Everyone has had difficulty forming and keeping good relationships alive, there are friendships that you may have silently or explicitly ended. There are many people out there who struggle with mental health when it comes to connecting with others. At a very young age, someone may have hurt you and made it not okay to be yourself. Adults you work with and converse with suffer from these issues. Here’s how you can turn it around if you have suffered connecting with yourself and others. You can build and keep healthy relationships!
Get To The Root
Whatever happened, you should meditate and think deeply on what caused you to turn in and away from yourself and others. Emotional scars cannot be easily seen, and make it difficult for others to understand us. Buy a journal, and seek counsel from a professional therapist or free support group, and you can begin to uncover the real you. This hidden real you will be unafraid of meaningful connection and long lasting friendships.
Take Baby Steps
It can be frightening to open up thought if you are used to being closed off. You may have heard or encountered people who are mean, closed off, and shut off. These are the people who need human connection the most, and are starved for it. You will need to see if the above resonates with you, and if so, it is time to make positive changes in your life to live a better way. Positive changes in your life will make it easier for others to deal with you, a good characteristic in your personal and professional life. Each person in your life you meet is a reflection of yourself, so when you begin to make meaningful friendships you know that you are headed on the right path.
Let Go
Many people hold onto thoughts, patterns, and habits that do not serve them well in the long term This makes them bitter and unable to forgive others who wronged them in the past. Bad habits can be a defense mechanism people use to protect themselves from being hurt. I noticed this in myself, as I have become recently aware that I am a relationship saboteur and push people away when they get too close. I have began to meditate on what caused me to be this way, and have started to let go of a lot of junk thoughts that no longer serve me. I have a long road to go, but have found I am becoming a happier person though this journey of self discovery. Let old hurt and resentments go, you will begin to feel so much more free, and you will begin to be a happier person.
Human Connection
People are waiting to connect, this is because man is by nature a social animal. There are many friendships awaiting you to enjoy! You’ve got to love yourself, and have a love deep enough to care about fixing yourself. To play a part in this magical place we call the world, you’ve got to learn to connect with others.
Being single can be hard enough, so learn the skills that will allow you to connect with others in order to be a sociable and happy person. Great social skills lead to building great relationships with friends. They do say, after all, that friendships are the wine of life and make your life experience a more enjoyable way to live. If you are not feeling fulfilled on some level, you need to develop the skills that are going to help you be a social guru. Connection is essential, and you can do it. Open up and have fun with your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
I admit it. I am a workaholic. It’s my addiction. I’ve been so terrible at relationships so I thought I’d put my energy into building business in this great country. I love what I do and having the opportunity to build a better life by serving people to the best of my ability. Working towards the good life takes all your focus and energy, but it is totally worth it if you value capitalism. Being single allows me to work more hours and prepare myself for a better life and future. This is a principle I think everyone should follow: do today what will prepare you for a better and more fulfilling future. Be a workaholic, and relentlessly go after your goals.
Getting Focused
Sometimes it takes making a lot of stupid mistakes to realize you’ve got to change yourself and the self-sabotaging behaviors you have conducted that no longer serves you. Everything is a choice. When you become aware of yourself and things that you want to change, you can begin to make the shift and change the course of your life. Getting to where you want is all about focusing on what you want. As a friend of mine once said, you have to put your blinders on. There are so many distractions out there today, so being focused can be a key factor in achieving the goals you set out for yourself. You’ve got to put in the work to see the results.
Being Single Helps Me Develop My Career
I am not focused on having a family right now. A family is the farthest thing from my mind. I hope that one day I will meet someone special who really gets me and complements my life, but right now, I really want to get straight with my career and pound the rubber to the road. I want to hit my targets in business, and being a well rounded and savvy woman. Being single allows me more time and freedom to stay up late, drive across town, and take on a second or third job to fund my capital accounts. Being single also allows me the opportunity to travel, move, and be where ever I like. Putting in the time and effort now will greatly increase your chance at a better life in the future. Get focused on your career, because hitting goals and targets that you aspire to will make you happy, tying your happiness to a person will not.
How Can You Still Get Love
I’m all about the hustle, and proud to be a workaholic. You still will need love though, because those shiny black cars can’t love you back. Here’s how you can still be a workaholic and get love. Take your planner and schedule time throughout the week to spend meaningful time with the people who love and care about you. Show some love to your family, your friends, and your community. The more you give, the more you get. Feeling loved is one of the best feelings in the world, and can stabilize your mood and enhance your mental health. Dating is just out of the question, and so are friends with benefits. The reason why is that, for me, I’ve seemed to screw up every relationship by putting up walls and running away because I am fearful of intimacy. Meaningless hookups make you feel empty inside, and initially hurt your self-worth and confidence. When you are established as a Secure Single, you may then have the chance to be whole and complete with another person who is also whole and complete. In the meanwhile, find love and give love to your family, friends, and community. Most will understand your workaholic way, and most lovers won’t.
History
For all the single women out there, now is the time. We have more economic opportunity and power now thanks to the women who came before us. Make an impact, and go for the gold. Work hard to get what you want and accept nothing less than your best. Develop the life you want through building a career that will empower you and inspire you. You can have it all, it takes work. Develop the made of a workaholic, and be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. We have so much opportunity today to make an impact thanks to the work our sisters did throughout history. There is opportunity everywhere for single women to reach their full potential. When you have time, thank a woman in power who has lead the way for you. You can have it all!
Serve to Survive
I confess that being a workaholic makes my life pretty busy and intense, but it provides me with more opportunities that I ever dreamt of, and we’re just getting started. I believe that because I am single I have more time to do what I want, when I want, and where I want. Being single will allow you more time to focus on developing your career. Go for the gold, and work your butt off. You are worth it to make the most of yourself. Ask not what the world can do for you but what you can do for the world. Become a workaholic and make the best of your world. Create the life you love.
Securely a single workaholic,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Just got dumped? Here’s how to deal. You’re probably on an emotional roller-coaster, depending on your situation. If your partner left you, you’re feeling contempt, grief, depression, anger, and probably a mix of other bad feelings.
You need to know that you do need time to grief, so you can fully get over him/her. Allow yourself the time to process what just happened. Know that it probably would not have worked out long term if they had the courage to break it off. At all times, make sure to respect yourself, and the person you are. Let the other person go, even if it seems like a really hard task. Let it all go, the ups, downs, the good and the bad. There is no time for you to be surrounded by people who don’t support you, so focus on spending time with people who accept you just as you are. Take this as an opportunity into a fresh start and a new chapter in your life. Work on making good changes in your life that will benefit you.
How do you start to immediately feel better?
There are many ways you can begin to feel better after you’ve been dumped. One thing we might suggest over here at Secure Single is that you should take up a group activity. Your ex, and your friends you had together, are now in your past. It’s good to keep friends, but if it’s too painful to be reminded of someone you used to know, then you’ve got to start building new memories and experiences with new people.
Here’s a quick rundown on how you can feel better: Join a sports team. Do positive affirmations in the morning. Sunbathe and take walks in the sunshine. Hang out with happy people. Hug yourself. Hug a friend. Smile. Work out. Eat healthy. Drink plenty of water. And get lots of sleep.
On to the next?
Know that you may not exactly find someone like your ex, and don’t go looking for it. These are cases for trouble! In order to be fully there for yourself, you can’t go carrying your ‘just dumped’ emotions with you into your next relationship. Falling in love with a new person could take no time at all, or it could take multiple years. In the mid-way, you’ve got to learn to love your single life.
You may also think about ‘getting on top’ of another in order to ‘get over’ your ex. A note of caution, the person you get with most likely won’t understand your emotions or motives, especially right after you’ve been dumped. Make sure you don’t get emotionally f***’ed in the process, but rather make sure you are 100% okay with yourself before you open up your body to another. Treat yourself with kindness, and don’t just let your body be used, or use other people’s bodies. You don’t want to hurt others because you are hurting.
Okay so now what?
You’re going to have to learn to love yourself, even if your ex doesn’t. Truth be told there IS someone out there, and perhaps multiple people, who do love and appreciate you just as you are.
Breath. Relax. You’ve got this and are going to be OK!
Single & Securely yours,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Do you historically have bad partners?
It could be that you keep attracting the same type of person, but a different guy or gal. If you keep dating people and then breaking up because it’s the wrong person, then it’s time to be single for a while. In our 20’s, we change and grow a lot emotionally. The fact that people try to force relationships and make it work speaks to the incessant societal pressures upon us to be in a relationship.
From personal experience, I have attracted people who all seemed to have the same emotional distance and lack of compassion. I was attracting people who were reflections of me. I knew something had to change, and what changed (and is currently in progress), is me.
It’s true that most of us have experienced childhood trauma while growing up. This has long-term effects on a person’s well-being for their emotional and physical health. According to nih.gov, the experiences of traumatic events in childhood have been shown to have long-term consequences for health in adulthood. Childhood trauma stunts emotional growth in our brains.. Don’t worry if you’ve got a cork loose, one in five adults suffer from some sort of mental illness.
What this means is that if you keep attracting the wrong partner, one who doesn’t treat you well or is distant and emotionally unavailable, then it most likely stems from childhood where you are most impressionable and attain your sense of security and well-being. Don’t fret. You can fix who you are attracting by seeking help. Councillors, emotional support groups, and shifting your focus all help you evolve and eventually become a more complete and whole person.
When you build up your self-worth and confidence, you can attract a better partner. I’m not saying you need a person in your life to make you even more whole, just that if you can fix yourself emotionally you can begin to attract better relationships.
As a single person, this can apply to friendships. Adults who have suffered some sort of childhood trauma can be relationship saboteurs, which means you subconsciously push people away and damage relationships. By seeking help, you can become a better person and improve all of your relationships. It all starts with you, first and foremost.
The journey to fixing yourself is sort of like finding your inner wisdom and inner strength. Some people just seem to have it figured out, or at least they act like it very well. Don’t worry if you are not up to speed, life is a journey to be enjoyed while on the road to your destination, so enjoy the dance. Get to know yourself, and fix yourself. You will begin to attract better relationships because they will reflect the relationship you have with yourself.
It is all about what you attract into your life. So if you see yourself attracting the wrong partner, get single and start to repair your self. You have so much power to become a person greater than you are today, and it just takes discipline and effort to make the change. You are responsible, and you can make progress. Begin today to attract better people and relationships in your life. You are worth it!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Too often people rush to get married. When pressured by society, we often find the first person we can get our hands on to marry. This is a recipe for disaster, not to mention that rushing can cause you to attract the wrong partner. Here are the six main reasons why singles often regret getting married and why singles should stop believing that they need a partner to be happy.
The sages tell us that if we go about our lives, then ‘someone’ will come to us and be Mr. or Mrs. Right. I’ve seen it happen for some people, but I have also seen it happen where others attract someone who is completely uncomplimentary to them. The need to find Mr. or Mrs. Right is also reinforced to us by society’s belief in the soul mate myth.
Here are six of the top reasons people regret getting married:
The desire to hook up with other people
Some people just settle, without sowing their wild oats, and this can be a disaster. Suppressed urges eventually come out, and sometimes in the worst way. Save yourself and your partner the trouble of heartbreak, and just go experience life before you become committed. You can always enjoy life once you get into a serious relationship, but take care of your bucket list items first.
The person they married is not who they thought they were
Sometimes when people are trying their best to attract a partner, they put on masks and are not their true authentic selves. Once the partner is attained, the person reverts back to the original person they once were. This Can be traumatic for the one they married because they married you for who they thought you were. That person turned out to be a lie.
Having Children Too Soon
Once you’ve popped them out, there is really no going back. If you’re not already on a solid foundation, having children can add salt to the wound. Yes children are beautiful, but when you’re not solid in your relationship, it an be the solution to tear you and your partner apart. Most people buckle under pressure.
Not Having as Much Sex as You Thought You Would
People Get married and like the idea of sex with one partner who is safe, but sometimes when you get married you have less sex. When your needs aren’t met, you will seek them elsewhere. That is the essence and foundation of cheating.
Feeling Unappreciated
A simple act of kindness or ‘thank you’ goes a long way. You or your partner may not feel appreciated, or they may feel like you’ve taken advantage of them, or they take advantage of you. Behavior like this is cause for abandonment.
Not Having Clear Intentions
When you don’t know the motives of the other side, and every person has a motive for something, then communication down the road can be problematic. When you are upfront and honest, you can help set the tone for an open and safe environment for the other person to be open and honest.
Basically, if you follow a few simple rules you should be set when it comes to staying securely single, or avoiding heartbreak trauma while in a committed relationship. Don’t get married if you are not 100% sure it is what you want regardless of what society tells us. Wait until you feel ready. Be clear on your intentions, open, and honest. Make sure to experience your single life to the fullest extent, and have fun, because when you don’t get married, you now share your life and make decisions with another person’s consideration.
Stay safe, stay happily single, and enjoy life. Love is a battlefield, so don’t commit to anything you’re not comfortable with – especially a commitment like marriage. Good luck out there!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Recently a young woman put herself through 80 first dates to find Mr. Right. You heard it – 80 dates and counting. We’re talking 80 different nights of getting ready, doing hair, makeup, and picking out the right outfit. Combined in total, that’s a lot of effort. When we approach the age of 30, the majority of our friends will statistically be married, have children, and have been divorced at least once (yikes!). Though, data tells us that there is a steady decline of marriage overall.
American society still pressures us to pair up, and if not then people feel sorry for you because you’re single. What the fuck is wrong with our society? There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re single. Personally, I’ve noticed me being single proses people to put me on terrible blind dates, and even ask how promiscuous I am or if I’m getting any – whoa now, that can be pretty personal. Let’s just say I enjoy being single, and all the freedom that comes with it. America is all about freedom, right?
In attempts to fit the norm, people like the woman above desperately scramble to find someone to marry – which can be a cause for disaster. When you force things, it never tends to go well. This woman may want to have a meaningful relationship with someone, but the fact that she went through 80 dates with no avail proves one of two things: she either has really high standards (nothing wrong with that), or the people who go on these dates reek of desperation.
Let’s go back to this – 80 dates. She might feel pressure from family and friends. She might also be called out for being a spinster. If she can’t find someone, then it’s just not the right time. Not saying there is anything wrong with being in a relationship, but one should never feel inclined and desperate enough to go on 80 dates.
I firmly believe there are good men and women out there that are perfectly date-able, but some people just like their independence – like me! Every time I do get into a relationship, I compromise a lot only to realize the men I attract are ‘emotionally unavailable’, complete jerks, or end up being stalkers – which is why I carry my pepper spray on my keys now, thanks Jim!
Looking at the woman who went on 80 dates, I find she is extremely attractive and ambitious. If she cannot find a guy, then she shouldn’t feel desperate. She should enjoy herself, and build a huge bucket list of things she can do to enjoy life to the fullest. This reminds me of a great quote by Mae West:
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Again, I think 80 dates is completely ridiculous. It should never come to that much of a desperate measure, and when it comes to getting into a relationship, desperation is a GREAT repellent to keep you single. So don’t feel that way.
Stay single and be happy – you will enjoy your life a lot more, and will attract good friendships, experience, and feels. You’re life is worth is to be happy – not desperate. To all the hopeful singles out there, Bobby McFerrin puts it this way, ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.’
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It can be difficult being single when your friends, family, and society says you must date or get married. As someone who gets asks if I am seeing or am interested anyone, I understand how it goes. The most important thing you can do is to pursue what you love and point out that out to anyone who asks about you love life. Being single is great and you do not need a significant other. It is perfectly fine to be single and here are five ways to deal with people who pressure you to date.
Let Them Down Softly
Simply be nice. It is important to love family and friends, even though they can difficult to put up with. In this option, explain to whomever it is who is pressuring you to date that you are not interested in dating or have no urge to date. You can also describe how singles now outnumber the married population.
Dating Questions
When people ask you if you are seeing anyone, or if you are interested in anyone, they are implicitly telling you that your value as a person comes from being in a relationship. Single shaming is common in a society that places value on someone for their relationship status. There is more to life than dating or getting married. Let them know this and tell them how you enjoy spending your time instead of being in a relationship.
Relationships Do Not Give You Value as a Person
Society says your value as an individual is given to you by being in a relationship. This idea is false. An individual’s value is the same whether they are single, dating, or married. A person has intrinsic worth as an individual that cannot be taken given or taken away from them by another person. If someone is placing pressure on you to date, and you are not ready to date or you enjoy being single, tell them that you value yourself enough as a person that you don’t need to date.
A Relationship Does Not Complete Someone
Movies, television, and popular culture portray singles in a range of negative ways. Popular culture incorrectly believes that a person need to find another person to become complete. Society falls for the soulmate theory that singles are missing their other half that completes them and until they find that other person singles are incomplete. The soulmate theory hurts singles by placing pressure on them to date and to always be in relationships. This is problematic because singles who want to date may get into an unhealthy relationship to satisfy their friends and family while hurting themselves. Another problem with the soulmate theory and the idea that society pushes for singles to get into a relationship is that some people enjoy being single. The easiest thing to tell someone who is shaming you to be single and to date is to let them know that a relationship does not complete you and that the soulmate theory is a myth.
Some People Enjoy Being Single
The single life is a good life. It offers many benefits that are lost once someone begins to data or get married. There advantages of the single life include security, autonomy, flexibility, and diversity. Singles are secure in who they are and that the single life is worth living. Singles also recognize that the single life offers them autonomy to go and to do as they please without another person restraining them. The single life offers singles the flexibility to travel unrestrained and to live as they want unhindered by another person. There is also a diversity among singles from singles who recently got out of a relationship and who may want to date to singles who have chosen to be single. If you have no interest in relationships, the simplest answer is to tell your friend that you enjoy being single and that you have no interest in getting married. It is that easy.
The next time someone gives you a hard time for being single, tell them these five points and help them realize that the single life is a wonderful life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Happy National Friendship Day! This holiday that is celebrated on different days around the world, but the first Sunday of August is the standard day for the holiday. Friendship is important. Friendships influence who you become. Friendships evolve. Friendships end. Friendship is part of life. In a world that adores romance and couples (Valentine’s Day), it is even more important that singles celebrate National Friendship Day. Friendship is vital to human growth and here are five ways that singles can celebrate National Friendship Day.
Host Friends at Your Place
Hosting is a valuable life skill. Plan an event with your closest friends. Invite them over and provide some snack. You can provide the drinks, or you can ask them to bring their own beverage. Simply create a Facebook event and invite your friends to your event. Be sure to let them know that you appreciate their friendships and want to celebrate being friends on National Friendship Day.
Go Out to Eat
This is one of the simpler options. It will cost more than hosting a simple get together for your friends, but it is easier and you don’t have to deal with cleaning up after your guests. Contact a few of your closest friends and let them know that you want to get together on National Friendship Day to celebrate being friends. Start by providing an few restaurant options and find a time that works with your friends, then just make a reservation at the final restaurant for you and your closest friends.
Get Together for Drinks
Happy hour is always a great time to get together with friends for some drinks. Discounted drinks and food at you and your friends’ favorite bar or restaurant. The problem is most places don’t offer happy hour on Sundays, which is the day of the week of National Friendship Day. Celebrate your friendship by trying someplace new or take it up a level by going to a nicer bar or cocktail lounge instead of the standard sports bar that you may meet your friends at. It’s always five o’clock somewhere and it’s always fun to drink with friends. Enjoy yourselves, toast to your friendship, and remember to be safe.
Never Have I Ever and Two Truths and a Lie
This builds off of number three, but instead of meeting up with your friends somewhere for drinks provide basic bar snacks and play some drinking games. These games will accomplish two things on National Friendship Day. First, you will be drinking and cheering with your friends celebrating being friends together. Second, there are some drinking games that will test how well you know your friends while getting to know them more. Two fun drinking games that are fun to bond over are never have I ever and two truths and a lie. Sounds like fun. This could become a monthly event.
Get Out In Nature
It is good and healthy to go out in nature. It is even better to go out and explore nature with your best friends. It can be as basic as going to a park. Or, it can be more complicated by planning a day hike with your friends. Go out and be one with nature with your friends.
Summary
Friendship is essential to life. It is often underappreciated in a society that is infatuated by couples and romance. It is crucial that singles have friends and have a community. That is why National Friendship Day is a perfect fit for singles. It’s merely an excuse to meet up with you friends. It is a holiday after all.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Breaking-up is no fun, we all know it. Sometimes you need to leave your lover because the relationship no longer serves you. It may be that you both are headed in a new direction, the relationship was previously toxic, or you just need some space to get on track with your career. Through the separation, you will most likely feel the 5 degrees of separation. It’s normal, and as a caveat, you may want to practice the following tips to ‘catch yourself’ after the demise of your last relationship. Ready for a fresh start? Okay, let’s go!
Go Out and Be Risky
One thing to consider to ‘get over’ your lover is to ‘get it on’ with another. As bad as you want to, don’t do it. You might settle for someone you don’t know that well, and potentially put yourself in a dangerous situation. You might also risk getting something unintentionally. Your sexual health is important.
INSTEAD, try spending time with friends and family. Feeling the loss of someone who you loved and invested a lot of time in can make you feel a void when their presence is not there. Sexually, look into books and products that can satisfy one of your basic human needs. Easing off of someone is not easy, no matter how the situation unraveled. Take the time to be there for yourself during the fall, and actually catch yourself. You can do it!
Call Them Back
Okay, so you’re a couple of drinks in, and you’re on the ride home with your friends. You start to pick up the phone and scroll through your ex’s Instagram. Seeing all those pictures makes you feel nostalgic of their presence. You open your contact list, and lo and behold, you find their name. You start to call, and… Stop right there. There’s no way the phone conversation will go well. Yes, you might end up back at their place, and it will feel unreal. You might even go to voicemail. Either option is not ideal, and here’s why: the rejection straight to the voicemail will hurt, worse than before you called and were missing them. And on the other side, ending up back at their place will potentially produce a pattern of the ‘broken-record’ syndrome, where neither of you will have time to recover emotionally. Be the bigger person and let time and space heal the hurt. It could just turn all physical, while your emotions get the beating.
INSTEAD, take the time to love yourself enough to not open your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being up to potential harm. Love yourself enough to pick yourself up, and walk away from the situation. Give your friend your phone until the feeling passes. We’ve all got a good friend who will help us out, so give them a call!
Don’t Draw the Shades – Do This Instead
Easy to feel down when your lover leaves you, or you had to leave your lover because they weren’t the person you thought they’d be. Either way, look at the situation as a learning lesson. You learned more about yourself, and about what you want in a partner. Staying in, eating pop-tarts, and drawing the shades may be appropriate for a week, but once you’ve allowed yourself to pout, come off it! It’s not that good for you, anyhow…
INSTEAD, write in your diary, and get outside. Being in the sun boosts your vitamin-D levels in your body, leading to increased levels of happiness, and a general well sense of being. You also will be more than, just wear sunscreen before leaving the house. Your future self will thank you. Working out with friends also helps. Blowing steam off by lifting weights, or going for a long and meditative run, will both clear your mind, and improve your fitness. You’ll look and feel great.
Bottom Line
Take care of yourself by optimizing your mental, physical, and spiritual health. We’ve all been there and can say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just because you are missing your ex, doesn’t mean you should compromise yourself. Take this new opportunity to rebrand yourself, build a company, and learn new skills. You may even make some good friends along the way. So keep progressing forward.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
When you have rose colored sun shades on, it’s easy to fall for someone who is tall, dark, and handsome Looking at the bigger picture is difficult when you feel you’ve met the one. Sadly, when you’re caught up on how attractive and perfect another person is, you can miss a lot of those big red flags that can literally derail you from a trailblazing career. Your 20’s matter, each and every second, and a quick decision to date someone who is a complete dream boat could mean the loss of time and productivity. Personally, you should probably wait until your 30’s to date someone seriously because you may not know what you are looking for in a mate and people are generally fully matured by their 30’s. Besides, by the time you reach your 30’s, you’ve gotten most of your wild partying out, right? Here are 5 of the top reasons to stay single in your 20’s.
Avoiding Laziness
There is nothing more unattractive in dating someone who doesn’t seem to have the motivation and zest for life that you do. According to Men’s Fitness, 72% of women and 60% of men can’t stand a lazy partner. When you are working hard to learn more in order to earn more, dating a lazy and unmotivated person will seriously bring you down. Like the old adage goes, you are the summarization of the people you surround yourself with. As a word to the wise, you will need to be careful who you date, and if at all, go solo. No one really knows what they want in their 20s – we live to be at least 100 years old, so why make the mistake of dating someone long term and have to deal with them the rest of your life? Focus on making a living and establishing yourself first. Your 20s decade is a very critical time period in your life.
Dating Multiple Partners
Psychology Today deems one of the deal breakers in relationships or rather budding relationships, is when their partner is dating multiple people. Romance can be confusing enough, so when you dip your toes into the dating pool, it can be very overwhelming.
If you are dating, you may be on the fence with your partner on how serious or not you actually are in the relationship. There is a likely percentage of either point of seriousness occurring. The odds of you finding the ‘right one’, meaning mentally and physically compatible, is very slim simply because each person is so unique. When you date multiple people, drama can arise, especially when the one you like is dating multiple partners as well. The solution is threefold: hang in there, stay single, and be completely transparent. The 100% safety zone is staying single. It will alleviate potential stress, though there is no risk of finding ‘the one.’
Your Fitness
When you are dating, your partner may be more or less fit than you. If you take your health seriously, then you don’t mess around when it comes to morning schedules, gym workouts, and routine runs. It can be difficult or hindering when your partner doesn’t promote you. When you find someone who loves to work out as much as you do, then great! A team can accomplish much more than a person driving solo. Going back to how you become the people you surround yourself with, your health will be affected. Surround yourself with people who will build you up. Drop your partner if they’re not willing to take the steps to take care of themselves. Dating someone who does work out makes you healthier. Build up friendships with the people you go to the gym with, and go get buff!
All the decisions you make in your 20’s will seriously affect the rest of your life, more so than decisions in your 30’s, 40’s, and so on. Even if you’re single, live your life with a zest. Enjoy life, and love all that there is to offer. Surround yourself with smart and kind people. Invest in your education, invest in perfecting your craft at work, and save all the money you can for investing. You can make it through your 20’s alive and successful. Take the steps today!