The church has a problem. The first and most important problem confronting the church is that Millennials are not going to church. The second problem is that singles now are the majority of the population. Although singles are now the majority, the church continues to treat single congregates as inferior to married churchgoers.
The church must separate itself from secular society. However, the church and Christians have failed at this on many social issues by simply defaulting to what society and civil law says is right. The same is true for the church when it comes to singles. Society pushes singles to date and then cohabitate, if the couple doesn’t marry. This has created the dating industrial complex. The church is guilty of joining society’s bandwagon by making singles feel uncomfortable for not being in a relationship or being married in the church. This can be seen by the church’s emphasis on the importance of marriage— to the point that it is an idol—and having church singles groups that are essentially places for Christian singles to find someone to date. There are two ramifications for the church not having a theology of singleness and devaluing singles. First, by defaulting to relationships and marriage as the only option, the church and Christians have accepted secular beliefs about relationships and marriage that goes against what the Bible teaches. This would not be the case if the church taught a theology of singleness and Christians were aware of it when it came to modern society’s beliefs about relationships and marriage. Second, singles are leaving the church because the values of the single life are not acknowledged and singles are unwelcome by the church. If the church wants to reach out to Millennials and the single population, the church must recognize that singleness is good and have a theology of singleness.
The church treats singles by either dismissing them or suspiciously looking at singleness as unnatural. By dismissing singles, the church is banishing singles from the church. This means that the church is also disregarding what the Bible says about singleness. For Protestants who follow the tenet of Sola Scriptura, this is a problem. For the Catholic and Orthodox churches, this can include Tradition with what the Bible says about singleness being good. If the church does dismiss singleness, then it will continue to views singles with suspicion. This is a result of Christians elevating marriage where it has become the church’s Golden Calf. The church looks upon singles suspiciously because they do not meet what it means to be a true Christian because they are not married. This is an instance where the church and Christians have been influence by secular society and completely ignored the Bible. The consequence of this for the church is that it has forgotten singles in its pews, disregarded what the Bible says about singleness, and is a part of the secular world instead of being set apart from it. The church should have a theology of singleness and make Christian singles feel welcome again at church.
The church historically acknowledged that singleness was a righteous and holy state. This was based upon both Scripture and history. Christ says in Matthew 19:12 that there are three reasons why people are single, “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” There are those who have been single from birth. There are those who have been made single to serve man and are unable to have children. There are those who have chosen to devote their singleness to God. The third version is found in church’s that have holy orders and religious vocations. There are many Bible passages that address singleness, but here are three:
1 Corinthians 7:7-8
“7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.”
1 Corinthians 7:26-35
“26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
The main points that Paul is addressing to the unmarried in this section are threefold (26-35):
- Those who marry will have worldly troubles (26-28).
- The existence of the universe does not depend upon marriage (29-31).
- Singleness provides an opportunity for undivided service and attention to the Lord (32-35).
1 Corinthians 7:38
“38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
By making marriage an idol and demanding that all singles marry, the church has forgotten Paul’s message in the Scriptures about singleness that can be summarized as:
“I wish that all were [single] as I myself am… I want you to be free from anxieties… [and be] anxious about the things of the Lord… [to] secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
This is a quick survey of what the Bible says about singleness. The church should have a theology of singleness and welcome singles in the congregation. The church has a long history of having a positive view of singleness, but singleness is now negatively viewed and portrayed by the church as an oddity of life. It is not an oddity. It is Biblical and a way to devote oneself to God without the distraction of an earthly husband or wife. Who are you going to serve when it comes to singles, society or God? Christians must remember that “they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world” (John 17:18).
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Too often people rush to get married. When pressured by society, we often find the first person we can get our hands on to marry. This is a recipe for disaster, not to mention that rushing can cause you to attract the wrong partner. Here are the six main reasons why singles often regret getting married and why singles should stop believing that they need a partner to be happy.
The sages tell us that if we go about our lives, then ‘someone’ will come to us and be Mr. or Mrs. Right. I’ve seen it happen for some people, but I have also seen it happen where others attract someone who is completely uncomplimentary to them. The need to find Mr. or Mrs. Right is also reinforced to us by society’s belief in the soul mate myth.
Here are six of the top reasons people regret getting married:
The desire to hook up with other people
Some people just settle, without sowing their wild oats, and this can be a disaster. Suppressed urges eventually come out, and sometimes in the worst way. Save yourself and your partner the trouble of heartbreak, and just go experience life before you become committed. You can always enjoy life once you get into a serious relationship, but take care of your bucket list items first.
The person they married is not who they thought they were
Sometimes when people are trying their best to attract a partner, they put on masks and are not their true authentic selves. Once the partner is attained, the person reverts back to the original person they once were. This Can be traumatic for the one they married because they married you for who they thought you were. That person turned out to be a lie.
Having Children Too Soon
Once you’ve popped them out, there is really no going back. If you’re not already on a solid foundation, having children can add salt to the wound. Yes children are beautiful, but when you’re not solid in your relationship, it an be the solution to tear you and your partner apart. Most people buckle under pressure.
Not Having as Much Sex as You Thought You Would
People Get married and like the idea of sex with one partner who is safe, but sometimes when you get married you have less sex. When your needs aren’t met, you will seek them elsewhere. That is the essence and foundation of cheating.
Feeling Unappreciated
A simple act of kindness or ‘thank you’ goes a long way. You or your partner may not feel appreciated, or they may feel like you’ve taken advantage of them, or they take advantage of you. Behavior like this is cause for abandonment.
Not Having Clear Intentions
When you don’t know the motives of the other side, and every person has a motive for something, then communication down the road can be problematic. When you are upfront and honest, you can help set the tone for an open and safe environment for the other person to be open and honest.
Basically, if you follow a few simple rules you should be set when it comes to staying securely single, or avoiding heartbreak trauma while in a committed relationship. Don’t get married if you are not 100% sure it is what you want regardless of what society tells us. Wait until you feel ready. Be clear on your intentions, open, and honest. Make sure to experience your single life to the fullest extent, and have fun, because when you don’t get married, you now share your life and make decisions with another person’s consideration.
Stay safe, stay happily single, and enjoy life. Love is a battlefield, so don’t commit to anything you’re not comfortable with – especially a commitment like marriage. Good luck out there!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
There are many industrial complexes but the most well known is the military industrial complex. The dating industrial complex is more recent with the rise of the online dating and the marriage industry. There is nothing wrong with dating or getting married for those singles who want to, but when an industrial complex arises in society that places pressure on singles to date it is a problem. Here are three ways singles can survive the dating industrial complex.
3 Ways Singles Can Survive The Dating Industrial Complex
The dating industrial complex consists of online dating, speed dating, matchmaking, dating advice, dating books, and finally getting married. The dating industrial complex came about because of the pressure society places on people to date and get married along with the growth of the Internet where dating sites and advice are now common. The pressure that singles receive by society to date leads to singles believing that they must seek out dating advice and use dating services to find a mate. Each of these relationship services feed off the other and fuels the other while society continues the cycle by shaming singles for being single. The dating industrial complex is a problem that singles need to deal with in a culture that wants everyone to become coupled.
Recognize It Exists
The first step for singles to survive the dating industrial complex is to realize that it exists. By acknowledging that it is real, it will allow singles to be aware of the complex. This will then help singles to not succumb to the pressure to date. After recognizing that it exists, singles can move on by being secure in their singleness.
Be Secure In Yourself
Singles should be secure in their singleness and comfortable in who they are as a person. One of the common reasons why people get into a relationship is because they are pressured to date. They are also not comfortable with who they are as an individual. The solution is for singles to learn about themselves as a person. This includes their interests, goals, values, and what brings them happiness in life. Once a single knows and understands what drives them in life, they gain work to achieve their life goals. For some singles, this may include dating and getting married. For other singles, it may mean that they want to remain single throughout their life. For others, it may be somewhere between dating and being single by choice. There is diversity in the single life and what it means to be single.
Work To Reach Your Goals
After a single knows what they want from life, they can better work towards that goal and respond to the dating industrial complex. The dating industry is worth an estimated $3 billion. Singles are getting married later and that means singles are using the dating industries services less. Singles are, instead, focusing on paying off any debts and their careers rather than dating. This refocus of what is important has decreased the value of the milestone of getting married of past generations. By refocusing their goals, singles have already started to react to the dating industrial complex and less its impact. This is a small step that can be built upon with movements, organizations that support singles, and by protesting the stereotypes and stigmas that society tells people to believe about singles.
Singles should enjoy being single and there is no reason why people who are unmarried need to date. The dating industrial complex instructs singles that they need to always be in a relationship and if they are not, then they are less valuable to society. It is time for singles to recognize the dating industrial complex and respond by becoming secure singles.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It’s wedding season, and you know what that means: funny looking bridesmaid dresses, potential hook ups, and those prodding questions about why you’re still single. Whether it be at your childhood friends wedding or your cousin from your hometown, people are going to ask. Here is a quick survival guide on how to navigate the waters when you’re single as fuck and at a wedding.
Will You Be In My Wedding?
Of course, you’re flattered, and why wouldn’t you say yes? It is such an honor to be asked to be in a wedding because it means you’ve served as an influential person to the bride or groom. You might have mixed feelings that range from feeling uncertain about why you haven’t found the one, or think there is something wrong with you. If you’re like some people, you may even feel envious. Stop – right – there. Know that there is nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect as you are, single. Married couples get divorced 50% of the time, and the majority of those who are getting married either rushed into it, forced the relationship, or found the last available man or woman. In exchange for perhaps feeling down or blue, feel proud that you’re not tied to another person for the rest of your life. Celebrate your unique individuality, while being supportive of your friend who is engaged. This is the essence of a Secure Single.
You’re Single And There Are Hot People Here
Part of the fun of being a single person is that you have the freedom to hook up with whomever you want. Just remember these three guidelines to keep it classy:
- Don’t hook up with someone unless all your strings are completely cut with other people. This will help avoid hurting other people’s feelings, as well as the drama that would arise from crossing the line. Also, remember to not hook up with someone who is already married as well, that would just make you out to be bad.
- Kissing is classy, but you might want to get to know the person before you go to home base. Yes, this means protecting your wild oats, and actually getting to know the person.
- If you do hook up with someone, make sure neither of you is not intoxicated. Alcohol gives us the authority to rightfully make bad decisions. If you’ve been drinking, it’s probably a good idea not to let someone take you home. Be safe, and have your friends with you to protect you.
Answering Awkward Questions
When people start to prod you about your ‘plus 1’, or the lack there of, here are some quick rebuttals to end the conversation:
Q: Who’s your +1 you’re bringing to the wedding?
A: Actualy +3, it’s me, myself, and I.
Q: Why aren’t you dating anyone?
A: People are too emotionally messed up from their childhood, and I don’t feel like dealing with emotional baggage because I’ve got my own.
Q: What happened to that one guy/girl?
A: They turned out to be gay/straight.
Q: Seriously, you’re a catch! What gives?
A: I’m focused on my career, and my ambitions are higher than dating random people.
Regardless of the question, be proud of yourself for making a living, having a social life with friends, and looking sexy as hell (even if you don’t feel that way, walk the walk and boost your confidence). There’s no need to be fearful of weddings when you stand in your truth, so if you’re singe go out and rock it!
Now What?
Go out to your next wedding, have a blast, and enjoy the freedom that comes with being a strong, independent, and fulfilled single person. Forget about feeling down and out, or inadequate next to your married friends, you’ve got the power to hook up with anyone you want! Life is better when you have the power to choose, so choose to be a Secure Single.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Single people spend differently than couples do, though some spending habits are similar. The main divide is between renting vs. paying a mortgage, going out vs. staying in, and investing in career development or saving for a child’s education. Singles spend more on social nightlife activities in comparison with their ‘married with children’ counterparts. Singles also rent more often, instead of purchasing home. Couples can generally save more money while living together and are able to save up for a down payment on a house, which can be a risk because they are strapped down until they sell or pay off their mortgage. Most singles live in a 1 bedroom, or in a shared place with roommates. Couples evolve into families and eventually need a home with multiple bedrooms for their children. Singles invest more money into education to advance their career. When it comes to staying in or going out, singles have no family obligations and go out with friends more often than not. Money for singles is spent on drinks and bar food, versus baby wipes and family vacations. Singles invest more money into education to advance their career as well.
Going Out Expenses
Single people tend to have more of a social life than married couples, and on average have more friends. Here are the total number of friends that single and married without children that people have, averaging across all age groups:
Women with no children:
9.6 single
7.9 married
Men with no children:
10.2 single
7.8 married
Looking into the spending habits even further, the Bureau of Labor Statistics pulls supportive data that singles on average spend a lot more money on alcohol than married people – especially in your 20’s. In fact, singles spend almost more than double the amount of alcohol, perhaps because signals generally are out with friends rather than at home.
Living Expenses
The living expenses for singles, without roommates, is higher than that of married people. Singles tend to be renters for a longer period of time than their married counterparts, who become homeowners at a much earlier stage than singles. Renting may seem like tossing your money out, but some people view it as though you have more flexibility to move around.
Married couples appear to have it figured out when it comes to locking down and saving money, but most people in their 20’s are still figuring out what they want to do with their life. If you are interested in buying a home as a single person, there are a lot of great references out there to read about how others have accomplished buying a home whilst single. The bulk of buying a home comes down to saving before you budget the rest of your money. Rent until you figure out what you really want to do, or you may risk making a bad investment.
Education Investment
Data notes that single people spend more time and money than married people on educational activities. Singles invest in education for professional and personal interest, and spend time researching and completing homework assignments.
- Single people: 56 minutes a day
- Married people: 5 minutes a day
Education expenses like tuition, fees, supplies, and textbooks, are higher for singles, who on average spend a little more of their income on education than married couples do:
- 1.1% married couples
- 1.8% single men
- 1.6% single women
When it comes to reading, the money spent on purchases of books, magazines, newspapers, and other reading materials is slightly higher for single people in relation to their married counterparts:
- .2% married couples
- .2% single men
- .3% single women
The spending habits are different for singles and married people when it comes to going out on the town and spending on entertainment and alcohol, as well as how much a person spends on living expenses. The educational factor is also different when you compare time and money invested in higher education. Getting a good look at the data is helpful to see what singles are actually up to. Remember to save your money, and work towards getting ahead. Stay secure, singles!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
You’re a single 20 something, and you feel like you’re doing great. You’ve got a good job that is up and coming, you have a cat and dog, and you’ve managed to keep your houseplants alive. On top of that, you pay your bills on time, and always have a moment for happy hour with friends on the weekends. Your adulting grade is now an A+, but as you look over to your left and over to your right, you see something: your best friend is getting married, and your sister is now five months pregnant. Hmmm doesn’t it feel funny that your peers are developing families? Are you getting the subtle hints from your family and friends that you need more than just your Netflix subscription to keep you warm at night?
Don’t fret – we have all been there, and there is nothing to worry about.
You should wait until you are older to get married.The reasons range from being more sexually comfortable about yourself and what you want, from being financially stable and more in line with your career. We all know how much a bad relationship can fuck up your concentration at work, so wait and date until you know exactly what you want in a relationship – never settle because you don’t know when the right person will show up in your life. If you do settle, and Mr. or Mrs. Right walks into your life, you’ll know, and you’ll kick yourself in the teeth for not waiting just a bit longer.
On the subject of children, adults 35+ without kids are freer financially to have money to take care of themselves, their aging parents, and their future investments. A post on telegraph.co.uk describes a growing niche group, set up in 2014 by Kirsty Woodard, called Ageing without Children (AWOC) to raise awareness and provide support. There is a lot to be said about a woman who deliberately chooses not to have children, it is right up there with gender slurs. Older women without children generally receive a negative connotation from society. Women who choose not to have children are met with opposition from peers on why they made a choice not to procreate. Don’t let this get you down, there have been studies conducted that prove a positive trend in increased levels of happiness for people without children, and leading a more liberating and freeing adult life without the responsibilities of children.
People who get married young and have children miss out on truly getting to experience their young adult life, and tend to have resentments later in life for not ‘living it up’ or ‘sewing their wild oats.’ One great reference would be a famous book written by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. Actor Will Smith regards Coelho’s book as one of his favorites, which relates to the potency of the principles laced within the pages of the book. In the book, Coelho developed the concept of one’s legend. The premise of one’s legend is all about how a person with a vision should keep to their goals and visualize success in one’s life. In the story, it talks about a young man meeting women. The choice he has is between falling in love and staying with his proclaimed woman or continuing to pursue his legend. He receives divine guidance to pursue his legend. Otherwise, his married life would end in resentment as he would have chosen not to pursue his goals. The point is clear in this famous book: you need to fulfill your life and pursue your legend to mitigate any risk or resentment of one’s life.
When you see your friends getting married and having children, don’t fret. Some will end up divorced, and some will end up with expensive children who they are responsible for. If you are single and picked on for not following suit of the whole married with children, don’t fret.
Look the other way. From being more financially liberate, having less family responsibility, and being a generally happier person, there are actually a lot of positives about being single with no children. There is no wrong way to live life, just make sure you find your happiness. Stay secure, singles!
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
If you haven’t already heard about the trend of singles dominating the relationship status queue, then you probably don’t know about Sologamy. This new trend is possibly the next glorified step of officially labeling yourself as a very securely single person. Not only are sologamists married to themselves, but they have an official commitment to fulfill their needs from the very basic levels of being a provider and up through to the more levels of the complex inner self.
We can define sologamy as one who marries themselves. This might seem like a strange concept at first, but in fact, many people are participating in this self-matrimony possibly to put a theoretical middle finger up to traditional marriage, or to find a deeper love and meaning for oneself. Those who marry themselves make a commitment to the long journey of love, understanding, and compassion for the self.
This may be a glorified ‘single status,’ but there is more to it. Marrying yourself and forgoing choosing a partner is a bold move.
Who Is Marrying Themselves
The demographics can be zeroed into a small niche group of people, though this may not be the ‘one size fits all’ label, our definition comes pretty close. The demographics range from feminists activists to millennials with student loan debt, and even middle aged 40-somethings who are set in their ways. Though this trend isn’t for everyone, there are some reasons why people marry themselves.
Why Would You Marry Yourself
There are many reasons why people marry themselves, but first, we may want to point out that as humans we are psychologically wired to need love. Love is one of the fundamental needs in order to live, and today we seem to be in short supply of love. Online internet dating sites make millions of dollars because if this need. By practicing self-love, we can fill our needs and become a very loving person. It can be difficult to find love when you are dating for marriage, you may be called out on ‘looking for love in all the wrong places.’ You don’t have to be a sologamist to love yourself, but self-love is practiced daily in sologamy.
You might also want to look at the student loan statistics for millennials. A person who graduates with a lot of student loan debt is more likely to be focused on developing their career and paying their debt off, rather than chasing family aspirations. Paying off your student loans would free a person in so many ways, financially, mentally, and emotionally. Debt is a terrible thing in itself. Millennials are psychologically putting off marriage to get a handle on their debt.
Sologamy can be fitting for entrepreneurs, workaholics, self-righteous feminists, and people with mental disorders. There are many reasons why sologamy seems to be the solution. You commit to yourself to love and care for yourself.
Arguments Against Sologamy
For those in favor of marriage, want kids and want to build a family, sologamy is not for them. Even in the worst cases of domestic violence, marrying for the wrong reasons, and putting off your life to care for a family, sologamy isn’t something that everyone chooses. Though if you are in a situation with a partner where you are in danger, you will need to call for help to get into a better situation.
Families can be a great source of love, and that is why when people get older they want to have families of their own as well. For people who have had a terrible upbringing, having a family of their own can seem like a disastrous idea.
How You Marry Yourself
Companies like iMarriedMe.com and Cera Travel of Kyoto, Japan are fully operating businesses that encourage people to marry themselves. If you live in Europe or the United States, you may want to note that sologamy is not recognized in Europe or the US as a legally binding union.
Benefits of Sologamy
One woman married herself at the age of 37 in a quiet ceremony of one near a waterfall in Big Sur, California. Here are some of the vows from her wedding ceremony, in case you may need the inspiration:
“I had prepared my “soul vows.” These vows were my deepest commitment to love, cherish, and deeply care for all parts of myself in sickness and in health, until my time on the planet comes to an end.
I vow to comfort myself during times of hopelessness, despair, depression, disillusionment, or any difficulty that arises.
I vow to be my Beloved always and in all ways.
I vow to never settle or abandon myself in romantic partnerships again.
I vow to live in the faith my life unfolds in mysterious divine perfection.
I vow to honor my spiritual path and create an amazing life whether I am ever legally married or not.
I vow to honor my calling and live my life as a work of art.
Some vows were tender and some fierce—some private, and some to be shared with the world.
Don’t bother with what others say, you do what you need to!
Sologamy
The marriage to oneself may not be for everyone, but you should keep in mind the reasons why people do commit to sologamy. Here’s a success story of one very happy woman. Stay secure my single friends.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
A trend that started in the mid-2000s with singles buying jewelry to celebrate their singlehood is now reaching its height as single Millennials are buying themselves diamond engagement rings. Wedding jewelry has traditionally been meant only for a bride and groom, but the rise of singles has evolved past that convention. As Millennials begin to earn more money and continue to remain single, there is nothing wrong with unmarried Millennials treating themselves to nice jewelry. Singles should not be afraid to purchase jewelry that looks like wedding rings, but should be ready to answer questions about wearing bridal jewelry. Diamonds are single Millennials’ best friend and getting married is not required to own wedding jewelry.
Da Beers found that single Millennials are self-purchasing more diamonds for themselves. This new trend in the diamond jewelry market is not surprising. Singles continue to be a dominating and rising demographic while marriage is in decline in industrialized nations. Many well-known brands are still trying to understand the single demographic to market to them. They should consult Secure Single. Marriage rates are down. Divorce rates are up. Children being raised by single parents are up. The time to be single and unmarried is up. The time to be single is now.
Jewelry is meant to be a fashion statement and to celebrate yourself. So why not buy yourself an engagement ring or wedding jewelry, singles? No one needs to know that you are not getting married. If someone asks if you are engaged or married because you are wearing a ring that looks like an engagement ring, just be honest. You can say that you like the jewelry, but you are unattached. You have excellent taste in jewelry. A husband can wait. Love can wait. Men may not be necessary today. Men are not women’s best friend. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
Jewelry allows women, and men in limited circumstances, to present their personality to the world. It has also been connected to money, power, and prestige. Jewelry, especially diamonds and high-end jewelry, has traditionally been given as a dowry should the husband die so that the wife could have income to support herself. While dowries are no longer practiced today in many developed countries, a woman could sell jewelry should she for some reason have to pay off debts. Jewelry serves many important uses to the wearer but the most important attribute is displaying the individuality of the person who is wearing a piece of jewelry.
The single life provides autonomy, flexibility, security, and diversity so each single can determine how to best live their own individual life. Jewelry reflects the single life. There are a range of different types of jewelry that can be bought. Mass produced jewelry. Boutique jewelry. Cheap jewelry. High-end jewelry. Bespoke jewelry. The stones, cuts, metals, and customs designs are limitless as are the options that the single life provides to all singles. This trend of single Millennials purchasing bridal jewelry is not a cause of alarm, as demographics have changed and Millennials have started to come into money buying high-end jewelry is a reflection of where they are in life. If single Millennials have a great jobs, house, and other basic life necessities covered then purchasing jewelry is a wise choice. More singles should buy diamond and precious gemstone jewelry for themselves.
Being single means that you are in full control of your life. Singles who want to purchase fine wedding jewelry to wear should not worry about what other think. You are responsible for your choices and if you want high-end jewelry that has classically been meant for a bride, purchase it. Treat yourself! Buy fine diamond jewelry from “Tiffany, Cartier, Black Starr, Frost Gorham… Harry Winston” and don’t be afraid to flaunt your singlehood (“tell me all about it”).
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
Dating and sexual relationships are society’s idols that singles are told they must worship. Marriage is often made into the Golden Calf by Christians. Marriage is a great thing. It is a sacrament after all. The problem arises when Christian start to believe that everyone must get married and if they don’t, they are not fulfilling God’s plan for their life. Being single may be a vocation, but it has not been properly studied in theology. At a minimum, the single life should be recognized as a legitimate state of life. The single life needs to be respected within the Church and singles should push their pastors to study singleness.
There are many different types of singles. For this reason, the Church needs to study to find if there may be different degrees of singleness since not all singles want to take the sacrament of holy orders. Christ and the disciples were single. Many of the prophets were too. It would seem that there would be theological and historical reasons that could form a theological foundation for the single life. That foundation, along with the Golden Rule, could be first steps to move the emphasis off of the need to get married to respecting single at church. The Church, or parish, is “a certain community of the Christian faithful stably constituted in a particular church, whose pastoral care is entrusted to a pastor (parochus) as its proper pastor (pastor) under the authority of the diocesan bishop (c. 515.1).” The parish, or church, is a living microcosm community of the totality of Church that provides access to community. In some cases, this community can become a second family for those who make use of all that their local church offers them.
Church members need to welcome singles with open arms. Being single is not a disease. It is not a sin. A church’s congregation should not give singles the cold shoulder, as many singles experience in the church. This is especially true if they are older and unmarried. The community within the Church needs to embrace singles and expand church groups for singles to not only be social events to find people to date within the church. By believing that singles need to get married and pushing marriage as a necessity on singles in the church, the congregation is making those who are unmarried feel lonely in their own church. The opposite of this should be true! Singles should be loved. Singles should want to attend services to see friends. Singles should want to be involved with their church’s community.
All denominations can do a better job to make singles feel welcome. The first step is for people to recognize that there is nothing wrong with being unmarried. Second, recognize that the single life offers its own advantages that are lost once someone is married. Third, Catholic and Protestant churches should explore and establish a theology about what it means to be single. This theology would help singles as they decide whether they want to remain single, commit their life to remain single and become a priest, or to wait until they are ready to date and ultimately get married. Christians are called to do unto others as they would like done to them. Do Christians treat you differently because you are single? Remind them of the Golden Rule.
Christians need to better follow the Golden Rule when it comes to their treatment of those who are single and unmarried. Christians should love those who are single. Christians should invite those who are single to events and to their homes for community. Christians need to better develop what it means to be single and how the single life fits into Biblical history and theology.
Views expressed in this article are the author’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not investment or financial advice. James Bollen is the author of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). Now available in paperback and for the Kindle on Amazon. Subscribe to Secure Single’s Substack for free!
It can be difficult to be single in the Christian bubble. For a long time, both in Protestant and Orthodox religious spheres, single Christians have heard the message from the pulpit that finding a husband or wife to love is what any true God fearing Christian should aim to have in life. However, some Protestant churches have begun to change their message directed at singles by taking the Bible passages that address the single life seriously. Christian congregations, regardless of denomination, need to pay more attention to the Bible when it discusses the single life and the Christian community must recognize that there are several reasons why people are single.
Society is built around couples. Likewise, churches often assume that people who do not couple are not achieving their full potential as a Christian. This can be seen by the lack of church groups that are built around and supposedly for singles. If there is a group for singles in a church, it is meant to be a way for singles to find another Christian man or woman to date and marry. This is a problem for congregations since it hinders the mission of a church as well as watering down Bible passages that explicitly talk about how the single life is a valid life choice. Some Christians may decide to remain single and celibate, a concept that is foreign to our modern society where sexual identity is the final determination that defines an individual.
For those singles who choose to be single and/or celibate, it is important to know that singleness is a gift from God and to enjoy your time as a single. A Christian single should not be concerned with earthly love that society is enamored by. Christian singles should instead seek to fall deeper in love with their eternal relationship with Christ. The relationship with Christ, unlike those with a spouse, will last forever and there will be no marriage in heaven since we will be able to participate in God’s nature while enjoying the full vision of God. Marriage is an earthly institution that God created for man since Adam was alone, but man was originally meant to walk with God in the Garden of Eden. Despite marriage always being placed on a pedestal by both society and Christians, it is important to recognize that the institution of marriage is not perfect and brings with it its own problems as Paul writes that it brings its own troubles to those who are married.
Marriage is an important institution that is the foundation of society. However, singles can contribute to society and the church without having to find a spouse. The single life is a Biblical lifestyle choice as long as the individual follows the laws that God built into nature when it comes to sexuality and living a pure life that honors God. Churches have made some progress in applying passages that talk about the single life and how it is a viable option to marriage, but there is still much to be done in all denominations to make single feel less pressured to get hitched in the Christian community. At your next youth group, small group, or Bible study do not be afraid to point out how the Bible supports those who are single and how your church may contradict that teaching decreasing the value of those who are not married.