Marriage is idealized and has become an idol by people and by society. This is seen with the cuffing and engagement seasons. Here are the top ten ways how culture idealizes marriage.
Top Ten Ways Culture Idealizes Marriage
The One
The idea of The One is a fantasy that there is a perfect person out there for you. This ideal works nicely for Hollywood and romantic comedies because there is always a happy end at the end of the film. Real life is more complicated, relationships are messy, and this belief will hurt future romantic relationships.
True Love
True love means perfect romance. Utter perfection. Romantic love is divine. It is the goal of people to find true love to complete themselves. Only The One can do this. Do you live in The Matrix or in fairy tales? We didn’t think so either.
Prince Charming
For women, you are told to wait to meet their Prince Charming by Hollywood and by the media. Their handsome prince will rescue them from being single, be your true love, and then they will finally get their happily ever after.
Finding a Beautiful Bride (Damsel in Distress)
For men or Prince Charming, you must find and rescue your beautiful blushing bride to be from whatever monsters in their life they may be facing before they ride off together into the sunset for their happily ever after.
Proposal
The proposal is a cultural practice to show the person that you intend to marry by making a memorable and a big show for the announcement.
Wedding Dress
The bride’s dress is meant to celebrate that one life milestone and the dress being white was traditionally used to symbolize purity. It is a must-have because society and the wedding industry requires it because it is what every woman has dreamed about since birth.
Wedding
Weddings are meant to be big events to celebrate the newly married couple, their new life, and the Paramount of marriage. The big display places pressures on singles to get married as well with the bridal bouquet toss caught by the next person to get married.
Marriage
The theme continues. Marriage has been elevated to the be all and end all for people in society. The idealization of marriage makes it the only way to become fully accepted by your family and society. This hurts singles by making singlehood and singleness viewed as bad while marriage is good.
Happily Ever After
After you have found The One and gotten married, then you will have your life’s happy ending that is your life’s silver bullet. That is what happily every essentially means. This leads people to believe that their life will be happy and without problems after they get married and marry The One, which is not true. Since marriage is associated with happily ever after, being single is equated to sadness and loneliness.
White Picket Fence
After you get married and have your happily ever after, you will get your white picket fence and 2.5 children and live a fantastic wonderful life free of trouble with your true love.
Summary
These are the ten main ways that society and popular culture raises marriage to the miracle of social drug that it simply is not. Society idealizes and fetishizes marriage into something that can only be found in fairy tales and movies. The next time that you are watching a movie or discussing relationships with someone, be aware of these ten things, and don’t fall for society’s trap. Be realistic singles and enjoy being single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
The fall and winter seasons are a time when singles are expected to find a significant other. This time is called cuffing season. It is called cuffing season because it is believed that singles desire to be cuffed or tied down to a serious relationship and to bring a significant other back home during the holidays. There is no reason why singles should be expected to become cuffed to someone during fall and winter to please their family or society during the holidays.
What Is Cuffing Season?
It is interesting that dating relationships equate to cuffs during this season. In contrast to the values of the single life, romantic relationships take away peoples’ freedom and flexibility to be with another person. By spending time with that person; they take time away from personal development, self-discovery, and improving their professional skills as an individual. The energy that would go into advancing yourself as a person are now spend wholly with someone else.
The hypothesis behind why cuffing season exists is because as the weather gets colder during the fall and winter months and people stay indoors more, they want to date someone to cuddle and spend time with instead of being alone. This is a fascinating theory for cuffing season because the number of social events increase during the fall and winter holiday season. Singles can find events to attend in there city and that does not require having a plus one. By spending time with others, the desire to get cuffed this holiday season may decline because it is healthy to be around people. There is also nothing wrong with watching Netflix and drinking hot cocoa on your couch in your house or apartment. It is actually healthy to spend time alone. Singles should not feel shame or pressure to get cuffed into a relationship.
Be Free During Cuffing Season
There is pressure to get cuffed and to have a date for New Year’s and Valentine’s Day. These are unhealthy expectations for singles. In fact, the pressure for singles to get cuffed for the holiday season is just wrong. Singles are now the majority of the American population and are a rising demographic in industrialized countries. Society’s assumption that people are best coupled stigmatizes singles and is singlism. The holiday season should be a time where people spend time with family and friends. There should not be pressure for singles to get date during cuffing season.
Singles should be happy and uncuffed during cuffing season because there is nothing fun about being tied down to a bad relationship. Singles should spend time exploring their city or going home to their families during the holidays instead of seeking out a romantic relationship. Remain free and uncuffed!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Thanksgiving dinner is the first holiday dinner that singles will have to go to this holiday season where family, extended family, and friends will ask you questions that are on all of their minds. Why are you still single? When was your last relationship? Why are you not dating anyone? When are you going to have children? While people are single for different reasons, there is nothing wrong with being single. This is a conversation recipe for how to respond to your family and friends interrogating questions about why you have no significant other.
Why Are You Still Single?
Directions: You are single because you found that the single life has much more to offer compared to when you were dating x, y, or z. In fact, you don’t see why it is a problem. Why are you asking me why I am single, you are not asking them why they aren’t divorced yet or how their marriage is going?
Recipe Variations: You are taking a break from relationships right now. You are content being single and have found that it better than dating. Or, you are single by choice and are not interested in ever getting into a relationship. You respect their choice to stay married, get divorced, live with their partner, etc; why can’t they respect your choice to remain single?
When Was Your Last Relationship?
Directions: Insert the number of years since your last relationship, now describe the values of the single life and how you have found them to benefit you while being in a relationship constrained you from achieving your potential. You can also say how you enjoy being single and you don’t know when your next relationship will be, you may be on a break, or that you have no interest in dating anyone.
Recipe Variations: You can point out that singles are on the rise, millennials are delaying marriage, and relationships can be overrated.
Why Are You Not Dating Anyone?
Directions: Describe that the need to date and to become a serial dater is a repercussion of society’s dating industrial complex. There is no need for people to date to be in romantic relationships when friendships can actually be more worthwhile. The need to always date has driven people into a relationship hysteria and to not recognize that the single life is worth living. You are enjoying your time being single and being able to focus on developing yourself instead of having to take care of someone else.
Recipe Variations: Pick the dangers of dating and online dating, especially in light of all the recent sexual assault and abuse scandals. Consider adding a generous dash of sass, spice, or sarcasm about the dating industry and people always being in relationships as you want.
When Are You Going to Have Children?
Directions: You can say that you have never asked about their sex lives and whether or not they planned to have their children or if they are considering having more. How is this an appropriate question?
Recipe Variations: This is one of the more direct and uncomfortable questions to be asked, you are welcome to retaliate to the question as you think is best. The response range can range from a jalapeno to ghost pepper, dependent upon the context and tone of the person who asked it. There is nothing wrong with being childless. It is fine to be single and childless.
These are four short and easy conversation recipes to guide you through those awkward questions that family and friends love to ask singles at Thanksgiving. Please use a generous dash of the ingredients and spices of your choice when responding to each question as the circumstances require. Turn up the heat and watch these questions burn in flames.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many industrial complexes but the most well known is the military industrial complex. The dating industrial complex is more recent with the rise of the online dating and the marriage industry. There is nothing wrong with dating or getting married for those singles who want to, but when an industrial complex arises in society that places pressure on singles to date it is a problem. Here are three ways singles can survive the dating industrial complex.
3 Ways Singles Can Survive The Dating Industrial Complex
The dating industrial complex consists of online dating, speed dating, matchmaking, dating advice, dating books, and finally getting married. The dating industrial complex came about because of the pressure society places on people to date and get married along with the growth of the Internet where dating sites and advice are now common. The pressure that singles receive by society to date leads to singles believing that they must seek out dating advice and use dating services to find a mate. Each of these relationship services feed off the other and fuels the other while society continues the cycle by shaming singles for being single. The dating industrial complex is a problem that singles need to deal with in a culture that wants everyone to become coupled.
Recognize It Exists
The first step for singles to survive the dating industrial complex is to realize that it exists. By acknowledging that it is real, it will allow singles to be aware of the complex. This will then help singles to not succumb to the pressure to date. After recognizing that it exists, singles can move on by being secure in their singleness.
Be Secure In Yourself
Singles should be secure in their singleness and comfortable in who they are as a person. One of the common reasons why people get into a relationship is because they are pressured to date. They are also not comfortable with who they are as an individual. The solution is for singles to learn about themselves as a person. This includes their interests, goals, values, and what brings them happiness in life. Once a single knows and understands what drives them in life, they gain work to achieve their life goals. For some singles, this may include dating and getting married. For other singles, it may mean that they want to remain single throughout their life. For others, it may be somewhere between dating and being single by choice. There is diversity in the single life and what it means to be single.
Work To Reach Your Goals
After a single knows what they want from life, they can better work towards that goal and respond to the dating industrial complex. The dating industry is worth an estimated $3 billion. Singles are getting married later and that means singles are using the dating industries services less. Singles are, instead, focusing on paying off any debts and their careers rather than dating. This refocus of what is important has decreased the value of the milestone of getting married of past generations. By refocusing their goals, singles have already started to react to the dating industrial complex and less its impact. This is a small step that can be built upon with movements, organizations that support singles, and by protesting the stereotypes and stigmas that society tells people to believe about singles.
Singles should enjoy being single and there is no reason why people who are unmarried need to date. The dating industrial complex instructs singles that they need to always be in a relationship and if they are not, then they are less valuable to society. It is time for singles to recognize the dating industrial complex and respond by becoming secure singles.