical signs of friendship in public or in private places among friends. However, this lack of physical touch for men leads to some widely unrecognized problems.
It has been found that a lack of touch creates insecurities in men, whether single or not, when someone touches them. This leads to emotional and physical isolation. It does not matter if the person is a man or a woman. Additionally, it makes men distrust themselves when they try to touch someone as an act of platonic love, called philia. It is not acceptable for men to touch each other in a philia sense. If men do it, society will automatically label it as an act of a suppressed sexual desire that needs to come out to the world. In contrast, it is culturally permissible for women to touch each other by holding hands and hugging each other without immediately labeling their sexual orientation. Why this societal disconnect and contradiction when it comes to men and physical touch? Why should it only be socially acceptable for women to receive the health benefits of being touched in a platonic manner?
It has been found that there are many health benefits that human touch provides and men should participate in physical touch without being judged. Research has found that platonic touch has a correlation to less violence, increased trust, compassion and sympathy, stronger immune system, better team dynamics, increased learning ability, and improves the well-being of an individual. It has also been found that touch increases oxytocin, drops cortisol, and triggers dopamine. The finding of this research is not surprising because people are by nature social animals and touch is a form of non-verbal communication. Touch can signify love. Touch can signify approval and confirmation. There are many health and cognitive reasons why touch is a healthy and more men should use friendship forms of touch.
There is no reason why men cannot touch each other as friends. Touch is important for single men to use to form bonds because it has health benefits and the social act can help to decrease loneliness, which has been found to cause death. All the single men, do not fear giving your male friends a hug or a pat on the back as a sign of affection.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single People And Sex: Here’s What You Need To Know
Safe Sex
There used to be a lot of stigma about having sex outside of marriage, or at least having sex outside of a committed relationship. Fast forward to today, the majority of our traditional values are thrown out the window. Why do we have so much sex? Because it’s fun. But we still get judged for it, and because of that those of us that are having sex don’t talk about it. Many issues get swept under the carpet because sex is a very private and intimate act. Though, if you’re not having a lot of sex you should not be pressured to do so.
If you’re reading this right now, you’ve probably already been through Sex Ed – if not, click on this link asap.
If you are single and having casual sex with people, you need to use caution and protect yourself. Seriously, your body is truly a temple and you should take care of it. Here are some quick tips:
Use Birth Control
There are a lot of forms of birth control. Condoms being the most common. It’s awkward for a woman to pull out a condom, so men, please bring condoms with you on all your dates. For casual sex with random people, ALWAYS use a condom. You don’t want to get home from Cabo and have the itch. For women, get an IUD, or take birth control regularly. Most singles want to mingle – don’t tie up your resources and end up a single parent likely to have a fatherless or motherless child. Protect your future and be safe. Don’t have kids unless you really want them and are absolutely ready.
Get Checked for STDs
This should be pretty common knowledge. If you haven’t been checked in a while, head down to the local clinic or gynecologist to be safe. You don’t want to be spreading STD’s if you’ve got something, that would just make you a terrible human. If you’ve got something, take medicine and get that s*** taken care of. #Adulting
Check Your Mental Health
Sex is a very intimate act, and if you’ve had some bad experiences then you need to journal about it and seek professional advice. Having sex should be a joyful part of being human. Though when you are single and having a lot of casual sex, you can feel used. Make sure when you have sex you feel safe with the other person.
Benefits of Having Sex
Studies show that having sex more regularly improves your mood. A recent issue of Social Indicators Research produced an article by sociologist Tim Wadsworth stating that sex is a little like income, the more of it people have, the happier they tend to be. Wadsworth also found that people who have more sex tend to be happier.
Though don’t worry if you’re not having sex, masturbating is also an option. According to Women’s Health, studies shown there are many physical and mental positives to masturbating. The act lowers stress and anxiety and also improves self-esteem and one’s body image.
The truth is everyone has a different sex life story. Some people have a lot of sex while other people have little to no sex. Don’t feel you aren’t up to par or compare yourself with others. The best thing to do is go at your own pace and feel comfortable with yourself when having (or not having) sex. For information on the sex lives of other people, check out these slides.
Now that you’re armed with knowledge, go have safe sex!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Couples who are dating and decide to break up are not the only people who have to make the decision to end a relationship. For singles; being a good friend, having friends, and having an active social circle is important since humans are intrinsically social creatures and should limit how much they are alone. Social interaction helps prevent loneliness that has been found to be a cause of death. However, friendships naturally change as you evolve as a person and life happens. For this reason, friendships either naturally end or a stronger approach may be necessary to break up with a friend who is toxic. Here are the three main ways to end a friendship when you are no longer getting along or the friendship has finally run its course.
Fade to Black
Fading to black was a technique used during filming to slowly fade out the light of the camera to naturally conclude a scene. In a similar way, some friendships will slowly fade. Decrease the amount of contact you have with a person over a length of time until you no longer talk to them. For example, if you talk four times a week take it down to twice a week and continue to diminish your interaction with the person.
Tell Them How You Feel
You have decided that you want to break up with a friend and now you need to tell them exactly how you feel about your friendship. Meet them at a coffee shop or call them to let them know that you want to break up with them as friends. Let them know and be honest. Be sure to let them know that they are not the problem, but the issue is how the two of you interact as friends. It is up to you about how detailed you want to be, but you can be general and let them off gently to make a clean break. After you successfully broke up with your friend, do not gossip or tell mutual friends about anything that they may have revealed to you about themselves while you were friends. The goal here is make a clean break from your friend, not disrespect or eradicate your friendship.
Take a Creative Approach
If you don’t think either of the first two options won’t work or you just don’t like the methods, come up with your own way to end your friendships. Some examples of this approach could be to start to act like the people that your friend despises, invite them to places that they hate, or go to events and do activities that annoys your friend. You know your friend best. Customize it for best results. If successful, your friend will quit you and end your friendship themselves.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
In an earlier article I explained Five Ways to be a Great Friend; however, following the Dubar Principle, you can only have five best friends and up to fifty good friends following this social principle. Anyone beyond those fifty good friends becomes varying degrees of acquaintance. Friendship is fluid and for this reason your social circles of friends will continue to change throughout your life, despite remaining “Friends” with old friends and acquaintances on social media. Given that friendship is always fluctuating, there will come a time where you may need to end some friendships. That can be done directly, but will most commonly be done indirectly as each people go their separate ways in life and lose touch with each other. Here are seven signs that your friendship is ending.
One-Sided Conversations
This is where you contact a friend over through a phone call, text, or social media and initiate the conversation. Once you do this a few times and look through your messages, you will probably see a pattern that you were the one asking the questions or asking to catch up and the friend gave a short response to be polite. However, they only gave surface answers to questions that you asked where they could have gone deeper. Eventually, you start to send messages that receive no response and there is only silence. This is the process and devolution of the one-sided conversation when it comes to friendships that are ending.
No Longer A Priority in Their Life
Signs that you can recognize when you are no longer a priority in someone’s life is when you ask to set up a time to talk to catch up. Initially, they tell you that they are interested but that they are busy—insert life circumstance– so that they are unable to make a time to talk. This may be true, or they are slowly pushing you away since you are no longer a priority in their life. If you ask one or two more times after a period of time has passed and receive the same response, or no response, then take it as a signal that they are no longer interested in maintaining a real friendship with you.
Social Media Updates
If all your updates are from what they publish on their social media feed instead of over the phone, video call, or messaging to get real life updates, you are only receiving the fabricated version of their life instead of their actual life. All your news about their life is from social media instead of from them personally.
There is Nothing to Discuss When You Try to Talk
The bond that both of you once shared is now fading and may even be gone. After you have talked about what they are immediately doing with their life, you both are unable to go deeper. In fact, it is difficult to keep a conversation going even if you try your best.
Lost Trust
The consequence of the above signs are that a friendship is dying such as one-sided conversations and that the other person is no longer a priority results in lost trust. They have hurt you by telling you that they want to catch up. They never do. This hurts you and damages whatever trust the friendship may have had left to salvage that could have grown if the issues were fixed. However, those problems or discussions that you hoped to have, never happened and you only separated and lost confidence in your friend.
Using Each Other Instead of Deepening Your Friendship
They only contact you if they are in your city or want your help with something. They no longer want a relationship with you as a friend. They merely want your assistance with something that will help them while taking time away from your life.
What Do They Bring to Your Life?
The question that you should ask about all your friendships is, what do they bring to your life? If the answer is negative or does not help you in the direction of your life goals, it may be time for you to consider ending some of your friendships.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
5 Satisfying Situations Why Being Single Is So Liberating
People often have the perception that the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence. The truth is all about how one views their current circumstances. Single people versus those in a relationship often desire to be in each others’ place. Contrary to what society tells us to do, get married and buy a house on the hill, there are actually a lot of positive things about being single, including a lot of freedoms you might not otherwise have if you were to be in a serial relationship.
1. You don’t have to be home at a certain time
If you are an adult and have dated someone in the past where you shared a deep and bonding relationship with someone, you know that you always have the other person’s best interests’ in mind (you definitely should if not, get the heck out of there). Yes it’s nice to be dependable, and have someone to depend upon, but being dependable is a big responsibility. If you don’t want to be there for the other person, you need to understand why. If you’re a single adult, all variables set aside, then you really don’t have anyone who needs to depend on you. You can go out with your friends, and stay out as late as you like. No one has set a curfew for you, and you are a completely free agent. As they say in some part of the world, ‘You do you.’
2. You can have opposite sex friends without having anyone getting jealous
When you’re dating another person, and you are pretty serious in the relationship, inevitably you or your significant other will be jealous at one point or another. This happens when you or your partner receives attention from another, and there is sexual tension (mild or not). If you have dated enough people, and are through with dealing with jealous partners, or you can’t seem to handle yourself, take a moment for yourself to be single in your current walk of life, and evaluate your values. Sometimes those deep feelings are rooted from childhood abandonment feelings. We’re all messed up in some way or another, right? Breathe in, then breathe out. Relax.
3. You have the ability to take off and work wherever you like
Many people who are in relationships may have a house, children, and a significant other. With all of the responsibilities, an individual may have, taking off and leaving to do work in a foreign country may be difficult. When you are single, you have a lot more freedom. If you’re a twentysomething, you are also probably renting. Without all of the responsibilities you would have with rearing a family and being in a serial relationship, the movement may be a bit difficult. Take a moment, if you’re single, to appreciate the freedom you have right here and now. Be fully present, and love your life for all the freedom you have. Could it get any sweeter?
4. The only person you need to please is you.
It may be nice to spoil another, charm them, and treat them well. However, when you are single you can direct all of that attention towards improving the person you are. You can take yourself to the spa, eat greasy Chinese takeout, and even get a front row ticket to a concert with friends. A lot of time and energy goes into building the other person up and letting them know you love and care for them. When you’re single, you have the opportunity to adapt yourself into the best version of yourself before you get in a relationship. It’s all about perspective. Time and money are variables you either invest or squander. Make the investment today to be the best you can.5. You have a thriving social life.
If you are single, go and plan a happy hour with your friends right now. Being in a relationship over a long period of time can morph your social life to a circle of you and your significant other. Grow your circle of friends. Take time to be friends with as many different circles as you can. You will become more social, open minded, and inevitably, more cultured according to Bella DePaulo who studies singles.
5. You can invest in yourself.
You are your own best investment. You are responsible for your success. You are responsible for reaching your goals. You must learn about yourself in order to achieve your full potential. No one is responsible for you, except for you! Once you begin to accept self-responsibility and practice self-discipline you can become the best version of yourself! Start to focus on yourself and become the person you have always wanted to be! No significant other is needed!
There you have it singles, no better time now than to mingle. Keep your independence, and be happy in life. The grass really can be greener on your side if you take the time to water it. Stride on with confidence and make the most of your singleness through building up your friendships, taking off and traveling for work, and experiencing all life has to offer.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The news focuses on why women are single and then usually provides reasons to help women find a date. That is the story the media and popular culture sends to women, but society often sends a different message to single men. Single women have remained society’s focus until a recent Reddit user asked men why they are single. There are many reasons men are single or may choose to be single instead of seeking a relationship. Here are just a few reasons the single men said in response to that user’s question in the thread. Here are four reasons why men are single.
Four Reasons Why Men Are Single
Single, But Want to Date
For men that are single but would like to date, there are some common reasons why these men are still single. The first most discussed reason is often repeated on dating and relationship websites, single men don’t put themselves out there. But why don’t they do this? They may be too busy with work or life, they have difficulty reading body language (this is more common than you may think), have high standards, don’t go out enough, don’t go out enough to meet women, and single men may view themselves as not being financially viable to make a woman interested in them. Those are a few of the reasons why men who are single but want to date are still single.
Sick of Relationships And/Or Women
There are some other men out there who are single because they have had many terrible relationships with women or just plainly despise women. These single men may not be interested in a relationship because their parents were married and divorced multiple times. Their background and experience growing up and seeing their parents go through serial divorces does not make them interested in pursuing or finding someone to date.
There are other single men who just hate women. This could be because they do not get how women operate emotionally, think, communicate (verbally and nonverbally), or have given up on interacting with women altogether. This could be temporary or permanent for single men that have sworn off women. Some men may not enjoy talking to or hanging out with women, but they may still want to hook up with women when they are able since they still appreciate the physical beauty of women and sexual pleasure.
Career and Goal Oriented
Single men may also be career oriented and, for this reason, delay or put off getting married. The average age for single Millennial men to get married is 29. These men want to get a secure job, start their own business, or achieve financial independence and personal success before looking to date someone. However, some single people may have no interest in dating or getting married and may view working hard and being financially independent as a life goal instead of getting hitched. These single men may also have other personal goals, such as traveling, being involved in their community, supporting a cause they believe in, or wanting to live well in a certain area of the country, so they are willing to give up on being involved with a person for momentarily or for their entire life.
Single By Choice
There is another group of single men who have completely no interest in getting married. These single men enjoy what the single life offers them. Single men by choice, also do not view relationships as the end all and be all of life, which is contrary to what society tells singles. As singles by choice, these single men don’t mind being single and don’t feel they need to be in a relationship with another person. These single may be have decided to remain single by choice for personal, health, or religious, or they may identify as single. Ultimately, the cause of why single men choose to be single will be highly personal or may come down to identity.
Summary
There may be variations and particulars that go beyond the scope of this article for why men and women are single. Secure Single wants to explore those reasons more to help all single men and women. Are you a single man? We would enjoy hearing the range of reasons why men may choose to be single or want to be single for a time before wanting to date and get married.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!