There is a common idea held by society that when two people get together after 7 pm that it is a date. This misconstrues relationships into being things that they are not and affects friendships. Two people can meet after 7 pm who are friends to catch up and have a good conversation without it being a date. Here are seven reasons why any two people can meet up after 7 pm and it is not a date.
Work Gets In The Way So It’s The Only Time
One person may work long hours and they are not able to meet with their friends any other time of the day. Since they are busy with work and finishing what they need to do in their life, 7 pm works the best for the two friends to get together.
Friends Can Get Together Anytime
There are twenty-four hours in a day. Friends can meet anywhere at any time to have a conversation. 7 pm does not change the nature of the relationship. Time is an accidental cause while friendship is intrinsic. People can be hang out with friends after 7 pm without it being a date.
A Conversation Over Dinner
There are people who enjoy food who are known as foodies. These friends may want to visit the hot new restaurant in town and 7 pm is generally when restaurants are the busiest so it is the best time to get the complete experience. They can also try the menu and enjoy each other’s company. Again, not a date. Two friends who like good food.
A Conversation Over Drinks
Cocktail lounges and speakeasies are making a comeback. The best ones don’t open until 5 pm. Depending on the time of the week and schedules, 7 pm or later works best for two friends to meet to enjoy a well-crafted cocktail by a master mixologist.
Good or Best Friends
The friends who are willing to work with their friend’s schedule to meet later in the day most likely are good or best friends. They enjoy hanging out with each other and share enough mutual interests that they can have a great conversation anywhere and at any time of the day. The time of day does not dictate when friends can and cannot go out to a place to hang out.
Evenings Are More Interesting
Mornings and afternoon get together with friends often mean meeting for coffee or maybe a quick drink somewhere during happy hour. Those can both be great, but evenings and nights are when cities come alive and people start to have fun at bars and restaurants. After 7 pm is when people start to cut loose because they can finally relax after their day and have fun! This is when popular bars and night clubs start to get customers and it is a time for when friends can get together for a fun night.
Friendships Do Not End After 7 PM
Again, the time and the place where two people decide to meet after 7 pm does not dictate that it must be a date. The time could have been decidedly upon randomly or it could have been planned by the two friends for the above reasons. Excuse me, but I have to meet a friend for cocktails and it is after 7 pm. It is definitely not a date.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
This year you can be a champ when you bring the goods this year to Friendsgiving. If you’ve never been to a Friendsgiving, there are guidelines on how it works and how to be a great attendee to your host’s holiday event this year. Friendsgivings can be a safe place for singles to go, simply because you will be in like company!
Friendsgiving is becoming a very popular in America, most likely because Millennials aren’t getting married as early or as much as our Gen-X counterparts, and that America is the country of workaholics. Most people who celebrate Friendsgiving range from those who don’t have a family to celebrate the holidays with, or are a workaholic adult who doesn’t have time to take a trip home. Whatever the case may be, Friendsgiving is a great way to get together with people you care about to be thankful for what you have: your friends, your home, your career, and your health. Of course there are many things to be thankful for, this holiday season is just the time to come celebrate your gratitude towards life.
What To Bring
If you’ve got a friend who has organized the event, you may have been assigned an item or food category of what to bring. It might look something like this:
Last Names & What To Bring (Example):
A -I: Side Dishes
H – P: Drinks
Q – Z – Desserts
The host usually makes the big stuff, like the turkey. If you enjoy preparing meals, then this is a great opportunity to show your skill by preparing something special for Friendsgiving. If you’re not too well versed in the cooking school, stop by your local deli. If you haven’t been asked to bring something, then a bottle of wine or even cider is always appropriate.
What To Do At Friendsgiving
Depending on if the event is hosted at someone’s home, or if it is at a community center, you can always offer your hand to help clean dishes, prepare last minute touches on meals, and even to help entertain the other guests.
Portion Your Plate(s)
Keep in mind that this is a very special event, so bring your best attitude as well. Enjoy yourself, and try not to eat too much food. If you need to, take a spoonful of each dish on your plate, that way you get to try something that each person has brought and you won’t feel super full after finishing your plate. Be careful of seconds, and save some room for the pumpkin pie.
Enjoy Yourself!
The holidays were meant to be enjoyed with great company, so make sure you’ve got plans to be with people you care about during the holidays. There is no excuse to be lonely, because there are always a lot of loving people in the world. Have fun at your Friendsgiving, and remember to enjoy yourself this holiday season!
Cheers,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Headed home this Thanksgiving? Don’t fret if you’re single. We’ve got a survival guide on how to feel less pressured by your family interrogations. Remember that it is okay to be single. If your family is understanding, you will be just fine, if not, it’s time to pull those adulting pants up. Ready? Here we go!
Step 1: Plan Your Trip Home
Make sure wherever you travel this season that you are prepared to make a safe journey flying or driving home. On your prep list, make sure to have plans to be with your family most of the time, and to also call up your neighborhood friends so you can catch up and take a break from being at home too much.
Step 2: Stand In Your Truth
If you are single and reading this, be proud of who you are. Make sure that you are comfortable with yourself as you are, and that you don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being single. Student loans, self-discovery, and taking time to mature before getting in a relationship all factor into a patient single person. You should never rush to date someone, especially if you aren’t ready. Don’t let anyone push you.
Step 3: Combat Interrogations
Most millennials are single anyhow, and it is a different world today than it was for your grandparents and parents. You may need to remind your family of this, and also let them know that there are pressing economic factors of why most millennials are single. You may feel like you are at a debate, just take a deep breath – it will be over shortly.
Step 4: Take A Break
This is where planning to see your neighborhood friends comes in handy. If you’ve having a tough time adjusting to being back home and getting slack for your relationship, then call a friend. You can go for coffee, watch football, see a movie, or go for a walk.
Step 5: Workout
While this may seem counter intuitive, working out during the holidays will both keep you in shape while people are eating their 2nd’s and it will boost your endorphin’s – this will make you feel instantly better. Look great, feel great, and hey – be great. Look sexy while you are doing it, and be proud of your single self.
Now armed with knowledge, you will feel prepared to go home and be with your family as a secure single person. Feel proud of who you are and flaunt your stuff – you’re not tied down and you are as free as a bird to do as you please.
Stay securely single this holiday season,
Danielle
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Everyone has had difficulty forming and keeping good relationships alive, there are friendships that you may have silently or explicitly ended. There are many people out there who struggle with mental health when it comes to connecting with others. At a very young age, someone may have hurt you and made it not okay to be yourself. Adults you work with and converse with suffer from these issues. Here’s how you can turn it around if you have suffered connecting with yourself and others. You can build and keep healthy relationships!
Get To The Root
Whatever happened, you should meditate and think deeply on what caused you to turn in and away from yourself and others. Emotional scars cannot be easily seen, and make it difficult for others to understand us. Buy a journal, and seek counsel from a professional therapist or free support group, and you can begin to uncover the real you. This hidden real you will be unafraid of meaningful connection and long lasting friendships.
Take Baby Steps
It can be frightening to open up thought if you are used to being closed off. You may have heard or encountered people who are mean, closed off, and shut off. These are the people who need human connection the most, and are starved for it. You will need to see if the above resonates with you, and if so, it is time to make positive changes in your life to live a better way. Positive changes in your life will make it easier for others to deal with you, a good characteristic in your personal and professional life. Each person in your life you meet is a reflection of yourself, so when you begin to make meaningful friendships you know that you are headed on the right path.
Let Go
Many people hold onto thoughts, patterns, and habits that do not serve them well in the long term This makes them bitter and unable to forgive others who wronged them in the past. Bad habits can be a defense mechanism people use to protect themselves from being hurt. I noticed this in myself, as I have become recently aware that I am a relationship saboteur and push people away when they get too close. I have began to meditate on what caused me to be this way, and have started to let go of a lot of junk thoughts that no longer serve me. I have a long road to go, but have found I am becoming a happier person though this journey of self discovery. Let old hurt and resentments go, you will begin to feel so much more free, and you will begin to be a happier person.
Human Connection
People are waiting to connect, this is because man is by nature a social animal. There are many friendships awaiting you to enjoy! You’ve got to love yourself, and have a love deep enough to care about fixing yourself. To play a part in this magical place we call the world, you’ve got to learn to connect with others.
Being single can be hard enough, so learn the skills that will allow you to connect with others in order to be a sociable and happy person. Great social skills lead to building great relationships with friends. They do say, after all, that friendships are the wine of life and make your life experience a more enjoyable way to live. If you are not feeling fulfilled on some level, you need to develop the skills that are going to help you be a social guru. Connection is essential, and you can do it. Open up and have fun with your life.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Happy National Friendship Day! This holiday that is celebrated on different days around the world, but the first Sunday of August is the standard day for the holiday. Friendship is important. Friendships influence who you become. Friendships evolve. Friendships end. Friendship is part of life. In a world that adores romance and couples (Valentine’s Day), it is even more important that singles celebrate National Friendship Day. Friendship is vital to human growth and here are five ways that singles can celebrate National Friendship Day.
Host Friends at Your Place
Hosting is a valuable life skill. Plan an event with your closest friends. Invite them over and provide some snack. You can provide the drinks, or you can ask them to bring their own beverage. Simply create a Facebook event and invite your friends to your event. Be sure to let them know that you appreciate their friendships and want to celebrate being friends on National Friendship Day.
Go Out to Eat
This is one of the simpler options. It will cost more than hosting a simple get together for your friends, but it is easier and you don’t have to deal with cleaning up after your guests. Contact a few of your closest friends and let them know that you want to get together on National Friendship Day to celebrate being friends. Start by providing an few restaurant options and find a time that works with your friends, then just make a reservation at the final restaurant for you and your closest friends.
Get Together for Drinks
Happy hour is always a great time to get together with friends for some drinks. Discounted drinks and food at you and your friends’ favorite bar or restaurant. The problem is most places don’t offer happy hour on Sundays, which is the day of the week of National Friendship Day. Celebrate your friendship by trying someplace new or take it up a level by going to a nicer bar or cocktail lounge instead of the standard sports bar that you may meet your friends at. It’s always five o’clock somewhere and it’s always fun to drink with friends. Enjoy yourselves, toast to your friendship, and remember to be safe.
Never Have I Ever and Two Truths and a Lie
This builds off of number three, but instead of meeting up with your friends somewhere for drinks provide basic bar snacks and play some drinking games. These games will accomplish two things on National Friendship Day. First, you will be drinking and cheering with your friends celebrating being friends together. Second, there are some drinking games that will test how well you know your friends while getting to know them more. Two fun drinking games that are fun to bond over are never have I ever and two truths and a lie. Sounds like fun. This could become a monthly event.
Get Out In Nature
It is good and healthy to go out in nature. It is even better to go out and explore nature with your best friends. It can be as basic as going to a park. Or, it can be more complicated by planning a day hike with your friends. Go out and be one with nature with your friends.
Summary
Friendship is essential to life. It is often underappreciated in a society that is infatuated by couples and romance. It is crucial that singles have friends and have a community. That is why National Friendship Day is a perfect fit for singles. It’s merely an excuse to meet up with you friends. It is a holiday after all.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Singles already are a major part of the population, but that is only discussing those who are 40 and under. Many of the ageing and elderly population are also single. Their spouse may have died making them a widow. They may have divorced their spouse. They may remained single their whole life. Some may have been long term singles. However, all three of these different ageing singles face the same problem. As they age, who should care for them and who will care for them? Elders are an important part of any society since they contributed to their country, helped their community, and payed their dues to their nation and family. The priority for caring for these ageing singles should come from fellow singles family members and from their different communities.
Friends and Family
Research has found that the single and unmarried have stronger support networks which consist of family and friends compared to their married counterparts. Singles are more likely to volunteer and to assist their family and friends when they need help. This is because single have autonomy and the flexibility to help their relationship networks while those who are married are busy helping their spouse and children. For this reason, elderly singles should not be afraid to reach out to their family and friends who live nearby to ask for assistance. Similarly, family and friends need to also make a point to assist their ageing single friends and relatives. Close friends and family who are near should be the first resources for the elderly and should have their ageing family, relatives, and friends backs.
Community Living
Family and friends cannot always be there to help because life happens and there may be some bad family dynamics. The next network level that elderly singles should consider is to look if churches or nonprofit organizations offer senior. It is becoming more common to find Catholic Churches that are adding senior housing to parishes and the archdiocese in cities. Certain nonprofit options are typically connected to religious orders, community groups, or fraternal organizations. For any single ageing singles who are involved with any types of community groups or organizations, consider looking into nonprofit options if you want to remain connected with a mission driven organization that shares their same values.
Elderly Care Home
The final option is to consider elderly care and a senior living facility. They should decide if they want to go this route and if they, or family, have money prepared to spend on finding a senior living facility that meets their needs and that they could picture themselves staying in. The single who is looking should make sure to visit the different facilities to ask about what the price is per month, ask any questions, and to talk to any of the seniors who are currently living at that facility. Once the senior single has decided on a place, they should be sure that everything is in order and prepare to move anything that they can bring from their home to their facility. The facility will then be able to take of them and have someone to help them with any specific health needs that the single may have that the facility should be aware of to assist the senior.
Ageing and elderly singles should not be afraid of the next part of life. It is natural. Family, friends, and a close-knit community are the most important structures to have in life and they should be the first ones to take care of senior singles. For any singles who have an ageing senior (single or not), please talk to them about the options that are available to them. But most importantly, let them know that you and their family will be there for them to help them through this part of life as much as you are able.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Men are not receiving enough physical touch in their lives. This has left men unsure of when physical touch is appropriate in a platonic friendship environment. For single men, physical touch is especially important because it has been found to include health benefits. There are many reasons why men are afraid to touch each other, especially in public. Single men should not be afraid to touch their friends or to bring it up as an appropriate way for men to show affection to one another when they are together.
The main reason is that society has sexualized physical to a touch to where it is now weird for two people –especially two men—to touch each other as friends. If it is not the problem of the sexualization of touch by popular culture, then it is that men are believed to be untrustworthy and only want sex. This is further perpetuated by the belief that men only want sex and have low animalistic desires. These three thoughts when combined make it nearly impossible for men to display physical signs of friendship in public or in private places among friends. However, this lack of physical touch for men leads to some widely unrecognized problems.
It has been found that a lack of touch creates insecurities in men, whether single or not, when someone touches them. This leads to emotional and physical isolation. It does not matter if the person is a man or a woman. Additionally, it makes men distrust themselves when they try to touch someone as an act of platonic love, called philia. It is not acceptable for men to touch each other in a philia sense. If men do it, society will automatically label it as an act of a suppressed sexual desire that needs to come out to the world. In contrast, it is culturally permissible for women to touch each other by holding hands and hugging each other without immediately labeling their sexual orientation. Why this societal disconnect and contradiction when it comes to men and physical touch? Why should it only be socially acceptable for women to receive the health benefits of being touched in a platonic manner?
It has been found that there are many health benefits that human touch provides and men should participate in physical touch without being judged. Research has found that platonic touch has a correlation to less violence, increased trust, compassion and sympathy, stronger immune system, better team dynamics, increased learning ability, and improves the well-being of an individual. It has also been found that touch increases oxytocin, drops cortisol, and triggers dopamine. The finding of this research is not surprising because people are by nature social animals and touch is a form of non-verbal communication. Touch can signify love. Touch can signify approval and confirmation. There are many health and cognitive reasons why touch is a healthy and more men should use friendship forms of touch.
There is no reason why men cannot touch each other as friends. Touch is important for single men to use to form bonds because it has health benefits and the social act can help to decrease loneliness, which has been found to cause death. All the single men, do not fear giving your male friends a hug or a pat on the back as a sign of affection.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Couples who are dating and decide to break up are not the only people who have to make the decision to end a relationship. For singles; being a good friend, having friends, and having an active social circle is important since humans are intrinsically social creatures and should limit how much they are alone. Social interaction helps prevent loneliness that has been found to be a cause of death. However, friendships naturally change as you evolve as a person and life happens. For this reason, friendships either naturally end or a stronger approach may be necessary to break up with a friend who is toxic. Here are the three main ways to end a friendship when you are no longer getting along or the friendship has finally run its course.
Fade to Black
Fading to black was a technique used during filming to slowly fade out the light of the camera to naturally conclude a scene. In a similar way, some friendships will slowly fade. Decrease the amount of contact you have with a person over a length of time until you no longer talk to them. For example, if you talk four times a week take it down to twice a week and continue to diminish your interaction with the person.
Tell Them How You Feel
You have decided that you want to break up with a friend and now you need to tell them exactly how you feel about your friendship. Meet them at a coffee shop or call them to let them know that you want to break up with them as friends. Let them know and be honest. Be sure to let them know that they are not the problem, but the issue is how the two of you interact as friends. It is up to you about how detailed you want to be, but you can be general and let them off gently to make a clean break. After you successfully broke up with your friend, do not gossip or tell mutual friends about anything that they may have revealed to you about themselves while you were friends. The goal here is make a clean break from your friend, not disrespect or eradicate your friendship.
Take a Creative Approach
If you don’t think either of the first two options won’t work or you just don’t like the methods, come up with your own way to end your friendships. Some examples of this approach could be to start to act like the people that your friend despises, invite them to places that they hate, or go to events and do activities that annoys your friend. You know your friend best. Customize it for best results. If successful, your friend will quit you and end your friendship themselves.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
In an earlier article I explained Five Ways to be a Great Friend; however, following the Dubar Principle, you can only have five best friends and up to fifty good friends following this social principle. Anyone beyond those fifty good friends becomes varying degrees of acquaintance. Friendship is fluid and for this reason your social circles of friends will continue to change throughout your life, despite remaining “Friends” with old friends and acquaintances on social media. Given that friendship is always fluctuating, there will come a time where you may need to end some friendships. That can be done directly, but will most commonly be done indirectly as each people go their separate ways in life and lose touch with each other. Here are seven signs that your friendship is ending.
One-Sided Conversations
This is where you contact a friend over through a phone call, text, or social media and initiate the conversation. Once you do this a few times and look through your messages, you will probably see a pattern that you were the one asking the questions or asking to catch up and the friend gave a short response to be polite. However, they only gave surface answers to questions that you asked where they could have gone deeper. Eventually, you start to send messages that receive no response and there is only silence. This is the process and devolution of the one-sided conversation when it comes to friendships that are ending.
No Longer A Priority in Their Life
Signs that you can recognize when you are no longer a priority in someone’s life is when you ask to set up a time to talk to catch up. Initially, they tell you that they are interested but that they are busy—insert life circumstance– so that they are unable to make a time to talk. This may be true, or they are slowly pushing you away since you are no longer a priority in their life. If you ask one or two more times after a period of time has passed and receive the same response, or no response, then take it as a signal that they are no longer interested in maintaining a real friendship with you.
Social Media Updates
If all your updates are from what they publish on their social media feed instead of over the phone, video call, or messaging to get real life updates, you are only receiving the fabricated version of their life instead of their actual life. All your news about their life is from social media instead of from them personally.
There is Nothing to Discuss When You Try to Talk
The bond that both of you once shared is now fading and may even be gone. After you have talked about what they are immediately doing with their life, you both are unable to go deeper. In fact, it is difficult to keep a conversation going even if you try your best.
Lost Trust
The consequence of the above signs are that a friendship is dying such as one-sided conversations and that the other person is no longer a priority results in lost trust. They have hurt you by telling you that they want to catch up. They never do. This hurts you and damages whatever trust the friendship may have had left to salvage that could have grown if the issues were fixed. However, those problems or discussions that you hoped to have, never happened and you only separated and lost confidence in your friend.
Using Each Other Instead of Deepening Your Friendship
They only contact you if they are in your city or want your help with something. They no longer want a relationship with you as a friend. They merely want your assistance with something that will help them while taking time away from your life.
What Do They Bring to Your Life?
The question that you should ask about all your friendships is, what do they bring to your life? If the answer is negative or does not help you in the direction of your life goals, it may be time for you to consider ending some of your friendships.